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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: BS Questions for WS's - Part 6
longroadhome
♂ Member
Member # 32428
Default  Posted: 6:04 AM, May 15th (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

SGRBEET -

I can't tell you what your H's motivation is...only he can do that.

"I don't know" and "I don't remember" can mean:

-I'm not ready to tell you

-I think if I give you that info you will hurt more / divorce me / kill me in my sleep

-I'm repressing - don't underestimate this one. I just had some things bubble up yesterday that I hadn't thought of in years that I would have thought would come up immediately in an A situation.

-I think new info will make things worse

-I'm minimizing

-I really don't know / don't remember

I wish there was a clear answer I could give you, but there just isn't. He is either going to embrace a life of truth or he won't. For now, because you're so close to your join date I'm guessing that your dday wasn't long ago...so I think he's afraid to tell you because he doesn't want to make things worse, and he doesn't yet realize that not coming clean is the thing that really makes things worse.

Good luck


Me: WH
Her: BW, and the most amazing, beautiful person I've ever known

It is counterintuitive really... the less we defend our well-being, the more well we feel. ~ Nancy Colier


Posts: 545 | Registered: Jun 2011
wwnomore
♀ Member
Member # 31675
Default  Posted: 7:15 AM, May 15th (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

1) When you lied did you create an alternate reality to make the lie true to yourself?

Yes to creating an alternate reality. It was like I was a completely different person. I was an expert compartmentalizer.

2) How soon during the A did you feel guilty or feel that you might have done something wrong?

It was about a year into a 2.5 year A when AP lied to me about a weekend getaway with his BW. It was like I got hit in the head with the "you're an OW" 2x4. After DDay it was the "you're a WW" 2x4.

3) If the sex was bad, would you still go back for more?

I don't think so. AP and I lived hundreds of miles apart. Getting together was a logistical challenge. I don't think I'd have put any effort into that if it had been horrible.

4) Do you now do things for your BS that you did only for your OP?

Nope. There are a couple of sex-related things that I have still not done with BH. In regards to other things; texts, emails, pics, etc...I have always done those with BH, and I still do.

5) Do you find it hard to keep transparency, openness and honesty with your BS? If not, why?

Take my answer with a huge grain of salt, but yes, I do find it hard. BH refuses to own his addiction and his years-ago (rugswept)infidelities. It takes 2 to R. We are separated.

I don't know/I don't remember

lrh nailed this one.

Had I not kept a journal with details of my A, I doubt I would be able to offer many specifics. Once it was over, I buried the memories, never ever intending to confess.

I do think I would have been able to answer most questions accurately...if those questions were asked.


Posts: 489 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: Mid-Atlantic
WishingForLethe
♀ Member
Member # 34805
Default  Posted: 8:21 AM, May 15th (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

SGTBEET - I agree with longroadhome- there is no way for us to actually know your WHs motivation. Is he still insisting nothing happened even after you were diagnosed with the STD? How does he explain this?

What concerns me is although it is very common for a WS to not want to tell for a variety of self protection reasons (fear they will get in trouble or you will leave)- your health has been put in danger and he still will not give you what seems to me should now be vital information.

You did not say which STD it was and different ones obviously have different health consequences- but i would hope at that point his priority would be you. Is he still foggy? Does he maybe not understand the long terms consequences an STD can have on a woman's health and fertility? Perhaps he should acompany you to your next doctors appointment and be "educated."

English rose- after my dday I answered questions but answering anything about sex was harder than I can explain. The shame at what I had done clogged my throat and having to SAY the words stripped away the fantasy and made me face the ugly truth of what I had become. Seeing the pain on my BHs face while we talked about these things will be my private hell for the rest of my life. I cant flip the page back to see your dday- but he may be at the stage where it is still so hard to do. He may also (as I did) think he is "sparing" you by not telling you details. If the talking gets you nowhere- try writing down questions and letting him write answers back taking his time and thinking them through. It can be easier to process that way.

wolf hart- to reanswer #4- my BH did not want me to text or call him. He was usually very busy and we barely spoke 3-5 minutes a day when he was gone (weekdays). weekends he was training or working. it was OMs accesability and response to these "little things" that sucked me in. BH and I try this now but it is hard as he is not a natural communicator- and I am not as good at it as I thought I was. It is a process we are learning to see if we can meet each others needs. At the time OM and I shared a hobby (gaming) and BH and I had nothing recreational in common. Now BH and I take time to do things together eavery day - and try to do a larger activity most weekends.


