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User Topic: Long Term Affair - Part 27
lostsuol
♀ Member
Member # 13706
Default  Posted: 5:27 PM, October 1st (Saturday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am really sorry to read of your situation UKgirl and hope you are able to have a great weekend away.

We are having a beautifully warm and sunny autumn. Friday is the day I spend with my grandson and my H has Fridays off for a few more weeks so I didn't have any time online. We chose to visit our city zoo as it was far too hot to do this in July/August. There's a lot of construction for new animal housing but we enjoyed being outside in the fresh air.

Today my H is taking advantage of the good weather and washing the windows on the outside while I am psyching myself up to spend some time in my sewing area (the one he worked on while I was out of town but expected a timeline on my return so it's been a trigger spot that I've not overcome yet). Xanax and a desire to make something for our West coast grandson before we go there in mid October.

{{{tribe}}}


Posts: 808 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: Canada
atsenaotie
♂ Member
Member # 27650
Default  Posted: 11:54 PM, October 1st (Saturday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((UKgirl))
honest, I hope that you find the footing you are searching for.

It has been an odd week for us, many mixed feelings. I really believe she gets it, I understand, but neither of us is the person the other thought that we married. We are both trying, but it is not working. There is no anger or hate, but neither is there love or connection.

--Ats


LTA BS 53
FWW 60
M 1990, dday 10-5-09
Reconciled

Posts: 3967 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: FL
trynhard
♂ Member
Member # 22698
Default  Posted: 8:05 AM, October 2nd (Sunday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

ats... It is ok to start a new chapter in your life. I think we can all relate to your feelings. I would say we all have the need to "feel" like we are desired, romanced, and wanted. Limbo is waiting for the right financial situation.

I have read and posted to a site of posters who all are in the middle of infidelity. It’s ironic to see about every one of them using the excuse of not leaving the M because they don’t want the kids to suffer and fear over losing assets/financial. All fear so they all hide.

You don't owe your kids money just because they are a piece of you. You can support them in making a living and other ways.

Your W can take care of herself. So let her do it.

You as a single man can struggle in making a living with past debts and with a good plan. It might take a few years to get back to strength. You can also file BR. It sounds like the credit score took a hit right now anyway. Sure, this also will take you a few years to recover. There is nothing wrong with placing yourself in a position to be in a better place a few years out. The strength you must now have to achieve this new chapter won’t be easy, but once you take the leap of fate, it will get easier.

I was listening to the radio the other day. A preacher was talking about D and the bible. He said that infidelity is a reason to D. It really is common sense. About the hardest thing anyone can face in life is R’ing after infidelity. Also, if your spouse is trying to force you into believing there is not a God.

Take the leap. Do it. End your marriage. Or truly place yourself in a mode of R’ing. I can suggest and give you advice about all I have learned to R and accept. But I can only execute for myself.

Anyway, I hope you peace.


Posts: 2636 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Indiana
Allgoodnamesgone
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Member # 26157
Default  Posted: 1:29 PM, October 2nd (Sunday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Tryn:

I really struggled to understand what you meant in your post. While I understand that you are basically trying to encourage Ats to have the strength to leave his marriage, I struggle to understand the sentiment behind this:

It’s ironic to see about every one of them using the excuse of not leaving the M because they don’t want the kids to suffer and fear over losing assets/financial. All fear so they all hide.

I guess it all comes down to your use of the word "excuse". To me, it has the connotation that there is something wrong with considering how all of this impacts the children. Choosing to s/d is an important life change that should be weighed very carefully. To me, a thoughtful consideration would necessarily include reflecting upon how this would affect the children and one's finances.

And this...

Your W can take care of herself. So let her do it.

is not necessarily the way it's going to play out.
I know plenty of men whose wives cheated on them, they choose to s/d & it is the BH that moves out & pays most of the bills while the WW figures out how to be self-supporting.

