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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Long Term Affair - Part 27
UKgirl
♀ Member
Member # 17062
Default  Posted: 4:54 PM, September 7th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dashing in - fWH in shower -

miracle - thought you helped out in a school - got that wrong!!

So, FT student?? Hey, have fun!! Who cares about age - I've been really surprised at the age range. My last course was from 19 to 65!

Gotta go........>>>>

ETA - welcome worst year ever - I'll look in on you tomorrow. It's 11pm here in the UK.

[This message edited by UKgirl at 4:55 PM, September 7th (Wednesday)]


D-Day: 30 July 2006 LTA: 5yrs
Me, BS, 56 y/o Him, WS, 57 y/o
MOW, pathetic ex-fiancee.
3 grown boys and one 18 y/o
I don't consider myself married anymore.
There are some words once spoken split the world in two. Before you say them and after.

Posts: 3328 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: UK
njgal480
♀ Member
Member # 24938
Default  Posted: 5:05 PM, September 7th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Tryin-
I do think that in LTAs it is possible that our WS do not remember details about the affair.
I don't remember lots of things about the last 4+yrs post d-day....let alone details about what happened 9 yrs ago...that's when my FWH's LTA started.
I also think that some of the "I don't remembers" are due to the WS not wanting to admit to some of the ugly details or also not wanting to hurt the BS anymore.

Being betrayed by your husband or wife is just incredibly painful.
Much worse than I could have ever imagined.
No wonder the Bible cautions against it so strongly.


Me- BS
Him- WH
Long term marriage
D-day- Jan. 2007
5 yr. LTA
Reconciled.


Posts: 3139 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: NJ
worst-year-ever
♀ Member
Member # 33003
Default  Posted: 5:47 PM, September 7th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks everyone. I feel like I am going a little bit crazy with all this. We are only 2 months out from Dday...and up until Friday he admitted that there were things he was holding out on (such as the actual start date, since he didn't want me to know they had and celebrated an anniversary for 3 years)

I found out yesterday that she gave him a key to her place over a year ago, and he claims he threw it away right after dday (I believe him when he says he is NC).

The key is really bothering me. I had to ask specifically about it (since he offers nothing, and I just hadn't gotten around to re-asking that question since he denied it 2 months ago). He is very naive about it, I was his only girlfriend ever, we met at 15. I'm not sure he really comprehends the significance of her giving him (and him accepting and USING) a key to her place.

In my eyes is a HUGE piece of the puzzle and one that he didn't tell me for one reason or another. He claims that he "just forgot about that", but I'm not sure I buy it.


Me: BW
Him: FWH
4 kids & 20 years together
DD: 7/7/11
OW1: 3yr+ LTA
OW2: My xBFF
Trying to R

Posts: 1282 | Registered: Aug 2011
atsenaotie
♂ Member
Member # 27650
Default  Posted: 5:58 PM, September 7th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi WYE, and welcome.

You are right, you will never know it all. What your WS can do is tell you enough to understand the "big picture". This is what my FWW eventually did. I know of 4 OM, one of whom she would never have disclosed if I had not had the proof. I know locations and vague frequency of sex, and I know some about the relationships. Is that enough, for me it seems to be. After what I do know, I do not believe knowing of another OM, or exact count, dates, or types of sex would matter. I do know, because she has told me, that there are details I do not know. I wonder sometimes how bad these unspoken details must be given how painful some of the things were that she was willing to tell me. Still, the big picture is that for 3+ years my W sought emotional and physical satisfaction with OM. She lied to my face, and blamed me for what she did. More details do not matter to me for healing, but shows me that FWW puts some of her needs ahead of my desire. That is OK, the additional details were a want, not a need for me. I have other needs from her and our relationship.

The biggest thing I did not understand early on is that healing from infidelity does take years. Best wishes to you on your journey. There is a lot of help here at SI, and in LTA there is excellent support from people who understand the issues unique to long-term affairs.

