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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Long Term Affair - Part 26
ImNellNow
♀ Member
Member # 28753
Default  Posted: 10:47 PM, August 24th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

honest,
Happy birthday, honey. I hope you went to bed happy and content.


BS & D
Drinking wine and thinking bliss is on the other side of this.

Posts: 2370 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Baby steps on my new path
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 12:38 AM, August 25th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

happy happy birthday honest....i am glad that your boys right by you for your birthday....and hey, pink flip flops rock...

and mr fuckwit actually did give you a gift, the gift of sight to who he is....take that gift and run with it...idiot...total fucking idiot

another meltdown between pfm and manchild tonite after my niece left at 1am....not pretty....and i am proud, i stayed completely out of it..

being fired from being mom has its benefits..


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
forgivenotforget
♀ Member
Member # 11053
Default  Posted: 9:20 AM, August 25th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Anyway, today was my birthday, and WH calls me telling me why didn't I remind him that it was my birthday,

First, happy, happy birthday Honest. I am so glad your wonderful sons treated you so well and gave you such a lovely day.
Now, as to that fucktard of a NPD WH
One thing had me curious though. He happens to call on your b'day but then acts surprised that it is and makes lame excuses????
It almost sounds a little passive-aggressive. Maybe I'm reading more into it than is there but I was curious - how was it brought up that it was your b'day??
To me, the fact that you're not running off to see him in his country has him ticked off and then he calls on your B'day only to act like he doesn't remember - hmmm not trusting this.
Like I said, sounds very P/A to me.
Any thoughts??
(((Honest)))
Miracle - congrats on staying out of their argument. It's so hard to do that but you should be proud of yourself. Did they try to drag you in??
Oh, I can't believe you were in PA. I would have loved to have met up with you. Well, soon.
Hugs to the tribe!!

[This message edited by forgivenotforget at 10:12 AM, August 25th (Thursday)]


D-day - 12/23/05 LTA - 8 years.
"Love's a matter of trust and I just want to believe in us." M McBride

Posts: 1901 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: A tunnel where I'm beginning to see the light
Allgoodnamesgone
♀ Member
Member # 26157
Default  Posted: 9:40 AM, August 25th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Happy Birthday Honest! I'm glad you enjoyed your day & hot pink flip flops. (I have them too!)

Hey - want to hear about how fun it is to actually be s/d from a Fwit?

He doesn't come to the house this morning as scheduled & doesn't answer his phone. So, it was great fun calling my mom & asking her to watch my kids since the X is AWOL and then running around getting 4 kids dressed & out in 5 minutes & all the while making me so late that I had to go straight to court with no file and no pen!!!
Then my sleepy x wakes at 9:15 and calls me to apologize, etc. Apparently he couldn't hear his phone and forgot to set his alarm.
O boy.


Me- BS
DDay- 8/26/09
Separated after failed R effort.

Posts: 2165 | Registered: Nov 2009
jollum
♂ Member
Member # 25152
Default  Posted: 9:46 AM, August 25th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Happy Birthday Honest!!!

You really are in an incredible situation and dealing with it with grace and poise.

As a birthday present I've decided that I will make a motion to the men's club and have Mr. Dishonest's Man Card revoked just because he is such an idiot and a sorry representative of Men in general. All we need is one more vote from Tryn, Dip, Deep or ATS and he's out here!!!

Glad your birthday was a happy one.


Posts: 269 | Registered: Aug 2009
atsenaotie
♂ Member
Member # 27650
Default  Posted: 10:34 AM, August 25th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

All we need is one more vote from Tryn, Dip, Deep or ATS and he's out here!!!

I will second the motion, but I thought his membership had already been revoked under the "no creepy di*kheads" clause in the articles of membership? I haven't seen him around since I used his cosmopolitan for an ashtray.

Then my sleepy x wakes at 9:15 and calls me to apologize, etc.

