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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Long Term Affair - Part 27
worst-year-ever
♀ Member
Member # 33003
Default  Posted: 7:20 PM, November 28th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would like to do a vow renewal eventually...just know I'm not there yet.

I think I will get there though, starting to see a faint light at the end of this long shitty tunnel.

Knowing me, I will say something. Now I just have to think of it. LOL


Me: BW
Him: FWH
4 kids & 20 years together
DD: 7/7/11
OW1: 3yr+ LTA
OW2: My xBFF
Trying to R

Posts: 1282 | Registered: Aug 2011
Allgoodnamesgone
♀ Member
Member # 26157
Default  Posted: 8:06 PM, November 28th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

NJGal - Thank you for your thoughts. While I agree with the approach - there's no way in Hell my X is going to do any of that. Been there done that. For the record, I don't believe anything is going to change. I already told him that in my opinion he's not ready to give this a try & that I'm not sure that this is the kind of thing that can be revisited more than once and that he should just wait til he's ready, because I can see that his attitude has not changed. He's a bit humbler for the moment, a little more hopeful & willing than in the past - but the rest has not changed.

I think this "opportunity" is coming at a time when we are both a bit panicked about the other one moving on. So we are more motivated than we had been, but other than that, nothing has changed. And, so no doubt, the same result will occur.
I have NO expectations.
1st day in and the only change from our normal routine was him sending me a text to say he hopes I'm having a good day & can't wait until we go out on a date. (Which I told him we needed to hold off on.) What his obsession with this date is - is beyond me. I'm not a terrible amount of fun in his company these days. I guess he sees me going out more since we separated and he thinks I've morphed into some party animal. Lol. Not in his company tho.
It's silly & it's senseless. But, I don't care. I have nothing to lose.

Good night everyone.


Me- BS
DDay- 8/26/09
Separated after failed R effort.

Posts: 2165 | Registered: Nov 2009
njgal480
♀ Member
Member # 24938
Default  Posted: 8:11 PM, November 28th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

allgood-
Why not try the date? See what happens?


Me- BS
Him- WH
Long term marriage
D-day- Jan. 2007
5 yr. LTA
Reconciled.


Posts: 3139 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: NJ
njgal480
♀ Member
Member # 24938
Default  Posted: 8:14 PM, November 28th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

allgood-
and another thing...while you're at it..why not call up the OW and tell her what a homewrecking skank she is?



Me- BS
Him- WH
Long term marriage
D-day- Jan. 2007
5 yr. LTA
Reconciled.


Posts: 3139 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: NJ
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 10:22 PM, November 28th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((allgood)))

i am still so spittin mad at your idiot....it seems that he doesnt just do stupid well but excels at it...

i am with njgal in laying it all out for him....give him everything you want and then let him hang....which i am sure he will do exceedingly well.....as for calling the whore...not worth your time and only sinks you to her level....she seems to be quite fuzzy sending nude pics to someone is as good as sending them to everyone....

just how did you get them???and just how did she know about it????


anyways...i say lay it all out there, forget dating til he comes up with a solid commitment on what he WILL DO and then take it from there, otherwise you are wasting your time and more importantly postponning your life....the only thing worse then living the way your living for a year is doing it for a year and a day...he does not deserve anything more from you,....its up to him to decide, to choose and to commit to it 150%.....


(((honest)))

no he does not love you, he does not love her either, the only person your jerk of a ws loves is himself, always has and always will...there is no room in his life or his world for anyone who gets in his way of what he wants when he wants it....he wants you, he wants her and probably anything with 2 legs and a vagina who will give him the time of day....


(((wye))) im with njgal...


(((nell))) you sound strong...


miracle front: pfm is still proclaiming his love and still cant understand why i wont reconcile.....he thinks he understands how i feel... ...i truly wish though that he did... ...that would be just!!!...but alas he never will.....

i detach from him more and more everyday....he still continues to do stupid really well....almost as well as mr nogood....

(((tribe)))


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
Allgoodnamesgone
♀ Member
Member # 26157
Default  Posted: 7:49 AM, November 29th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

First off, I LOVE how angry some of you get for me. Lol. Some of you I have met and others I have not, but you guys really do seem to get this at a level that only 2 other people that I have irl.