--Ats


LTA BS 53
FWW 60
M 1990, dday 10-5-09
Reconciled

Posts: 3967 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: FL
Allgoodnamesgone
♀ Member
Member # 26157
Default  Posted: 8:27 PM, September 7th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Miracle - Congrats on a successful first day of school. I am so, so so proud of you. Good job!

Worst - Just a big hug for you and a promise that it will take you a loooong time to process all of this. Something you should impress upon your ws is that the amount of time needed for you to process this will be greatly impeded by his minimizing, refusing to answer questions, not answering completely, trickle truth, lies by omission, etc. You get the picture - nothing is worse than thinking you know the worst then get smacked in the face by a completely new & undiscovered level of betrayal.
Just functioning and not killing/maiming anyone else at this point is all you really should strive for.

As for details - some I think would be difficult to remember over time. Like - when I was trying to put together a timeline of our marriage while the A was ongoing to kind of see what was going on for my own understanding, I myself realized how many details I had forgotten even in the course of a year - so things like - where I went for a bday dinner, or what I received as a present from him, etc. I honestly didn't remember. You just have to use your common sense as to what would be reasonably remembered or not. The key? Absolutely not something one would forget. Forget to tell you, yes, but if he denied after you specifically asked - he was hiding that fact to minimize the extent of the A or to protect your feelings, protect himself, who knows. But it's not an honest mistake.
I wish you well in this very, very difficult time.
((Worst))

[This message edited by Allgoodnamesgone at 8:30 PM, September 7th (Wednesday)]


Me- BS
DDay- 8/26/09
Separated after failed R effort.

Posts: 2165 | Registered: Nov 2009
mitz66
♀ Member
Member # 17888
Default  Posted: 9:25 PM, September 7th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I too am looking for details. Wh is coming to visit next week. He told me he would bring a timeline with details. I have been asking for this for a long time.

Today I asked him if he was happy to be coming in a week. He was silent and said do you really want me to answer that. I said no that obviously he was stressed about coming. The subject was dropped. I will be asking about the timeline. No sympathy here, he needs to own up to his crap with ow1 and ow2 and anything else I don't know! At least on this thread all of you understand the need for answers. I know I probably will not get all that I am looking for but I am not going to let him off the hook this time.

I am off tomorrow for a weekend away with my sister, who knows nothing of the A but is alot of fun. I may log on over the weekend, but if not, have a great one Tribe!


Me:44 BS Him:43 WH
M May 07 Adult kids
DDay #1 Pics on cell jly 07
Jan08 DDay #2 "Just Friends" admits EA DDay #3 July 2010 - he insisted on platonic contact ..False R - until Dec 2010 admits PA in April 07
Dec 2012 NC succeeded

Posts: 542 | Registered: Jan 2008
m334455
♀ Member
Member # 26893
Default  Posted: 10:05 PM, September 7th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

miracle -- congratulations on your first day of school!

I'm sorry I don't have much to give to the newbies right now. I would like to express my sympathy for you at this terrible time.

I guess what I want to say to you is that it will get better. But slowly. This is like dealing with death. It's so hard. And like death, the pain never goes away, but you learn to live with it.

Hey, ATS ... tell your FWW we're not actually purple. I'm sort of beige, with green eyes.

Gotta go tribe. Nell -- more updates on you please.


