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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: OC Thread (BS Only) Part II
IslandWahine
♀ Member
Member # 29536
Default  Posted: 7:49 PM, June 20th (Wednesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((ray))) Sending you strength and good vibes for Monday. I'm so sorry, I remember those days because the cOW in our sitch also asked for almost 3X what she ended up with. It is very stressful, because you never know what is going on in that judge's head. Make sure your H reminds the judge that he has a family at home that needs him and his $ as well. I will be thinking of you.


Me: BS, 2 COM, M-14 years
FWH-finally hit rock bottom
11/09 D-day. R'ing
cOW: EVIL
OC: NC for our safety.
People say you donít know what youíve got until itís gone. Truth is, you knew what you had, you just thought youíd never lose it.-B.Scott

Posts: 960 | Registered: Sep 2010 | From: Somewhere out there....
tryingtosmile
♀ Member
Member # 30979
Default  Posted: 10:59 AM, June 21st (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

MsSassy
Have an amazing weekend. I know it's hard but try to just enjoy and relax xoxo

((Ray))
Sending you prayers and hugs.


B/S Me 37
W/S Him 37
OW Former Coworker OC born 5/11
4 DS 18,17,11,6 months

Posts: 273 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: TX
disrespected666
♀ Member
Member # 30411
Default  Posted: 12:44 PM, June 21st (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Island - I wouldn't worry to much about this Rielle Hunter crap. Read people's reactions to her narcissistic outpourings and her claim to be a Mom, first and foremost, and you'll see how people really feel about people like her. It's a far cry from how these OW feel about themselves and their reported motivations. She'll pay a heavy price in the end for her actions and self-illusions.

Posts: 78 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: hell
IslandWahine
♀ Member
Member # 29536
Default  Posted: 12:01 AM, June 27th (Wednesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((ray))) Stopping in to find out how you are doing...


Me: BS, 2 COM, M-14 years
FWH-finally hit rock bottom
11/09 D-day. R'ing
cOW: EVIL
OC: NC for our safety.
People say you donít know what youíve got until itís gone. Truth is, you knew what you had, you just thought youíd never lose it.-B.Scott

Posts: 960 | Registered: Sep 2010 | From: Somewhere out there....
rayofhope
♀ Member
Member # 34882
Default  Posted: 8:34 AM, June 27th (Wednesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It is funny how that question, which is so regular and simple, is so complicated to answer now. We ended up not going to court. The judge sent a lenghthy document to each side with what he said he was going to decide. fWH had been summuned to go to court the week before about some documents which they said he hadn't sent (he had). WHile there the judge had asked them to try to come to some agreements. H was calling me (while I was working) saying what should I tell them, we were going to make these decisions together. That made me happy to hear. We had spent so much time talking about this that he knew how I felt. Anyway, both sides have the document and fWH had a few changes he wanted made, which were very minor. Things like more flexibility of days of week instead of always weekends. The support is a more but not what she was asking for. I am so bothered by this money issue. cOW lives with her mom, her mom is the childcare provider and she doesn't even work fulltime and yet we have to pay her huge sums of money to pay for taking care of the OC. Seems she has it pretty good to me. cOW definately got what she wanted. cOW's attorney is an a** which I can assure you is a direct relection of cOW. First he dragged fWH all the way to court for papers already there. Now, he says he doesn't want to change a thing. I wonder if this is him talking or cOW. So, we are waiting to see what happens otherwise there will be a new court date. In the meantime, fWH and I think once there is a legal decision we will start up MC again to work out how to deal with things as we move forward. I don't even want to think about the next visit and that is not a good thing. If there are going to be visits for the rest of my life I have to learn be OK with them or this isn't going to work. fWH may have to make a decision about what is more important to him, the OC or me and our children. I survived the 2 year anniversary of DD. Sometimes I find the days leading up to the date are worse than the date. I have been seeing my IC more lately as the OC issue seems to be destroying me. Thank you so much for caring. No one else ever asks. Maybe they are too embarrassed. Since all my friends deserted me I really don't have anyone to talk to anymore.