Ats: I join Tryn in the sentiment that you should pick the path that will make you happiest. Part of that would include how your role with your children may change once you s/d, the financial resources that are going to be available to you, etc. If you s/d - do it with eyes wide open understanding & accepting all of the repercusions.
For me - it was a little easier to s/d because my daily life is mostly unchanged. A little less money, but I get to stay in my house & keep my routine with my kids. Sure, at some point, the x will want to take them for an entire weekend & I won't see them, but other than that, when I weighed all the factors - there was no comparision - s/d won by a landslide. If s/d made a significant impact on my daily life or my children's standard of living, etc. I might not have pulled the trigger as readily.

Ok. Peeps. Peace out.


Me- BS
DDay- 8/26/09
Separated after failed R effort.

Posts: 2165 | Registered: Nov 2009
trynhard
♂ Member
Member # 22698
Default  Posted: 3:43 PM, October 2nd (Sunday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Allgood.. As I look at all infidelity today, IMO, I'm sure the betrayer always has some issue with the M. They hide and hide behind fear. Fear of being alone, fear of hurting the one they married. Fear of telling the ones that married something is not right. So, they lie to protect themselves. They protect themselves for all the hurt that come with cheating. Betrayers don’t have the courage to make a change and be single again. They don’t want to give up being around the children full time. They lie to keep the family intact. They trick us into believing we have a M relationship. Betrayers don’t have the courage to face the end because they are viewed in our societies at committing on of the big 10. Who wants to be seen as evil by others?

The irony is the same with me as it is with AST. It then becomes us. We are the one in fear leaving and start over. We don’t want our kids to suffer, we don’t want to leave and split our assets.

Allgood, you have courage. IMO, from all you post, your H still had the same problem he had during your M. He wants to be single and not do the things M need to do. All those “desirables” I mention. Courage can come in different ways. I feel like I had courage too. It not easy to let things go and take a risk with someone who cheated on you.

Ats W is employable. She had a career and can resume it. Sure today, she is out of work. If he started D proceedings, I assure you, she will find a job and quickly. I think I understand what you say. Some woman are homemakers. That too is an important part of a family. Those are the woman who needs assistance from an X. It usually comes in the form of child support, right? But believe me, those woman need to find a career.

Ats, you have suffered for so long and I believe if you can somehow move forward, a new happiness will come. I hope you well. Just my Opinion.

[This message edited by trynhard at 3:47 PM, October 2nd (Sunday)]


Posts: 2636 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Indiana
captiva
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Member # 15193
Default  Posted: 2:24 AM, October 3rd (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi Tryn

YEs - I didn't publish my ramblings to a blog until January 2009, I kep a journal on my laptop. Not sure why I blogged it only other than if the infidels ever stumbled across it I hope they would recognise themselves


4 years out. We're getting there.......I will never forget the hurt he created by having a LTA with a serial marriage wrecker. I don't think he will forget the hurt either, nor how ashamed he is of his behaviour.....

Posts: 986 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: UK
worst-year-ever
♀ Member
Member # 33003
Default  Posted: 9:38 AM, October 3rd (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey all....I haven't had time to catch up on the posts here, and have been MIA for a while.

Had the week from hell. Put it this way....you all know how horrendous something would be to get me to completely put what my husband did aside.

He's been everything he needs to be right now, strong, loving and supportive.

And....he's really glad that he's not currently causing me the pain and anguish in my life.


Me: BW
Him: FWH
4 kids & 20 years together
DD: 7/7/11
OW1: 3yr+ LTA
OW2: My xBFF
Trying to R

Posts: 1282 | Registered: Aug 2011
lostsuol
♀ Member
Member # 13706
Default  Posted: 2:19 PM, October 3rd (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WYE, I am glad to read this today.

Ats,

It has been an odd week for us, many mixed feelings. I really believe she gets it, I understand, but neither of us is the person the other thought that we married. We are both trying, but it is not working. There is no anger or hate, but neither is there love or connection.

IMHO, Life is too short for you to continue this way. Try'n has put it more eloquently than I could so I'll just say 'ditto' on his post and tell you that I think you deserve to live happily; not just exist in what sounds like an empty void space.

Wondering how your wkend went UKg?

