Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
Find a Local Couselor
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: Turtles (43206)

I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: N P D Thread part 9
wontdefineme
♀ Member
Member # 31421
Default  Posted: 11:53 AM, December 6th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I told mine not to come home, that I had enough and I was filing for D. His reason for not chasing me to prove his undying love for me was "I thought you needed to cool off". Well I did cool off, and guess what, I cool away from his NPD ways. Surprise, I found my strength. He didn't see that coming. And now, he still thinks he can just call and I will be over it. Wonders why he infuriates me.

[This message edited by wontdefineme at 6:37 PM, December 7th (Wednesday)]


Posts: 2079 | Registered: Mar 2011
gma56
♀ Member
Member # 19595
Default  Posted: 3:59 PM, December 6th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi all ! I don't post in NPD but do read.
FT is classic NPD/SA and we are finally working towards D after 3+ yrs of separation.
So I've been doing some reading and thought I would share a link. The bottom of the page has more links to questions concerning NPDs.

When you realize what you are dealing with, you can control so much and Gma is ready for FT's D trys and I know he will try.
Big Hugs to all and hope someone gets a Ah-Ha .
gma

http://guiltedgirls.tripod.com/id4.html

[This message edited by gma56 at 4:30 PM, December 6th (Tuesday)]


BW-Divorced
It's my life now, my choices, my mistakes to make and my victories to celebrate. His choices made me free of liars and betrayers in my life. I lost my family but gained a second chance to be happy.

Posts: 20275 | Registered: May 2008 | From: Half way to where I want to be.
soverybetrayed
♀ Member
Member # 32948
Default  Posted: 10:15 AM, December 7th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

wontdefineme, that is fantastic that you have found your POWER and are taking it back. It is time to not speak to him except about finances and kids. Meet with an attorney while you are still in this mode and see what you need to do to file. You may still slide back a time or two but I know how good it feels to be in that strong mode.

You can do this and we are all here to help you through it. We will hold you up when he cries and begs you to take him back and when he rages and calls you names. Know that all of us who have lived the NPD Hell are behind you 300%.

gma, great article and I may have to print it so that I remember how to deal with him during court next month. He is currently being nice and it scares the crap out of me.


Me-53
DDay 10/16/2010 DDay2 5/22/2011
Divorced 8/23/2012
I will get stronger and better but no matter where he goes, there he is....

Posts: 1194 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: Being an AWESOME ME!
soverybetrayed
♀ Member
Member # 32948
Default  Posted: 10:22 AM, December 7th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ok ladies and gents I need some advice. My NPD stbx knows we are going to see a judge next month for temporary SS. Last week I texted him to see if I could go to our house and use the washer/dryer as I can't lug wash around anymore now that I have to use a cane to walk.
We got into a tiff cause he said "after I leave, yes". It pissed me off cause I haven't gone to the house when he is home cause I know I will lose it so I only go when he is working. There was no point is his statement except to hurt me.

Now here is where I need help understanding what his motive is: He actually emailed me that he put money in to our joint savings for me and that he was looking on craigslist for inexpensive washer/dryers for me. He said he would pay for them cause he knows I can't keep lugging laundry around. Then when I went out and started pricing new ones (the ones on craigslist were ify at best) he emails me and says that instead he will rent a pair for me and pay for the rental. Now this could have been a ploy to get my new address or he could really be renting them. Why would he be doing this? Is he doing it to show the judge that he is helping me out and I don't need SS?

I am bloody confused cause he isn't free with his money like this. Any one know what is up with him?


Me-53
DDay 10/16/2010 DDay2 5/22/2011
Divorced 8/23/2012
I will get stronger and better but no matter where he goes, there he is....

Posts: 1194 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: Being an AWESOME ME!
ItsRocky
♀ Member
Member # 30327
Default  Posted: 7:38 PM, December 7th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If he is renting them, he could just pay the rent until the SS, hoping you would leave details about a W/D out of the agreement. Then he could stop paying.

I would wonder what a NPD has up his sleeve.


Thanks for all the support in my healing, outlived my usefulness on SI, time to move on.

