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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Long Term Affair - Part 27
forgivenotforget
♀ Member
Member # 11053
Default  Posted: 9:01 AM, October 19th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Way to go Allgood. Curious minds also wonder if you met this guy on a dating site (with pics) and if so, is he hot?? Enjoy. As Laura said, we are all living vicariously.

Hugs to the tribe!
BTW, DP, that was very funny.


D-day - 12/23/05 LTA - 8 years.
"Love's a matter of trust and I just want to believe in us." M McBride

Posts: 1901 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: A tunnel where I'm beginning to see the light
Allgoodnamesgone
♀ Member
Member # 26157
Default  Posted: 9:48 AM, October 19th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Met him on a dating site. Saw a few pics & I think he's very attractive, tho not my typical type physically speaking.

Laura - did I tell him all about my sitch? Hell no! Don't I have enough baggage -42 years old with 4 kids without the benefit of having every other weekend free? Didn't think it wise to lay it all out there upfront like "Hey & I've also been permanently traumatized by my x's actions..." Lol.
I won't lie about it, but I'm not going into detail, not at this stage anyways.


Me- BS
DDay- 8/26/09
Separated after failed R effort.

Posts: 2165 | Registered: Nov 2009
old dipstick
♂ Member
Member # 25598
Default  Posted: 3:48 PM, October 19th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Deep.

If Allgood would have met me she would not be bragging about it. If she did say anything it would not have been "nice boy." Probably more along the line of nice but crazy old fart.

Allgood.

Be glad that all the men here at the LTA house do not live closer to you. We would probably all insist that we meet these prospects and give them a good interrogation in a fatherly/big brother sort of way.


Her WW 60
Me BH 60
M 36 yr
D-day#1 fall of 76 OM#1 2NS
D-day#2 summer of 89 OM#2 LTA 8 yrs OM#3 Short Term A


Posts: 751 | Registered: Sep 2009
Allgoodnamesgone
♀ Member
Member # 26157
Default  Posted: 3:50 PM, October 19th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dip -
Ummm.... thanks but no thanks on the offer to scare away any potential dates.


Me- BS
DDay- 8/26/09
Separated after failed R effort.

Posts: 2165 | Registered: Nov 2009
deeppurple
♂ Member
Member # 28757
Default  Posted: 4:09 PM, October 19th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We would probably all insist that we meet these prospects and give them a good interrogation in a fatherly/big brother sort of way

Couldnt agree more Dip. We are very protective of the ladies in this house.


Me - BS 49
Her - WS 43
Married 16 yrs (together 17 yrs)
DD13 DS10 DS8 DS6
DDay 1 6.4.2010 dday 2 7.25.2010
Heading for divorce.
"Never look down on someone unless you are helping them up"

Posts: 522 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Where the sun is shining & the surf is pumping
old dipstick
♂ Member
Member # 25598
Default  Posted: 4:25 PM, October 19th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Allgood.

We would only scare away around 90%.

Deep.

If we could not line these guys out I say send in tryn with some charts and graphs. That should do the trick.


Her WW 60
Me BH 60
M 36 yr
D-day#1 fall of 76 OM#1 2NS
D-day#2 summer of 89 OM#2 LTA 8 yrs OM#3 Short Term A


Posts: 751 | Registered: Sep 2009
m334455
♀ Member
Member # 26893
Default  Posted: 9:35 PM, October 19th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Allgood.
We would only scare away around 90%.

I'm more concerned about the 10% who would stick around ...


BW 38, 5 kids
Dday Dec. 2009

Posts: 4034 | Registered: Dec 2009
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 10:30 PM, October 19th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

yay allgood....i am proud of you for taking intiative...so damned hard to do...so bravo to you...

i love that you are taking it at your own pace too, i love that you are trying out a new "type".....and yes we all plan on living vicariously through you, so post updates often...


miracle house: well manchild got into his second accident today and it was not pretty...thank god he was not hurt nor was the other driver...his car...well the damage is twice possible thrice what he paid for it...or i should say what we laid out for him...he is still paying it off...and it looks like he will be paying for this car for a long time and no longer having it...i believe it will be sold for scrap at this point...will find out more tomorrow when pfm takes it to a couple of places...

and the accident is totally manchild's fault...kids...


(((tribe)))


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
m334455
♀ Member
Member # 26893
Default  Posted: 10:36 PM, October 19th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

miracle,

my younger sister totaled 3 cars and had about a dozen other accidents before she finally quit driving for about 5 years...


BW 38, 5 kids
Dday Dec. 2009

Posts: 4034 | Registered: Dec 2009
Laura28
♀ Member
Member # 28997
Default  Posted: 1:17 AM, October 20th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi everyone

Miracle:


My beautiful extraordinarily intelligent daughter managed to run into the back of two cars and into her bf's garage all in her first two years of driving.