Sometimes wonderful presents come wrapped in very ugly packages.

Posts: 80 | Registered: Feb 2012
IslandWahine
♀ Member
Member # 29536
Default  Posted: 5:46 PM, June 27th (Wednesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Ray))) I remember the days we had to do that. I had a few very close friends call and ask, but no one to really talk with except the wonderful folks here who have been thru it all. We know exactly what you are going thru.

Ray, get it on the court documents that only a LICENSED PROVIDER be allowed to watch the OC for payment. That way they cannot claim the childcare expenses to go back to her mom who is living in the home. That's in our order so the cOW couldn't use a family member to try and get more money out of us. She told my fwh it would cost him more $, but it turns out in our state the childcare is against mom's income (to make it less) vs. having dad make that a part of the CS. Probably 1 of only a rare few things that are good about CS in our state. It's worth a shot.


Me: BS, 2 COM, M-14 years
FWH-finally hit rock bottom
11/09 D-day. R'ing
cOW: EVIL
OC: NC for our safety.
People say you donít know what youíve got until itís gone. Truth is, you knew what you had, you just thought youíd never lose it.-B.Scott

Posts: 960 | Registered: Sep 2010 | From: Somewhere out there....
horaliar
♀ Member
Member # 35236
Default  Posted: 10:04 AM, July 3rd (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well, OC was born yesterday and I couldn't handle it very well. I lost it. I'm so glad that I was in my room upstairs at my parents house in Mexico and no one found out what was going on... I felt so bad. Right now WH is in the OW's town, at the hospital, with her and their son. And he keeps telling me that everything is going to be fine? How is it even possible? This is beyond humiliation. Any advice would be appreciated. I'm staying for another month in Mexico until my daughter and I go back home. I just don't think I'll be able to deal with this. It's too hard.


Me: BS Him: WH
One DD.
OC born in July 2012
"A wise girl kisses, but doesn't love. Listens but doesn't believe. And leaves before she is left." Marylin Monroe

Posts: 179 | Registered: Apr 2012
disrespected666
♀ Member
Member # 30411
Default  Posted: 12:13 PM, July 3rd (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

horaliar,

I am so sorry for the anguish and heartache that you are feeling. No one can understand it but other people who have been where you are. The pain is almost unbearable. You don't feel like you can survive it but you can and you will. Feel the pain and get it out. Don't hide it from WH and don't surpress it from yourself. And don't make any decisions about anything to do with the future right now while you're feeling this way. Just get through today and get through tomorrow and however many days you need to before you feel you are ready to take any steps forward.

You have done nothing wrong and you dont' deserve what has happened. Don't try to figure out the whys or whats, just please take care of yourself as best you can. The humiliation is ultimately all their's to bear.

I could just strangle these wreckless and stupid spouses and these women and men who feel they have the right take a part of someone else's life no matter what the reason. There really is no reason for anybody to have to go through this, and it is ultimately a tragedy for all.


Posts: 78 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: hell
IslandWahine
♀ Member
Member # 29536
Default  Posted: 12:56 AM, July 15th (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hello! Just checking in on everyone, sorry I haven't been around. Been having a little pity party for myself, just over $$$ and how it's impacting our summer plans this year. AS much as I try not to let it bug me, it does.

I hope everyone is doing well!


Me: BS, 2 COM, M-14 years
FWH-finally hit rock bottom
11/09 D-day. R'ing
cOW: EVIL
OC: NC for our safety.
People say you donít know what youíve got until itís gone. Truth is, you knew what you had, you just thought youíd never lose it.-B.Scott

Posts: 960 | Registered: Sep 2010 | From: Somewhere out there....
feeling bi polar
♀ Member
Member # 31086
Default  Posted: 1:52 PM, July 15th (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hello everyone. It's been awhile since I posted.
Island and I must be on the same boat. I too have been upset about how the $$$ has impacted us. WS just doesn't seem to get it. His CS is taken out of his check so he doesn't have to write a check.
TO me it doesn't matter the form the $ is still not going to us or our plans.