BW 38, 5 kids
Dday Dec. 2009

Posts: 4034 | Registered: Dec 2009
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 10:21 PM, September 7th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

mitz: at some point in time you need to decide if you could live with not getting "all" of what he should be able to "give" you in the way of details...for me, the answer was no, i could not live without him coming completely clean, and i also would not live with an active liar....both were needed....


worst: i agree with allgood about the key, sounds alot like minimizing and playing that memory card....


ukgirl: help out in school... ...not i......


and thanks everyone....


i did have a great great start to my day....i went back to walking in the am, and in the summer and spring i usually walk in the park near my home...when the weather is bad i walk in the local mall which is 5 min from my house....well i went back to the mall today...i was missed by several peeps...and it felt good to be missed....it felt like going home after being away...

oh and my ego got some boosting too..


nite tribe



i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
UKgirl
♀ Member
Member # 17062
Default  Posted: 2:49 AM, September 8th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi WYE (nice abbreviation….. ), I don’t know how much you have read in SI, but there is a letter in the healing library called “Joseph’s letter”. You might try a version of your own to give to your fWH. I found the letter way before I found SI, something like a couple of months after d-day, and I drafted my own because my H (who was STILL in contact with MOW unbeknown to me… . ) was avoiding the real issues as much as possible. Oh sure, he was remorseful, but he just hadn’t a clue how to handle things, even after seeing me on the floor and our MC and his bf telling him what to do. If it got too difficult, he would just say it wasn’t important or he didn’t remember. The lying about little things just make you wonder about the bigger stuff.

So, here’s the link:

http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/healing_library/confrontation/joseph.asp

The biggest thing I did not understand early on is that healing from infidelity does take years.
But if the OP has been kicked into touch straight away, if the WS is prepared to do anything to save the marriage, if they answer all your questions, go to IC and MC, if they are an open book and completely transparent from d-day, boy,does that help. It’s the TT and dragging out and lying that hinder progress. And it can do irreversible damage to reconciliation.

You will be all over the place for a while yet. It’s really hard, but we all know how it is so are best placed to offer support and advice.

Meanwhile, I will be skyping with the NZ DS’s in an hour or so. I am still struggling to tell them. Today would be an ideal opportunity – no one here but me. They need to know things in case anything should happen to me (not that I’m planning to die anytime soon…) that I have dept hidden from fWH. Password protected docs, cash, saving a/c. And somehow, I just think they should know. But then if they say they ARE coming home for a couple of weeks in Nov, I think it would be best to tell them face to face and be able to show them where things are. Dilemma. I do keep telling myself that if I had told them right at the beginning, they wouldn’t be out there now and then I can’t make up my mind if that’s a good thing or not!!!


D-Day: 30 July 2006 LTA: 5yrs
Me, BS, 56 y/o Him, WS, 57 y/o
MOW, pathetic ex-fiancee.
3 grown boys and one 18 y/o
I don't consider myself married anymore.
There are some words once spoken split the world in two. Before you say them and after.

Posts: 3328 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: UK
Laura28
♀ Member
Member # 28997
Default  Posted: 3:29 AM, September 8th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi Uk

I told mine everything - about 2 days after dday.

I told them because I thought he was going to leave.

He didn't but I am not sorry I did.

For some reason I thought your kids knew??????

If not well - do what YOU need to do. Don't hesitate. My attitude after dday was - my kids are grown ups (almost they were 22 and 18 at the time) and I have always been there for them so now they need to be there for me.

I will be around tonight so if you need to chat I'll be here.

Good luck honey

Love

Laura


Married 30yrs Me BW 57Yrs Him FWH 59yrs
OWzero 1988 EA?/PA? Gaslighted.
Dday May 28 2010.
OW1 1994(6mths PA, EA til dday).
OW2 2002(8yrs PA).
OW3 2009(1Yr PA).
Others???? Status: Not Divorcing..but.."You can't unfuck the goat"

Posts: 2729 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Australia
UKgirl
♀ Member
Member # 17062
Default  Posted: 4:30 AM, September 8th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Laura, I chickened out…………….

I only had 20mins or so, Skype kept logging off everytime we connected – we should have had longer, but I’ve got a hairdressers appt – I’m already late. Anyway, they ARE coming home for the first 2wks of Nov YAY!!!!! That has made me very, very happy!! So I will talk to them face to face, just the three of us. I’ll wangle some time alone with them, even if I have to say that I need to talk to them alone. I have no idea how they will take it, but it might be (as often seems to be the case) that they already know anyway. Why do I feel guilty about telling them what HE did??? Sheesh. Gotta run.