Don't look at how far you have to go, but how far you have come

Posts: 350 | Registered: Feb 2012
sri624
♀ Member
Member # 33956
Default  Posted: 10:28 AM, May 15th (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

hi there...thank you for taking the time to respond to these posts on this thread. my question is related to a comment my husband makes from time to time regarding his cheating behavior. he had an affair almost 2 years ago during my pregnancy...i just found out about it 7 months ago....it has been a nightmare ever since dday. one of the things my husband says is"

"why do you want to be with me after all i have done?" when he says this i find myself at times trying to convince HIM that our marriage is worth fighting for.

the second thing he says is.."You are never going to get over this"

he is doing all he can to save the marriage now, but i am not sure why he asks these questions.

any thoughts? i feel like i have to encourage HIM.


BS (41):(Former Doormat)
WS (39):(Busted Cheater)
Married: 10 years, 1 baby
DD1: 10/11 PA/EA with pilates instructor/former stripper.
DD2: 10/12 False r, cheating with other women, online dating,Substance abuse issues.
Attempting R in bitchboots

Posts: 907 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: Alabama
WishingForLethe
♀ Member
Member # 34805
Default  Posted: 11:02 AM, May 15th (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Siri- I am pretty new to this, so I may not be as much help as some othe WS- but I am in a slump that sounds similar to your WS...the past few months it has been my job to reassure my BS and do all I can to make him feel safe- but he has been so negative for so long that the rejection is getting to me. It feels like he WANTS me to give up sometimes. I dont know if this is what your WS is feeling, but maybe he feels like he needs a bit of hope sometimes that there will be something at the end of the endless pain both of you are experiencing.

It is exausting on both sides- and the WS should be doing the "heavy lifting" but even we need to get thown a bone onece in a while.

I am not at all suggesting you are not doing that- but I dont know enough about the situation to guess. Some WS may need more reassurance than others I suppose.


Don't look at how far you have to go, but how far you have come

Posts: 350 | Registered: Feb 2012
periwinkle
♀ New Member
Member # 35249
Default  Posted: 5:02 PM, May 15th (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Mamamia,

If your answer is " No guilty feelings" please explain:

a)what is the main factor that you have never experienced any guilt?

I'm not sure my answer will be helpful to you, but since there are none from the "felt no guilt" camp, I will respond. I think my answer qualifies as "no guilt" but then everyone should have some (unless they are a psychopath). I didn't feel guilt then and I don't feel much now. The only thing I feel guilty about is the fact that that I have done something that can never be undone. Strangely, I don't feel guilty about what I did with my AP. I wish I did, but in all honesty, I don't. I have very separate feelings for AP and H and they don't mix in my mind - one does not affect the other.

My A was with my first love (FL). He was someone I was to marry, but we called it off. He contacted me 29 years later on a pretense, which I told my H about. I have never had an A before, or since, and never will. I can't imagine being intimate with a stranger, but he did not feel like a stranger to me. He was separated and living in the house he had when we were in our first R. I was not prepared for what happened when we met - lots of adolescent brain chemistry explosions. As he was getting D, his real goal was to get me to leave my H. He said I was the one that got away, and blah, blah, blah.

Since then I have learned that my experience fits into something called the "Lost Love" phenomena, which I am pretty sure everyone here thinks is total BS, but there's been a good amount of research done on it. However, I'm sure if I were on the receiving end of the Lost Love thing, it would be total BS to me too.

