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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Long Term Affair - Part 26
old dipstick
♂ Member
Member # 25598
Default  Posted: 10:01 AM, August 11th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Strong.

Thinking of you.

Allgood.

Tryn's quote is right on. You have much to offer. I say that you SHOULD BE PICKY! VERY PICKY! Be patient and the right man will come along some day.

miracle.

Way to go, good job.

Hugs to the tribe.

[This message edited by old dipstick at 10:02 AM, August 11th (Thursday)]


Her WW 60
Me BH 60
M 36 yr
D-day#1 fall of 76 OM#1 2NS
D-day#2 summer of 89 OM#2 LTA 8 yrs OM#3 Short Term A


Posts: 751 | Registered: Sep 2009
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 10:42 AM, August 11th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((((strong))))))

it sucks strong it really sucks...and alot of people dont understand...some think that they do...but they cant.....i understand the sadness,i also understand the need for the decision.....

as long as you KNOW you are following your path of least regret you will never go wrong....so stay true to YOU....

and glad to hear that you are going nowhere...we are a very diverse group who are all living with the same thing that brings consequence to every part of our lives now....


woohoo ukgirl....we are schoolgirls again....if only i was that young and naive again....NOT....age does have some benefits....the only think i would wish back if i could is a certain innocense that was murdered by pfm with his lta....

allgood:

"Never run after a bus or a man. There will always be another one.”

And you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince!

and remember inquiring minds want to know every step of the way..

i will go check out your thread now ukgirl in off topic


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
ImNellNow
♀ Member
Member # 28753
Default  Posted: 1:03 PM, August 11th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((((((strong))))))))))

I'm fighting tears for you. I'm so so proud of you for being so brave and taking this step. What a difficult, scary decision and you made it. Good on you. Hugs whenever you need them.

Much love.


BS & D
Drinking wine and thinking bliss is on the other side of this.

Posts: 2370 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Baby steps on my new path
brokenpromise
♀ Member
Member # 28859
Default  Posted: 1:26 PM, August 11th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Back....just had to leave SI for a bit. Really though....I need the support of this forum....I know that now.


I know I can never really catch up but have been thinking of you all.
it is good to be back among friends that understand.

Strong...I admire your courage to be true to yourself. Hugs and a hand and an ear if you ever need one

: ). BP


BW- Me 60 FWS - 65
M 43 years
DD June 9, 2010
On and off LTA with dept secretary
But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal Matt 6:20

Posts: 413 | Registered: Jun 2010
m334455
♀ Member
Member # 26893
Default  Posted: 3:41 PM, August 11th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

BP, I'm glad you're back. Strong -- hugs to you. It's surreal.


BW 38, 5 kids
Dday Dec. 2009

Posts: 4034 | Registered: Dec 2009
deeppurple
♂ Member
Member # 28757
Default  Posted: 3:56 PM, August 11th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

oh to be a flower

Flowers are restful to look at. They have neither emotions nor conflicts.
Freud

probably means they avoidance issues


Me - BS 49
Her - WS 43
Married 16 yrs (together 17 yrs)
DD13 DS10 DS8 DS6
DDay 1 6.4.2010 dday 2 7.25.2010
Heading for divorce.
"Never look down on someone unless you are helping them up"

Posts: 522 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Where the sun is shining & the surf is pumping
vulnerable
♀ New Member
Member # 32658
Default  Posted: 4:24 PM, August 11th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Strong, I know you don'treally know me, but I really appreciated the support you gave me, and I just wanted to say how sorry I am for your situation. It's such a brave decision. Hope you don't mind me saying.

V


Me: 26 BS
Him: 26 WS
Dday: 21/06/11

Posts: 38 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: UK
strongish
♀ Member
Member # 29259
Default  Posted: 5:47 PM, August 11th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Broken - Welcome back. I can honestly say that although I may have made it through this past year without this group, it was easier knowing that there was always someone who would listen and offer wisdom, a kind word and a shoulder to lean/cry on. I never felt judged....not once. The people on these pages are truly, truly special.

Thank you all for the heartfelt messages. Every day brings me more sure of the decision that I have made. I know, really know, that I said everything to FWH that I needed to say and tried everything I was willing to try. I am not willing to be a martyr for now grown and almost grown kids, my family, FWH's family or any friends that think I should have worked harder or longer to R. I have taken my path of least regret and I can sleep easy on that account....although there are other things that keep me awake at night.

I spent some time today at the local airport honoring a fallen Marine. Although he did not die in combat, he was in training to be an aviator. The airline and Patriot Guard Riders were wonderful. It chokes you up to see so many salutes from the nameless baggage handlers, flight crew members, ticket agents, TSA and bikers as the remains were unloaded from one airplane and then loaded again for it's final leg of the journey home. It makes me so proud to be an American and the mother of two military officers. And THAT is what keeps me awake at night.

