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Codependency in the Marriage: A BSís common mistake
I am a caretaker by nature, so I fell right into this codependent role, but the funny thing is 1 year ago I kinda started finding myself. That's when the sh*t reallyhit the fan. I started pushing him to do things that he didnt before, I took care of myelf, lost 40lbs. And becuase I tipped the scales a bit, WH got mad, real mad. I was no longer playing the game. I started to push back and demand things. So by the time I confirmed his A, I was well out of the codependent role. In fact, after 5 months of watching him do nothing but sulk, I kicked him out in the middle of the night. I had looked at his phone and found he had been disrespecting me to his friends and allowing them to disrespect me in text messages. All of a sudden he is seeking counseling and trying to get to the bottom of his mess. And i have already told my pastor who is counseling him that I am not accepting anything less than 100% participation from WH in thi smarriage otherwise there will be no reconciliation. He has been giving me crumbs ans I refuse to accept that any longer. Codependent no more!
Hi, My name is imarriedmymother and i am a codependent
imarriedmymother, welcome to the club. How will you untangle yourself and change your half of the equation? I know for me it has been a hard road, recognition goes along way to enable you opportunities for change.
I'm trying to kick my codependency tendencies to the curb. It's not an easy road, but it feel really good (unlike other forms of rehab/therapy)!
Lhap and QVee, Thank you for the welcome.I think my admittance is a start and in time i hope to start overcoming these issues,amongst others. I'm a work in slow process but progress. Thanks again, immm
It's honestly difficult to put myself before the relationship, but that was me already. I was like that before the A.
Looks like IC might be a good idea...
IC has helped me tremendously in learning to put a relationship in it's proper perspective. My upbringing was SO conservative Christian, I was literally rasied to be a doormat.
Which explains why I had such a wild late teens early 20's.
And then explains the mess I'm in now.
IC is liberating my mind and soul.
Thanks for the bump and the thread. I know I am codependent. Funny thing is last year when I went to ic for 8 months my codependent behaviour was in full swing. I did not want the counselor to think badly of me and I did not work through everything I needed. I had all the right words as I am in the helping field and missed an opportunity to really examine my why of staying and putting up with crap. I recognized some things in myself but pushed them away. I have reread codependent no more and it is time for me to accept that I am only responsible for me. I do not want to live this way anymore, with or without my wh. Freedom!
For the past year I have put lots of time and energy into trying to fix my FWH. Our dday is a year out. I was reading everything about his childhood issues to figure out why he did this, what he was looking for and on and on! It occurred to me on the beginning of the dday anniversary that I need to work on me, what a freakin' "DUH!" moment. I grew up believing that I would be selfish if I asked or needed anything..alcoholic home. I honestly thought I had worked out most of the FOO issues and the codepedency stuff. I apparently need to work on my stuff. I feel a little lighter just realizing I can only change me. I am not responsible for my husband's actions,inactions or behaviours.I LOVE THIS THREAD!!