Posts: 1460 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: SouthEast
Simply Sad
♀ Member
Member # 18065
Default  Posted: 7:45 PM, December 7th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wontdefineme: Wow, how similar to my husband...he left 4 days ago, because he was too angry to deal with what he did, took off his wedding ring, and now the emails and texts start..."Let's cool off for a few days and then talk." "I want to apologize for getting so angry." "I still love you. Want to go out for Thai food?" Seriously? So my so called husband is communicating via email and thinks everything will be OK? Seriously? A real husband would come on over since he lives here with a huge bouquet of flowers to apologize for being such a jerk. Why stay away all this time? And where is he? All I know is I have an appointment tomorrow with my lawyer to start things off. I am done. I have a storage unit, have bought some items for later, have my own checking account, etc. I have been very busy these last 4 days since he has been gone. The only things I am worried about are finances and the awful fight ahead of me...other than that, I do not miss him or his lies or my stepson, etc. He is truly crazy.

Posts: 62 | Registered: Feb 2008
kam627
♀ New Member
Member # 30064
Default  Posted: 12:00 PM, December 8th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm struggling and need some advice. My NPDH has been running a smear campaign for a very long time. He sends mass emails out to friends and family and I have obtained copies of some of them and just cannot believe the lies and how he has portrayed me as "crazy". People have always treated me strangely which is foreign to me because I'm in sales and have no problem meeting new people and holding a conversation. I'm usually outgoing and love to laugh. Even at our wedding a few of his friends said to me, we are so glad we finally got to spend time with you, you're fun. Lighten him up will you? But all of these friends have been getting these emails, texts etc and I know exactly when it happens because they start dropping like flies off my FB.

What should I do? There is a part of me that says you can't control what people think, but another part of me that wants to safeguard my integrity and reputation. He has gone as far as to tell people I don't love him children and want to rip him away from them. I was up until 3:30 am halloween weekend making my SS costume after my NPDH screamed at him that he couldn't be what he wanted to be. I love those children and have for years like they were my own and I just feel like he has scraped the bottom of the barrel here and hit a major nerve. I'm not looking for allies, I just want to set the record straight. Some of the people that responded to his emails called me a monster. I'm just sick over this. They just have no idea.


It's hard to lead a double life, if you're living with your wife.

Posts: 42 | Registered: Nov 2010
veritas
♀ Member
Member # 3525
Default  Posted: 1:08 PM, December 8th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((kam))) FWIW, I went through the exact same thing. If these people don't know you and are dropping you because of what he said, my best advice for you is to let it go. Hell, if you see any mofos that called you a monster but are staying on your FB page, delete them. You don't want any half-steppers running back and forth to your ex giving him all the details they see on your FB page, anyway. Dickhead and I at one point had 30 friends in common; now we have 7 because HE was the one who got paranoid over being able to see friend of friend stuff. After digging up e-mails from over 20 years ago of mine and accusing my uncle of molesting me and wanting to carry on an incestuous relationship, I informed my family that either they would drop him or I would drop them from MY fb page. You don't have to compete with an asshole. It's his world, and he'll show his true colors soon enough. Mine sure did! And was just reminiscing on his FB page about all the friends he has lost to "time and tide." Apparently, that's the new euphemism for "behaving like an asshole."

It will get better, but it will get worse before then.

[This message edited by veritas at 1:10 PM, December 8th (Thursday)]


Actions unmask what words disguise.
Love many; trust few; and always paddle your own canoe.
When you win, you teach; when you lose, you learn.

Posts: 10164 | Registered: Feb 2004
kam627
♀ New Member
Member # 30064
Default  Posted: 8:47 PM, December 8th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you Veritas. It's a lonely place being on the chopping block all the time. Its very good advice and you are right, I don't have to compete with an asshole...my new mantra! I can't believe that people don't step back and say, gee he's putting TMI about his marriage and spouse out there, I would die if my spouse did that to me. Nope they just love the gossip and give him the sympathy and attention he craves instead of seeing the major red flag. Even in court this week I submitted evidence where he emailed 13 people in one email to talk about his affair. The judge was like why would anyone send this out to 13 people. Case closed...

Maybe they'll see the light with his next victim. By then I'll be healed I hope and it won't matter, I just hope he is exposed one day for who he is.


It's hard to lead a double life, if you're living with your wife.

Posts: 42 | Registered: Nov 2010
wontdefineme
♀ Member
Member # 31421
Default  Posted: 6:17 PM, December 9th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I went ahead and let him in and here we go again. Made me mad because he didn't fight for me and our family, him being a prick. Didn't even remember how he left. Told him not to come home, so he came and got some stuff and left. He doesn't even remember how he left.if I hate him so much and I wouldn't live with him ever again, why do I care if he chases me or not. Just the thought of him coming home is not something I would even want. But I want him to fight for me until I can divorce him. But his NPD ways annoy me.