Apologies are like a$$holes, everyone has one and they all stink. I hope this sort of behavior does not become a habit, would he have trouble waking up before you left while the two of you were still living together?


LTA BS 53
FWW 60
M 1990, dday 10-5-09
Reconciled

Posts: 3964 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: FL
Allgoodnamesgone
♀ Member
Member # 26157
Default  Posted: 11:17 AM, August 25th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

would he have trouble waking up before you left while the two of you were still living together?

I had to wake him up.
Now, how he manages to get to work on time hours earlier, now that, is the mystery.

He's going to now get an alarm clock. Awesome. Now if we can get someone to turn that on, all problems would be solved, because in reality, he has an alarm on his cell which is what he uses to wake up for work.
So, the problem is what we can do to make him realize he has things to do in the morning and set the alarm - whether it be on his cell or alarm clock.

He already said he feels like an *sshole & did not react defensively, despite my scathing texts to him, which is his usual mo, so maybe this will be a 1x thing.

[This message edited by Allgoodnamesgone at 11:18 AM, August 25th (Thursday)]


Me- BS
DDay- 8/26/09
Separated after failed R effort.

Posts: 2165 | Registered: Nov 2009
old dipstick
♂ Member
Member # 25598
Default  Posted: 11:33 AM, August 25th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Honest.

Happy Birthday! It was nice what everybody did for you. This shows what a good mother & neighbor you are. It is true that it is not the gift but the thought.

jollum.

Mr. dishonest is revoked and never to be allowed back in. He is sentenced to a life of wearing pink flip flops.

Tribe. I hope all you on the east coast are able to avoid any severe problems with Irene. It is looking like it could be pretty powerful storm. She needs to make a right turn!


Her WW 60
Me BH 60
M 36 yr
D-day#1 fall of 76 OM#1 2NS
D-day#2 summer of 89 OM#2 LTA 8 yrs OM#3 Short Term A


Posts: 751 | Registered: Sep 2009
honesttoafault
♀ Member
Member # 27105
Default  Posted: 2:19 PM, August 25th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

As a birthday present I've decided that I will make a motion to the men's club and have Mr. Dishonest's Man Card revoked just because he is such an idiot and a sorry representative of Men in general. All we need is one more vote from Tryn, Dip, Deep or ATS and he's out here!!!

OMG Jollum!! Thank you and thank you to ALL our wonderful, terrific, fantastic MEN on LTA!!
Revoking his man card, LOL, I wonder if ever really had one!! This is the man who was afraid to get rid of the dead opposum the cat killed and yours truly and to do the dirty deed, and when he comes running in the house yelling about some creature in the garage and it was a praying mantis!!! Geez

And Dip, he DOESN'T really know how to grill!!

Mr. dishonest is revoked and never to be allowed back in. He is sentenced to a life of wearing pink flip flops.

Oh Dip!!! That really made me laugh out loud!!!

To me, the fact that you're not running off to see him in his country has him ticked off and then he calls on your B'day only to act like he doesn't remember

FnF: NPD is an idiot. He calls me yesterday saying, "Happy Birthday!" and then goes into why didn't I remind him on and on. My friend was there with me and even said when I got off how stupid he was. If he said Happy Birthday, why didn't he just leave it at that instead of going on and on? Then since I was kept telling him that people don't normally remind others that their birthday is coming up, I was getting annoyed and then NPD says I'm talking to him mean!

Allgood: I hope that xWH gets used to getting himself up from now on and not get into a habit of not being there for the kids. I know for many guys, they get their own life without the family and become less and less involved and you will be the one who has to pick up the slack more and more. Be prepared for this. I pray for the kids' sakes he does not do this.

Miracle: I'm glad that you had a decent time away, and it's good that you are stepping back and letting pfm step up to the plate with manchild. These teen years are hard to survive!

