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User Topic: Long Term Affair - Part 25
Laura28
♀ Member
Member # 28997
Default  Posted: 6:22 AM, June 2nd (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Strong

Special big Hugs for you

Laura


Married 30yrs Me BW 57Yrs Him FWH 59yrs
OWzero 1988 EA?/PA? Gaslighted.
Dday May 28 2010.
OW1 1994(6mths PA, EA til dday).
OW2 2002(8yrs PA).
OW3 2009(1Yr PA).
Others???? Status: Not Divorcing..but.."You can't unfuck the goat"

Posts: 2729 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Australia
strongish
♀ Member
Member # 29259
Default  Posted: 7:18 AM, June 2nd (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for the support Tribe. It means so much to me that I know I can come here and get some understanding and healing words. Some days I live for that...

So, FWH came home last night with a card. He wrote about how sorry he is for hurting me; how bad he feels about that; he is going to give me "space" until he can learn how to "be there" for me. I asked him if he wanted to talk and he said, no, not right now. Then later an e-mail asking me to help him learn what I really want from a husband.

Here's the thing....I'm so tired of this roller coaster. So say I spend time answering the e-mail....really put thought into how to express what I need in my M...I'm not confident that a few days from now that will have all gone out the window and he is lashing out at me again. I KNOW that he is lashing out at me because he is really mad at himself....I get that. But at what point do I get to stop being his target?? Because HE can't face himself I have to be subjected to his idiotic justifications and blame-shifting? Frankly, I don't even know how to put into words what I need from him. Right now all I want is a little peace.

njgal - thanks for the links. I read the articles but FWH really needs something more specific than for him to "feel" my pain. He thinks because he cried once that he's already done that and that I'm just not appreciative enough of his efforts to R. When I hear you describe your husband's effort as "relentless" I see that that's what I want too, instead of this one day remorse, the next day anger.

Anyway....thankfully I have an IC appt. today. The last time I saw her DS17 and DS24 didn't know about the LTA. I had planned to have her help me figure out the best way to tell them, instead I had to fly by the seat of my pants. I hope I didn't screw it up too bad. I tried my best to take the high road. They love their dad, as they should, I don't want to get in the middle of that. See, I'm learning how NOT to be co-dependent! Yay me!

Allgood - yeah, we got twin sons of different mothers.

Honest - I love how strong you sound! Keep it up.

Miracle - It helps to know that you are in my corner and that you were concerned about me. It makes me feel like I'm not so invisible. Thank you for that.

Hugs to everyone!!


Posts: 490 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Texas
nofun
♀ Member
Member # 24546
Default  Posted: 7:28 AM, June 2nd (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He maintains that he has done everything I told/asked him to do and now I'm just being self-centered and egotistical.

I get this from my H also. Just wow is all I can say. I think I've run out of emotions at this point.

H is still going to IC, he is now retired, my DD28 has moved back hom (left her live-in), my wise ass nephew (19) is living here and H's space has been invaded so I won't talk to Mrs. Nofun but will instead give her the silent treatment. My life story.

Just another day in paradise.

Honest - love the pic of the dog....I needed a smile.

Miracle - so happy for your DD, what a great experience.

I think we should all go on a cruise.


BS (me) 56
WH 61
M 36 yrs
OW - 55 - Howdy Doody Look Alike
3 Awesome Adult C
DD 6/7/09
LTA 12 years.
Confused: D or R???

Posts: 987 | Registered: Jun 2009
Allgoodnamesgone
♀ Member
Member # 26157
Default  Posted: 8:37 AM, June 2nd (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Honest: the dog- priceless! Lol.

Fun: a cruise sounds awesome! I felt like a million bucks just being away for the weekend.

Strongish: the card is a sweet gesture. I have to say when you & Fun mention these little things that your Hs do that show they care, trying, etc. I'm jealous. I never got anything like that from stbx other than writing some nice things in cards on holidays such as Valentines & our Anniversary when he had to come up with something. I get it that it's not enough tho. I also recognize the dynamic you mentioned about this gesture being made & then only lasting a brief time. Part of the characteristic of a WS if you ask me. Putting in minimal effort and expecting a huge return.

Miracle: I thought of it as selfishness because the WS sees it as how it will impact him, the consequences, and not the needs of the BS.

Happy to report that I'm coming closer & closer to acceptance. I fully recognize that when the shit hits the fan in the next couple of weeks, I will once again be emotionally drained. I think it's time to plan a vacation.