So, thank you.

In response to the OW comments/suggestions:

Can't reveal source of how I got the pics, but she didn't send it to him, he took them of her on the phone that I have access to rather than the secret phone that I now know about. So bizarre that I found it. Just another reminder to me that God is looking out for me, more particularly he is reaching out and trying to shake reason into me with these gifts of information that I would not likely obtain without divine intervention.

One she knew about, and the other 3 she was asleep and did not know about. So apparently, not only was she pissed at him for keeping the pic she knew about on his phone, but she was pissed he was taking pics of her without her knowledge. Lol!

When I discovered the pics & confirmed with X that he had been with her, I left her a message on her vm just stating calmly that I know she had been very apologetic to me the last time we spoke & I thought there were some things she should be aware of as I didn't think X was being honest with her. She never responded. My point was to be non-adversarial & just let her know she was not in an exclusive relationship with X. At this point, I have to say, she did nothing wrong. She knew from both the X and his coworkers (which she is still friendly with) that we were separated, she was at his apt, so that is proof enough of separation.
She never called back, but X called her to tell her that I had the pics.

Not getting sucked back into his crazy. Not sure what the Hell I'm doing, but I am keenly aware that he doesn't deserve any of this and that I'm just postponing the inevitable. So far, I told him we could just try talking more.


Me- BS
DDay- 8/26/09
Separated after failed R effort.

Posts: 2165 | Registered: Nov 2009
old dipstick
♂ Member
Member # 25598
Default  Posted: 8:21 AM, November 29th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Allgood.

He took pictures of the OW while she was sleeping! That is pretty low. If we needed any more proof that he has a 15 year old mind, well there it is. Now about his obsession with the date. He is jealous, afraid that you are goinhg to have fun with someone else. He does not want you to figure out that there are other and maybe better fish in the sea. Remember, a long time ago I told you he would pay more attention to you if he thought you were interested in another man. These WSs have such a shitty double standard. A open M for them, but not for you. You need to think about what is best for you, not what is good for him.


Her WW 60
Me BH 60
M 36 yr
D-day#1 fall of 76 OM#1 2NS
D-day#2 summer of 89 OM#2 LTA 8 yrs OM#3 Short Term A


Posts: 751 | Registered: Sep 2009
jollum
♂ Member
Member # 25152
Default  Posted: 9:41 AM, November 29th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

As an early Christmas present to all of the lovely ladies of the LTA tribe I am calling a meeting of the High Council of Menz Stuff and we will be addressing and most certainly dismissing PFM, Mr.Nogood, Mr.Dishonest, Mr.Nell and any other nominated candidates from all future rights and privileges of being a "Real Man".

I know my fellow menz, Dip, DP, ATS, and Tryn, will be in one accord with me as we lance these boils of manhood so they don't infect anyone else.

Merry Christmas ladies.


Posts: 269 | Registered: Aug 2009
ImNellNow
♀ Member
Member # 28753
Default  Posted: 9:52 AM, November 29th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nell's quick bits of wisdom. Or not.

Rings/renewal: Nell's 15,000 Cents
I told Mr. STBXNell several times and in several different voices (sad, pathetic, mad as hell and calm) that I wanted a new wedding ring after DDay#1. He told me (and continues to believe) that I was wrong to want a new wedding ring, because of all the wondermuffin things the OLD wedding set stands for. (Er, stood for.) So, after approximately six months of forcing myself not to vomit every time I put the old set on my finger, I went out and spent $150 (or 15,000 cents, see how clever the title is?) on a plain gold band, and put it on my own finger and made promises to myself that I have more or less kept (had a couple of slip-ups). When the divorce is final, I'll sell the wedding set and buy myself something completely unnecessary and indulgent but will have the band resized for a permanent toe ring (something I haven't worn before but I want that constant reminder of my promises to myself... they're important). I had wanted to do a renewal. I'm glad I didn't. I wasn't ready and at this point I would be embarrassed had I gone through with it.

miracle,
How much longer are you going to have to live with stupidity? I can't wait until you get to break free. I am strong, but a month ago (before I started the D process; I was too scared to take the first step plus I was waiting for Mr. STBXNell to get a job) one of my friends asked why I was torturing myself. It didn't feel like torture while I was in it, but it totally was.

