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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: OC Thread (BS Only) Part II
renee21
♀ Member
Member # 27088
Default  Posted: 2:52 PM, May 3rd (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Read a thread in another forum that was from a ww/ow perspective. I normally can be supportive and offer positive comments but realized I still can't be compassionate to an ow with an oc situation.

On the wrong day I still feel like telling anyone involved - ow and wh - what pos they are for doing that to us, our kids and for purposely subjecting a child to that kind of life.

Its been years and still royally pisses me off.

OK. Vent over.


BW(me) 36
WH-36 SA
Three kids 18, 16 and 9
Married 18 years.
Multiple D-Days, multiple OW and an OC
12/19/03,5/13/2004,12/5/2009, 2/20/2014
I am no longer a guest on the Jerry Springer Show.

Posts: 1327 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Florida
coastofsomewhere
Member
Member # 3624
Default  Posted: 8:28 AM, May 4th (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((renee)))

I know what you mean. It has been over 20 years for me...dad with oc...and to this day it can royally piss me off if I let it.


Posts: 5203 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: on the coast of somewhere beautiful
onyxns
♀ New Member
Member # 32945
Default  Posted: 7:03 PM, May 4th (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I really hate my life. I hate my husband and I hate HER, and I hate the OC.


me, BS - 40 yrs
him, WH - 35 yrs
married 10 yrs
dd 15
ds 9
OC born July 13, 2011

Posts: 15 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: Canada
rayofhope
♀ Member
Member # 34882
Default  Posted: 10:40 PM, May 4th (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I believe that cOW got pregnant on purpose. fWH said she never did anything or let anything happen to her that she didn't want to happen (control freak? narcissist?) Anyway, does anyone else think their OW did it on purpose too? Is that not the ultimate in disgusting behavior? Creating a child to be a pawn is so perverted it almost seems illegal.


Sometimes wonderful presents come wrapped in very ugly packages.

Posts: 80 | Registered: Feb 2012
IslandWahine
♀ Member
Member # 29536
Default  Posted: 11:36 PM, May 4th (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh, I know the cOW was trying to get preg on purpose. She told my fwh she couldn't get preg, she was so old and didn't have kids so she was sterile. Funny, 3 weeks later she finds out she's preg. Um, if you're finding out that fast, its because you were trying. And yes, I find it absolutely irresponsible (on both their parts) to put yourself in the position to bare a child into this awful situation. That OC will do the math 1 day and figure out his conception and the deception.

(((Onyxns))). I'm going thru a rough patch too right now. The OC's bday will be soon, and I'm just trying to stay focused and remind myself yay 2 down, 16 to go (years of CS)! I know that's mean...what it really means is we can tell the cOW to f* off forever because we will never need to deal with her ever again (from a court standpoint). You feel how you need to feel, no one will judge you here. We have all been thru highs and lows and every emotion possible!

Wanted to add to get over the date, I do something wonderful for the community, whether it's volunteer, give money, etc. to help me get thru the time. So far it's helped me tremendously.

[This message edited by IslandWahine at 2:33 PM, May 5th (Saturday)]


Me: BS, 2 COM, M-14 years
FWH-finally hit rock bottom
11/09 D-day. R'ing
cOW: EVIL
OC: NC for our safety.
People say you donít know what youíve got until itís gone. Truth is, you knew what you had, you just thought youíd never lose it.-B.Scott

Posts: 960 | Registered: Sep 2010 | From: Somewhere out there....
onyxns
♀ New Member
Member # 32945
Default  Posted: 1:06 PM, May 6th (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know cOW got pregnant on purpose, she was hoping that would WS's way of leaving me, but it backfired!

Having a really hard time with all of this..and to top it off, I'm TTC and it's not happening


me, BS - 40 yrs
him, WH - 35 yrs
married 10 yrs
dd 15
ds 9
OC born July 13, 2011

Posts: 15 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: Canada
Whalers11
♀ Member
Member # 27544
Default  Posted: 2:32 PM, May 6th (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I believe OW got pregnant on purpose. I just don't know why. She told my ex she couldn't have kids - she had an abortion when she was a teen and the procedure left her unable to have kids. (Yes, my dumb ex fell for that...)