Peace to all.


Me- BS
DDay- 8/26/09
Separated after failed R effort.

Posts: 2165 | Registered: Nov 2009
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 8:44 AM, June 2nd (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

good morning tribe...


i am a scratchin loony...got attacked by some nasty evil mosquitos....the bites are starting to make me crazy..

anyways...dd is having a great time in france....

tomorrow is the sweet 16...and my inlaws are still at it..trying to control the shindig....thank god its not my shindig...not looking forward to this at all.....will be sure to take my xanax...my sil who lives near me, (pfms brother's wife) has been calling me every day, she is a wreck about this party...she too has not seen these people in quite a few years....these people are genuinely toxic people....

they do not know of pfms infidelity, but i know they suspect....i do not know if they will confront him at this party....my sil has hired security as well....i jokingly told manchild to bring his flip camcorder...he might get something on video..


saturday cannot come soon enough....

strong...i think you should compose the email and at the end make sure to include that he needs to also go to ic to get to the bottom of his issues...save it on your pc so that when sometime in the future when this circle comes round again, let him know that you will resend the email to him and at that time he can laminate it and put it somewhere safe....and if he decides to put on his big boy pants he could do more then just read it and give you lip service...

love is a verb
marriage is a verb

fun: sounds like your ws is shutting down...fear seems to overtake him alot...and of course this puts more of a burden onto your shoulders...

sounds like your house is a bustlin..not sure whether i should be happy that you have the distractions or not because some of your peace has left with their arrival....although i am not so sure you had so much peace prior...at least not in your mind and certainly not in your heart....but definitely in your home....


honest: that is one nutty dog...i am sure that when the heart is back to beating regularly you are laughing so hard that tears must be flowing....

so if he does come in where is he staying?...and he does not need to stay with you to do whatever he needs to do to the pool....and maybe since it can be a huge expense and a hell of a lot of work...he could just take it down and get rid of it.....unless its a built in...then i am not so sure what you should do with that....but upkeep on any pool is expensive and lots of work...just sayin...

and i too felt like he was just here....why is he comin back so soon....you barely got your "landlegs" back...

but you do sound stronger then you have in the past..so whatever you are doing,...keep doin it, and more of it...

allgood: i get the sense that you need to see chatter here....


sending lots of hugs to our lurkers...i see you...i know you are there....((((tribe lurkers))))


and will someone figure out a way to get mosquitos to be extinct...or at least attack pfm instead of me....


eta: allgood we were cross posting...

i can see your point in the selfishness....it is always about them isn't it...

yup i too would love a cruise.....

and there is nothing to be jealous of with the cards ...pfm has done this and it means nothing, its just lip service with nothing to back it up...it actually makes me madder because it just feels like more lies....


and we will always be here for you.....you are facing a rough couple of weeks...and plan some stuff to do with yourself and with your kids...i think the distractions will help...

[This message edited by iwantamiracle at 8:48 AM, June 2nd (Thursday)]


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
Allgoodnamesgone
♀ Member
Member # 26157
Default  Posted: 9:09 AM, June 2nd (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I do like the chatter.


Me- BS
DDay- 8/26/09
Separated after failed R effort.

Posts: 2165 | Registered: Nov 2009
honesttoafault
♀ Member
Member # 27105
Default  Posted: 10:08 AM, June 2nd (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Laura: Hugs to you and help with the gators, or in your case the "crocs"

Strongish: Don't beat yourself up. You didn't screw up anything at all with the way you told your kids. Remember the name of this site: "Surviving Infidelity". We are surviving and doing the best we can with the aftermath of our WS's choices.
Miracle gave good advice about the email. I agree, answer it, and you'll have it written down that you sent it to him. Everytime he screws up, resend him the email.

Nofun: So your DD has come home? Does she know about the A? I hope things can calm down at home and you can continue to heal and go forward.

Allgood: You do sound like you are starting to detach emotionally and beginning to accept what has to be done. You must promise that you will be on the boards a lot after WH leaves. Be prepared for another roller coaster......but this is because of change. They say that change of any sort, even if it's good change is stressful. The major thing that you will be facing is the kids' reactions. It is so difficult to deal one's own feelings and then trying to be strong for the kids. Allow people IRL to help you, you do not have to be superwoman, although you have taken on that role so very long ago.

