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User Topic: Long Term Affair - Part 25
UKgirl
♀ Member
Member # 17062
Default  Posted: 9:51 AM, May 15th (Sunday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Miracle, the ability to step back and allow them to be responsible for their academic scores gets easier the more you do it. I made it clear to each one that from the age of 16 that they could leave school, get married, have children, get a motorbike licence, leave home, have a rental agreement, have a bank account with an overdraft facility, have a credit card….. But that was not what I wanted for them. What I wanted was for them to be happy and in order to be happy they had to feel they could go out into the world qualified and confident. They had to do that by themselves but with encouragement and support from us, their family.

H has found it very hard to not nag and be hands off. Which is odd, seeing as he was under such pressure to get to Oxbridge that he ended up on valium. He says “I’m not nagging, I just wish he would do the work” I have a timetable for DS16 from next week which involves getting up at 8 and working from 9-3 with breaks. After 3pm, he has his own time. If, instead of studying, he chooses to stare out the window, alphabetically sort his books, sharpen 20 pencils, make 8 cups of tea, look for one sheet of irrelevant homework for an exam at the end of June, then that is HIS choice. I have provided the environment and advice, it’s up to him whether or not he does the work. I can’t actually make him. and then his results are down to him. If he wants help, he knows where I am.

You will get there and he will be fine. All kids really want is the security of their parents love. everything else is secondary.


D-Day: 30 July 2006 LTA: 5yrs
Me, BS, 56 y/o Him, WS, 57 y/o
MOW, pathetic ex-fiancee.
3 grown boys and one 18 y/o
I don't consider myself married anymore.
There are some words once spoken split the world in two. Before you say them and after.

Posts: 3328 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: UK
UKgirl
♀ Member
Member # 17062
Default  Posted: 10:07 AM, May 15th (Sunday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Interesting Laura. I haven’t found anyone locally to explore EMDR although I do see how it works. What I need more is someone who can get me to understand why WH did what he did. I really don’t think I will ever understand as it is something beyond my comprehension. I read a little note attached to DS22’s baby pic on facebook from a girl he has known since he was 3 “That looks nearly like the boy who cut my hair off at nursery school...” I can understand the temptation to cut off a girl’s long hair with a pair of scissors that you are normally not allowed to have just to see whether or not the hair will be cut. Lots of kids do it. But WH was a forty five year old man who knew damn well what would happen if he chose to have a LTA and get found out! I cannot wrap my head around it. I just can’t. I need a shrink or something to help me deal with it. As it is, I just put it to one side as see it as something unpleasant and useless in my history whereas I believe it was something great and life enhancing in his.

And so I have a little more to add to my gut feelings that something was going off back in Feb time.

This is the most relevant page from LTA23, I think. (I can’t be bothered to carry on looking…..)
http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=395089&AP=201&HL=

Well, the feeling waned and things went back to normal. Normalish. Now, I know I shouldn’t, but I still check MOW once a month or so and last week I saw a “like” on her facebook. She’s set it to private, so I can’t read anything, but this was on her info page. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. If you know the film, you’ll know Joel (Jim Carrey’s character) is erasing the memory of Clementine (Kate Winslet) so he won’t feel the unbearable pain of his heartache anymore after they broke up. Well, it’s a stupid assumption, but it seems to confirm contact. That perhaps the contact was brief and FWH stopped whatever it was or was going to be. Eternal Sunshine is a great film, but why has she done that in the last month or 6wks when the film is from 2004? I feel I’m making 2+1 make 4 assuming the other 1 is around somewhere and when I find it I will say “I knew it!”. Does this make sense to anyone?

Just rambling on a Sunday afternoon…….


D-Day: 30 July 2006 LTA: 5yrs
Me, BS, 56 y/o Him, WS, 57 y/o
MOW, pathetic ex-fiancee.
3 grown boys and one 18 y/o
I don't consider myself married anymore.
There are some words once spoken split the world in two. Before you say them and after.

Posts: 3328 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: UK
honesttoafault
♀ Member
Member # 27105
Default  Posted: 11:23 AM, May 15th (Sunday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nell: I'm so sorry you had a huge meltdown, but it's good that Mr. Nell stepped up to the plate.

Laura: sounds like the EMDR is working for you. As for your "TMI", it's not TMI, it makes sense. When they do something new and different, it sets off our radar and we wonder about it.
Yay for the Karma bus!!