Allgood,
I would be tempted to post the skanky photo on one of those checkouttheskank websites (the photo she knew about, the others do not say anything good about Nogood... ewwgross factor 7+). But I probably wouldn't do it. I would enjoy plotting how I would post it and send the link to everyone she knew so they could all go rank her skankiness and what everyone would think and how she would be so humiliated that she would move to Siberia and change her name but I would find her and email the link to all her new Siberian friends. I wouldn't do/say anything to her IRL though. Trying to explain any of this to her would be a huge waste of time and vowels. Ya can't fix stupid.

I LOVE how angry some of you get for me.

Because you deserve so much better. I keep waiting for the karma bus to take them both out. I have my purple Hit Girl wig, so whenever you're ready...

Speaking of sexual deviants, Boyo2 thinks his butt is HILARIOUS (mooning people, booty dancing, etc.) and unfortunately the other little kids think it's funny, too. So he keeps doing it even though he suffers multiple consequences when he's caught. It's going be a freaking riot when child protective services shows up at my house. I love zero tolerance.

dip,
You are wise beyond your years.

Nell out!

ETA:
Jollum,
Do I have to send you his manhood for the lancing?

[This message edited by ImNellNow at 9:54 AM, November 29th (Tuesday)]


BS & D
Drinking wine and thinking bliss is on the other side of this.

Posts: 2370 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Baby steps on my new path
m334455
♀ Member
Member # 26893
Default  Posted: 11:22 AM, November 29th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nell -- I have a mooner too.

Honest and Allgood:

I have just come to the realization, and it was all so simple....I haven't decided what to do for me. I was letting the winds of fate bounce me around and really hadn't taken a stand for myself.

You know, I was doing that for a while, and then one day I came out of a mani-pedi with GRAY toenails and I realized that shit had to stop. Just sayin'.

Love you all. Looks like Baby Paddy just graduated from PT, but will be continuing OT indefinitely.

Yesterday: Baby Paddy opens the pantry, picks up a box of pancake mix, toddles over and says "you make pancakes now." Smarty pants!


BW 38, 5 kids
Dday Dec. 2009

Posts: 4034 | Registered: Dec 2009
Allgoodnamesgone
♀ Member
Member # 26157
Default  Posted: 11:35 AM, November 29th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Jollum - thanks for the early Xmas gift.

Dip - I remember your prediction. I know you are right. Still trying to figure out why I am reacting the way that I am. I started out good - told him if he wanted to get me back he just made that 10 million times less likely, and then a day later I'm entertaining this crap. I think a lack of sex is affecting my decision making process & it may be time to go shopping for something to replace Mr. Nogood, lol.

And everyone else thanks for your thoughts.

Not going to post pics of OW - I like the idea that it might stress her out - that's enough for me. Like I said, she really didn't do anything wrong this time. Plus, it's not like she looks bad in the photo - tho I must say I did not think that fake boobs could droop like that, lol. And she's only 32!
And - my feeling is that these kind of things backfire - she'd get positive attention. Seems to be the way things go, kwim?

[This message edited by Allgoodnamesgone at 11:36 AM, November 29th (Tuesday)]


Me- BS
DDay- 8/26/09
Separated after failed R effort.

Posts: 2165 | Registered: Nov 2009
old dipstick
♂ Member
Member # 25598
Default  Posted: 12:04 PM, November 29th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Allgood.

BE PICKY while looking for that replacement. I still wish the LTA men could screen all candidates for any of the LTA women who are going to be dating.

I knew a guy who was getting a D. He had several ONS and a few short term A. Got caught so she D him. He was not happy that she was soon to be available. I actually heard him say "if he could not have her, he did not want anyone to have her." No shit! It was o.k. for him to cheat but he did not want her to date after the D. He had the mind of a 15 year old too.

Nell.

Thanks. Does this make me a wise old fart?

jollum.

I will grill a pizza for the meeting. Loaded with meat. A real man's pizza.

M3.

Thanks for the Baby Paddy update. It is good to hear that she is done with the PT. Did you fix the pancakes for her? You really need to complete these stories. Inquiring minds need to know these things.