It doesn't excuse my A, but it does help explain my loss of control, which I regret. This is an ever increasing phenomena as more and more social networking sites pop up to aid these types of reconnections.

Another factor that explains why I did not feel guilt is that I do not live with my H. We have a commuter M. He is only home 4 days per month. I did not have to lie about where I was going, meet at hotels, or come home to my betrayed spouse, all of which would have been a deterrent.

I told H I was meeting FL. It wasn't until he asked me about it that I confessed what happened when we met. He did not want details. Folks here tell me I should give him a timeline. I am working on it. My H has forgiven me. He actually had an encounter with his FL, but nothing much happened. Sometimes I wish it had.


Posts: 43 | Registered: Apr 2012
heartbroken0903
♀ Member
Member # 27879
Default  Posted: 5:32 PM, May 15th (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Lucky2HaveMe

Fwh says none of these so called friends ever said anything about what was happening. Just wondering if anyone ever tried to tell you what you were doing was wrong and what affect it had.

One friend of mine knew about the A and she told me "you need to do what makes you happy, even if it means hurting others." She condoned it all the way. We are no longer close. AP's best friend told him to "go get her" and knew about the A the whole time, again wanted AP to be happy and to hell with anything else. AP's family also knew about the A and...you guessed it...wanted him to be happy.

My "main" circle of friends found out about the A after D-day and completely cut off all contact with me. Of course they didn't know about the A at the time...they were XH's friends too.


MammaMia

Have you ever had or are you currently having guilty feelings over the A?

Yes

a) how soon after you were found out you started experiencing guilt

Immediately. I felt guilt during the A but pushed it aside because I wanted to keep having the A.

b) what events caused you to experience guilt?

Seeing my XH's pain, and being confronted with the reality of how immorally I had behaved.

Wolf_heart

Here are some questions for a WS.
1) When you lied did you create an alternate reality to make the lie true to yourself?

Not sure I understand this question. But I never really felt like I was living in an alternate reality. It was more like parallel relationships: there was life with XH, and the time with AP. The lies I told were strictly designed to enable me to spend time with AP without XH knowing what I was doing. I didn't lie about our marriage, or him, or anything of that nature.

2) How soon during the A did you feel guilty or feel that you might have done something wrong?

Before it even happened. The A started with an inappropriate text from me to AP that was a clear flirtatious innuendo to our past dating relationship. At the time, I didn't feel guilty about this text. But then when we met at work the following Monday and basically discussed having an A, I felt guilty at that time.

3) If the sex was bad, would you still go back for more?

Does not apply.

4) Do you now do things for your BS that you did only for your OP?

I don't know if you mean sexually or just in general. But my answer is the same. There was never anything that I would do for one of them but not for the other, so this probably doesn't apply.

5) Do you find it hard to keep transparency, openness and honesty with your BS? If not, why?

Transparency, no. Openness, yes, because he is VERY non-confrontational and unemotional at times, doesn't like to argue, doesn't like to talk about uncomfortable stuff, doesn't like to "put himself out there" as far as what he's feeling because he's afraid of communicating badly...so it's hard sometimes.

SGRBEET

What does "I don't remember" and "I don't know" really mean when questioned about the details of his activities.

It depends on a lot of factors, IMO. A lot of people say it's because he just doesn't want to tell you, and this may be the case. But speaking from my own situation: I had a 5-month A. I estimated there to be around 30-40 physical encounters, but possibly more. (See, right there is an "I don't know."
) There were probably at least 100 phone calls (at LEAST) and thousands upon thousands of texts. On any given day I could never tell you a.) who called/texted first, b.) what did we talk about, c.) whose idea was it to start sending cell phone pictures/videos, etc. And this was even at the time of D-day, right after the affair was busted. Now, 2 years later, if my XH had any of these questions about specifics, I would be even more lost. There is simply no way to remember certain day-to-day affair details.