I will never know why she did it, though.

Supposedly she loved kids. She was 34 and maybe she felt her biological clock ticking and none of her other boyfriends wanted to go down that road with her...so she found the first dumbass (my ex) that she could fool.

Maybe she saw my ex's lifestyle and wanted it...too bad she didn't know it was ME funding it.

Maybe she was just a mean, broken person who was so unhappy that she needed to cause havoc in someone else's life.

I don't know.

Either way, she got what she wanted.


Me: BGF - 33
Together 11+ years - not married, no children.
D-Day: 2/9/2010
OC Born: 10/9/2010
Status: He chose OW/OC and left immediately.

Posts: 2286 | Registered: Feb 2010
renee21
♀ Member
Member # 27088
Default  Posted: 3:46 PM, May 7th (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I believe 110% that the ow tried to get pregnant. The A had been dragging on for almost a year and he wasn't leaving me. Of course she did it on purpose

To me that just makes her a more evil POS than the run of the mill ow types.

IMO. She deserves to be alone and pathetic as she has been since the A ended.


BW(me) 36
WH-36 SA
Three kids 18, 16 and 9
Married 18 years.
Multiple D-Days, multiple OW and an OC
12/19/03,5/13/2004,12/5/2009, 2/20/2014
I am no longer a guest on the Jerry Springer Show.

Posts: 1327 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Florida
hurt&unsure
♀ New Member
Member # 34240
Default  Posted: 3:50 PM, May 7th (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

In my more angry moments I am sure the OW got pregnant on purpose-- one of the pieces of information I needed was to know when they used condoms and when they didn't, and based on the dates and when she got pregnant, it was very calculated on her part. Either that or she is just too dumb to know when she "runs out." If only he had not gone over that last time...

I too am convinced that she just wanted to have a baby and could not find anyone that wanted to have one with her so she found someone that she thought wouldn't ignore a child support order and made her move. Not a caring or understanding standpoint on my part, but when it comes to OW I feel no obligation to even try to understand the sickness that must be in her head.


BS (me) 33
WS (him) 31
D Day 12/8/11
Married 8 years, together 12
Daughters, 4 and 9mo
PA resulted in OC Nov. '11

Posts: 26 | Registered: Dec 2011
IslandWahine
♀ Member
Member # 29536
Concerned  Posted: 5:03 PM, May 7th (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The cOW in our sitch totally had a ticking clock. She's older than my fwh by 6 months, 4 years older than me. I too think she couldn't find a man to have a real relationship with, therefore got pg on purpose to have a child and get the $. Her running out of unemployment almost perfectly coincides with the pg. My fwh said the big red flag was when she was talking about how she was jealous of our COM and how involved and wonderful of a father he was (oh yea, so wonderful to cheat on his family), etc and she hoped for that for her kids 1 day...she talked a lot about my son (shudder) and my fwh said he ended it right then, he thought it was creepy. Of course she announced she was pg like 2-3 weeks later I think.

So far she has just taken her $ and shut up, thank goodness we got a nice break from her crazy. Sucks for the OC though, it does bother my fwh because this is not what he would wish on any child. If the cOW wasn't so mental...we genuinely fear for our safety and my job because of her lies and false accusations.

I too see her as the worst type of OW, the type that is so selfish and so sick that she would be willing to bring a child into this mess (because at BEST there would only be partial custody) and to try and KNOWINGLY ruin another family.