My H went out of town on business yesterday. These are still trying times for me... gives me far too much time alone to ponder our situation. I have made some progress! I cut fabric last night and laid the pieces out. This morning I prepped my sewing machine but I am not happy with the layout so am surfing the web for some ideas. Of course, being on the laptop brought me here... but I am fighting to keep my thoughts on target to get back to the joy of quilting so I'm away to re-arrange strips of fabric.

Later... {{{LTA}}}


Posts: 808 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: Canada
Laura28
♀ Member
Member # 28997
Default  Posted: 10:50 PM, October 3rd (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi all

Very quiet here the last couple of days.

Hope everything is OK with you all.

At Laura's Place

No special news.

A few days ago FWH lost the wedding ring we bought within a couple of weeks of dday. He has never worn a ring since we married - claimed it was "dangerous" on the farm and with his work. It was one of my R conditions. I told him no wonder they thought you were available!

Anyway, he found it yesterday. I was starting to feel a little strange about him losing it!!!

Other than that all is quiet except for the FDs and FCs. The new roosters are driving me nuts - crowing at 3am!!! I have had to resort to wearing ear plugs to bed!!! Also cuts down the noise of FWH's snoring

This isn't him but he looks like our noisiest one. he is a "silver sussex" - I'm learning a lot about poultry.


We also have about 45 eggs in the incubators . So hopefully will have lots of baby FDs and FCs soon. God knows where FWH will put them! I suppose he will have to build more pens - at least it keeps him out of .... mischief . Oops. Almost said something else!!!

Maybe I should offer a prize for the first to guess.. and be willing to post.... what I was going to say!!!

HUGS to everyone

Laura

[This message edited by Laura28 at 11:05 PM, October 3rd (Monday)]


Married 30yrs Me BW 57Yrs Him FWH 59yrs
OWzero 1988 EA?/PA? Gaslighted.
Dday May 28 2010.
OW1 1994(6mths PA, EA til dday).
OW2 2002(8yrs PA).
OW3 2009(1Yr PA).
Others???? Status: Not Divorcing..but.."You can't unfuck the goat"

Posts: 2729 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Australia
UKgirl
♀ Member
Member # 17062
Default  Posted: 9:50 AM, October 4th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well I’m back, catching up on washing and other stuff that fWH and DS17 don’t do. I had a good few days away and got back last night. I haven’t really sorted anything out in my head – or my heart, come to that. I think I’m so disappointed and just don’t understand this business of him keeping me in the dark as a way of a)protecting me, b)protecting himself and c)avoiding anything that might bring the affair up. I don’t think he’s seeing her. I’ve tried the phone number several times, Thu am after the confrontation with fWH when it rang first before going to voicemail and I left a “who are you” mess, then Fri later am, Sat night and just now (3.40pm) but it goes straight to unpersonalised voicemail. It has made me very uncomfortable, even if fWH isn’t up to anything. It’s only natural that I would assume it’s the fugly bitchface or some other woman who’s taken a fancy to him. I’ll leave it a week or so and try from fWH’s phone or get him to leave a message and see what happens. I hate this!!!

We were together last night and went out for a drink or three. Of course nothing was mentioned. He left early this morning and is away tonight and tomorrow, I think he’s back Thursday night, so maybe I can try to talk to him Friday about all this lying by omission and his inability to just be open about things. I’m seriously debating whether or not to give him a thirty page document I’ve written detailing facts and events of our marriage and how MOW fitted into his/our/my life. And the effect it has had with regard to viewing and therefore rewriting our history. He just wants to cover it over, like a cat burying its crap. Walk on and forget about it.

Meanwhile, I have said “yes” to fWH. He asked me to go with him to the rugby cup final……………snip

Oohh. His office phone just rang. Whoever it was rang off when the answerphone kicked in. Predictably the 1471 message is “we do not have the caller’s number for you to return the call”. Grrr!

……… so I’m going. I was tempted to say no, but couldn’t see a good reason to not go.

