This is the new Alpha male in my own mind... and if my wife wants someone different... just let me know this time. You want to end your pain? RUN it away! me in 2nd half marathon in 2 weeks. LOOK, a 50 year old! lol.
Get out of the way!
PS.. Nofun, yes that would be robbing the craddle!
Allgood, I hope you strenght in the coming days. I'm sure it is like taking that first dive into the cold pool. You are about to enter into a new fun stage in your life if you let it happen. There are so many Alpha thrown way because they tried to be a Beta.. They learn to be an Alpha again! Right DeepP.. Chef DP. End up back to Alpha pro griller Dip. lol...
That poster really hit me with this Alpha Beta stuff..
Over time, the rationalization hamster grew stronger until it completely took over the left side of the female brain, rendering women unable to be reasonable or logical regarding anything that goes against their wants, wishes or desires regardless of evidence to the contrary.
There are numerous ways to tell you are dealing with Whorus justifyus. The most common way is by listening to your girlfriend talk about her slutty friends. When she badmouths her friends for their sexual promiscuity by calling them sluts, and you point out that by her own admission she’s engaged in the exact same behavior, Whorus justifyus will take the lead and produce a completely logical explanation of why it was growth and self exploration for her, but whoredom for her friends. As you marvel at the hamster’s handy work, go ahead and throw in the fact that you’re mortified that she could criticize her best friends so harshly, and see what the hamster comes up with next! Of course it’s all fun and games until the hamster helps her rationalize cheating on you because you’re an insensitive prick.
It's funny because my W actually thought her BF was a whore and slut. Her GF had many OM's during the same time my W had one OM.
[This message edited by trynhard at 7:15 AM, June 14th (Tuesday)]
I cannot remember what it was over today but when I had in my mind to S, I felt so powerful, strong, in control, it was going to be finally over. All this uncertainty was done. I was actually kind of excited about meeting some new people.
So, strongish, are you going to seek a new relationship? You gonna flirt a bit? Me, I signed up for match.com and paid for 6 months. I put my profile up with comments about just want a friend while heading into D just to talk, go to movies, I said I was uncertain about what’s ahead and just needed a friend. Got a few winks and I was going to offer coffee to anyone who would go!. LOL. Then, I lined up a date with a friends friend. My wife found out about this date and I had never seen her so jealous in my life. I really think it gave her some perspective.
I didn't know you could put that kind of comment in your profile. I haven't gone on to any of the internet sites. I'm really torn about that so I figure until I'm really ready to do it, it would be best to just concentrate on getting this house in order.
Can't post anymore right now but I hope to be back this evening. Ups and downs here in my world. Thinking about all of you.....hugs.
Awakened - 1 month from DDay - I was still in crisis/shock mode. It's a looooooong ride.
Shit -- I was holed up in my bed crying like 20 minutes ago. Some days it just floods back, and often for no real reason at all. Today I took the kids to the park where WH and I used to coach The Pharaoah's first t-ball team, which also had 2 of OW's kids on it...
It was cool to "reclaim" the park though -- I went with many new friends, and it was my suggestion to go to that park.
Tryn's list is genius, awakened. try it -- all of it -- asap. It really is a magic formula to feeling better.
You are a distance runner. You will never look like me. I was a sprinter. Different body types. Damn I wish I could run again. I kind of liked it.
Did you have sweet dreams last nught?
The tattoo had more than one line. I did not think it was proper to show anymore.
To me it makes you a dirty young lady.
Hugs to the tribe.
awakened: welcome back...you are triggering because you close to the 1 year anitversary...although during the first year triggering was so commonplace that you felt like you triggered much more then you felt normal...the second year did get a bit better...but we all have our days, its why its called the rollercoaster ride from hell...
tryn gave you a great list for getting yourself back to being "you"...
tryn: you look awesome running..would love to see you and allgood race...a race for the cure...cure what i have not a fucking clue....it was just something that popped into my head...too much tv i think
fun: not robbing the cradle...we is cougars woman...although i have not a clue why the animal "cougar" was selected to describe a woman who goes with younger men..
i used to have this thing with pfm, every birthday i would tell him lets have sex, i never had sex with a man ___ old, and of course i would fill in the blank with whatever age he now was...those days is so over with him....
oh and tryn those monkey pix... well they kind of scared me...needless to say i dont think i want to go the zoo anytime soon...
strong: getting the house in order sounds like sanity...you and allgood seem to have it together...so good for both of you...and neither one of you need to be strong when you are here....let us be strong for you..
m3...i am glad you reclaimed the park, its so empowering when you can reclaim anything...
I had to read your marathon post twice... I thought I read "you want to end the pain? Run away!" the first time and thought, hm, that is very un-tryn-like. I hate running. Bad knees. I fast-walk with the dog, though. And yoga. Looooove yoga.
WH's problem is closely related to the twatus privilegeus... the symptoms are the same but his is dickus privilegeus. Different chromosomal make-up.
Mr. Nell's mom wasn't doing too well in the memory department (mid-onset Alzheimer's), but she and FIL have been traveling all over the place for the last month or so... confusing for an already confused mind.
Anyhoo. He (Mr. Nell) seems to be doing better today. I had a few moments of, hm, wonder what shit he'll pull to make himself feel better? I will most likely be watching closely... but am stifling the urge to drink tonight and instead will escape to yoga.
Out of their four kids, FIL and MIL have one hot mess (drugs, ghetto girlfriends, debts, utter stupidity), one semi-mess (affair), one co-dependent-to-a-mess (OC found SIL's jackass H a couple years ago, jackass H refused to give SIL the money to finish college--which she needed because he used HER college money to finish HIS degree--so she called crying to her parents and they "loaned" her the money), and one successful kid (the oldest). I just wonder what they think (well, FIL, anyway) when they look at their kids' lives. IF they look at their kids lives. Weird.