[This message edited by wontdefineme at 6:51 PM, December 9th (Friday)]


Posts: 2079 | Registered: Mar 2011
Simply Sad
♀ Member
Member # 18065
Default  Posted: 9:51 AM, December 10th (Saturday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So now it's nearly a week since he high tailed it out of here. Still no real communication from him at all. I got an email yesterday saying he is planning on coming home tomorrow. So? Does he just think he is going to waltz on in here, and everything is going to be the same? Well, I've got news for him. I went to my lawyer and have started filing for divorce. I may have to play nice for a few days until he gets served with papers. I don't want to give him any warning of what I am doing. Don't want him draining accounts or making it easy on him to move out for good. I am finally realizing more and more just the amount of emotional abuse he has been inflicting on me all of these years. This last moving out stunt has opened my eyes like never before. I was not very encouraged after going to the the lawyer-there is no alimony, and I believe he has much money hidden away in secret accounts. I will be scraping by to make it with my part time job. But I am through here. I would rather be poor than be abused like this for the rest of my life. I just cannot understand how a so called husband can just walk out like this and act like he isn't married. Must be out there having a sexfest with someone. That's what I think. Oh well, someone else can have him. I am worth more than this. And now when I look at him, he disgusts me. How in the world did I ever get sucked into this?

Posts: 62 | Registered: Feb 2008
rainagain
♀ Member
Member # 14917
Default  Posted: 7:06 PM, December 11th (Sunday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

hugs to all, no answers or advice right, just checking in, and wanted to let you know I'm listening

Fallenangel, I hope you and the babies are doing well, please post


Now, faith is being sure of what you hope for and certain of what you cannot see. Heb 11:1
I done been through the pain and the sorrow the struggle is nothing but love. Maino
Me: Divorced BS 49
DS22, DD19, DS17

Posts: 1277 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Massachusetts
soverybetrayed
♀ Member
Member # 32948
Default  Posted: 9:03 PM, December 11th (Sunday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am worried about neverbelieve, she hasn't posted in such a long time and her NPD WH is so volatile. Please post neverbelieve if you are around. This is mama bear checking to make sure that you are safe and do not need the services of a mama bear to kick the stuffing out of your WH.

Seriously, please let us know that you are safe.


Me-53
DDay 10/16/2010 DDay2 5/22/2011
Divorced 8/23/2012
I will get stronger and better but no matter where he goes, there he is....

Posts: 1194 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: Being an AWESOME ME!
veritas
♀ Member
Member # 3525
Default  Posted: 9:49 AM, December 12th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Christmas is here!

That means that while the rest of the world is merrily celebrating, NPD's are usually cutting up because they're jealous of all the attention being paid to other people. My 16-year-old came home crying not to go to his father's house because all he does is yell and scream. I haven't decided whether to have a come-to-Jesus meeting with him, or just to tell him to fuck off the next time he wants to have them for the weekend.

And, of course, after a weekend of yelling, I get an article from him on creativity and education. Really? All of a sudden you're sane now?

Hope all of your NPD's are behaving themselves...

[This message edited by veritas at 10:39 AM, December 12th (Monday)]


Actions unmask what words disguise.
Love many; trust few; and always paddle your own canoe.
When you win, you teach; when you lose, you learn.

Posts: 10164 | Registered: Feb 2004
wontdefineme
♀ Member
Member # 31421
Default  Posted: 1:28 PM, December 12th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh mine is behaving because he pushed my buttons and the passive aggressive thing happened last week. Back to NC after he sucked me back in and made me out to be the bad guy. Gave him his forgiveness that was more important than his family so I can just not bother looking for what is not in him, empathy. Wont change, will always be the victim.

So back to not listening to that voice; so smug, so arrogant, so entitled. Silence is nice. Who cares what and who he is doing.


Posts: 2079 | Registered: Mar 2011
caregiver9000
♀ Member
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 8:11 PM, December 12th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

fuck 'em... and the whores they rode in on.

NPD's behave??? oxymoron? Do they ever behave?

I wish.

I am still trying to find my land legs. I am beginning to think the holidays are a special playground for fuckedupedness.