Me: BS, 2 COM, M-14 years
FWH-finally hit rock bottom
11/09 D-day. R'ing
cOW: EVIL
OC: NC for our safety.
People say you donít know what youíve got until itís gone. Truth is, you knew what you had, you just thought youíd never lose it.-B.Scott

Posts: 960 | Registered: Sep 2010 | From: Somewhere out there....
rayofhope
♀ Member
Member # 34882
Default  Posted: 9:04 AM, May 8th (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Interesting how these cOWs have so many similar traits. The A went on for about 1 yeat. WH said that after about 6 months he wanted it to be over but as she worked for him was afraid of repercussions at work. So, he hoped she'd just go away. Not cOW. H said one of the things they had "in common" was their strong commitment to family. (WTF) When H wouldn't leave me saying how important his family and children were to him funny how she suddendly became preg. H said when she told him and he said he wasn't leaving me she became VERY angry. She even told him that he had ruined her life. I guess she forgot her part in this sick mess and how she pursued him. I also feel sorry for OC, but I feel sorry for me and my kids too. OC is no more important than us. I am still amazed at the level of selfishness it must take to try to break up a family and marriage and bring an innocent child in the world to help you do it. I just don't want to deal with this mess anymore.


Sometimes wonderful presents come wrapped in very ugly packages.

Posts: 80 | Registered: Feb 2012
coastofsomewhere
Member
Member # 3624
Default  Posted: 10:00 AM, May 8th (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well, I'm one who believes if you decide to have sex without protection...then becoming pregnant just became an option.

Posts: 5203 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: on the coast of somewhere beautiful
Whalers11
♀ Member
Member # 27544
Default  Posted: 10:21 AM, May 8th (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I should add to my above response, while I do believe she did it on purpose, HE was the on that put himself in the stupid position. This could have been avoided so easily.

It was New Year's Day when I confronted him about the rumors that he was cheating. He denied it (of course) and I "believed" him...which now I think was me more willing to rug sweep if he was done with in. The truth was that the affair had been going on for 5 months at that point. He would have gotten out of this scott-free if he wasn't a complete dumbass. He went to spend some time at his parents so we could "cool off" and the next weekend he invited OW down there to spend the weekend. At THAT is when she got pregnant. What a fucking dumbass he is. Wow... I'm pissed all over again...


Me: BGF - 33
Together 11+ years - not married, no children.
D-Day: 2/9/2010
OC Born: 10/9/2010
Status: He chose OW/OC and left immediately.

Posts: 2286 | Registered: Feb 2010
horaliar
♀ Member
Member # 35236
Default  Posted: 11:33 AM, May 8th (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think I can get past the A, what I can't get over is that he's having a child that won't be mine... I had wanted so bad to give him another child. All I ever wanted was for my little one to have a little brother or sister and now she is going to have one. Be careful what you wish for....


Me: BS Him: WH
One DD.
OC born in July 2012
"A wise girl kisses, but doesn't love. Listens but doesn't believe. And leaves before she is left." Marylin Monroe

Posts: 179 | Registered: Apr 2012
onyxns
♀ New Member
Member # 32945
Default  Posted: 4:08 PM, May 8th (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

@horaliar, same as me!! My mom pointed it out to me that she now has his "baby"...so we're trying to have a baby now, but it's not happening

It's not fair that she got pregnant so easily and I'm having such a hard time to get pregnant again.


me, BS - 40 yrs
him, WH - 35 yrs
married 10 yrs
dd 15
ds 9
OC born July 13, 2011

Posts: 15 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: Canada
rayofhope
♀ Member
Member # 34882
Default  Posted: 7:54 AM, May 9th (Wednesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

His not using protection has bothered me terribly. That he cared so little about me to expose me to disease is so horrible. The stupidity of not thinking about pregnancy is unexcusable. That stupidity has become very expensive. It is so hard accepting that this child is his and not mine. He has feelings for him and to me he is just another child. Maybe if there was NC I would be better. I do not know if I can keep doing this. THere is nothing left for me. If I can't accept the OC I lose everything I love. Why does the karma bus keep running over me? I have never done a bad thing to anyone intentionally my entire life.


Sometimes wonderful presents come wrapped in very ugly packages.

Posts: 80 | Registered: Feb 2012
hurt24/7
♀ New Member
Member # 32000
Default  Posted: 11:11 AM, May 10th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's been a long time since I've posted here. Still going through an ugly court battle with child support and Parenting agreement. I was just reading through some of your posts and to.....