D-Day: 30 July 2006 LTA: 5yrs
Me, BS, 56 y/o Him, WS, 57 y/o
MOW, pathetic ex-fiancee.
3 grown boys and one 18 y/o
I don't consider myself married anymore.
There are some words once spoken split the world in two. Before you say them and after.

Posts: 3328 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: UK
Laura28
♀ Member
Member # 28997
Default  Posted: 4:34 AM, September 8th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi all

Sorry I haven't posted much lately but work has been horrendous!

Having a strange night.

Have an over whelming urge to try to fuck with OW3s life.

She is so dumb she has her facebook open to the world.

It was her birthday last week and she received lots of good wishes from her "friends".

Many of them said things like "You are such a lovely person - hope you have a great day". "You are so kind - have a great day - you deserve it."

Many of these are married women.

I have this overwhelming urge to message them (privately) and say "Just thought you should know that dear sweet OW3 is a whore who fucks MM. Have you ever wondered if she fucked yours????"

Should I????

Hey DP

Please check in I'm worried about you.

Tryn

A high school friend and Facebook friend of mine committed suicide. The hurt he was facing must have been too much to take. It's sad.

That is SO terrible. Just awful. I'm so sorry. Such a horrible horrible waste. You didn't say but I got the feeling he was a BS. Was he?

Nell

I think WH has a job interview today. I need him to get a good salary!!!

How did he go?

ats

They are certainly options, but will take new commitment on my part to make them again the presumed course in my life.

I understand why you feel like this. I am so sorry she makes it so hard for you. I don't know how you keep it all together! HUGS

Tryn

Your list from Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay made me very unsettled. For most I had to answer I don't know, I'm not sure or maybe. There were few "Yeses". Most unsettling. Is it because I am only 15 months out???

UK

I can watch movies with an infidelity theme – but on my own!!

FWH was not here when I watched "Revenge of the Middle-Aged Woman". Maybe my response would have been different if he was here. I don't know. When anything to do with infidelity comes on and he is here I always change the channel! he never comments

DP

WW always gets uncomfortable when A's come on TV. Wouldnt even discuss with the kids on why Camelot was destroyed - a kingdom lost due to infidelity.

Was she like this prior to dday? If so maybe she does have a conscience.???

worst-year-ever

How am I ever going to make peace with the likely reality that I will never know everything?

Hi honey. So sorry you are here. I know how you feel. My fwh was at it for at least 16 yrs - maybe 23 yrs or more. Who knows? I too struggle with not knowing the details. Sometimes it really gets to me. From dday he mostly answered "I don't know" or "I don't remember". I have begged him to tell me details. Now when he says these things I know they are probably true. It would be hard to remember after so long. It's too late now.

So my advice is keep pushing while he still remembers!!!! I sometimes wish I had pushed harder after dday. Having said that I am now a little more accepting. I KNOW I will never know it all. I am coming to accept this and trying to move forward. It's a little sad though because if he had told me the truth from day one I would have found all this shit so much easier. But then again - they are selfish - we know that. So even after dday they are still thinking about themselves and trying to protect themselves.

HUGS honey

Miracle

ok..survived my first day...one of them i connected with because of where we both sat...and here it comes now....turns out she needs to do this because......

her cheatin husband was a no good man.....

So happy you had a good first day. The beginning of a new dream for you. I'm sure you and your new friend will support each other and the classes will be the start of something fresh.

HUGS to all especially our regulars who have been quiet and our lurkers.

You are all in my heart

Love

Laura


Married 30yrs Me BW 57Yrs Him FWH 59yrs
OWzero 1988 EA?/PA? Gaslighted.
Dday May 28 2010.
OW1 1994(6mths PA, EA til dday).
OW2 2002(8yrs PA).
OW3 2009(1Yr PA).
Others???? Status: Not Divorcing..but.."You can't unfuck the goat"

Posts: 2729 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Australia
Laura28
♀ Member
Member # 28997
Default  Posted: 4:37 AM, September 8th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Uk

We cross posted.