So here i sit on my pity pot just stewing.


In three words I can sum up everything Iíve learned about life ó It goes on. óRobert Frost

Posts: 196 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: VA
rayofhope
♀ Member
Member # 34882
Default  Posted: 9:04 AM, July 16th (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have been wondering how everyone has been doing. I have been having my own pity party over the f**** court stuff. fWH will have to go back to court now because cOW and her attorney won't agree to the simple changes fWH requested. The money issue bothers me. The CS comes out of his check too so he says he just doesn't think about it and he always says it goes to OC not to OW. I disagree as cOW has no living or childcare expenses as her mama takes care of her. It bothers me so much that she really has not faced any consequences for her actions. She ran before anyone knew about her pregnancy so she wouldn't have to face the ridicule. She hasn't been forced to care for the OC on her own so she would really understand the level of responsibility that having a child brings. It bothers me that I work full time to help make ends meet for us since we have to take the hit from CS each month and take care of my own children and home yet cOW only works 20 hours a week and has full time mom help. It just really gets to me sometime. On a humorous note I saw a funny quote. So often people on this site talk about karma. The quote said, "F*** karma! I'm going to beat the sh** out of you now." Sometimes I just have to laugh. Take care everyone and thank you all for always listening and supporting me.


Sometimes wonderful presents come wrapped in very ugly packages.

Posts: 80 | Registered: Feb 2012
IslandWahine
♀ Member
Member # 29536
Default  Posted: 9:12 PM, July 17th (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My fwh told me last nite he is so sorry and upset because he knows it's his fault our plans have changed for the summer. We do have an alternative vacation set up, but it's not the one we had wanted and planned for for the last 2 years. I told him it's for our kids, they are going to have a GREAT summer and have so much fun with the plans I started to make. But it still hurts. Alot. He went to go and get a new tattoo tonite to dull the pain, I was cool with it because he wanted it for so long.

The CS is also taken out of his check, with the exception of the performance pay he has to pay out--he has the bank send a check but still he has to actively do the math to figure out the OC's portion. And we know that $ just supports the cOW's wants (most likely pays for her cigs, her weed, and her outings), although I'm sure she gets him the essentials. That's coming up soon because he gets it twice a year, so I know that's bothering him.

Hang in there. This whole mess is a high/low roller coaster ride, but we will get thru it!


Me: BS, 2 COM, M-14 years
FWH-finally hit rock bottom
11/09 D-day. R'ing
cOW: EVIL
OC: NC for our safety.
People say you donít know what youíve got until itís gone. Truth is, you knew what you had, you just thought youíd never lose it.-B.Scott

Posts: 960 | Registered: Sep 2010 | From: Somewhere out there....
Tired of Feeling
♀ Member
Member # 32207
Default  Posted: 1:23 PM, July 18th (Wednesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OC's birthday is coming up and I'm stressing out about it. I always fear that OW will try to reconnect with my H. Try to bond with him because of OC. Or at least look for extra money. So anyway I have been thinking about it a lot lately and stressing my self out. This morning my SS comes in and is telling my son that he is his favorite little brother then he stops and says well that I know of. I just but my tongue. I said I'm not going to go there. I was so tempted to go off about the stupid c*nt and how she posts pictures of the child on Facebook and in every picture OC is dirty, fat and looks like a hot mess but I kept my mouth shut. I was not angry with my SS we have talked about it before. I think that he doesnt really think about it until he says something like that and remembers that he has more than one little brother. I hate this!

