[This message edited by cancuncrushed at 11:15 AM, September 10th (Tuesday)]
The term "dry drunk" therefore denotes the absences of favorable change in the attitudes and behavior of the alcoholic who is not drinking, or the reversion of these by the alcoholic who has experienced a period of successful sobriety. From these conditions, it is to be inferred that the alcoholic is experiencing discomfort in life.
The self-destructive attitudes and behavior of the dry drunk alcoholic are different in degree but not in kind. The alcoholic, when drinking, has learned to rely on a deeply inadequate, radically immature approach to solving life's problems. And this is exactly what one sees in the dry drunk.
ANALYSIS OF DRY DRUNK BEHAVIOR The alcoholic who rationalizes their own irresponsible behavior are also likely to find fault in the attitudes and behavior of others. Although not denying their own shortcomings, they attempt to escape notice by cataloging in great detail the transgressions of others.
The classic maneuver of the dry drunk is over-reaction. The alcoholic may attach a seemingly disproportionate intensity of feeling to an ordinary insignificant event or mishap.
Some alcoholics who experience the dry drunk seem to know all the answers, are seldom at a loss for words when it comes to self-diagnosis. Their knowledge is quite impressive, their apparent insight, as opposed to genuine insight, is convincing.
CORRECTIVE MEASURES: #1 Go To Meeting. Those undergoing a dry drunk lead impoverished lives. They experience severe limitations to grow,, to mature, and benefit from the possibilities that life offers. They lack the freshness and spontaneity that genuinely sober alcoholics manifest. Their life is a closed system, attitudes and behaviors are stereotyped, repetitive, and consequently predictable.
Alcoholics learn early that humility and a power greater than them- selves are the bedrock for a genuine and productive sobriety. An unusual measure of self-discipline must accompany the ego deflation process. Needed is self-discipline in honesty, patience and responsibility towards the recovery process [and acceptance of their disease]. [To improve long term goals of sobriety be aware of mental stressors, get more involved in the recovery program, get active in the 12 steps, get and use a sponsor, talk things out.] Hopefully. they will begin to appreciate the ironic folly of those alcoholics who think life has suddenly become manageable again; whose sanity is beyond question; who see no need of turning their lives over to a power greater then them- selves; who find personal inventories unnecessary since they are seldom in the wrong and are no longer subject to the embarrassing need of repairing the wrongs they have done.
When dry drunk alcoholics awaken to this irony that they, still unmanageable, still powerless, are the ones who have made this remarkable "recovery," they may feel sufficiently mortified to want to change.
Prayers are flying from this girl.
[This message edited by cancuncrushed at 2:19 PM, January 6th (Monday)]
Now I am dealing with his new sobriety and his infidelity. I have been angry for so many years over his drinking and when I found out about his A all my anger compounded into rage.
I read through both threads and I just wanted to say thanks to all of you for sharing. It is helping me deal with both issues and to heal.
Take a look at some of the books that I have suggested on this thread. They have helped me understand my husband and myself and our family dynamics.
Gutfeeling- I know people that have tried moderation but IMHO it does not work.
Maybe someone else will come along and be able to give you their opinion on this.
You have that chance. You are both young with many good years ahead of you.
Thank you for your post. It gives me hope. I am just struggling. But, I will say Alanon is really helping me right now. I am starting to think there is a light at the end of this tunnel.
*Keeping Fingers Crossed*
Sunday made it one year for me with sobriety. SI has been a big part of my program. Helping me with my thinking problem. There are some incredible people here. Thank you DS and the crew for this place. It so transcends the sum of its parts.
"Knowing is half the battle"
Expecting progress not perfection
Reading this thread today has been a real eye opener - especially the entry about the "dry drunk".
I'm 9 weeks post d-day and still in limbo. My WH has been sober for nearly three years. His rock bottom was staring death in the face in the form of cirrhosis. Miraculously, he has made an almost full recovery and is now in the best shape of his life. He was in AA when there was still a chance he needed a liver transplant but as soon as he was "better" he stopped going. When he was still sick, I started to see some humility in him but now that he's cheated death, his attitude has changed to one of invincibility.
I stuck with him through all the drinking and bullshit that went along with getting sick and so the PA with his exGF was a slap in the face to end all slaps. Of course, it's all my fault. Some days it feels like he's ready to go start a shiny new life away from me so he doesn't have to deal with any of the hurt he's caused with his drinking and now with this A. I wish I had realized the benefit of AA while he was in it and encouraged him to stick with it.
[This message edited by silentscream13 at 3:09 PM, January 15th (Wednesday)]
Very scary how small!