Horaliar: I feel the same way. Always wanted a big family with lots of kids running around. But after our one and now this other child, I don't see that happening for us.

Onyxns: I always wondered why it seems like these Other woman get pregnant so easily and I can't figure it out, unless they are actually trying. Which I truly believe was what the OW was trying to do in our case. Try and keep your head up and keep trying. It took us quite awhile to get pregnant with our child to. I was charting temperatures, popping vitamins and doing everything imaginable to get pregnant. And it finally happened.

Rayofhope: This was one of the hardest things for me to try and understand also. How could my husband put me at risk for an STD. Did he care so little for me? Isn't that something you would do to someone you hate? These are all thoughts that I would think about and what I realized in my case is that he wasn't thinking about me. He wasn't thinking about me at all. I was part of a separate life to him. He was leading a double life, where in his crazy mind, the two would never intersect. Doesn't that sound like a diagnosis for a crazy person :-) I guess that's how I feel sometimes that my husband went through a period of temporary insanity. Maybe that's just how I deal with it. But I know how you feel. I'm not sure how far along you are in the whole process, but for me it's been almost 2 years since I discovered the affair and almost a year since the other child was born and it has gotten better. When I say better I mean, I'm not consumed by it every second of every day anymore. There is life after this. And even when it feels like you take 2 steps back and 1 step forward, you're still going forward and you will be okay. We will all be okay.

(((((Hugs))))) to everyone!


BS-ME 31
WS 29
COM DS 18 months old
D-day 08/30/10
2nd D-day 10/27/10 OW is pregnant
1/5/12 - Paternity Test Positive

Posts: 9 | Registered: Apr 2011 | From: Timbuktu
IslandWahine
♀ Member
Member # 29536
Default  Posted: 10:29 PM, May 10th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh my fwh gets his heap of blame from me! He knows his role in this mess and he hates himself for it. The cOW? She doesn't own any of it, says that my fwh "did this to her". I think that irritates me the most. My fwh has owned up to his part in the mess, and pays a pretty penny too. However she takes ZERO ownership in this, and that's what makes me crazy. She plays the oh sad me victim. She's no victim. just own it already.

(((To us all))) I think we all know and understand it takes 2 to tango, and our significant others played a 50% role in all this. Just keep on moving forward my friends, keep your heads up.


Me: BS, 2 COM, M-14 years
FWH-finally hit rock bottom
11/09 D-day. R'ing
cOW: EVIL
OC: NC for our safety.
People say you donít know what youíve got until itís gone. Truth is, you knew what you had, you just thought youíd never lose it.-B.Scott

Posts: 960 | Registered: Sep 2010 | From: Somewhere out there....
rayofhope
♀ Member
Member # 34882
Default  Posted: 8:48 AM, May 11th (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hurt: Thank you for the kind words. Our DDays are only 2 months apart. OC is almost 2. Curious if you have C or NC? I am very anxious/emotional now as fWH is heading out to visit OC soon. SO HARD, he has to travel across country. I HATE these weekends. THey send me so far back in my healing process. Send lots of hugs and strength my way next weekend. I am so going to need them.


Sometimes wonderful presents come wrapped in very ugly packages.

Posts: 80 | Registered: Feb 2012
Tired of Feeling
♀ Member
Member # 32207
Default  Posted: 7:03 PM, May 20th (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know I shouldn't but I stalk OW's Facebook. She doesn't post very often but when she does she posts pictures of OC. I have to say he looks like my H in the face. In every picture OC is dirty. He has stuff on his face, his arms, legs and feet are dirty. I don't get it. His hair is awful. It's curly but not in a cute way. It's very frizzy & needs to be cut. I just don't get it. Does she think that is cute? If I posted pictures like that I would have to post some comment like "COM got dirty" or something. I guess that just shows what kind of person she is. She thinks dirty is cute. Also OC is over weight for his age. I can only imagine that when he fusses she stuffs his mouth with food. In a way I feel sorry for him. I feel bad that I am glad we are NC. I just hope that she is really taking care of him in the right way.

Posts: 221 | Registered: May 2011
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