Yes Tryn’ The stupid things a WS says. Funny how they all seem to say that they didn’t mean to hurt us. Although when the “so what did you mean to do to me then?” is thrown back, there isn’t an adequate answer. Other than “I never thought you’d find out” So many stupid things – there should be a book so we can all see that the script is pretty much the same for them all. My personal one for the cheaters manual was:
Me: How long has it been going on for?
Him: Four and a half years
Me: (strangulated voice) Four and a half years?
Him: But I’ve been trying to finish it for two……!!
Translation: C’mon, it wasn’t as bad as it could have been
Anyway, he lied, so…… wtf.


D-Day: 30 July 2006 LTA: 5yrs
Me, BS, 56 y/o Him, WS, 57 y/o
MOW, pathetic ex-fiancee.
3 grown boys and one 18 y/o
I don't consider myself married anymore.
There are some words once spoken split the world in two. Before you say them and after.

Posts: 3328 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: UK
old dipstick
♂ Member
Member # 25598
Default  Posted: 11:46 AM, October 4th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Laura.

Thanks for the picture. Wow. That is a nice cock! I'm willing to post the answer to your question. It keeps him out of the kitchen?

UKgirl.

I have always wondered about the I don't know and I can't remember shit. If this is the case how do they even know they did anything wrong? It is just all so stupid. It is like they went for a two hr drive and when they get home can't remember where they went. Even at my age I can usually remember where I have been.

I hope everyone is o.k. It sure has been quiet in the LTA house.


Her WW 60
Me BH 60
M 36 yr
D-day#1 fall of 76 OM#1 2NS
D-day#2 summer of 89 OM#2 LTA 8 yrs OM#3 Short Term A


Posts: 751 | Registered: Sep 2009
worst-year-ever
♀ Member
Member # 33003
Default  Posted: 11:50 AM, October 4th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've been so busy with the other nightmares in my life that I've hardly had time to think about FWH and the affairs.

He really is doing everything he should right now, and yet I am triggering hard.

He's off at a client for work today, a 2 hour drive away. Last year it was a 2 day job and OW was with him (she worked for the same company at the time)...so you know they shacked up in the hotel for the night down there. I want to vomit.

He broke his arm last week, and that has my head spinning. He broke his other hand (I know...) in May, but it didn't stop him from taking OW to yet another business trip to Vegas and having plenty of hotel sex. He never slept with me when his arm was broken before, but didn't seem to slow him down with her. This time, we've tried and it's just not working.

I f***ing hate this.

He really hasn't done anything bad, and I want to kick him in the face all over again.


Me: BW
Him: FWH
4 kids & 20 years together
DD: 7/7/11
OW1: 3yr+ LTA
OW2: My xBFF
Trying to R

Posts: 1282 | Registered: Aug 2011
worst-year-ever
♀ Member
Member # 33003
Default  Posted: 11:53 AM, October 4th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OH, and I have been meaning to ask you all a question....

I'm having a hard time with feeling tremendously envious of people who's WS just had a ONS.

God, I wish that was all it had been. I'd give anything for it to have been a one-time-damn-I-really-screwed-up-and-need-to-confess-and-fix-my-marriage thing. But no. He didn't stop.

Not until I caught him with OW2.


Me: BW
Him: FWH
4 kids & 20 years together
DD: 7/7/11
OW1: 3yr+ LTA
OW2: My xBFF
Trying to R

Posts: 1282 | Registered: Aug 2011
forgivenotforget
♀ Member
Member # 11053
Default  Posted: 1:30 PM, October 4th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

UKG - sent you a PM and also sending lots of hugs.

Wow. That is a nice cock!

So Dip - I have to admit - this is not something I thought I'd ever hear come from a guy.
I'm having a hard time with feeling tremendously envious of people who's WS just had a ONS

WYE - Absolutely agree. In fact, I feel envious of people whose S's have had STA's and EA's. Years of lying and deceit really calls a person's character into question and restoring trust after so many years is a major hurdle. For me, I don't think it's possible. I'm not saying it isn't possible for others but for me, nope, I just don't see me getting there.
(((WYE)))

There is no anger or hate, but neither is there love or connection.