I remember general things, such as: when did the affair begin, how did it start, where were some of the places we went, had sex, etc., what were some of the general topics discussed on the phone, who did you tell that you were having an A. These type of things I am able to remember. But the more detailed the questions, the more impossible it is (for me). I would assume that would be different if it were a shorter affair or less contact within the affair.


Me: WS, 30s
XH: BS, 40s
No kids

Married 2.5 years
D-day 3/6/10
Divorced 5/14/10

Reconciling after divorce


Posts: 1917 | Registered: Mar 2010 | From: the cat's meow
onlysolution
♀ Member
Member # 23160
Default  Posted: 12:42 PM, May 16th (Wednesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Have you ever had or are you currently having guilty feelings over the A?

Yes, many, before, during, and after.

If the answer is yes please explain:
a) how soon after you were found out you started experiencing guilt.

I felt guilt even before the affair started. For many years I felt guilty about feelings I had for someone that I should not have. I dealt with the guilt by patting myself on the back for not crossing the lines I set up for myself. Each time I breached one just a little, I had to deal with the guilt. It took many years for me to push those lines enough for an affair.

b) what events caused you to experience guilt?

Everything. My family, his family, thoughts of people being hurt, knowing how wrong it all was.


FWW: Me 52
BH: 54
Married 34 years
Recovery - Over 4 years

Posts: 448 | Registered: Mar 2009
onlysolution
♀ Member
Member # 23160
Default  Posted: 12:55 PM, May 16th (Wednesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Here are some questions for a WS.
1) When you lied did you create an alternate reality to make the lie true to yourself?

No, I don't think so.
2) How soon during the A did you feel guilty or feel that you might have done something wrong?

I knew it was wrong beforehand.

3) If the sex was bad, would you still go back for more?

I doubt it.

4) Do you now do things for your BS that you did only for your OP?

Not sure exactly what is meant by this. If you mean sexually, there wasn't anything I only did for the OP.

5) Do you find it hard to keep transparency, openness and honesty with your BS? If not, why?

I was one of the rare WS (at least from what I've read here) who confessed with the whole truth right from the beginning. I thought it was the end of the marriage, but instead it set the tone for openess and honesty in reconciliation. I did not realize how important this was, I only knew that he deserved the truth and I knew that I needed to be truthful.


FWW: Me 52
BH: 54
Married 34 years
Recovery - Over 4 years

Posts: 448 | Registered: Mar 2009
onlysolution
♀ Member
Member # 23160
Default  Posted: 1:00 PM, May 16th (Wednesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

To male and female WS:
Did you always use condoms? And if you did NOT, how did you rationalize that?

No, not at all. My rationalization was that there was no danger of pregnancy and I'd known the OP for many years and I think we were both fairly certain that neither we nor our spouses had been with any other partners in 25 years. I was a little naive about how often affairs happen, I didn't really believe they were as common as they are, and I know now that was a mistaken assumption. Though, I have unprotected sex with my BH...and really how do I know for sure about him (one could argue that condoms should be worn in marriage as well).


FWW: Me 52
BH: 54
Married 34 years
Recovery - Over 4 years

Posts: 448 | Registered: Mar 2009
onlysolution
♀ Member
Member # 23160
Default  Posted: 1:04 PM, May 16th (Wednesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I should have been more specific with number 4. I am finding it hard that my WH doesn't call, text, e-mail and send pix to me like he did the OW. Especially the e-mails. You know the "I love you and am thinking of you" type. I don't get those and she did, so I am still jealous.

Oh, now I understand. I did write poems for OP and after dday I told BH about this and offered them to him to read. He declined and asked me to destroy them. Since then I have written some for him...but not recently, so maybe I should do that again.


FWW: Me 52
BH: 54
Married 34 years
Recovery - Over 4 years

Posts: 448 | Registered: Mar 2009
onlysolution
♀ Member
Member # 23160
Default  Posted: 1:15 PM, May 16th (Wednesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would like to hear about this too. My WH says he can't remember all the time and yet when pushed he can come up with small significant details. I know that he wants R more than anything but his refusal to come clean/tell me everything at this point has pushed me very close to D. Why? Why would he risk it rather than tell me?