NJgal, thank you for your kind thoughts. I know what you mean, sometimes there are so many small things that can add up, and not just one traumatic event that can add up to the hurt. With your BPD mother, it was an ongoing process that built up over the years. We cannot even remember all the circumstances and what was said, because we go into self preservation mode, but it's there. How can EMDR help remedy this build up when it's not just one big traumatic event?

UKgirl: It's good to see you again. I remember that movie. It's kind of like the idea of EMDR, we want to erase the memory, or at least remove the pain associated with that memory. This is so very hard to do, especially when we are exposed to similar behaviors and circumstances with the people who hurt us. If there is no real change in the WS's behavior, we don't see and feel anything different and the feelings keep getting triggered.

I wish I could help you with the wonderings about how our WS's were able to engage in such selfish behavior when they should know better, when logic dictates that this behavior has consequences. I guess it's like an addiction of some sorts..... people who drink, take drugs, gamble, etc. They KNOW the behavior is not good and that there will be consequences down the road, but choose to ignore that. It's selfish behavior, and it's a sickness or a manifestation of deep problems.

Sometimes, I think that their behavior starts to make US think there is something wrong with US. I think they can be such good chameleons, even lying to themselves and such good actors, we question ourselves.

Ok, now I'm rambling.

I hope everyone has a great Sunday.


Posts: 1903 | Registered: Jan 2010
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 2:52 PM, May 15th (Sunday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

thank you once again for sharing your experiences and sending the prayers and good thoughts....things seem to be somewhat normal in the miracle house today...

to answer some questions regarding manchild:

the tension in the house is not the issue, his grades and my response to them ARE...and have been for quite some time...the odd thing on this one is that most of what he is accusing me of is not me but pfm...which i find quite odd....

he is not add, adhd, not on any meds either...he really is quite normal...

and yes dip i no longer am involved in any of his school stuff.....completely sink or swim.....his consequence would be one of natural occurence...if he fails, he does summer school and possible lose his position in college...

and allgood i laughed when i read that we are not here to be there bff's...why, because i say it all the time to all of my kids....i am not your friend i am your mother, too bad that is the way that cookie crumbles in this house...

his girlfriend has been in the picture only for about a month and she is a brainiac...they met in the church youth group..

he has at times a short fuse, definitely teenage hormones....and these have lessened over the last few years..

he is alot like pfm, way too many ways....fights like him, talks like him and has warped perceptions of stuff just like him....and like pfm he has a very low self esteem, not much in confidence in himself on alot of stuff and overly confident on stuff i frankly don't get....but that might be because he is a teenager and does not always make sense...

manchild seems to be himself...as for me, i am not quite sure what normal would like to me for me anymore, i have been faking it for so long now.....i do however look forward to the day when i no longer will have to....

in an interesting turn of events the other day i saw this thread in f&g that would be of interest to both of my boys about vader vs voldemort....anyways, scrawny boy read it and loved the debate and asked if he could post, so i let him....in the interim manchild was looking on for just a bit...later scrawny boy asked me what si was for...they knew i belonged to site for people who have issues within their marriage and that the site has many different forums to it as well....before i could answer his question manchild chimed in...."scrawny boy its called surviving infidelity"...i always used the home and garden skin to disguise it of course not realizing that these kids are savvy to the ways of the pc....and then manchild added that he read the url address ....took me a minute of course to realize what he was referring to....i am not as savvy as they are....and then the subject was changed by them...no questions

i was amazed that scrawny boy who wants to know didn't look and manchild who says he doesnt want to know did look....

so i would say its a question of time before 2 and 2 will equal 4 for them....pfm's days are numbered for his secret...if his secret is really a secret anymore....they just have not asked...

anyways i found it to be interesting...


ukgirl: it is so good to see you, i have missed you and had hoped that your absense meant good things for you....i am so sorry that you are still worrying over so much....

i tape my tv shows everyday and watch when i have time, oprah and dr phil are among them...and the topics i found to be very interesting....being addicted to approval for sarah fergie....and forgiving the unforgivable...

in the forgiving the unforgivable dr phil stated that it is a choice and not a feeling...its choosing to let go of that which holds power over us...letting go of the anger and bitterness because that person then still holds power over us...much easier concept when you are not living with the person i am thinkin...and the person is not still committing the unforgivable too....


laura: not tmi at all....kind of a damned if you do and damned if you dont sich....so try to see what perception will help you the most...

he got better at it in time for you

he got better at it because he now wishes to try and please you and is taking his time at it and is now making love with YOU instead of just changing sex position....

and finally your surgery also makes it more comfy for you, making him seem better...