ATS - I can really relate to this too. I will say that on some level I do still love my H but not nearly the way I have in the past. A while ago I wrote a post saying that D is not the worst outcome of a LTA. Indifference (kind of where I am) can be so sad as well.

FSA - so good to see you again. I miss your crazy rhymes and acronyms. They were always so clever.

Lostsoul - good to see you too. I hope you survived yesterday without too much anxiety. How's that grandbaby of yours. I'll soon have a 4th and I'm enjoying every minute I spend with them.

Hugs to the rest of the tribe.


D-day - 12/23/05 LTA - 8 years.
"Love's a matter of trust and I just want to believe in us." M McBride

Posts: 1901 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: A tunnel where I'm beginning to see the light
UKgirl
♀ Member
Member # 17062
Default  Posted: 2:22 PM, October 4th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WYE, the thing is, whatever your personal circumstances, you think some other category on here is “better”. But the fact is, whatever has happened to YOU is the worst. And there are different demons to deal with in a different situation. I do think to myself it could have been worse. There could be another child to deal with. He could have given me HIV. I could have found out after he had been killed in a car crash. I could have to deal with MOW on a regular basis or it could be a double betrayal. Those whose spouse or SO had a ONS ask if it was the only one. Or they may be in that forum because the habit was to only have ONS and not a full blown affair. How could you trust someone who is willing to shag someone they had met just that night? Yes, I can understand a one-off ONS. But would you really believe that? Your trust would be shattered in just the same way. It’s all lies and deception.

I would have had a little more understanding if WH had been involved in a STA of a few weeks or even months with his ex-fiancee, realised why he didn’t want her first time around and split from her. But five years (actually more if I count the min of two years he was actively looking for her) is longer than some marriages. That aspect I find very hard – no, impossible – to understand.

It’s good to hear that he is being all he can be for you right now.

Thanks for the picture. Wow. That is a nice cock!
Oh grief, I couldn’t stop laughing! Do I note a touch of cock envy? Would you like one the size of a Silver Sussex parading in your yard?
Even at my age I can usually remember where I have been.
I don’t think they were interested in their geographical location…… But talking of stupid WS shite memories, fWH couldn’t remember where MOW lived. He couldn’t remember where she lived??? He’d been to her house numerous times to shag and sleep in place of her husband and they had a little trial run of being “man and wife” there. It’s got a fucking great big sign with a picture of a running fox saying welcome to XXXXXX at each end of the street!! Of course, it took me all of three minutes to get her friggin address and at that point he ran out of excuses to not send the NC letter.

Ats, none of us are married to the person we thought we married. And I’m so fundamentally changed that I don’t recognise the person who stood next to that man that never was back in 1980. Two completely different people. The irony for me is that it appears that before d-day I loved H far more than he loved me and now he loves me more than I do him. And while we’re not communicating properly nor being totally open with each other, there is no real connection. I miss that. We used to be so easy with each other. That’s all gone. But if you can accept that things are never going to be as they were, then you can work on something different. Not better or worse, just different. So, how about trying to be Yes Man?

I'll soon have a 4th and I'm enjoying every minute I spend with them.
Wow! How wonderful! In one way, I’m a little broody but in another I’m glad the boys are just having a great time. DS23 has just started university! And we don’t have to pay for him since he’s been out of the education system for over three years. Yippee!!


D-Day: 30 July 2006 LTA: 5yrs
Me, BS, 56 y/o Him, WS, 57 y/o
MOW, pathetic ex-fiancee.
3 grown boys and one 18 y/o
I don't consider myself married anymore.
There are some words once spoken split the world in two. Before you say them and after.

Posts: 3328 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: UK
worst-year-ever
♀ Member
Member # 33003
Default  Posted: 2:40 PM, October 4th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You are so right on UKGirl. I've often thought about most of the things you defined as ways it could be "worse"...in my case, there was a huge STD scare, and OW2 was one of my BFFs. I still feeling like I'm waiting out the time when OW1 could tell us she is pregnant. :(

This whole mess is just unimaginable. And you're right...none of us is married to the person we thought we were.