I would think that there would be many reasons for not telling the truth. One could be the the WS is sure that the truth will mean the end of the marriage. The WS might feel that lying or holding in some of the truth is much less risky that opening up. And, it could be true. Sometimes the truth is way more than anyone could take. It also takes much trust on the side of the WS to reveal the darkest part of her/himself.

I was truthful right from the beginning, but I think I was trying to salvage my own selfworth by coming clean. I did not think the marriage could or would survive. If I had desperately wanted to save the marriage, I may have tried to downplay my role or leave out some of the more hurtful things. I am sure many WS's would not see the point in being brutally honest (and sometimes I wonder about this as well).


FWW: Me 52
BH: 54
Married 34 years
Recovery - Over 4 years

Posts: 448 | Registered: Mar 2009
imagrownup
♀ Member
Member # 29587
Default  Posted: 8:31 PM, May 16th (Wednesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I never say thanks for answering my questions- Thanks everyone- It HELPS so much!!!


Me BW 48
HIM WS 48
D-DAY1 11/5/09
D-DAY 2 11/28/09
D-DAY 3 3/15/10 Claims just talking
D-DAY 4 5/?/10 Says he quit talking???

Posts: 184 | Registered: Sep 2010 | From: midwest
wolf_heart
♀ Member
Member # 35262
Default  Posted: 11:38 AM, May 17th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you so much. It does help. Oh, and I love brutal honesty. Only through knowing all the facts can I adjust the false movies in my mind. I would rather they be more reality based then the sick version my mind comes up with. My imagination is always worse then the reality. So, having full disclosure and total honesty is what I need. Yes, all the horrible details help me heal.


Married 26 years
BW: Me, 47
WH: 47
DDay#2: March 8th, 2012, with one of my good friends.
DDay#1: Oct. 20th 1992, 2 years post PA
Attempting R
Without honesty, loyalty, and commitment; saying you love someone, simply means nothing.

Posts: 227 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Southwestern Area of USA
TryingVeryHard
♀ Member
Member # 33927
Default  Posted: 9:02 AM, May 19th (Saturday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Another question for WS's. I'm new to this forum but I assume I can ask a question on this thread.

Is it possible that you do not remember when you first slept with OW/OM?
You know the month, and you know you had a trip away during that month when you were exchanging a lot of texts with OP, but you can't remember if you arranged with OP, took day off work, drove to a local hotel and booked in for a day room for the first time, if it was before or after that trip that you first had sex.

Is this lack of memory possible do you think?


Married 20 years.
1st D-day my birthday 2010
2nd D-day our 20th wedding anniversary
3rd D-day Nov 2010

Posts: 68 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: UK
periwinkle
♀ New Member
Member # 35249
Default  Posted: 9:28 AM, May 19th (Saturday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

TryingVeryHard,

I suppose this is possible, but I don't think it is at all probable, unless, perhaps the encounter happened many years ago, but you mentioned texting, which means it couldn't have been that long ago. So no, just the amount of planning that had to take place would have cemented the date in my mind. Even though I didn't intend to do so (there was no booking of rooms) I remember crossing the line for the first time very vividly. It's the thing you most regret. Without that the whole mess wouldn't have happened. It isn't something you can't remember. It's something you don't want to remember.


Posts: 43 | Registered: Apr 2012
nordicbabe
♀ Member
Member # 35419
Default  Posted: 12:11 PM, May 19th (Saturday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have a weird question: one of my kids today told me that his dad is suddenly (he's never done this before) pointing out 'hot chicks' all over the place. if they're walking down the street and someone cute walks by WH will point out her ass or some other thing about her and say 'not bad, eh?'.

He's still seeing OW so what gives? And why is he doing this with his 14 year old son, who is really uncomfortable and prettyshocked, as his dad has never been like this until I threw him out.