pick one or all three and try them on for size


karma bus...glad its making some regular stops for one of them....any chance of sending to the states for a quickie stop over


ukgirl: that movie, i saw it recently, i didn't like it, i like the concept, hated the way it was produced or directed....but maybe she likes it because its something she desires...to be able to erase her own memories, or the fact that maybe your ws did erase his and that bothers her...either way it bodes good for you and mr uk..


nell: sorry you had a meltdown but only partially because i am really happy that he is pulling through for you and i sense that you need that...and you need it in a big way...for him to make it about you and only you for a change im thinkin...


allgood: you sound almost too good and too rational...but then i saw your thread in general and see you are still having a problem with accepting how he could be the way he is....but i am glad that you are having rational moments along with the irrational life....not that it helps sometimes, but i think its necessary to get through to the next day and to be able to function considering that you have 4 little people who look to you for it all...not easy being the "all" for them all of the time...

i hope you are also finding "me" time....i think its imperative for your survival of self...it is way too easy to get lost in everyone and everything because it puts everything else on hold somehow, but yet it puts it in the forefront too....not sure if i am making sense...another case of me seeing it in my head and not finding the way to word it for others to understand...


njgal: i would think if you have way too many triggers for emdr, then maybe start off small, with the triggers that get you now.....for the most part arent they pretty much the same kind regarding your 'f'ws.....although i think you are doing great and the fact that you recognize all he has done and continues to do might be the key for you....you are living in the present....


honest:

My IC said this should be the last time I have her come here, and I agree


YAY


(((tribe)))


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
nofun
♀ Member
Member # 24546
Default  Posted: 4:15 PM, May 15th (Sunday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Fun had a meltdown too last night. Only I started punching H. I have never done that before. Of course MY H did not step up to the plate.

So people.....I have realized that I either have to accept H the way he is or move on.

I've had chest pains all day today and just feel totally like shit. So what else is new...just amother day in paradise.


BS (me) 56
WH 61
M 36 yrs
OW - 55 - Howdy Doody Look Alike
3 Awesome Adult C
DD 6/7/09
LTA 12 years.
Confused: D or R???

Posts: 987 | Registered: Jun 2009
ImNellNow
♀ Member
Member # 28753
Default  Posted: 5:03 PM, May 15th (Sunday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Left you all hanging, for that I apologize... Mr. Nell was all over me like white on rice yesterday, and I spent the entire day on the couch napping, watching TV and doing pretty much nothing else. I did manage to oversee the Boyos' bathing. And that was literally the only thing I did all day.

On Friday, Mr. Nell went someplace... told me where he was going and why and called me on his way there... but didn't check in after that and was gone for hours. So while I was outwardly fine (I picked up the Boyos from school, Boyos' friends came over and I set up the sprinkler for them to run through, I was putzing around the house, poking around SI, started dinner etc.) I think I was inwardly worrying. Then the Boyos' friends went home and I was feeling fine, so made myself a drink and turned on music and made dinner and then started getting extremely pissed off that Mr. Nell had still not arrived or checked in. Then, when Mr. Nell finally got home, he had flowers, a hand-written card and candy for me. And I completely lost my marbles. I think a combination of worry, guilt over thinking some very bad things at Mr. Nell while he was actually being sweet to me, relief that he had proof that he was where he said he was... this is also the month that Mr. Nell's affair actually ended and I went back on Friday and re-read OW's childish final boohoohoo email to Mr. Nell on Friday... bad decision number one. And the alcohol didn't help... bad decision number two. I DO NOT drink when I am in a bad mood but I fooled myself on Friday. I'm sneaky like that, I guess.

Anyway.

So Mr. Nell took care of everything on Friday night while I dragged myself to bed. One of the things I was crying about was that I was not healthy so Mr. Nell made a list of things that "we" could do to make sure that I am healthy (get an annual physical, see a nutritionist, see IC, etc.). On Saturday, he waited on me hand and foot and I actually felt more loving toward him than I have in quite some time. This morning, he made me eggs because I started the laundry before eating breakfast (because, frankly, I was never going to finish the laundry if I didn't start it immediately!). And he read some more in the Linda MacDonald book, and there were some tears and apologies from him, and some words of thanks for stepping up and taking care of me from me.

So, yes. Mr. Nell stepped up in a big way.

Then he had to go in to work and asked if the Boyos and I would meet him for lunch, so we did that, then went to the library, and now Tweedle-Dum and Tweedle-Dee from across the street are destroyed one of the Boyos' bedrooms. (And calling it "making a fort.")