Her WW 60
Me BH 60
M 36 yr
D-day#1 fall of 76 OM#1 2NS
D-day#2 summer of 89 OM#2 LTA 8 yrs OM#3 Short Term A


Posts: 751 | Registered: Sep 2009
Allgoodnamesgone
♀ Member
Member # 26157
Default  Posted: 2:00 PM, November 29th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

BE PICKY while looking for that replacement.

I was thinking of something inanimate.


Me- BS
DDay- 8/26/09
Separated after failed R effort.

Posts: 2165 | Registered: Nov 2009
deeppurple
♂ Member
Member # 28757
Default  Posted: 3:23 PM, November 29th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Jollum - I 2nd the motion.

Dip - what sauce are you using on the meatasaurus pizza?

Allgood - inanimate objects - I saw a program on that - women marrying the San Francisco Bridge; Effifal Tower etc - just plain weird,But then again I dont think thats what you meant...

M33 - Go Baby Paddy - With all the shit in our lives its our children who brighten them.I was expecting to hear about a kitchen covered in pancake mix.
My youngest is a bottom shaker ..thankfully the pants stay on

Take care Tribe.


Me - BS 49
Her - WS 43
Married 16 yrs (together 17 yrs)
DD13 DS10 DS8 DS6
DDay 1 6.4.2010 dday 2 7.25.2010
Heading for divorce.
"Never look down on someone unless you are helping them up"

Posts: 522 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Where the sun is shining & the surf is pumping
old dipstick
♂ Member
Member # 25598
Default  Posted: 3:44 PM, November 29th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Allgood.

I guess I should have said be picky when you are shopping for BOB.

Deep.

It would be a special tomato based sauce with a mixture of red meat included. That is just in case I don't get enough meat on the pizza to make us cavemen happy.


Her WW 60
Me BH 60
M 36 yr
D-day#1 fall of 76 OM#1 2NS
D-day#2 summer of 89 OM#2 LTA 8 yrs OM#3 Short Term A


Posts: 751 | Registered: Sep 2009
m334455
♀ Member
Member # 26893
Default  Posted: 4:55 PM, November 29th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dip, I'm kind of insulted! Nearly 2 years and there is any possibilty in your mind that I didn't? I also play her endless Lady Gaga videos and episodes of Caillou and Kipper the Dog as well as generally being led about by the finger, etc. She's the boss of me. I am endlessly grateful every day that she's (mostly) a normal little girl. And quite a sprite. My Father summed it up at Thanksgiving when he said "we witnessed a miracle this year."


BW 38, 5 kids
Dday Dec. 2009

Posts: 4034 | Registered: Dec 2009
m334455
♀ Member
Member # 26893
Default  Posted: 4:56 PM, November 29th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh -- forgot to say; I gave my wedding dress to Goodwill yesterday. I just hope it doesn't curse the woman who buys it.


BW 38, 5 kids
Dday Dec. 2009

Posts: 4034 | Registered: Dec 2009
deeppurple
♂ Member
Member # 28757
Default  Posted: 5:23 PM, November 29th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

M33 - Kipper the Dog - I just love this show


Me - BS 49
Her - WS 43
Married 16 yrs (together 17 yrs)
DD13 DS10 DS8 DS6
DDay 1 6.4.2010 dday 2 7.25.2010
Heading for divorce.
"Never look down on someone unless you are helping them up"

Posts: 522 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Where the sun is shining & the surf is pumping
m334455
♀ Member
Member # 26893
Default  Posted: 5:25 PM, November 29th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's incredibly soothing. A nice counterpoint to my obsession with The Walking Dead.


BW 38, 5 kids
Dday Dec. 2009

Posts: 4034 | Registered: Dec 2009
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 10:14 PM, November 29th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

jollum...thanks for the early xmas present....love it

allgood: of course we are angry, as would you be, as a matter of fact i have seen you angry at some of our ws's...especially mr dishonest ...and yes, no one understands more how we feel then US...."i can relate" means more then i think any of us ever knew or could know..


m3: glad to hear about baby paddy....she's got her mom's spunk...


as for allgoods inanimate object...i think i need to back away... ...but just in case, bj's is running a sale on batteries...


nell: i love your whole toe ring promises to myself thing....i really do...


(((tribe)))


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
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