I'm sorry honey but "manchild" is not "special" I know you think that (I did) until you start hearing stories from others.

Allgood

Wasn't suggesting you should tell him just wondering if you did. Keep giving us updates honey. We need some fun excitement in our lives.

What I most want at the moment is a PICTURE. Such a shame it is against the rules. As we all learnt a while ago Perhaps you could give us a detailed description???

Dip and Deep

I love your protective attitude towards us girls. It is so sweet!!!

All is OK at Laura's place.

Take care people -- its a jungle out there

Love

Laura


Married 30yrs Me BW 57Yrs Him FWH 59yrs
OWzero 1988 EA?/PA? Gaslighted.
Dday May 28 2010.
OW1 1994(6mths PA, EA til dday).
OW2 2002(8yrs PA).
OW3 2009(1Yr PA).
Others???? Status: Not Divorcing..but.."You can't unfuck the goat"

Posts: 2729 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Australia
trynhard
♂ Member
Member # 22698
Default  Posted: 6:35 AM, October 20th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Laura... I think this is allgoods boy. She usually likes a bit more "curvy" man but he will do I guess.. lol

[This message edited by trynhard at 6:36 AM, October 20th (Thursday)]


Posts: 2636 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Indiana
Allgoodnamesgone
♀ Member
Member # 26157
Default  Posted: 8:58 AM, October 20th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Tryn:

That boy is too young for me...

Ok. So he's 43. He's Italian, like his parents were born in Italy & he speaks Italian fluently. He's 5' 10" and appears fit from the photos- not sure about the abs or anything below the shoulders yet,lol. And, he's a paralegal.

We texted yesterday & we made plans to talk tonight. (So sad that I actually have to make an appointment to talk to someone on the phone, but it's too hard to do while working, having road rage or with kids - which is 90% of my life.

I will keep the updates going ladies (and gents)!


Me- BS
DDay- 8/26/09
Separated after failed R effort.

Posts: 2165 | Registered: Nov 2009
Ellejay
♀ Member
Member # 30498
Default  Posted: 9:04 PM, October 20th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm a bit lost regarding what's been happening but anyway, I thought I'd check in.

The boy pic - Hmmmm, I'd forgotten you could still get them in that size, colour and material . Thinking of trying one on for size.

Allgood: Hope things go well with the Italian. He sounds promising!

All the Tribe:

Reading up on the last couple of weeks slowly. Hugs to all of you and the various trials you are facing. What a long road this is! You are all wonderful, supportive people.

Land of Ellejay:

No real dramas, just fluctuating from feeling really positive and strong one day to being an anxious mess the next. I'm starting to detach from Sir Shagalot which is a plus. I am led to believe though that he and OW2 are coming up from the Shire of Shag this weekend so that he can introduce her to his mother. He is trying to get the kids to meet up with her but none of them are interested. He really thinks that the kids should suddenly be able to look upon this new relationship of his as something that deserves their respect and interest . The fact that he has destroyed at least 3 families with all of this including his own doesn't seem to register. Nor does the fact that this so-called relationship started off with him planning to have me walking around them all whilst he conducted a threesome with this woman along with the neighbour! Yep, that's a great way to introduce someone else into their lives.

I am now also having to deal with D13's grief over the loss of who she thought was a second mother to her (my neighbour). She is at a loss how this woman could have told her she loved her whilst doing this with her father. I try to explain that it is because she is obviously very selfish and broken. I try not to get into name-calling anymore. I find myself really struggling though to make sense of it for my daughter. I can't. There is no sense to be made of it. My D said to me that she told her Dad that the MIL of OW1 was crying the other day and said she wanted to bash her DIL's head and his together for what they have done. Allegedly her Dad just sat there and laughed his head off. What's wrong with him?!? How do I explain the lack of empathy to my little girl without making her father look like a complete nutter?

On a positive note, I've starting going out and socialising more. Not looking for a man or anything like that, just slowly moving into the world of humanity again. It feels so weird though, to be single again after 25 years. I can't get my head around that part of it and have no idea how I should really be behaving. It just doesn't quite fit yet but I'm sure in time it will.

I try to have a good laugh everyday (I have a dry sense of humour). Plus a couple of glasses of champagne (I've cut down!). Getting hot here in Oz and the Mozzies are out in force.

Have a great day everyone, well as best you can anyway. Stay strong and I am sending you some good energy.


Ellejay


Married 25 years now divorced.
D-Day: 20/11/10
Me: 48.5 plus 10% GST
Him: mental age 6 (apologies to all 6 year olds)
Betrayal: Who cares anymore?

Posts: 1073 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Adelaide, South Australia
Laura28
♀ Member
Member # 28997
Default  Posted: 11:58 PM, October 20th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi Tryn

Ohhhhh. Nostalgia!!!