Miracle: You will be in my thoughts and prayers with the party. I understand why you are going, but I would suggest that you and pfm go in two cars. When you wake up tomorrow, tell him that you are not feeling that great and will go to the party, but may have to leave early. Let people know that when you arrive. Stay long enough that you feel you were there, and then tell people you are sick and leave.
I do know why you are going, but you do not have to kill yourself by staying too long. Remember it's a balance, and you have to take care of you too.
As for the mosquitoes...well I think they are going to be in abundance this year because of all the rain. Maybe we should invest in the companies that make the mosquito repellant like "OFF!" and make some money?

A cruise sounds great. I wish we could really, really book one and all go on it for a week (or more!) What fun, what an escape. It would be very therapeutic, and could be considered group therapy and the insurance companies could pay for it??

As for Crazy Dog, DD 16 said we should rename him "Krypto" after Superboy's dog We adopted the dog from a shelter about a 2 months ago, ironically left there because the previous owners were going through a divorce and they had a kid around my son's age. The dog is house trained, knows how to "sit", doesn't chew, and on the papers the question "What is the dog's worst problem?" was answered by the previous owner: "He's too friendly"
He is very much like the dog we had that died several years ago, so although I didn't want to adopt a new dog, this one has taken over my heart, so there is some good in the world

So, now I'm going off for a walk with Super Dog to work off some of these extra pounds. I finally stopped the anti anxiety med and am less lethargic, although I am feeling more pain, but am more able to deal with it. I did need that med for a while to survive, but I'm getting there.

{{{tribe}}}}


Posts: 1903 | Registered: Jan 2010
ImNellNow
♀ Member
Member # 28753
Default  Posted: 10:32 AM, June 2nd (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Allgood,
I will blather more later. Just for you.

honest,

I finally stopped the anti anxiety med and am less lethargic, although I am feeling more pain, but am more able to deal with it.

YAY FOR YOU!!! This is a real cause for celebration!

Oh, yes, I know that WH is living life with his head shoved up inside his ass.

Laura,
I'm thinkin' I need to tell my IC that I'm ready for EMDR. The angry is doing me no good any more. It served its function (to keep me from falling completely apart and to give me rage-filled energy to get some stuff done) but now it's become a hindrance to me. It just feeds the beast. I'm tired of working myself up into a lather and either having to tightly control myself or letting go and saying nasty things about people who are scum-sucking low-life PsOS. Obviously they're scum-sucking low-life PsOS. I do not need to insist that everyone (WH) agree that they're scum-sucking low-life PsOS. They just ARE. And, also, WH wouldn't know a scum-sucking low-life POS if he shared a womb with it. The scum-sucking low-life PsOS are beneath me and I do not need to give them attention as if they matter.

So. There ya go.

(((((strongish))))) and (((((nofun))))). Love you ladies.

Who suggested a cruise? I'm there. My bags are still packed from when we were going to do the Karma Bus tour. I waited and waited and waited at the curb but no bus ever showed up. Sad. Very sad.


BS & D
Drinking wine and thinking bliss is on the other side of this.

Posts: 2370 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Baby steps on my new path
m334455
♀ Member
Member # 26893
Default  Posted: 11:18 AM, June 2nd (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WH wouldn't know a scum-sucking low-life POS if he shared a womb with it.

If only I were half as brilliant as you Nell...


BW 38, 5 kids
Dday Dec. 2009

Posts: 4034 | Registered: Dec 2009
ImNellNow
♀ Member
Member # 28753
Default  Posted: 11:55 AM, June 2nd (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If only I were half as brilliant as you Nell

That's what he said.


BS & D
Drinking wine and thinking bliss is on the other side of this.

Posts: 2370 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Baby steps on my new path
nofun
♀ Member
Member # 24546
Default  Posted: 7:18 PM, June 2nd (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Honest - my DD28 does know about the A. All my kids do. I have decided I'm going to lay the law down to both my daughter and my nephew. They will abide by my rules of the house or they find somewhere else to go.

I can't handle much anymore, I've got too much right now on my plate.

Today, I was at the office doing some cleaning outdoors and I ran into a woman whose H was my H's captain on the fire department a few years ago. This captain has since retired. She now is living down the street from my office, recently D because the low life scum sucking asshole was cheating on her and he left her for the OW. He's 65, she's 61 and the OW could be his daughter. She is living at poverty's level. She also told me that he had been cheating on her off and on during their whole M. I started to cry. I couldn't hold it in. It was so embarrassing. I told her about my H and she asked me why I was still with him. I said because I didn't want to end up like her.

