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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Spouses/Partners of Sex Addicts - 7
pink carnation
♀ Member
Member # 34310
Default  Posted: 3:02 PM, January 26th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks, guys. I needed the support. I have cried off all my blush.


You are in God's hands now, Dahlin'!

Posts: 1881 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: GA
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 4:23 PM, January 26th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Pictures are safe with my IC. I'm in a daze. I can hardly think. Feel sick to my stomach. I just want to curl up & go to sleep for a week.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 elementary school-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 8778 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
scaredyKat
♀ Member
Member # 25560
Default  Posted: 5:01 PM, January 26th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Are you safe, are the kids safe? I know you said you appealed to your pastor. Is there a church family that can help right now? Maybe a strong male that can help him? I'm holding all of you in the *LIGHT*


Me-BS-59
HIM-SAFWH-63
Damn autocorrect is responsible for the silly errors, sorry!

Posts: 2921 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: In my head
Ghostwalker
♀ Member
Member # 31991
Default  Posted: 6:36 PM, January 26th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ah Pink ~ he is delusional, hon. He's marrying this girl? Wow! I don't even know what to say. Are you divorced? How the hell can he propose to someone else if he is still married to you??? So sorry you are dealing with this.

Nature Girl, please plan an escape route. Just in case. I'm so upset and worried for you.

Well, my a-hole has agreed to move out. I sent him an email after he stormed off to bed last night -- and he responded by email today. He was cold. He was defensive. He blameshifted. He agrees the situation is unhealthy,
and a separation is in order.

He is a defense attorney and it is obvious by his response, he is setting me up as the crazy, suicidal, alcoholic spouse -- who has, get this? emotionally abused HIM!!! God help me, I don't know whether I should laugh or cry. I just want this pain to end!


This is the Hour of Lead --
Remembered, if outlived,
As Freezing persons, recollect the Snow --
First -- Chill -- then Stupor -- then the letting go --

Posts: 1089 | Registered: Apr 2011
pink carnation
♀ Member
Member # 34310
Default  Posted: 10:31 PM, January 26th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think he may have traded my wedding set in for the upgrade for her....


You are in God's hands now, Dahlin'!

Posts: 1881 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: GA
SabinatheOwl
♀ Member
Member # 30023
Default  Posted: 7:22 AM, January 27th (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good morning everyone! Hugs to all at the start of the weekend. Pink, I'm so sorry. That must hurt so much. Weekends can be rough, I know, so I thought I'd share 'a happy'.

Last night on the spur of the moment I went and had my very first set of gel nails done. I've always been a little vain about my hands . My job is really hard on them; my hands have little cuts and all of my nails are down to nubs. I know I'm vain about it, so I didn't do anything about it- until yesterday.

I feel so much better. Do you remember the feeling when you get a new piece of jewelry? You show it to people, admire it in any shiny surface, etc. That's me. I feel ridiculous, but there it is. hey make me happy. I feel girly now.

Do something nice for yourselves this weekend, ladies (& gents). It helps lighten the days.


~ Sabina

[This message edited by SabinatheOwl at 7:23 AM, January 27th (Friday)]


Details & story in profile

"Live a life not an apology." Edward R.Murrow

"I can be changed by what happens to me but I refuse to be reduced by it."

Maya Angelou


Posts: 1350 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: Metro DC
cupcakegirl
♀ Member
Member # 33594
Default  Posted: 7:36 AM, January 27th (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Howdy ladies- Sabina what a great advice for today: to do something good for ourselves. I am going to do that today. Not sure what that is yet, but I am going to brainstorm some ideas.

(((pink))) so very sorry you are being put through this hell. Thinking of you today and praying for you.

ccg


Me:BS, 43
Him: SAH, 48
Married 21 years
DDay 1: 2007
First day of transparency in M: 10/17/11
Polygraph 1/13/12 passed!
Polygraph 7/8/12 passed!
Polygraph 2/4/13 passed!
Next Poly is 2/14 passed!

Posts: 238 | Registered: Oct 2011
Ghostwalker
♀ Member
Member # 31991
Default  Posted: 8:50 AM, January 27th (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sabrina ~ I am so glad you did something nice for yourself, you sure deserve it, hon.

Reading all the posts here, it's been a rough week for our sisterhood. My heart and prayers goes out to each of you.

Last night after my SAWH stormed off to bed again, (He has agreed to move out) I found evidence he is recording our conversations on his Iphone. WTH??? We live in a "no fault" divorce state, so I don't know what his game is.

It just proves my gut is right, and I can't trust him with my heart. It just all makes me so sad. Somehow, I have become the enemy -- and he is building a case against me. How can this be the man I have loved for forty years? **sigh**


This is the Hour of Lead --
Remembered, if outlived,
As Freezing persons, recollect the Snow --
First -- Chill -- then Stupor -- then the letting go --

Posts: 1089 | Registered: Apr 2011
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 11:33 AM, January 27th (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He's recording your conversations??? That is really strange.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 elementary school-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 8778 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 12:41 PM, January 27th (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've been speaking to my pastor and am now trying to make contact of the man who leads the local support group my husband attends for SA. I want the support of some "authority figure" male in the house when I tell WH he needs to move.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 elementary school-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 8778 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
scaredyKat
♀ Member
Member # 25560
Default  Posted: 12:45 PM, January 27th (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How can this be the man I have loved for forty years?

He isn't. He's an addict. With brain chemistry that is essentially and vitally changed by this addiction. And only detox would change him back. And you cannot do that for him.