In my young days I had a couple of boys who looked remarkably like him !

Now you have me wishing for a time machine again.

Ellejay

Nice to see you back here. The place is as nutty as ever but we sure do have some fun.

It's getting a little warmer on my side of Oz too. Mind you I do enjoy the longer days and not having to wear so many clothes

Allgood

Keep the updates coming honey. Between your stories and Tryn's pics you are giving me lots of smiles.

HUGS to all those not smiling. The hurt goes on... I know.

Chins up

Laura


Married 30yrs Me BW 57Yrs Him FWH 59yrs
OWzero 1988 EA?/PA? Gaslighted.
Dday May 28 2010.
OW1 1994(6mths PA, EA til dday).
OW2 2002(8yrs PA).
OW3 2009(1Yr PA).
Others???? Status: Not Divorcing..but.."You can't unfuck the goat"

Posts: 2729 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Australia
worst-year-ever
♀ Member
Member # 33003
Default  Posted: 10:11 AM, October 21st (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Morning tribe!

Things here are as crazy as ever. Starting to wonder when it will stop.

I've got major issues going on with all of my kids, found out yesterday that two of them may have serious medical problems. :(

My mom is still a nightmare. Amazing how easy it is to detach from her. I feel like I'm giving her the 180 LOL. We'll see if it works.

As for FWH and I, things are okay. Except when they aren't. I think he's completely willing to do whatever it takes as long as I keep my emotions in check. Seems like as soon as I let it out, he freaks.

I cry, I yell, I am angry, I point out the ugly realities of what he has done. He doesn't like it. I want him to dig deeper and get to the real reasons he did this. I want to know how he did this for so long and lived with himself.

[This message edited by worst-year-ever at 10:14 AM, October 21st (Friday)]


Me: BW
Him: FWH
4 kids & 20 years together
DD: 7/7/11
OW1: 3yr+ LTA
OW2: My xBFF
Trying to R

Posts: 1282 | Registered: Aug 2011
ImNellNow
♀ Member
Member # 28753
Default  Posted: 1:20 PM, October 21st (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WYE,
You're both on the rollercoaster, remember. It can't be pretty to watch us fall apart, but if your WH can stick to the high road and do what you need from him, then the hills and valleys will flatten out a bit and you'll both be able to ride them without vomiting.

Allgood,
Yay for you!!!

Miracle,
I never did say "Yay for you!!!" on your high marks. So yay for you, too!!!

tryn,
Too young and vacant. Definitely couldn't stand toe-to-toe with an amazing woman like Allgood. He could serve her drinks poolside, though. Whatever happened to all those cabana boys? It's like we let the cage door open and they escaped or something.

fnf,
I miss you when you're not here.

dip, deep and m3,
*snort* hee hee at all of you.

So, you may have noticed that I'm feeling a wee bit giddy. (Oh, and hello! I'm back.) WH is finally starting to admit some truths about how he actually feels about me (he doesn't like me very much) and our marriage (he is not willing to work at it). Weird thing to be excited about, but I have waited so long for him to tell the fucking truth so we could stop pretending... and then he accepted a job offer (HE WILL HAVE A JOB!!!), and everything is coming together and all signs are pointing to Nell's New Beginning and I'm just so beyond ready to get on the path to my new future... I could just plotz.

I feel like that's inappropriate emotions, but I've already done all the grieving and now it's time to move forward.

Anyway. Got to get stuff together and have the final talk in the next couple of weeks... then the worst will be over and I can start fresh. With baggage.

XOXOXO - Nell


BS & D
Drinking wine and thinking bliss is on the other side of this.

Posts: 2370 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Baby steps on my new path
Godsgirl
♀ Member
Member # 27521
Default  Posted: 9:14 PM, October 21st (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WYE and plainsgirl,
my heart goes out to you both. I remember the months right after the 1st major DDay like it was yesterday.

Your posts sound so familiar.

WYE, I felt this need to rush through the grieving process. I wanted the pain over. I couldn't handle another day, another week or month feeling the way I was. But that's where we get into the danger of rugsweeping.
Some days the pain in my heart was a physical pain but I just kept telling myself that I couldn't hide from it.

We have to allow ourselves to ride these waves of heartache and pain out otherwise we won't find healing.

But, if it helps, especially when the anger hits, take a black trash bag and stuff it with old clothes and tape your WH's/OW's picture on it. Then use a plastic bat to beat the crap out of the piece of trash. It's a safe way to let out some emotions without getting arrested or D.

My update:
Wh and I have been miscommunicating/communicating (it's a process with us) and it finally just clicked in my brain; WH's A's had nothing to do with ME.

WH has always maintained that
1.he has always found me attractive
2. he has always loved me deeply
3. he has never planned to leave me

As unbelievable as it seems, his A's and his OW were in no way a reflection upon me or our M.