So there ya go. Long story long.

Whew.

Fun,
Do you often have chest pains? That's not good.


BS & D
Drinking wine and thinking bliss is on the other side of this.

Posts: 2370 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Baby steps on my new path
nofun
♀ Member
Member # 24546
Default  Posted: 5:51 PM, May 15th (Sunday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nell- woohoo for Mr. Nell. He's starting to get it.

Yes, I have chest pains often when I get upset. But I have to be really upset.


BS (me) 56
WH 61
M 36 yrs
OW - 55 - Howdy Doody Look Alike
3 Awesome Adult C
DD 6/7/09
LTA 12 years.
Confused: D or R???

Posts: 987 | Registered: Jun 2009
deeppurple
♂ Member
Member # 28757
Default  Posted: 6:10 PM, May 15th (Sunday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

in the forgiving the unforgivable dr phil stated that it is a choice and not a feeling...its choosing to let go of that which holds power over us...letting go of the anger and bitterness because that person then still holds power over us...much easier concept when you are not living with the person i am thinkin...and the person is not still committing the unforgivable too....

Iwant - Ive reached this point in disengaging or letting or being ambivilent - I dont know which. She no longer holds that power over me. Do I still care - yes but Im not going to let her hurt me anymore. I control me & my emotions. I am focused on my current life priorities - finding a job ( currently final 2 on one job) & being the best parent & father that I can be for my children.

Nell - WOW

(((Tribe))


Me - BS 49
Her - WS 43
Married 16 yrs (together 17 yrs)
DD13 DS10 DS8 DS6
DDay 1 6.4.2010 dday 2 7.25.2010
Heading for divorce.
"Never look down on someone unless you are helping them up"

Posts: 522 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Where the sun is shining & the surf is pumping
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 10:15 PM, May 15th (Sunday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((fun))))

i too get those chest pains, i have been getting them from the getgo....was actually tested and retested for every heart condition...its all stress.....and a bit of a broken heart....


why did you have the meltdown fun?


nell: glad he was there in more then body...


purple; i am glad you have reached a letting go stage...everytime i think i have something else crops up to tell me otherwise....but i am not giving up on letting go....


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
honesttoafault
♀ Member
Member # 27105
Default  Posted: 7:22 AM, May 16th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nofun: I hope that you have had those chest pains checked out. I've had those too, and went through all the tests to rule out a physical cause. At least that was one less thing to worry about.
Anxiety attacks, panic attacks.... such a pain in the ass. But, please just check with the doc anyway.

Deep: it's good that you are beginning to disengage, it's better for your emotional health.

Miracle: I understand, just when we think we are getting somewhere with detachment, something happens that seems to feel like it's brought us back to square one. The difference is that our recovery time is faster to keep going on.

{{{{{tribe}}}}}


Posts: 1903 | Registered: Jan 2010
m334455
♀ Member
Member # 26893
Default  Posted: 9:29 AM, May 16th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Meanwhile, I had a huge meltdown last night. I wouldn't even call it a meltdown... more like a total breakdown. Throwing up, crying, the whole bit. It was really quite spectacular.

Pah! Nell, that's so one-week-ago! No, really, I'm sorry you felt that way and I'm glad that your WH stepped up -- but I had to say that because I totally lost my shit last week so I can really empathize.

DP -- hope you get the job!

Miracle please do take him to the er if he talks like that again. And try to tune out a lot of the blame, etc. and work with the therapist (as I see you've done, but keep it up) There's nothing that says "I'm not rational right now, get me some professional help and don't take it too personally" like a suicide threat.

New book recommendation: The Verbally Abusive Man.

Things are busy here in M3 land, but many of the things I must do are true blessings. This morning Paddy's PT and I took her to the playground for her physical therapy: we climbed up and down ladders and slides and steps -- tough life! Baby Paddy has a long way to go, the way she holds herself when she walks does make it obvious that she's disabled, but the important thing is that a little girl who could not sit up at 10 months old just spent the morning toddling around the playground and playing and she'll be 14 months tomorrow.


BW 38, 5 kids
Dday Dec. 2009

Posts: 4034 | Registered: Dec 2009
honesttoafault
♀ Member
Member # 27105
Default  Posted: 9:36 AM, May 16th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

M3: That is such wonderful news about Baby Paddy!! God bless her!! She truly is an inspiration not to let anything get her down!