I know I bitch about my H, but he was a long time addict. I got used to the nasty man, made excuses, blah, blah. Now? He IS very different. And he knows it. He likes that he is living a life without secrets. He is happier overall, despite the fact that he is facing the shame and the pain he has caused me.

Anyway, he isn't the man you married. Sad but certain, you need to get yourself out to save your sanity.


Me-BS-59
HIM-SAFWH-63
Damn autocorrect is responsible for the silly errors, sorry!

Posts: 2921 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: In my head
pink carnation
♀ Member
Member # 34310
Default  Posted: 12:54 PM, January 27th (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well, my mother in law- had not, in fact- been sent the confessional email. I sent it.. and she was thankful... and sad and agreed with me that he is sick and the marriage is over. So filing Tuesday.


You are in God's hands now, Dahlin'!

Posts: 1881 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: GA
Ghostwalker
♀ Member
Member # 31991
Default  Posted: 12:59 PM, January 27th (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Kat ~ What made your H finally get the help he needed? What were the circumstances?

My husband cannot bear facing his shame -- or the extensive collateral damage that splattered throughout every area of our life. Denial is a more comfortable place for him, but yes, it is destroying me. I sadly, cannot see any other way to survive this, except getting him out. But it breaks my heart. I am deeply depressed today.


This is the Hour of Lead --
Remembered, if outlived,
As Freezing persons, recollect the Snow --
First -- Chill -- then Stupor -- then the letting go --

Posts: 1089 | Registered: Apr 2011
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 1:35 PM, January 27th (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((((PINK))))))


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 elementary school-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 8778 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 1:43 PM, January 27th (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well, I spoke with the area leader of all the groups. WH attends one, this guy is in charge of all of them in the area. He asked me to hold off telling WH to move out, he wants to rally support from WH's group and have those men ready to support WH.

Or something.

I'm really discombobulated right now.

But it sounds like WH is going to be in the house over the weekend. I have spent all this week screwing up the courage to tell him to GTFO, and now that's been delayed.

My IC says I can still do this on my timetable, I don't have to wait if I don't think I can. My pastor says I have his support, I'm doing the right thing by having WH move out, and if it's not working out for me to use WH's support group then he & the men from the church will step up.

You guys, I am resisting getting involved with a support group locally. The one that I found last summer for wives of SA wasn't even meeting. There was a group I attended for BATTERED wives, but that didn't have the right "feel" to it for me. I guess I'm resisting because I don't want to be dragging my kids all over the place for meetings (I wasn't a big fan of the child care for them while I was at the battered wives support group, it was WAAAAAAAY too "hard core" Christian in a direction that I don't want to take our Christian faith).

I dunno. I'm rambling. I need to go do some school with my kids...


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 elementary school-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 8778 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Ghostwalker
♀ Member
Member # 31991
Default  Posted: 2:04 PM, January 27th (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nature Girl ~ you're doing great, honey, and you're being so strong. You're an inspiration. Still saying prayers for you and the kiddos.


This is the Hour of Lead --
Remembered, if outlived,
As Freezing persons, recollect the Snow --
First -- Chill -- then Stupor -- then the letting go --

Posts: 1089 | Registered: Apr 2011
pink carnation
♀ Member
Member # 34310
Default  Posted: 3:50 PM, January 27th (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hugs back to you, Naturegirl... and prayers. My MIL now knows that WH is sick and there is nothing I can do.


You are in God's hands now, Dahlin'!

Posts: 1881 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: GA
SabinatheOwl
♀ Member
Member # 30023
Default  Posted: 4:32 PM, January 27th (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Everybody))) & prayers too.

Each of us is suffering in our respective situations. I wish we could have G2G just for us...


~ Sabina


Details & story in profile

"Live a life not an apology." Edward R.Murrow

"I can be changed by what happens to me but I refuse to be reduced by it."

Maya Angelou


Posts: 1350 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: Metro DC
DrivingPast
♀ Member
Member # 32984
Default  Posted: 5:35 PM, January 27th (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WatchingU, Ghost, Naturegirl you are all in my thoughts.

I wish there was some way we could all get together in real life. Im so thankful for the support Ive gotten here.

I dont know whats in the water this week, but Im pretty sure Im at the "Im done" point too, oddly I didnt even see it coming.
I thought he had been really changing.

I had not caught him lying to my face (other than the minimizing/TT of the initial confessions)(and meaning I have not believed him but couldnt prove hes lying and that was about his past activities, not current) until 3 days ago. Its also the first time he blameshifted. He is in denial. Its the first time I saw straight up addict behaviors, and it opened my eyes. I probably dont need to explain what I mean. I guess its only to be expected, its normal for an addict in early recovery blah blah. Well, I dont care if its the disease. Its still him to blame. Im at zero tolerance for lies at this point. And Im not willing to live with this sh!t.

Detaching here too

[This message edited by DrivingPast at 5:36 PM, January 27th (Friday)]


BW
married more than 10 yrs to a possible SA
D-Day May 5 2011
"Because one knows people best through their fears - the ones they overcome and the ones they are overcome by."

Posts: 1304 | Registered: Aug 2011
ChoosingHope
♀ Member
Member # 33606
Default  Posted: 6:35 PM, January 27th (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((HUGS)))) to everyone. Just sending my prayers and support. I'm worried about all of you - please take good care of yourselves this weekend.
xo,
Hope

Posts: 1433 | Registered: Oct 2011
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