I've been crying most of the day. It did me in. I sure hope tomorrow is a better day.


BS (me) 56
WH 61
M 36 yrs
OW - 55 - Howdy Doody Look Alike
3 Awesome Adult C
DD 6/7/09
LTA 12 years.
Confused: D or R???

Posts: 987 | Registered: Jun 2009
blue_roses
♀ Member
Member # 32062
Default  Posted: 7:51 PM, June 2nd (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh Maude, (((nofun))) I'm so sorry for the shitty day. Getting continually crapped in the face is one of the perks, I've learned in my very brief time as an expert, of trying to survive an LTA and come up/out with any kind of real R.

Sucks to be us, eh?

Found a google voice account for the WH today; he swears he told me about it when he set it up in December. Maybe he did; maybe he didn't. I was drinking heavily then (self-medicating) and he may very well have told me without my having any memory of it.

Combine that with 2 orders of flowers on Valentine's Day, 2008 (a full year before he admits to 2nd OW), and I'm having a shitty day. Took me a while to find the history on the 1800 flowers account. Now I have it, so many weeks past DDay, and I don't know what to do with it.

Fucker.


BS - Me, 39
WH - 44: 10 year EA with ex-fiancee OW#1 (no remorse)
2 year EA/PA with OW#2 (hates my anger and questioning)
13 years married; 16 years total
2 boys
DDay 4/10/11, NC broken 6/8/11
Status unknown

Posts: 323 | Registered: May 2011 | From: South
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 10:34 PM, June 2nd (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

roses:

first, take a deep breath, a really deep one, kkkk

this is going to be a bumpy ride....and unfortuanately its the worst ride ever....

now the good news...you will get through to the other side...can't tell you when but you will get there...

i suggest you keep some kind of notes to keep track, the info can get so damned overwhelming, especially with a lta...it went on for so long, and then if there are multiples...its seems to have no end...but it will end...


rule #1..at this point you need to assume that everything your ws says is a lie...
rule #2...trust your gut

rule #3...take care of you....


what to do with all your info...well that would be one for you to decide...use it if you need to confront and save it for protection or when you need a reminder of who you are married to.....

then go back to the rules above...


fun: you are not that poor woman...you already have your own business and if memory serves me your own apt on the side....you will not have to live in poverty....

as for the rest of it...well sometimes you need to choose to live, really live your life instead of waiting, waiting for someone to do what they need to do, waiting for mr wonderful, waiting, waiting and more waiting....and at the end of all the waiting you realize that so much more time was lost then necessary...we have lost so much time already...dont choose to lose any more of it....do what you gotta do for you and that includes telling all your current houseguests whatever you "require"...and your ws too!!!


honest: cant go in separate cars tomorrow, its in jersey which is about 2 hours away....we will be leaving slightly early because scrawny boy has sat's on sat....

at least its finally going to be over and done with, no more dreading its impending arrival....and heard that the inlaws are still making some demands...thank god they can no longer include me and my family in that toxicity.....whatever happens...they really cannot hurt me anymore....i will no longer allow that....

(((tribe)))


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
njgal480
♀ Member
Member # 24938
Default  Posted: 12:33 AM, June 3rd (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nofun-
I am so sorry that he is treating you in such an unkind manner.
I thought he was doing better in that department...guess not.
It's a horrible way to live...in limbo...and feeling all this negativity.

How about a temporary separation of sorts?
Do you have any friends or relatives that live a distance away? preferably near a beach? where you could go and stay for an extended visit? just to clear your head? and figure things out?
Could you afford to just get away for a while on your own?
sending you long distance hugs.


Me- BS
Him- WH
Long term marriage
D-day- Jan. 2007
5 yr. LTA
Reconciled.


Posts: 3139 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: NJ
Dare2Trust
♀ Member
Member # 21183
Default  Posted: 1:46 AM, June 3rd (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

sending lots of hugs to our lurkers...i see you...i know you are there....((((tribe lurkers))))

Thank you!
I am a long-time-lurker...and I take great comfort coming to this forum and reading "the tribes" postings on a regular basis.