Ats, I hope all is ok with you as Irene is passing by. My thoughts and prayers are with everyone on the East Coast as the hurricane continues on its path. I better make sure all my gutters are clean and put away the patio furniture! More fun and games


Posts: 1901 | Registered: Jan 2010
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 2:39 PM, August 25th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

jollum, ats and dip..

once again thank you for steppin out and showing us what real men are...i love you guys...and the laughs were priceless....

i too laughed out loud....

fnf: we were everywhere in pa, we did paintballing, whitewater rafting, waterpark and an amusement park....if i thought we would have had downtime i would have def called you...as it was the downtime we had was us playing musical showers...we started out as 5 in the room the first day and then we became 6 after that til we left....dd's boyfriend ended up staying with us...he was the reason for the visit to pa....he is a whitewater rafting guide and this past weekend was the company awards and picnic...and dd wanted to go alone...that was not happenin for oh so many reasons... ...the bf is a good kid...but way to much vulnerability for my liking....he is her first boyfriend, and he just lost his sister in june and is shipping out to the navy in jan....

anyways...hopefully soon we will connect

allgood: total asshole im thinkin....yup thats it, thats what im thinkin....he should stand on the line behind mr dishonest fuckwit.....


ats: stay safe...irene will be headed right for us here in long island it seems...ought to be interesting...


manchild is furious with pfm....pfm fired him from working with him in softball....he told him something along the lines that if he has no respect for him then he doesnt belong working for him....family therapy tonite ought to be interesting too....lots of interesting shit happenin, too bad none of it is fun interesting...


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
atsenaotie
♂ Member
Member # 27650
Default  Posted: 2:39 PM, August 25th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ats, I hope all is ok with you as Irene is passing by.

We will be missed completely, as will the entire state of FL it looks like. The early projections had Irene running up through stepdaughter's wedding , but alas she has shifted east.


LTA BS 53
FWW 60
M 1990, dday 10-5-09
Reconciled

Posts: 3964 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: FL
jollum
♂ Member
Member # 25152
Default  Posted: 3:18 PM, August 25th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Quick shout out to all of you in the path of Irene...You are in my thoughts and prayers.


Also:
Allgood,
I hope your birthday is coming up soon. Since we have a quorum in the Man Club right now we can give you your present early if you'd like. Mr. Nogood can be nominated and outta here in no time.


Posts: 269 | Registered: Aug 2009
Laura28
♀ Member
Member # 28997
Default  Posted: 4:06 PM, August 25th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi all

Popping in quick.

Happy belated birthday honest and I love NPD's gift to you. the more he shows what a FT he is the easier it will be for you to write him out of your life. Such an idiot.

FNF

Thanks for your post. I need to work harder at this. FWH really is being brilliant - I just have to appreciate it more.

Anybody else want to join in??

Everyday he asks several times "Have I told you today that I love you?" and then after I reply says "I love you". He also gives me back rubs every night.

Allgood

So disappointing for you. I know you need the security of knowing he will be reliable with his responsibilities. The man really needs to grow up.

Miracle

Glad you enjoyed your mini vacation. Hope things settle down at home soon.

Jollum

and other gentlemen members - nice move with the revocation of the man card Quite appropriate!!

Ats

Hugs honey. You are so strong hanging in there.

Nell

EMDR - I too am a fan now. Cannot believe how much it helped me with the extreme emotions. I still get a little sad but don't lose it completely over things that used to send me over the edge? Is this your experience?

Jollum and No Fun

Good to hear from you.

Hi UK, Dip and Strong

NJ

Thanks for continuing to be the cheer leader of those of us trying to R.

DP

You OK??

Hi to anyone I'v missed

Really gotta run.