I guess my point was that I'd much rather he made ONE mistake and stopped himself before it snowballed into the gigantic mess is currently is. Of course, not being in that situation, I have no way of knowing if it would feel like less of a betrayal. To be honest, it probably wouldn't.

Sigh.

I'm just having a really bad week...and none of it has to do with him! I guess I should be grateful for that at this point, right? LOL


Me: BW
Him: FWH
4 kids & 20 years together
DD: 7/7/11
OW1: 3yr+ LTA
OW2: My xBFF
Trying to R

Posts: 1282 | Registered: Aug 2011
cantseestraight
♀ Member
Member # 32506
Default  Posted: 3:02 PM, October 4th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi all, I haven't posted to this forum before but since I'm dealing with a 6+ year LTA I guess I belong here. DDay was four and a half months ago and I'm just getting into the anger phase. I wish I had more time to post, but my WH is always looking over my shoulder wondering what I'm up to. I don't have anything to hide, but it just makes me uncomfortable. Anyone else have that problem? I told him to go and get his own computer and get his own user name and he can read whatever he likes.


Me: BW 54
Him: WH 55
Married 34 years, together for 37
2 adult sons, 28, 31
DD #1 4/19/2007
DD #2 5/19/2011 (same OW)

It's all my fault...I fucked up I TRUSTED him! In R


Posts: 85 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: California
UKgirl
♀ Member
Member # 17062
Default  Posted: 3:11 PM, October 4th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WYE, I’m just glad he has stepped up and been a figure of strength and support for you and DD. There are times when the whole affair crap takes a back seat. Take care of yourself and DD. I assume the funeral will be very soon? Warm and healing thoughts for you all. (((((WYE)))))

Hi and welcome cantsee. Tell him this is your therapy session and bugger off!! My fWH was stung by reading some of the BS vitriolic posts and thought better of reading anything I wrote. I’m pretty sure he knows my username and where I lurk, but I use my own laptop for all SI visits.


D-Day: 30 July 2006 LTA: 5yrs
Me, BS, 56 y/o Him, WS, 57 y/o
MOW, pathetic ex-fiancee.
3 grown boys and one 18 y/o
I don't consider myself married anymore.
There are some words once spoken split the world in two. Before you say them and after.

Posts: 3328 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: UK
Ellejay
♀ Member
Member # 30498
Default  Posted: 4:50 PM, October 4th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi there - been absent from this thread for a little while. Too busy posting on Double Betrayal, Dealing with an NPD Spouse, Divorce/Separation. Maybe I need to start a thread that deals with all 4? God help me.

Laura28: Just make sure FWH doesn't become too cocksure of himself.

Dip: Glad to see you can still recognise a good cock when you see it as well as being able to find your way home and remember the journey. That is always a bonus although many times lately I can't remember what I'm supposed to be doing once I get to where I'm going.

UKGirl: Hope you enjoy the rugby and your H manages not to cause any more triggers. This LTA shit is horrendous.
Here's a stupid dialogue I had in the early stages with my stbxh.......

Me: 5 years. Wow, how did you manage to get away with it so long?

Him: We didn't have sex all the time during those 5 years, in fact we would sometimes go for months without it. Come to think of it, if you condensed the whole thing down it would probably fit into 3 months."

Me: Well all righty then! That makes me feel so much better!

WYE: Sending you warm hugs for the horrendous time you are having. Yes, sometimes a ONS seems the lesser of crimes, it seems like you could forgive that more easily but when it comes down to it, the impulses involved are the same. This is the problem whenever a STA or LTA - no control or integrity.

Cantsee: Welcome.

Trynhard, ats, lost, allgood and all the Tribe: In my thoughts and wishing you happiness.