Probably for the best.

Anyway, they ARE coming home for the first 2wks of Nov YAY!!!!! That has made me very, very happy!!

Telling the face to face will I think be easier for you. I cried when told mine but that's to be expected.

Hope you get a sexy new do!!!

love

Laura


Married 30yrs Me BW 57Yrs Him FWH 59yrs
OWzero 1988 EA?/PA? Gaslighted.
Dday May 28 2010.
OW1 1994(6mths PA, EA til dday).
OW2 2002(8yrs PA).
OW3 2009(1Yr PA).
Others???? Status: Not Divorcing..but.."You can't unfuck the goat"

Posts: 2729 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Australia
deeppurple
♂ Member
Member # 28757
Default  Posted: 5:47 AM, September 8th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Laura - I'm fine - doing pretty well actually. IC booked next week. New job is going well even if the boss is a control freak but I'm enjoying it & not laboured down thinking about the A. Making money day trading so good.
WW only used to get uncomfortable when a sex scene came on in a scene but now big avoidance when infidelity related - as i said wouldnt even be drawn into a conversation with no 2 about the fall of camalot.
She has been pretty grumpy this week after our discussion (her arguement) but hey ..tough.I'm pleasant respectfull etc i just dont engage. I feel i am detaching & ya fuck it hurts but the longer prima donna ignores the real world the worse its going to get for her.
So till my next update maybe from the pool while grilling some ribs - tribe I'm thinking of you. Take care of yourselves.


Me - BS 49
Her - WS 43
Married 16 yrs (together 17 yrs)
DD13 DS10 DS8 DS6
DDay 1 6.4.2010 dday 2 7.25.2010
Heading for divorce.
"Never look down on someone unless you are helping them up"

Posts: 522 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Where the sun is shining & the surf is pumping
Laura28
♀ Member
Member # 28997
Default  Posted: 5:51 AM, September 8th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi DP

You sound very good but are you really?

The little prima donna needs to get her arse into gear. You sound like you are detaching very nicely.

I'd love to phone her and give her a piece of my mind.

Have you heard from the PI?

HUGS

Laura


Married 30yrs Me BW 57Yrs Him FWH 59yrs
OWzero 1988 EA?/PA? Gaslighted.
Dday May 28 2010.
OW1 1994(6mths PA, EA til dday).
OW2 2002(8yrs PA).
OW3 2009(1Yr PA).
Others???? Status: Not Divorcing..but.."You can't unfuck the goat"

Posts: 2729 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Australia
deeppurple
♂ Member
Member # 28757
Default  Posted: 6:41 AM, September 8th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

seriously Tues was a tough day but the positives I have at work have gotten me thru plus my trades have been making money.
I have a great team working for me & the business has some good challenges to get my teeth into - i'm enjoying it.
i'm not letting her get to me - i think my detaching /180 is getting to her. she has the attitude etc so she is giving it emotional attention while i'm not.
as for the pi ....grrrr


Me - BS 49
Her - WS 43
Married 16 yrs (together 17 yrs)
DD13 DS10 DS8 DS6
DDay 1 6.4.2010 dday 2 7.25.2010
Heading for divorce.
"Never look down on someone unless you are helping them up"

Posts: 522 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Where the sun is shining & the surf is pumping
strongish
♀ Member
Member # 29259
Default  Posted: 7:04 AM, September 8th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Popping in quickly....I was w/o internet for 4 days, just got it back last night. It was weird not being able to "Google" every little thing! As it turns out, I still know how to do a few things like turn a page in a book and write out an actual check to pay a bill. Go figure!