Me BS 59
WH 58
Married 19 years
D-Day Nov 3, 2005
Child: Adopted Daughter 21 College Student now

I can understand being alone; but I hate being with someone and feeling lonely.


Posts: 6084 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: Texas
strongish
♀ Member
Member # 29259
Default  Posted: 2:26 AM, June 3rd (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

well sometimes you need to choose to live, really live your life instead of waiting, waiting for someone to do what they need to do, waiting for mr wonderful, waiting, waiting and more waiting....and at the end of all the waiting you realize that so much more time was lost then necessary...we have lost so much time already...dont choose to lose any more of it..
Yep....I couldn't agree more. I've been waiting and waiting for the light bulb to come on with my FWH and it has been excrutiating. Every step forward requires an emotional meltdown from me and I'm tired of the drama.

FWH is talking calmly about how we might S/D. The plan is for him to move out the week after DD22's graduation. I really need that. I need for me to understand what it really means ot be on my own and he needs to have space to really delve into his own issues. IMHO this is the last-ditch effort for him to "get it." And it may already be too late as I'm detaching more and more every day.

(((nofun))) (((roses))) I'm so sorry you are hurting. One day at a time....


Posts: 490 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Texas
Laura28
♀ Member
Member # 28997
Default  Posted: 3:59 AM, June 3rd (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi Strong

Feel so much for you honey..Can't chat as FWH is home and he hates me being on SI. (He's talking to his bother on ph at present so I can talk). IDK maybe a S will bring him to his senses. Rotten sitch for you. BIG HUGS.

Fun

Sheesh. I don't know what to say. The triggers are killing you honey. I know they were killing me. My EMDR lady is helping me knock them out. I decided to do it because I believed FWH really was remorseful. I knew that I was the problem. My hurt, anger and constant triggers were holding back our R. Funny thing is that now some of the big ones don't make me trigger any more I am thinking more about leaving. I don't think I will but not having the pain and anger is making it easier for me to look at my options more rationally. I want R and I want to "Get back that lovin' feelin'" but if I don't I know I will be OK. KWIM???

Honest

I so wish he would JUST GO AWAY!!!! for your sake.

NELL

The angry is doing me no good any more. It served its function (to keep me from falling completely apart and to give me rage-filled energy to get some stuff done) but now it's become a hindrance to me.

YEP. I just wanted the wild emotions gone. i was worried to start that i might be rug sweeping but know now that is not the case. Once I can control the anger and hurt I will be better able to decide what's best for me.

Gotta go friends - he's off the phone.

love

laura


Married 30yrs Me BW 57Yrs Him FWH 59yrs
OWzero 1988 EA?/PA? Gaslighted.
Dday May 28 2010.
OW1 1994(6mths PA, EA til dday).
OW2 2002(8yrs PA).
OW3 2009(1Yr PA).
Others???? Status: Not Divorcing..but.."You can't unfuck the goat"

Posts: 2729 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Australia
deeppurple
♂ Member
Member # 28757
Default  Posted: 6:02 AM, June 3rd (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Tribe - just checking in quickly - first week of the new job - so so busy - gators snapping left right centre.
Hardly a thought about WW. I cant / dont dwell on it any more life is just too short to be lost in this grief anymore.

To the newbies & lurkers you are safe with this group of friends.

Tribe thinking of you all - take care

Dip & Ats - its grilling time this w/e boys.


Me - BS 49
Her - WS 43
Married 16 yrs (together 17 yrs)
DD13 DS10 DS8 DS6
DDay 1 6.4.2010 dday 2 7.25.2010
Heading for divorce.
"Never look down on someone unless you are helping them up"

Posts: 522 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Where the sun is shining & the surf is pumping
nofun
♀ Member
Member # 24546
Default  Posted: 6:12 AM, June 3rd (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

miracle - my thoughts will be with you on Sat. I had toxic in-laws also. The day they died was the happiest day of my life. They went 2 days apart. I used to feel guilty saying that but my IC told me it was good to be honest with myself. My father-in-law was an evil man!!! Good riddens!!

H came around last night and talked. He had IC yesterday so maybe that helped. We formed a plan together for our guests and held hands to show our unity. I told him I was depressed about a lot of things and he said "don't get down, we will work it out together."