Earthquakes and hurricanes. Wow. Hope you are all safe. Please take care of yourselves

HUGS

Laura

[This message edited by Laura28 at 4:09 PM, August 25th (Thursday)]


Married 30yrs Me BW 57Yrs Him FWH 59yrs
OWzero 1988 EA?/PA? Gaslighted.
Dday May 28 2010.
OW1 1994(6mths PA, EA til dday).
OW2 2002(8yrs PA).
OW3 2009(1Yr PA).
Others???? Status: Not Divorcing..but.."You can't unfuck the goat"

Posts: 2729 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Australia
Ellejay
♀ Member
Member # 30498
Default  Posted: 4:59 PM, August 25th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Checking in after a long absence. Found I was becoming "unhinged" earlier this year just reading everyone's stories but now ready to come back again and needing some support. I'm slowly reading through what people have been going through lately but forgive me if I'm very out of touch. Hopefully I can be of some support once I am up-to-date. I am now 9 months since D-Day.

Spent last few months in survival mode, just doing what I need to do to relocate from living next-door to the OW1 and getting my mental state into some kind of order! I was constantly being bombarded with new revelations from the devastated H of OW1 who was and still is a broken man. This didn't help. The crap that was being shovelled on my doorstep was beyond belief. So I put the house on the market and sold it in April, moved into a new home in May. Still separated from WH and unless someone can convince me that his behaviour is due to being abducted by aliens and impregnated with some kind of brain-altering device, I will move towards divorce asap. WH is doing the right thing financially but his total lack of empathy, sensitivity and basic emotional intelligence still continues to stagger me. He has now taken up with OW2, an employee of one of his major clients and with whom he was planning last year to have a threesome with along with OW1 (my best friend and neighbour). I know this through all the emails I discovered back in Nov last year. He has even nominated OW2 for a major award in the field of business that he is in, citing her credentials to the organisation giving out these awards, as having the total respect of all she deals with. This for all of us to see on the website in question! This is a woman who he was emailing last year and asking to give him oral sex in the office after a client meeting and to film herself with him doing various acts (God I hope he was going to keep his shirt on!). I have been so restrained during all of this in an attempt to allow him some credibility in his business life at least but enough is enough. Last night I just had a major trigger reading all of this and rang him giving him a piece of my mind. I know it gives the other parties more power but I just could not help myself. I asked him if he would like me to back up her nomination by sending a copy of the email I found between them both which would show just how much she is prepared to go beyond the call of duty. That didn't go down too well. If I hadn't come to the conclusion that he is obviously very thick I would think he was just trying to rub all our faces in it especially mine. He was completely perplexed that I would find all this so hurtful and disrespectful. He seems to operate from a set of drawers where he can just close off having any empathy for the people who are not in his immediate range of vision at the time.
Even his staff tell me that he has no respect for OW2 either and talks about her in derogatory terms. Is this narcissism at its very greatest level I wonder?

I am just so struggling at the moment to try and maintain some kind of relationship with him for the children's sake(and mine)but it is sooooo hard. I just want to embed something in the front of his skull (of course I won't but the imagery of this is too satisfying). Has anybody else going through the experience of dealing with someone so narcissistic and how the hell do I cope with it? Ignoring it at this raw stage in the events is all too much to ask although I do try. I honestly don't think he sits there and thinks "now how can I hurt my ex-wife and family more? Oh yes, I'll just do this, this and that."
He just doesn't seem to be able to think strategically in his emotional life at all, although he is very successful in a business sense. How can these aspects of his personality operate so dramatically side by side? I have so much to learn about all this.

Earlier this year, only about a month after D-Day, he organised a family portrait sitting including the bloody dog (I was not included of course). I couldn't resist sending an email to the OW2 telling her that he had asked for the family dog to be there therefore I was cordially inviting her to attend. He constantly pressurises my children ages 23, 18 and 13 to meet this other woman, marches my daughter through the OW house to show her the bedroom she will be sleeping in when eventually she comes to stay despite my 13 year old's obvious discomfort, then asks our daughter why she doesn't want to meet this woman saying "she hasn't done anything to YOU".
He adores the children but has no appreciation of what they or I might be going through or maybe he has but chooses to do all this anyway. I don't know - HELP!!