Posts: 221 | Registered: May 2011
horaliar
♀ Member
Member # 35236
Default  Posted: 2:54 PM, July 26th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well, I am feeling better after OC was born. Still feeling very vulnerable, not sure of what I will do, and I won't make any rash decisions while I'm feeling this way. He went back home, and he's been sending family and friends pictures of his son... He is so happy about having another child I don't know how much he knows how hurt I am and how hurt I will always be. He shares information about OC on FB, I don't see it because he blocked me... "Out of respect" or so he says... Stupid idiot, out of respect, he should have not disrespected me in the first place. Anyhow, he now wants to know if I would be willing to accept the OC in our house for a visit. He would like for this to happen in about 3 months. He is in contact with OW on a daily basis, she sends him photos and updates, he told me this. They seem to be on very good terms, not sure what he is thinking, does he want to have two separate families? I don't want my daughter to grow up with a part time Dad, but I think he is asking too much too soon when he hasn't shown complete remorse yet... Any help, advice or comments will be greatly appreciated, I need all the help I can get right now!


Me: BS Him: WH
One DD.
OC born in July 2012
"A wise girl kisses, but doesn't love. Listens but doesn't believe. And leaves before she is left." Marylin Monroe

Posts: 179 | Registered: Apr 2012
madge13
♀ Member
Member # 35330
Default  Posted: 1:20 AM, July 27th (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I hope all of the lovely people who have the misfortune of needing this thread are doing well.

Tired of Feeling: I'm so sorry you've been stressed and hurting. If the OC's birthday has passed, I hope you found a good way to take your mind of of the day. Maybe in the future you and your husband can plan ahead and find a way to get through the day together, reclaiming the OC's birthday in a way that unites you as a couple. Perhaps you could plan a special date during or after the day, something that will help you get through it?


horaliar: Oh, I am so, so sorry for your pain. From what I've read, it does seem to me like your WH is trying to have two families, or at least glean the benefits of having two families. If he hasn't shown remorse and has daily contact with the OW, even if it's about the OC, then 180-ing might be your best course of action. Right now I'm on that path, and it's challenging. I think it will help me to take better care of myself and make a clearer decision about whether to provide with divorce or reconciliation. Also ask yourself, 'What do I need from my WH to reconcile? Is my WH providing me these things? Do I feel like my WS is as committed to R as I am?' Your WH has asked you to take on an awful lot, even welcoming the OC into your home, but what is he offering you in return? Have you discussed how his constant contact with the OW is hurting you? You deserve respect and love. Focus on taking care of yourself and your daughter.

I separated from my WH this week. He hasn't been respecting my request for temporary NC very well, which makes it hard for me to remember why I chose to separate. I miss him, even though I sometimes struggled to be in the same room as him. My biggest fear is now that we're separated he might break and have non-lawyer contact with the OW. I made no promises that I would return to him - this separation is so that I can work of being happy and sane again - so maybe he'll cut his losses and decide to have more contact with her...Or even be with her. My WH has never given any indication that he wants to be with her...But I just worry.


BS: Me
WH: Him
Married 4 years, together off and on since we were teens
OW: coworker, pregnant
OC: Will be born sometime this fall
Is reconciliation possible? My WH thinks so. Me, I'm not so sure.

Posts: 69 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: NYC
coastofsomewhere
Member
Member # 3624
Default  Posted: 10:36 AM, July 27th (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

madge...did y'all lay down some ground rules for this seperation? If not, you need to...including NC with OW.

If he can't man up and follow the seperation ground rules...you know where he stands. If he truly wants you and your marrige to survive and thrive...he will do whatever it takes to make that happen.

Set the bar high!!


Posts: 5203 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: on the coast of somewhere beautiful
livelaughlove
♀ New Member
Member # 36299
Default  Posted: 1:25 PM, July 29th (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Found out July 2 that my husband continued an affair with the same woman. Found out about first affair August 2010, kicked him out for 7 months, then he came back and I thought all was going really well. To find out that he started seeing her again this past Oct. She is pregnant and is due any day now. Today would have been our 6th wedding anniversary, so I am not having a good day. He has moved out but we still do speak and spend time together, we have a 4yr old son and it turns out she is having a boy. He tells me she was just a F**k and he is so sorry and loves me. I am just so hurt and confused. My family and friends more less are here for me, but I know they want us to divorce. But my heart thinks maybe we can make this work. And all of you are proof of this. I admire all of you for your strength. I just dont know how I am going to feel when this child is born. I know it is not the childs fault,I dont know - I am just so hurt and confused.