Land of Ellejay - just trying to get out and about more. Starting to detach a bit more from stbxh and all that he has done. I went to a "Latino Night" last Saturday. God I felt old. Had all these twenty somethings brushing up against me on the dancefloor, I wanted to run for the hills. Obviously not ready for that just yet!
Getting a new puppy soon, can't wait. Still having days when I feel very very low but they are becoming less. Just worrying about money now and how I will cope going forward.

Saw a quote yesterday (not sure of the author) which sums up how I am feeling right now, so thought I'd share:

I choose .......
to live by choice, not by chance;
to make changes, not excuses;
to be motivated, not manipulated;
to be useful, not used;
to excel, not compete;
I choose self esteem, not self-pity;
I choose to listen to my inner voice, not the random opinion of others.

Love Ellejay


Married 25 years now divorced.
D-Day: 20/11/10
Me: 48.5 plus 10% GST
Him: mental age 6 (apologies to all 6 year olds)
Betrayal: Who cares anymore?

Posts: 1073 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Adelaide, South Australia
Laura28
♀ Member
Member # 28997
Default  Posted: 5:32 PM, October 4th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Uk

I'm so sorry he's doing this to you honey. I really am.

It’s only natural that I would assume it’s the fugly bitchface or some other woman who’s taken a fancy to him. I’ll leave it a week or so and try from fWH’s phone or get him to leave a message and see what happens. I hate this!!!

This sounds like an excellent plan. It's so awful for you not knowing.

As for the RWC final - go! Try to have a good time.

Funny how they all seem to say that they didn’t mean to hurt us. .... “I never thought you’d find out”

Yep. But I suppose it's so common because WSs have to be experts at self justification otherwise they couldn't live with themselves!

He couldn’t remember where she lived???

I think all our WSs must have caught the same disease!!! I didn't know amnesia was contagious!


Oh grief, I couldn’t stop laughing! Do I note a touch of cock envy? Would you like one the size of a Silver Sussex parading in your yard?

So nice to know you are smiling!!!

BIG HUGS

Dip

I am so pleased you like my FWH's cock

Sorry. I just had to say it! I'm blushing as I type because that's a word I NEVER use - unless of course I'm having a rage and explaining to FWH how I feel about what he did with the other one with his OWs. See I couldn't even use the word again!

It keeps him out of the kitchen?

Sorry honey you don't get the prize!!! I will give you a hint - the next word starts with O....

WYE

He really hasn't done anything bad, and I want to kick him in the face all over again.

I get it honey. I really do. The rollercoaster causes such unpredictable and seemingly illogical responses. It is what it is and it is OK to feel and react as you do.

I'm having a hard time with feeling tremendously envious of people who's WS just had a ONS.

I too think this often. For me the tough part is so MANY years and I feel like a fool for staying. We have been M 29 yrs at the end of this month. He started at least 17 yrs ago (probably more like 24!) so I have to wait until 2015 or maybe even 2030 until I can say he cheated for less than half our M. How sick is that? Odd thought that one

FNF FSA and LS

Nice to hear from you all.

cantseestraight

Welcome honey. As for watching you on the computer tell him to fuck off. If he won't, start showing him a couple of threads that will really irritate his conscience. I used to hide my time on SI and one day thought - nope. Not doing that. This is my safe place. The people on here are my friends and he can lump it. Sometimes I share info about you all with him. Not much just little things. Or stories like Dead M's happy ending or the poor people whose WSs died. Now he sees me on and sometimes asks "How are your friends today". Usually I say "Good" or "Some are having a hard time" or "A couple seem like they are getting closer to S or D".

So do what YOU want.

SI saved my life. If FWH can't accept that then he knows where the door is.

At Laura's Place

I'm off to see the kids for a day or two. Looking forward to it as I haven't seen them in a while.

HUGS to everyone

Laura


Married 30yrs Me BW 57Yrs Him FWH 59yrs
OWzero 1988 EA?/PA? Gaslighted.
Dday May 28 2010.
OW1 1994(6mths PA, EA til dday).
OW2 2002(8yrs PA).
OW3 2009(1Yr PA).
Others???? Status: Not Divorcing..but.."You can't unfuck the goat"

Posts: 2729 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Australia
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