I am just so grief sticken at the moment and so bewildered and feel I have taken 8 steps back when only a few weeks ago I felt I had come so far and was doing so well. I was so proud of myself. Right now though I feel I could do something I may seriously regret and that frightens me such is the level of my anger. I guess I am just now giving myself permission again to feel all the emotions that I should have felt months ago but have put to one side in order to cope and deal with the practicalities of all this. I truly admire those of you who are trying to reconcile. BLOODY HELL HOW DO YOU DO IT?

I am just angry, angry, angry and I don't want this d--khead to have any power over me emotionally anymore.

Sorry, what a rant! Well, I guess it could be worse. I will check in again once I've got time. I do feel some much for all of you. I am a Reiki practitioner so I will try and send some good energy everyone's way, once I have given myself some this morning.

Hey ho, another day to get through but at least the sun is shining here were I am in Australia and the birds outside my window seem to be having a great time. Probably mating like crazy. Someone should tell them to leave it alone - it's not worth it! LOL - Ellejay xxx


Married 25 years now divorced.
D-Day: 20/11/10
Me: 48.5 plus 10% GST
Him: mental age 6 (apologies to all 6 year olds)
Betrayal: Who cares anymore?

Posts: 1073 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Adelaide, South Australia
Laura28
♀ Member
Member # 28997
Default  Posted: 5:12 PM, August 25th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi ElleJay

Great to have another aussie on board - all those yanks are sleeping when I want to chat

Can't stop now am already late for work.

Please keep coming back to LTA - the tribe WILL be able to help you through this.

HUGS

Laura


Married 30yrs Me BW 57Yrs Him FWH 59yrs
OWzero 1988 EA?/PA? Gaslighted.
Dday May 28 2010.
OW1 1994(6mths PA, EA til dday).
OW2 2002(8yrs PA).
OW3 2009(1Yr PA).
Others???? Status: Not Divorcing..but.."You can't unfuck the goat"

Posts: 2729 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Australia
atsenaotie
♂ Member
Member # 27650
Default  Posted: 5:19 PM, August 25th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

... email to the OW2 telling her that he had asked for the family dog to be there therefore I was cordially inviting her to attend.

Hi Ellejay. Thanks for the chuckle.


LTA BS 53
FWW 60
M 1990, dday 10-5-09
Reconciled

Posts: 3964 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: FL
sadallthetime
♀ Member
Member # 26845
Default  Posted: 5:52 PM, August 25th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

All - I am getting caught up with you guys after being on vacation. For me, this forum is the most relevant. I certainly qualify for a LTA (11 yrs.) among other things. For all of us this has been such an life altering event and I can feel everyone's pain. It makes me so sad that we are all going through this - many of us for years. To have to come to the realization that our spouses have chosen to lie and betray us for many, many years is almost incomprehensible. Even when you have a fully remorseful FWS with NC etc. it is so hard to live with what they have done to our hearts and souls. It's been over 2 years for me and although FWH and I have been through hell and back, rehab and trying so hard to work on our 31 year marriage there are so many times when I just want to walk away forever.

On another note I would like thoughts on a recent situation. After being away for over a week 4 days ago when catching up with email I received the following:

I responded to the email because I want to know what this person knows and I desperately want to know if FWH has told me the truth. I did not tell FWH that I responded but told him about the email and forwarded to him at his request. He says he does not know who this email is from and was quite upset that it was sent to me - apologized etc. Then early this morning I got a VM from the Christa w**** (what I call her) wanting to know if I had been contacted by anyone and, if so, this person was evil - that he had threatened to burn down her house, have her killed and hijack her car ect. He had gotten into her email somehow. Then she apologized for the inconvenience and said that she has her own problems, that she's dealing with medical issues, her family has disowned her and her dog just died (I'm not kidding! Then she said "your 30 year marriage, you know, Tom slept with every secretary - it's not like I'm betraying him - and like tons of escorts, I assume. Then she continued to whine about her terrible life. I called her back because I wanted to find out about the secretaries and tons of other escorts and to see if I could get her to verify some things that she had told me in the past that FWH says are lies. She said that yes, he told her that he had slept with his secretaries. She stuck to her story about how they met (FWH said he interviewed her for a job, she says she was working for an "entertainment company" and he found her in the yellow pages - she met him in a hotel room and danced and stripped (no touching) and they became friends. She also implied that he paid her for sex for all of those 11 years - he says not. They both agree that he met her in 2 cities they named and she says that he also took her to a resort in FL - he says not. I hung up after I got her story and told her "when you lie down with dogs you get flees." Then I played her VM for FWH and told him about my conversation with her. He says he never slept with any secretary or sales woman (he was in charge of sales at many companies and president of one)and the only escort he saw was the other one that I knew about. He was upset that I would believe her and not him and I told him after being lied to and betrayed for 11 years why should I believe him? "Touche!" he said and also that he didn't blame me for not believing him after what I'd been through but he's telling the truth and he can't do anything about what I believe. I said I didn't actually believe either of them and that the same goes for him about lying down with dogs. At this point I just don't know if I can live with all of this anymore. Even if he's telling the truth how do I know and it just adds to the mind movies. I feel like I'm detaching, which may not be a bad thing but how do we work on our marriage if detached? I don't know if I can continue with the realization of all that he's done to me and all that he may have done.

[This message edited by SI Staff at 9:49 PM, April 8th (Tuesday)]


Me-BW 60 now, FWH 64 now, 2 adult kids
DD#1 7-21-09 11 yr. affair w OW 30 yrs. younger who is an "escort". DD#2 7-23-09 Long Term EA with mutual friend DD#3 10-3-09 1 1/2 yr PA with escort #2 DD#4 10 yr. EA w/old GF

Posts: 104 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Florida
nofun
♀ Member
Member # 24546
Default  Posted: 5:57 PM, August 25th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Happy Birthday Honest....you have amazing sons.


BS (me) 56
WH 61
M 36 yrs
OW - 55 - Howdy Doody Look Alike
3 Awesome Adult C
DD 6/7/09
LTA 12 years.
Confused: D or R???

Posts: 987 | Registered: Jun 2009
deeppurple
♂ Member
Member # 28757
Default  Posted: 6:40 PM, August 25th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

just a quick hi & bye

pc trouble - bloody trojans
all fixed.

Honest - happy birthday

man card revoked.

hugs tribe


Me - BS 49
Her - WS 43
Married 16 yrs (together 17 yrs)
DD13 DS10 DS8 DS6
DDay 1 6.4.2010 dday 2 7.25.2010
Heading for divorce.
"Never look down on someone unless you are helping them up"

Posts: 522 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Where the sun is shining & the surf is pumping
Ellejay
♀ Member
Member # 30498
Default  Posted: 7:05 PM, August 25th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sadallthetime: The woman you mention is on a power trip as she feels she has information to throw at you. It's all part of the need to control. These women just love having the upper hand it's the only thing they have. All of which she says may be true and I guess if you are trying to reconcile you may feel you have to turn over every rock and take every missile thrown at you in order to get a true picture of what you are dealing with in order to either move forward or put yourself in the picture somehow. Just remember that just when you think you have uncovered everything there is to know, there could always be one more thing to come along and hit you in the head in the future and you will just keep going and going until you are so exhausted and soul destroyed. If you are going to reconcile with this man, these foul people in the background should be put firmly in their place. You sound like you have been through hell but you will come out of it the winner in the end as I will. Stay strong my dear. Ellejay xxx


Married 25 years now divorced.
D-Day: 20/11/10
Me: 48.5 plus 10% GST
Him: mental age 6 (apologies to all 6 year olds)
Betrayal: Who cares anymore?

Posts: 1073 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Adelaide, South Australia
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