Posts: 1903 | Registered: Jan 2010
honesttoafault
♀ Member
Member # 27105
Default  Posted: 9:42 AM, May 16th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

ETA: tried to post a pic, and it didn't work! I'll try again later.

[This message edited by honesttoafault at 9:46 AM, May 16th (Monday)]


Posts: 1903 | Registered: Jan 2010
ImNellNow
♀ Member
Member # 28753
Default  Posted: 9:47 AM, May 16th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for the support, everyone. I'm actually a little wary of the stand-uppiness Mr. Nell is displaying, only because it's such typical Rescuer behavior. He does love to play Superman to the crash-and-burn Victim. If his behavior continues, then we've got something. Not to be all Debby Downer or anything.

Deep, succintly put. WOW pretty much covers it. GOOD LUCK with the jobs! I hope I didn't just jinx you. Damn.

m3,
HOORAY for Baby Paddy!!! So proud of her and her mama!

miracle,
I have no advice, just continued hugs and prayers.

UKgirl,
You can never discount the gut feelings, right?

Laura,
My IC does EMDR, but says that I should probably not try to let go of the anger quite yet, as I've still not worked through the stuff that makes me angry... if that makes any sense. I may not need EMDR once I get beyond the issues that make me angry. That's the current thinking, anyway.

Put "Pray that Nell maintains her shit" on your calendars daily from June 10 through June 17, please! Evil twin and alcoholic girlfriend have purchased their tickets. I shall now commence arranging dinner dates, outings, playdates and "work" to fill up those dates.


BS & D
Drinking wine and thinking bliss is on the other side of this.

Posts: 2370 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Baby steps on my new path
honesttoafault
♀ Member
Member # 27105
Default  Posted: 9:50 AM, May 16th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nell: You are in my prayers. What a pain in the ass that you have to put up with this. Can't they stay at a local hotel or something?

Posts: 1903 | Registered: Jan 2010
honesttoafault
♀ Member
Member # 27105
Default  Posted: 9:54 AM, May 16th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

***poof***

[This message edited by honesttoafault at 10:08 PM, May 16th (Monday)]


Posts: 1903 | Registered: Jan 2010
ImNellNow
♀ Member
Member # 28753
Default  Posted: 11:17 AM, May 16th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

honest,
and a for you, too!


BS & D
Drinking wine and thinking bliss is on the other side of this.

Posts: 2370 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Baby steps on my new path
UKgirl
♀ Member
Member # 17062
Default  Posted: 12:20 PM, May 16th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think they can be such good chameleons, even lying to themselves and such good actors, we question ourselves.
I’m glad I’m not the only one to think like this. (F?)WH really does seem to believe his own words and his own acting. Even to the point where he takes events where he wasn’t even present and rewrites them into memory so that he was there! The more dramatic the false memory, the better. Sheesh. Embarrassing.

so i would say its a question of time before 2 and 2 will equal 4 for them....pfm's days are numbered for his secret...if his secret is really a secret anymore....they just have not asked...
That could well be the case. I am summoning up the courage to tell DS26 and DS25 on Skype or phone. I have to because I have some money put to one side and ready cash that H doesn’t know about, passwords on docs that are all recorded on a word doc that couldn’t be found by doing a word search and I have put money in DS26’s UK bank that isn’t actually his…. If anything happens to me, I want them to know where to find it all and then I’d have to tell them why it’s there. DS16 knows I go on this site, but he hasn’t followed through with asking. I too think the time will come when he will just know, even if I don’t tell him. If he asks, I will not lie to him.

nofun – what triggered the meltdown? Do you think the chest pains are connected to heartbreak? I know I had them for the longest time after d-day and then for a couple of years whenever FWH TT’ed. See the doc if there is no connection – okay?

Wow Nell. I’m so glad Mr Nell is taking care of you. Mr UKg can be like that too – another KISA.

m33 – good to read about Baby Paddy. She’s one determined little girl – she’ll go far, I bet!
I think I’ll look into your book recommendation – it has been noted by friends how FWH can dish out the one liner put-downs. He stopped after d-day, but has been doing it again since (you guessed) about Jan this year. He says stupid things like he’s “joshing” me, but I see it as dripping on a stone and wearing away my self esteem (not that there’s much left after what he did).

Hey honest! What beefy DS’s you have! They could well be body guards! Handsome tribe.

Meanwhile, FWH has told me he’s playing golf on Friday at another club and staying on for the dinner. I will, of course, be wondering up there at an appropriate time and maybe saunter into the clubhouse to check out that he is there and not some place else. Something still doesn’t feel right and I just can’t say exactly what or why.