[This message edited by livelaughlove at 1:26 PM, July 29th (Sunday)]


BS 39
WS 35
married 6 years, together 13
1 child 4yrs old
D-day 8/19/2010 (separated 7 months - he moved back in March 2011
2nd D-day with same women 7/2/2012
OC born 7/28/12 DNA test confirms 8/31/12 the child is his
Status: separated but in MC

Posts: 27 | Registered: Jul 2012
IslandWahine
♀ Member
Member # 29536
Default  Posted: 2:16 PM, July 29th (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((livelaughlove))) Sorry for your pain and you being here. Of all places, though, this is probably the best place to be for this particular situation.

Make sure your H knows a paternity test is a 100% must prior to anything. Who knows who else she was with!

The weekend tends to be alittle on the slow side here, so don't be discouraged and know one of us will get to you!

(((madge))) I"m so sorry about S. I had wanted to S right after the 1st d-day, and we did for a little bit. Those days were so good for my brain! I wish it had been a little longer.

(((hoarliar))) it sounds like your H is a cake eater. I'm so sorry he is doing that to you and you are right, he should've never disrespected you in the first place. Have you 2 considered counseling together?

The cOW came out of hiding today because (of course) she was wondering why my fwh's performance pay check (which the court ordered him to pay a portion of) was so little. Something he has NO control over. AUGH. After he explained to her via email (which he showed me everything, he kept it 100% business) that, she tried to be all nice nice and send him pix of the OC (which he deleted), tell him about the OC how he's getting all big and stuff, and that she hopes WE have a nice summer. I know it sounds like *maybe* she's turning a new leaf, but she cannot be trusted because she tried to do the same 'ish before and then showed her true colors. He didn't reply back because it was a fluff email on her part. I was a little hurt about him not even wanting to look at the pictures, but he told me that since we are going away in the next couple weeks he didn't want me to get upset. SIGH. Hopefully we won't hear from here again until January--she only seems to contact now when it comes to the $, we think she sees it as a invitation to communicate--gives her a reason (which she actually doesn't have one).

(((everyone)))


Me: BS, 2 COM, M-14 years
FWH-finally hit rock bottom
11/09 D-day. R'ing
cOW: EVIL
OC: NC for our safety.
People say you donít know what youíve got until itís gone. Truth is, you knew what you had, you just thought youíd never lose it.-B.Scott

Posts: 960 | Registered: Sep 2010 | From: Somewhere out there....
livelaughlove
♀ New Member
Member # 36299
Default  Posted: 6:37 PM, July 29th (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((livelaughlove))) Sorry for your pain and you being here. Of all places, though, this is probably the best place to be for this particular situation.
Make sure your H knows a
paternity test is a 100% must prior to anything. Who knows who else she was with!

The weekend tends to be alittle on the slow side here, so don't be discouraged and know one of us will get to you!

Thank you islandwahine! I told him I must see these paternity results to make this all real to me. My husband works in law enforcement so he would be a fool not to do things legally. Though at times even though he says he will get a paternity test seems he really believes her that it is his. I am thinking it is to cause I am setting myself up for the worse. But who knows what other guys she has been with since she is so desperate. I do believe this site is a God send cause even though family/friends are there they do not really understand and know what I am truly feeling. Thank you for being here and I really mean that.


BS 39
WS 35
married 6 years, together 13
1 child 4yrs old
D-day 8/19/2010 (separated 7 months - he moved back in March 2011
2nd D-day with same women 7/2/2012
OC born 7/28/12 DNA test confirms 8/31/12 the child is his
Status: separated but in MC

Posts: 27 | Registered: Jul 2012
coastofsomewhere
Member
Member # 3624
Default  Posted: 9:16 AM, July 30th (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

we think she sees it as a invitation to communicate--gives her a reason (which she actually doesn't have one).

Oh yeah...give them an inch and they will take a mile!!


Posts: 5203 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: on the coast of somewhere beautiful
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