I'm 18 months out... at one year out, I was doing okay in that I was completely numb. At 18 months out, I am going to talk to my therapist about starting EMDR therapy to get control of my rage. And, like m3, I have days of not being able to function because of the tears. But mostly I'm better.
You know what, I kept notice after I had the divorce dream, and I felt really good about myself for several days after. Weird.
What ever you want to do is O.K. with me.
Even though you can't remember I am sure they were good dreams if they were about the Alpha Male picture. When is the last time you girls mentioned Cabana Boys? You all are slipping!
Gotta get to work .
Last weekend, in a room quite large, with furniture pics on wall, carpet on floor etc. Very ordinary. Except it was full of water and I couldn't see the ceiling. Kept trying to swim to the surface but felt like weights on my feet. Just couldn't get my feet off the floor. Felt like I was going to drown. then woke up.
So hot for 50
I understand you can't post your pics as you are too kind and don't want to threaten Tryn's ego
(((Allgood))) ((((strong)))) ((((M33))))) (((((Awaken)))))
((((Fun)))))) (((((Nell)))) ((((((miracle))))))and anyone else needing HUGS.
Sheesh, late againn
as for my dreams....well last week i had an interesting one...i cant remember if it was before or after the sweet 16 but i had a dream that someone told me my fil was dead....and thats it...waited all day in wakful life to see if it was prophetic...nope!!
I have been trying to keep up with the postings but I'm starting to feel overwhelmed and I know I've missed a bunch. Add to that that I haven't had much private time the past 5 days and so haven't been able to check in as often as I usually do. But please know that you are all in my thoughts...every day. This is a roller coaster ride....wheeeee!!
FWH and I have had several good talks and a few that have been deje vu from before he went to Onsite. I saw my IC today and she feels as I do that the in-house S has hurt more than it has helped our sich. That's not to say that we shouldn't have tried it, just that she wishes that we had S weeks ago instead of this holding pattern that we're in due to DD's upcoming graduation. Part of the problem is that FWH and I are processing the trauma in different ways and at different time frames. He is just now starting to feel the abject despair and gut-wrenching pain that I was feeling months ago. He and I see it and acknowledge it, but it doesn't ease his hurt to know that any more than validation for my pain made it go away. I am a firm believer in that you have to feel the pain in life if you want to feel the joy. You cannot selectively numb emotions. So, he has had his head in the sand for most of this tim. He was thinking that he was getting it and that he understands what I was going through, only to find now that he didn't have a clue.
On the other hand I have been processing my pain and with little help from him have been healing myself. I am farther along on the journey and am not as needy as he is right now. In fact, I am WAY more detached than he is. With his new-found clarity, he sees that he is losing me and is trying to grab on to me with both hands. That is making me feel smothered and trapped and so I push him away and we restart the cycle. Thus the need for the S.
I leave on Thursday morning to go to NY for our DD's graduation. It will be a long, busy weekend with family and friends coming in from all over the country. We have multiple events each day and because our DD still doesn't know about the A or the impending S, FWH and I are sharing a hotel room. I talked with IC about it this morning and she helped me come up with the language for communicating to FWH how I felt about that and how I hoped this weekend could be about DD and not us. Thank goodness he is in complete agreement.
I won't be able to check SI during the time away as I won't have my own computer with me and will be too busy to follow what's happening with the Tribe. I will be hoping for peace and healing for everyone while I'm gone...and NO cabana boys until I get back!!
[This message edited by strongish at 8:53 PM, June 14th (Tuesday)]
in the meantime...you are here, and you know the drill about keepin up, not necessary...we all have our moments...
and yes it sucks that you are not on the same page of the journey...but really a blessing that he is finally awake to "see" and will hopefully make this trip much easier for you where you can relish in your dd grad..
Dip there is still the pool & the bike.
My training is shot - can only just get out of bed - the worst flu / possible whooping cough.
take care tribe -more sleep zzzzzzz
My W was telling me that her IC was telling her to leave me. I have no idea the thought process behind that? It was I who wanted to going a different route and attend Retrouvaille. I have no doubt this was a turning point for us. It then became more about being desirable and communicating in a way that was safe by sharing feelings with each other. Accepting that feelings are what they are. We both then decided to do all the desirables and we still do it today. It really is a choice by you and your spouse. The hard part for me was forgiving, and I'm not real sure I am there yet.
Thanks for the kind words Miracle. You are so thoughtful and supportive. I know that I can reach out to you if I need to but I think I'll be having too much fun! DD has really earned this graduation celebration. She will be entering the military after she graduates....I couldn't be more proud of her.
Can't breathe, can't function
Tribe, back from Mexico and as you may have seen in other post, the last day has been rough. He is tired of feeling bad about himself. He feels like a bad person, I'm a good person, etc. So, he is throwing comments out there to prepare me for the end I think. He throws this out there after a weekend where I was at his beck and call in the bedroom? Because I triggered about a big cluster of things that are occurring right now? So tonight I asked what his reasons are for considering this..and he lists them. So I said, so let me get this straight, you want to walk away from our family because you feel guilty, hate therapy, and want me to get over it, trust you and not have triggers as you travel the country? He responds, there's another problem...you belittle my thoughts and make yourself to be some expert in emotions.(I simply repeated what he said) I'm tired of feeling like I'm not enough. I responded, you should be on my end....I know I wasn't enough.
Honestly, I don't think he has the makeup to get past himself to get over this and I don't think I have it in me to ignore it without the healing involved and live in denial. He's probably right.....but he created this mess, I swear I want him to finish his dirty work.