Anyone want to help me figure this one out?


Posts: 1468 | Registered: Apr 2012
Ostrich80
Member
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 1:55 PM, May 19th (Saturday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Question for WS

Had DD2 a couple months back. A went underground 2yrs ago. As far as I know only 1 OW. Several hundred texts, explained his detachment from our family for the 2-3yrs prior to first DD. He said she meant nothing and agreed to go NC.

Now my question:
If he knew the consequence of breaking NC would be me filing for D and he said she was nothing to him..why did A continue? Ive never found any proof of PA, but seriously, can someone just text and send pix for 4-5yrs, risk M, and not have PA? Now Im finding that he has a huge porn addiction and Ive seen where he is going on sites for NSA hook-ups. My thought was he really was in pretty deep with OW, but now he's looking at sex dating sites? any feedback is greatly appreciated. Im totally baffled as to WTF he's thinking. I know it's impossible to figure him out but I just don't get this new thing he's doing. Thank you!!

BTW: our sex life was sorely lacking before DD2, now since Ive seen he's on dating sites and broke NC with OW, there is none. It was usually me initiating anyway and he 80% of the time couldn't keep it up.

[This message edited by Ostrich80 at 2:00 PM, May 19th (Saturday)]


BS..me
WS..him
Been with him over half my life
4kid
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..divorced slut who prefers committed men, specializing in befriending and bopping the fathers of her kids team mates
Status..%&$#@?$

Posts: 3985 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
threw it away
♀ Member
Member # 34727
Default  Posted: 2:58 PM, May 19th (Saturday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

To Wolf-Heart:

1) When you lied did you create an alternate reality to make the lie true to yourself?

In a way, yes. I always told myself that my husband had just settled for me and that sooner or later, he would find a better woman than me and leave me, so the affairs made little difference. It was false -- it was only my own insecurities speaking.

2) How soon during the A did you feel guilty or feel that you might have done something wrong?

All through my affairs. But I was able to compartmentalize.

3) If the sex was bad, would you still go back for more?

The sex was never bad because the satisfaction was all in my mind. My APs satisfied my (unhealthy) emotional needs and that made the sex good.

4) Do you now do things for your BS that you did only for your OP?

We are separated, but if we were together, I would do anything my husband wanted. But there was never anything which I denied my husband; I mean that there were things my APs sometimes wanted which my husband would not have been interested in.

5) Do you find it hard to keep transparency, openness and honesty with your BS? If not, why?

I know now that after d-day #1, I should have told him everything, absolutely everything. But I let him continue to believe that there had only been one affair. I was terrified that I would lose him, that there could never be any forgiveness for me, who had been unfaithful our whole marriage long and even before we married. I do not know what he would have done had I told him, but I do know that his having to find me out a second time is what destroyed any chance of our reconciling.


me: ww/34
him: 33, has initiated divorce
married 8 years, together for ten
kids 7 and 4

dday 1 - 12/17/2011
dday 2 - 1/26/2012 (my past multiple affairs revealed)


Posts: 112 | Registered: Feb 2012
js_girl
♀ Member
Member # 34797
Default  Posted: 8:06 PM, May 20th (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My WH left, returned, left, returned, left, returned, left. He claims to be in love with OW, and places the majority of the blame of our marital problems on me, despite the fact that he was undiagnosed bipolar until a monthafter DDay.
Questions: Did you have an A that continued after DDay for several months that you eventually chose to end?
Did you eventually feel remorse for it?
Did you eventually come to take responsibility for your actions and the healing of your BS?

I don't know how much of my WH's actions and emotions are due to the BP, or if he really is this person now. But I could use some hope tonight.


Me: BW, 34
Him: WH, 32
2 beautiful baby boys
DDay 1: 2/8/12
TT til DDay 2: 3/3/12
Status: R as of 5/6/12
WRONG: FALSE R

Posts: 66 | Registered: Feb 2012
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