I think I've turned a corner to having some hope for my M.

But WH and I have been talking and we both really want closure on the possible OC. We just don't know what the best way to approach the situation is.

I just love the rollercoaster!!!!! Depression, hope,and then comes...........?

Hi to everyone else!!!!

Have a great weekend!


Me-BS (38)
Him-SAWH (38)
4 precious kiddos
Multi DDay's,False R
4 Ea's, 1 ONS, 3 STA's, & 2 LTA's & 1 OC

I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength!


Posts: 836 | Registered: Feb 2010
worst-year-ever
♀ Member
Member # 33003
Default  Posted: 11:09 PM, October 21st (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm pretty determined to ride the rollercoaster, he just isn't liking watching me ride it....if that makes sense.

I know that he is really upset that he made me feel this way, that he caused all this pain. The way I see it I have to go through the process and let myself feel what I'm feeling or it will end up suppressed and it will fester and get worse and worse over time.

He has a hard time watching it all play out.

Again, though, like I told him last night, HE did this. We had the same situation, the same stress the same shared life. He cheated, I didn't. He did this.

Shitty thing is that I also know, like you do godsgirl, that the affair had absolutely nothing to do with me. Our marriage was totally fine. All the stress that contributed to his downward spiral was outside our relationship.

He also maintains that he loved me the entire time and had no intention of ever leaving.

I know that at some point, I'm just going to have to accept that he might be telling the truth. He may just be the guy who is okay with living two completely separate lives.

He is changing, I can see it. I know that he wants this to work more than he's ever wanted anything in his life.

It's just one hell of a big hole for him to try and dig out of.


Me: BW
Him: FWH
4 kids & 20 years together
DD: 7/7/11
OW1: 3yr+ LTA
OW2: My xBFF
Trying to R

Posts: 1282 | Registered: Aug 2011
Laura28
♀ Member
Member # 28997
Default  Posted: 2:03 AM, October 22nd (Saturday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

HI everyone

Nell

So good to hear from you. I was starting to worry.

WH is finally starting to admit some truths about how he actually feels about me (he doesn't like me very much) and our marriage (he is not willing to work at it). Weird thing to be excited about, but I have waited so long for him to tell the fucking truth so we could stop pretending

Oh honey. I am so sorry. I know you said you thought you were heading for S/D but I was hopeful for you. The man's a FUCKTARD!!!!!

Nell's New Beginning:

I'll have to go back and look up your dreams. (I have stored them all ) . I just hope they all come true for you.

WYE

I could have written your post. My FWH is trying really hard but I still lose it completely on a regular basis. I also found out that both of my children have major incurable health issues and my mother was seriously ill (physically). In my case both happened not long before dday. But I can really relate.

I hope you are taking good care of yourself. I realised after dday I just couldn't cope. Then I had a heart attack. So I didn't try to cope. I just locked the world out. I took the Scarlet O'Hara approach - "Ill worry about that tomorrow". I refused to worry about the kids (there's nothing I can do) and my mother had passed away. As my dday was 2 days after her funeral that's another thing I have to get over (not being able to mourn her properly).

Don't get me wrong. I never took a day off work (except when I was in the hospital for the HA ). I continued to do all the normal things. I just refused to worry about anything.

Take care honey

HUGS to all the tribe

Laura


Married 30yrs Me BW 57Yrs Him FWH 59yrs
OWzero 1988 EA?/PA? Gaslighted.
Dday May 28 2010.
OW1 1994(6mths PA, EA til dday).
OW2 2002(8yrs PA).
OW3 2009(1Yr PA).
Others???? Status: Not Divorcing..but.."You can't unfuck the goat"

Posts: 2729 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Australia
Laura28
♀ Member
Member # 28997
Default  Posted: 3:36 AM, October 22nd (Saturday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi GG

You and I have a little in common also.

My FWH was at it for years with multiple OWs.

Some days the pain in my heart was a physical pain but I just kept telling myself that I couldn't hide from it.

Be careful honey. I too had this "pain in my heart" for weeks. I thought "it is just that awful pain you get when you are upset" so I kept going along until I had a heart attack.

This type is different from the normal ones. They are caused by blockages. "Broken heart syndrome" is a recognised medical event. It is caused by a build up of stress hormones which eventually paralyse or stun the heart. The symptoms are the same and it can cause enormous damage if not treated promptly.

So take care of yourself.

I'm ok now but the doc said it could have been serious!!!!

Hugs

Laura


Married 30yrs Me BW 57Yrs Him FWH 59yrs
OWzero 1988 EA?/PA? Gaslighted.
Dday May 28 2010.
OW1 1994(6mths PA, EA til dday).
OW2 2002(8yrs PA).
OW3 2009(1Yr PA).
Others???? Status: Not Divorcing..but.."You can't unfuck the goat"

Posts: 2729 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Australia
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