D-Day: 30 July 2006 LTA: 5yrs
Me, BS, 56 y/o Him, WS, 57 y/o
MOW, pathetic ex-fiancee.
3 grown boys and one 18 y/o
I don't consider myself married anymore.
There are some words once spoken split the world in two. Before you say them and after.

Posts: 3328 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: UK
forgivenotforget
♀ Member
Member # 11053
Default  Posted: 12:49 PM, May 16th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Another oldie here - Hi UKG - so good to see you.
Actually I've been thinking of posting since I recently watched Country Strong with Gwyneth Paltrow. There's a song in this movie that made me think of a few of you and hoped it would be something positive for those of you who feel it applies.
Here's the link as well as the lyrics.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_g7yplsdfKY&feature=related

Woke up late today,
And I still feel the sting of the pain,
But I brushed my teeth anyway.
I got dressed through the mess,
And put a smile on my face.
I got a little bit stronger.

Riding in the car to work,
And I'm trying to ignore the hurt.
So I turned on the radio,
Stupid song made me think of you.
I listened to it for a minute,
But then I changed it.
I'm getting a little bit stronger,
Just a little bit stronger.

And I'm done hoping we can work it out,
I'm done with how it feels
Spinning my wheels,
Letting you drag my heart around.
And I'm done thinking you could ever change,
I know my heart will never be the same.
But I'm telling myself I'll be okay,
Even on my weakest days,
I get a little bit stronger.

It doesn't happen overnight,
But you turn around and a months gone by,
And you realize you haven't cried.
I'm not giving you an hour, or a second, or another minute longer.
I'm busy getting stronger.

And I'm done hoping we can work it out,
I'm done with how it feels
Spinning my wheels,
Letting you drag my heart around.
And I'm done thinking you could ever change,
I know my heart will never be the same.
But I'm telling myself I'll be okay,
Even on my weakest days,
I get a little bit stronger.
I get a little bit stronger.

Getting along without you baby,
Better off without you baby,
How does it feel without me baby?
I'm getting stronger without you baby.

And I'm done hoping we can work it out,
I'm done with how it feels
Spinning my wheels,
Letting you drag my heart around.
And I'm done thinking you could ever change,
I know my heart will never be the same.
But I'm telling myself I'll be okay,
Even on my weakest days,
I get a little bit stronger.

I get a little bit stronger.
Just a little bit stronger.
Little bit, little bit, little bit stronger.
Get a little bit stronger.


D-day - 12/23/05 LTA - 8 years.
"Love's a matter of trust and I just want to believe in us." M McBride

Posts: 1901 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: A tunnel where I'm beginning to see the light
forgivenotforget
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Member # 11053
Default  Posted: 1:13 PM, May 16th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I cannot wrap my head around it. I just can’t

UKG - I know exactly what you mean. After 5 years I still can't understand the kind of person he was who could have done this - I look at my H and it just doesn't seem possible that I could have misjudged him so badly when we fell in love.
I believe it was something great and life enhancing in his

I have to say though that I completely disagree with this and I know how much you have struggled with this because of their past history. IMHO, theirs was always an unhealthy obsession - something that was bad for the both of them. I do think there was some unfinished business between them and that your H unfortunately thought engaging in an A with her would resolve this but what he discovered instead was that he broke the heart of the woman he truly loved.
M3 - I love that you share Paddy's success stories with us. It always brightens my day and makes me smile. Thanks for this morning's dose of cheer.
Honest - love the photo of your boys. Wow, your H should be worried. They definitely could serve as your bodyguards if your H makes a wrong move. BTW, are your 2 older boys twins? They sure look like they could be.
NoFun - so sorry to hear about your meltdown. You can add me too to the list of BS's who have had the chest pains and felt the need to get checked out. These LTA's really take a physical as well as emotional toll on us. That's why it is so important for us to focus on ourselves, doing what we need to get better and not waiting around for them to look after or protect us. We are our own best advocates. I do hope you're feeling better today.
Miracle - Sent you a PM.
Nell - so glad that Mr. Nell stepped up. To me, that was the most important thing for me - knowing that my H saw my pain and did everything in his power to get me through those days.
Allgood - I hope you don't mind but it was you most of all that this song reminded me of because even on your "weakest days" you really sound strong to me.
Hugs to all the tribe!


D-day - 12/23/05 LTA - 8 years.
"Love's a matter of trust and I just want to believe in us." M McBride

Posts: 1901 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: A tunnel where I'm beginning to see the light
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