I am around. I am not much for sound advice right now. I am anxious (NPD has not gone back to whoretown and is sticking around until his Christmas visitation) and the anger comes to the surface too quickly due to the stress and anxiety. So I guess if anyone needs a venting partner or some good ole fashioned rantin' and ravin' I might be good for that.

Maybe some NPD inspired holiday carols?

I think the 12 gifts of Christmas might be interesting as the gift giving was always so off base. Caulk guns anyone???

sigh.

Where will I find the energy? the patience?

Together Tribe. We will get through these days (and nights) and holiday celebrations and stresses together.

Don't forget to check in. No roll call, but if you go silent, we worry. These are hard weeks.


Me: 43, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 12 DS 9
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5300 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
wontdefineme
♀ Member
Member # 31421
Default  Posted: 10:09 PM, December 12th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He is going NC on me afterba week of continued contact. Messed with my week and head. Im trying hard not to contact him. Its been 2 days now. I want peace over the holidays and divorce can't come quick enough, except for needed health insurance for the first month in 2012. However, its 90 days til D here, and it has now been 4 months. Not something he decided, so I guess it will be on his timetable. Jerk

Posts: 2079 | Registered: Mar 2011
Frank2010
♂ Member
Member # 29438
Default  Posted: 12:36 AM, December 13th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

wontdefineme,

NC!!!!!! Hope that helps.
When there is contact there is manipulation....on both sides. You want to manipulate him to show he is human. He wants to manipulate you into a doormat. You get disappointed and he amps up. It is a cycle. Break the cycle.


Me 56 BS
Her 59 WS NPD(She is Empty)
D-day#1 05-01-10
Dday#2 06-04-10 previous ONS 9-24-09 AFF hookups

Status: S & D'ing


Posts: 1195 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: North Texas
kam627
♀ New Member
Member # 30064
Default  Posted: 3:18 PM, December 13th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Holidays are very hard but this year I at least know that we are definitely not spending it together. Usually before every holiday he finds a reason to start a fight so we end up not spending it together. That was carefully calculated to keep his family from being in a room with me and either of us finding out the truth about what he says. It's week 3, NC due to the FRO I now have in place. I must say though, I'm barely keeping it together. Even though I know he has treated me like I'm not human for years, I still sob thinking about my broken family and that I have another baby on the way. No one seems to really understand just how difficult it is. They see him as a monster and can't understand that I still have feelings for him even though he doesn't deserve them. It's like having Stockholm Syndrome. I thought it would bring me comfort to not have him with me for this baby after how poorly he treated me with the last one, but it doesn't. I feel a tremendous loss that I do not have the loving supportive husband that I truly need. I am mourning the man I wish that he was. The hope of the person I needed him to be. I've struggled with counselors that say it could be NPD or Depression. How can they figure it out anyway? He puts on the act in front of them so they can't tell. But I know and I've started to accept it is NPD and now the hope is truly gone.

At this stage I'm over the infidelity. It doesn't even matter to me anymore. Its the indifference he has to my existence and feelings that has hurt me the most. I cannot imagine what the world inside his head is like because when I love, I give all of me. When I cause hurt to another, I feel the pain and make it right. I guess it's like trying to imagine being blind and the world being dark when you are so used to all the beautiful colors.

Sorry to go on and on....maybe it's my hormones, I just need to write and get my feelings out to people that may be feeling the same thing. Thank you for having this thread. I read it often and it helps so much.


It's hard to lead a double life, if you're living with your wife.

Posts: 42 | Registered: Nov 2010
heart_in_a_blend
♀ Member
Member # 24191
Default  Posted: 3:42 PM, December 13th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

kam:

It's like having Stockholm Syndrome.

NPDs and co-dependence go hand in glove. The very person you need to and should be able to go to is actually your enemy. They may not kill you physically but the destroy your mind.

I hear you as does everyone else on this thread.


In life, much of what one grieves one never had.

Posts: 3036 | Registered: May 2009
Topic Posts: 1000
Pages: 1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11 · 12 · 13 · 14 · 15 · 16 · 17 · 18 · 19 · 20 · 21 · 22 · 23 · 24 · 25 · 26 · 27 · 28 · 29 · 30 · 31 · 32 · 33 · 34 · 35 · 36 · 37 · 38 · 39 · 40 · 41 · 42 · 43 · 44 · 45 · 46 · 47 · 48 · 49 · 50

Return to Forum: I Can Relate This Topic is Full
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.