SP - I am so, so sorry that you are hurting. I can tell you that the road to D is very emotional, especially to someone like you that has been so committed to trying to make R work. There I days I can barely make it through work and then there are a million +1 decisions to be made once I get home and my mind is mush. Or maybe it's always been mush!

Welcome to the newbies.....hang in there. The pain is real, but how you do deal with it will make a huge difference in how you heal. Cry, vent, punch a pillow, cry some more but don't lock away those feelings. They are an honest response to a betrayal from the one person you trusted above all.

Miracle - Hooray! I got a huge smile on my face reading about your first day at "school." Would it sound too corny if I said I was proud of you. Such a huge step and committment but you are so, so strong!

Honest - You sound better lately. Keep up the positive thinking.

Laura - Yeah, our DDays are close together. There are some days I still wake up and hope/pray that this is all a dream. Of course once I wake up at all I cannot go back to sleep. Thoughts start whirling through my head and I can't turn them off.

Thinking of the Tribe and all who post here.


Posts: 490 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Texas
worst-year-ever
♀ Member
Member # 33003
Default  Posted: 9:23 AM, September 8th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am going with him to his therapist again today....we'll see how that goes.

I really hate Thursdays. Hate.

I did actually send him a link to Joseph's letter yesterday, and I know he read it. Now....whether he "gets" it or not, I don't know. Guess we will see today.

I hate the feeling of always waiting for the other shoe to drop. I've made the mistake more than once of believing him when he said "you know everything now"....how am I supposed to ever believe him when he says that again?

How am I supposed to ever believe him about anything again?


Me: BW
Him: FWH
4 kids & 20 years together
DD: 7/7/11
OW1: 3yr+ LTA
OW2: My xBFF
Trying to R

Posts: 1282 | Registered: Aug 2011
ImNellNow
♀ Member
Member # 28753
Default  Posted: 9:42 AM, September 8th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My brain is mush, so I'm just popping in to say "hello" to the tribe, welcome the newbies, and figure out how to manage my work while my mind is spinning.

Turns out WH did not have an interview; he just talked to a recruiter. He will have no problem finding a job. He just needs to GET ONE and pull in a paycheck. Like yesterday. Argh. So frustrating.

MC tomorrow. Bleah. I hate those damn appointments. We spin in circles every time. Not because the MC is bad, but because WH refuses to change anything or do any of the hard work (because hard work is "negative" and we should ignore negative stuff); instead, he argues to get us to agree that he's right to focus on 15-year-old marshmallows, lollipops and babytalk (which doesn't work) then agrees with MC (sorta) and restates "I will do anything" and "i luv u and i will fight for this M because it is important," goes home, and chooses (maybe) one thing the MC suggests (the easiest thing) and half-asses it for (maybe) a few days, then goes back to MC, complains that he didn't have time and it didn't work anyway and we go back to the part where he tries to get everyone to agree that his way is right. Oy.

Although watching MC's body and facial language when WH talks is pretty entertaining.

Mush-brain out! Love to all.


BS & D
Drinking wine and thinking bliss is on the other side of this.

Posts: 2370 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Baby steps on my new path
Allgoodnamesgone
♀ Member
Member # 26157
Default  Posted: 9:47 AM, September 8th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Worst - you asked how do you believe them again? That is exactly why I told you to impress upon your ws the need to be nothing but 100% honest & forthcoming at this point. That's all you can do. The rest is on him. It all comes down to trust. You have absolutely no reason to trust or believe him right now. He can only gain that back by his current actions - being 100% honest & forthcoming, going to IC, MC being empathatic, trying to LEARN & CHANGE. OVER TIME that will help you believe that he is not the same adept liar that was able to hide his A from you for so long.
It's all on him &unfortunately most ws are not real emotionally healthy at this point in their lives & more than likely it will take a lot longer than you are going to want to wait for him to get his head on straight.


Me- BS
DDay- 8/26/09
Separated after failed R effort.

Posts: 2165 | Registered: Nov 2009
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