Miracle - I know I would never have to live in poverty. I think I was angry at her for asking me why I was still with H when she herself put up with infidelity for most of her 30 years of M. Why do people not look at themselves and their situation before they open their mouth? None of our situations are good, but they are all similar. I felt she didn't see the similarities in it. It was more of a sarcastic remark I made to her and afterwards I felt bad for saying it.

njgal - I run my own business so for me to leave it would be very difficult. I could stay at the office as I have set up a room with a pullout, there is a full kitchen and a bath. That would be the last straw though.

There's just so much going on in my home right now. My DD28 came back home (she lives with bf, they were going to be engaged). I think she's cheating on him. I hated to even write that. I suspect this is what is triggering me. She never came home last night. I know there is more to all of this than she is telling me. Tonight we will have the dreaded talk. And it isn't going to be pretty. Wish me luck with that!!!


BS (me) 56
WH 61
M 36 yrs
OW - 55 - Howdy Doody Look Alike
3 Awesome Adult C
DD 6/7/09
LTA 12 years.
Confused: D or R???

Posts: 987 | Registered: Jun 2009
honesttoafault
♀ Member
Member # 27105
Default  Posted: 8:19 AM, June 3rd (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

strongish: You are doing the right thing. You were able to make this decision from what my IC likes to call the "Wise Mind" not the emotional mind. You are sure of what you want. Your WH sounds like he is having temper tantrums to get what he wants and has to learn that he has to change for the M to work.

Nell: Loved your vent I'm the opposite of you, my anger is very suppressed, although I noticed in my post the other day, it was coming out. I was mad at everyone's WS's for hurting all of the wonderful people here on LTA!
The only thing I can offer is what I'm finally learning about my emotions. I tend to cry and get very upset instead of the anger. The anger, I think, is a more positive force and helps one to keep going forward, whereas my crying just sends me into a ball. My IC has been telling me it's ok to feel these emotions and yes it takes energy and time to deal with them as they come up. She says that if the emotion is coming up, step back and separate the thing that is happening now from the emotions that are triggered from the past. Recognize it, and deal with the present. She said in time it will get easier.

I hope that makes some sense, and I'm working on this. Very tiring indeed, but now when something happens that I want to cry and hide, I take a time out, calm myself and try to look at the reality of the sitch. Hard work.

Nofun: I'm so sorry you have to deal with all this shit. It is good that you and WH were able to sit down and discuss what to do about this sitch. It will be hard to listen to your DD if your suspicions are correct. But, try to listen and give her a safe place to tell what is happening.
You will not be in poverty. Everyone looks at similar sitches from different angles. I guess the woman you were talking to felt that you were working and could leave, whereas she felt trapped and wanted to leave? Who knows?
Right now, you are making the best decisions for YOU. Please don't let these houseguests deter you from doing what is best for YOU.

Blue Roses: It is suggested on SI to gather as much info as one can. DO NOT tell WH yet what you have found and your sources. Like anything else in life, to make a good decision, one needs to gather as much info as possible in order to make the best decision for yourself. Now is the time to take the focus and priority off your WH and the M and focus on healing you and seeing what YOU want. This does not mean that you ignore the WH or are mean or selfish. It just means that you have to remember you and your needs and to be kind to you. Keep venting and posting here.

Deep: It's so good to hear from you! Congrats on the job, I am so happy for you. When you get a moment, keep us updated as to what is happening with you.

Laura: You are sounding better and better. Is the EMDR really working? I'm so happy for you.
I don't understand why so many WS's seem to get annoyed at SI. Is it because they are jealous of the time we spend here? are afraid the others are telling the BS to leave the WS? What has helped me to explain to people IRL is that this is like an online support group and people seem to understand it better.
I do wish WH would go away! I actually feel better when I don't hear from him.

Dare2Trust: You are welcome to post anytime you want. I read your profile and you've been through a tremendous amount of grief. We are here for you if you need us.

Miracle: You are in my thoughts and prayers. I'm glad that you guys are leaving early from that party. Keep in touch with the birthday girl via email, facebook, or even old fashioned snail mail with cards.
June is a busy time with school. I hope all goes well with man-child.

Hi NJgal! I hope you are doing well. You always give such wonderful support and advice. God bless you.

Well, I'm going to see about planting some tomato plants today. I am NOT a gardener, but I can at least plant those tomatoes and water them. As far as my gardening skills go.

I'm so bad, that I planted several strawberry plants years ago, and all I got this year is ONE strawberry!! Oh well.

Hugs to the tribe. {{{{{{Tribe}}}}}


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