Im heading to see DS24 tomorrow. I need to put eyes on him and tell him myself why I felt it was time to let go of my M. Although he has been incredible supportive to me, it's important for me to tell him in person why I came to this decision. I have and will love FWH and it is very important to me that we stay united as parents.

Vulnerable - I don't mind you saying. No matter where you are on your journey, know that the people here have your back...including me.


Posts: 490 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Texas
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 7:30 PM, August 11th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

strong...its so right that we call you strong for you are....no ish about it...

and i can honestly say that what keeps you awake at nite would do the same for me...


tonite on the way home from family therapy my neighbor the one who lost his son 3 weeks ago was out, i immediately pulled the car over and am amazed at the strength and the perspective...his first words were "we were blessed to have him for almost 23 years"......the ongoing support for this family is staggering....and beautiful

so yes strong i can understand what keeps you awake at nite...every parents worst nightmare...i pray that your kids stay safe


promise: welcome back...i can understand the thought process behind taking a break from si....you sometimes feel so overwhelmed with all the pain, it never seems to go away....

when you have those feelings then you stick to certain forums...lta of course, off topic and fun and games...not even reconcilliation...too many people not in true reconcilliation but hoping for it, which means lots of pain.....and certainly stay away from jfo.....that the biggest trigger for so many...

and i agree with strong..would we get through it...yes...but our healing would not be as far along, i firmly believe that...this is the bestest biggest support group and its here 24/7.....


purple: no i would not want to be a flower....bees would come and i would die within a few days...i may not be that happy yet in my life but i am not that miserable either..



i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
honesttoafault
♀ Member
Member # 27105
Default  Posted: 11:44 PM, August 11th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

{{{{strong}}}}}

I admire your strength and ability to make this decision. I am glad to hear you say that you are sure about this decision. I know it's very sad, and there will be mourning to do, but you will be on your way to YOUR own new life. I am sooo happy you will be staying with us, because this is a LTA forum.

Thank you everyone for your support. WH left on Tues, thank God. I couldn't wait.

I'm still processing, and am mourning, but I am finally starting to move forward.

I love you guys.


Posts: 1903 | Registered: Jan 2010
awakenedbytruth
♀ Member
Member # 29435
Default  Posted: 1:24 AM, August 12th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Strong....I HEAR you. It was so hard to come to that decision for me. Yet now that I have let go of the hope.....I feel relief. Unlike some others here, I didn't get work from the WH side. So, I felt like I was working so hard for both of us. Even IF he was working, I still reserve the right for it not to undo the hurt...but at least it would have felt more even, you know?

I have been so busy with a new job, selling a car, buying a car, spending time with kiddos, dogs, etc. It is hard. It is scary. Yet, I feel like it is worth it. I miss the family....I do not miss him. I lived for so little, so long....I'm mad at myself for that.

Part of me is tired of talking about infidelity. I have been trying to get a read for over a year if I was crazy. I thank you all so much for the support. There are days when I would not have made it through. I'm not done with SI...for sure. But I want to 'DO' for a bit also. I want to hike, bike, drive, travel....I want to be a little adventurous in what little spare time I have. I also want to give back. And I'm sure there are so many topics that come up in the future that deal with s, d, and starting over. Not giving up my support.....just declaring that I may not be a frequent flyer.

The cold hard truth is that my life has been touched by a lta and always will be. There are only so many that understand that feeling. I appreciate that. But I will not be defined by that. He says I get to play the victim. I maintain that I am no such thing. xoxoxoxo!


“Courage is the power to let go of the familiar.” - Raymond Linquist
Me BS-39
Him WH-41
Married 18yrs 2 Kids 11-9
DDay#1-July 5, 2010 (LTA 2 Years with CoW in corporate office)
Separating - 8/11

Posts: 118 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: West but my heart belongs to the South
UKgirl
♀ Member
Member # 17062
Default  Posted: 2:59 AM, August 12th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just dropping by to say I hope everyone gets through the weekend okay. So many of us are going through tough times at the moment. This is a wonderful and supportive group and I know it has been my therapy on many an occasion.

Hugs


D-Day: 30 July 2006 LTA: 5yrs
Me, BS, 56 y/o Him, WS, 57 y/o
MOW, pathetic ex-fiancee.
3 grown boys and one 18 y/o
I don't consider myself married anymore.
There are some words once spoken split the world in two. Before you say them and after.

Posts: 3328 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: UK
Laura28
♀ Member
Member # 28997
Default  Posted: 4:04 AM, August 12th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi UK

Have been thinking of you all day. I know this weekend will be hard.

Just do what you need to do for you.

Fuck em!!!!!!

Laura


Married 30yrs Me BW 57Yrs Him FWH 59yrs
OWzero 1988 EA?/PA? Gaslighted.
Dday May 28 2010.
OW1 1994(6mths PA, EA til dday).
OW2 2002(8yrs PA).
OW3 2009(1Yr PA).
Others???? Status: Not Divorcing..but.."You can't unfuck the goat"

Posts: 2729 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Australia
ImNellNow
♀ Member
Member # 28753
Default  Posted: 10:08 AM, August 12th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am deeply, deeply ashamed of myself. I don't want to write this. I'd rather go dig a hole and hide.

Get out your longest, strongest 2x4.

The past four days, I've been intensely flirting with a man over email. Lets just call it what it is: I was having an online A. Last night I confessed to WH and sent an email ending it. It doesn't seem to bother WH much. But it has ripped me apart.

Having been debased, dishonored and disrespected by WH, I managed to debase, dishonor and disrespect myself even further. Everything I've gained the past year, I threw away. I looked at myself in the mirror this morning and saw a sad, lonely, pathetic, contemptable, weak hypocrite. A cheating asshole.

I am so ashamed, and I am so sorry.

Tell me if you want me to leave. I love you guys and I totally understand if I don't belong here any longer.

I am so sorry.


BS & D
Drinking wine and thinking bliss is on the other side of this.

Posts: 2370 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Baby steps on my new path
atsenaotie
♂ Member
Member # 27650
Default  Posted: 10:42 AM, August 12th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((YourStillNellEvenNow)),

Congratulations recognizing you were crossing a line and then backing away. Others can participate in the "how many angles on the head of a pin" debate about when does an A start, I do not see it. Flirting is fun and healthy for those of us, including you, who can recognize boundaries.

I know the feeling of wanting external validation AFTER dday. You put your toe in the water and realized what you were doing. No harm, no foul.

Really, it is the dose that makes the poison.

As for me, I am learning that one way to no longer be bothered by intrusive thoughts, triggers, no sex, and TT is to just give up on the relationship. Those things only bothered me when I wanted us to work out and live happily ever after. Once you give up, it becomes much easier.
-- Ats


LTA BS 53
FWW 60
M 1990, dday 10-5-09
Reconciled

Posts: 3967 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: FL
old dipstick
♂ Member
Member # 25598
Default  Posted: 11:03 AM, August 12th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nell.

You do not need to leave. Right now you need your friends here at the LTA house. We will always be here for you. Ats wrote most of what I was thinking so no need for me to repeat.

Hugs to you Nell.


Her WW 60
Me BH 60
M 36 yr
D-day#1 fall of 76 OM#1 2NS
D-day#2 summer of 89 OM#2 LTA 8 yrs OM#3 Short Term A


Posts: 751 | Registered: Sep 2009
old dipstick
♂ Member
Member # 25598
Default  Posted: 11:03 AM, August 12th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

[This message edited by old dipstick at 11:04 AM, August 12th (Friday)]


Her WW 60
Me BH 60
M 36 yr
D-day#1 fall of 76 OM#1 2NS
D-day#2 summer of 89 OM#2 LTA 8 yrs OM#3 Short Term A


Posts: 751 | Registered: Sep 2009
ImNellNow
♀ Member
Member # 28753
Default  Posted: 11:20 AM, August 12th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks, guys. I'm a freaking mess.

I really really let myself down.

Fuck.


BS & D
Drinking wine and thinking bliss is on the other side of this.

Posts: 2370 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Baby steps on my new path
brokenpromise
♀ Member
Member # 28859
Default  Posted: 11:40 AM, August 12th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nell....

I am a long time reader of your posts...please don't leave. You *started* to make an error, swayed a bit on the slippery slope and then you stopped it. I don't think there is a one of us here that didn't wish our spouse acted so quickly and honorably as you did. And, you did do that Nell....you did. I can only hope I would do as well given my circumstances and lack of self worth right now.

Hugs Nell....please stay

BP


BW- Me 60 FWS - 65
M 43 years
DD June 9, 2010
On and off LTA with dept secretary
But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal Matt 6:20

Posts: 413 | Registered: Jun 2010
old dipstick
♂ Member
Member # 25598
Default  Posted: 11:43 AM, August 12th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nell.

It is a wonder to me that ALL of us have not had a full blown RA. This A crap just leaves the BS with such a huge hole in our hearts. What you did is very understandable to all of us. Keep letting us know how you feel. Venting is good. I am sure that others will be along shortly to give you advice and support.

Lots of cyber hugs to you Nell.


Her WW 60
Me BH 60
M 36 yr
D-day#1 fall of 76 OM#1 2NS
D-day#2 summer of 89 OM#2 LTA 8 yrs OM#3 Short Term A


Posts: 751 | Registered: Sep 2009
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