"sorry [we] think that [our] COM don't deserve more than poverty level, but [OC] does and 'he' will get it as long as [she] is breathing"
Oh Sparkle, I am so sorry. What a raging bitch. I hate her for you.
Would this count as documented proof?~ OW was texting me yesterday admitting that she knew it was me reading them (H's job has always been first shift). I replied that any further texts that weren't an emergency would be filed and/or we would get the number changed. She then responded with more texts, some that have gone unread because the inbox is now filled to capacity (this is something she liked to do in previous years was tell us "I'm going to barrage your phone/use up all your minutes, I will get the last word in!"....her current response was "Hate to inform you, since your H and I share custody, I have to have a number to reach him." And that "all [she] was trying to do was be nice, and [I] just want to threaten"
I feel like this has set us back at least 5 years. I don't want to go back to living like that again. I want to be happy again and just move on from this mess.
Looking for the rainbow after the storm
I was told to open the text and take a photo of them. texts can be altered so a photo is proof that she did send it. You can also send a certified letter stating that she is not to call the phone number unless it is a MEDICAL emergency only regarding OC. She can contact you by email and that any other form of contact will not be replied to. Yes with shared custody there has to be a form of contact but in our papers it doesn't state that it has to be phone. WH has an app that sends her calls directly to VM so if it is an emergency she can leave a message if not he just deletes it. He has also blocked her texts. Good Luck
[This message edited by tryingtosmile at 9:39 AM, May 29th (Wednesday)]
I'm just wondering if there is any possible way to have third-party contact or something, because she has proven time and again that she cannot and will not keep communication strictly to relevant matters and that she will not keep civil if she doesn't feel like it. Part of the reason we're arguing with her again is that she started bitching at me in the support office waiting room in front of a bunch of strangers. I was just sitting there reading a magazine.
I think she is also trying other tricks now that the texts and email were cut off~ we keep getting calls from a new 5 digit number and there have been at least 20 different attacks just this morning that our anti-virus keeps fending off. A brand new friend request on my Facebook (profile pic quite obviously swiped from a porn or dating site).
[This message edited by tryingtosmile at 3:26 PM, May 29th (Wednesday)]
The lawyer's demeanor was completely different this time around. At the initial conference she was all, "Yeah, you guys have many strong arguments and when I run the numbers, support should not increase by more than $30 per month". Yesterday she pretty much blew off all of our contention points~ the most devastating one being that they are listing me at an income I don't even make to determine H's net income.
In other words, she confirmed that now I am considered responsible for support to OC (aka OW). I am being forced to reward OW with money we don't even have. I feel very similar to how I did on my D-Days, in fact, this feels like a whole new D-Day as in "Surprise! You don't get to choose what's best for your family, you need to work so that the prostitute can get more money". This is like my worst nightmare ever since this happened!
The lawyer also said that it doesn't really matter what H's actual current net income is and the fact that there is no overtime now....they are focused on his previous year's earnings. When H and I told the lawyer that we don't see how we're going to pay our bills and provide for our family off of this new $1300 monthly net income until the appeal hearing, she joked....JOKED..."at least support won't go up". I should sure as hell hope NOT!
So H and I cut our medical insurance, which will cover about half of the new support deduction. Back to selling household items, using our van as little as possible and so on. It just pains me to have to do these things because the courts don't care about us, only OW
I know in the OC guidelines that it mentions filing for a pseudo-separation in order to protect the COM. Is it too late in the game to do that now? If it is possible, do I need to hire an attorney for that? Does that mean that H and I would need to physically separate (as in reside at different addresses)?
For anyone new, last time FWH had an over-the-phone CS hearing with OW, she kept insisting "If you would just LET my new husband ADOPT (OC), you wouldn't even have to pay child support!"
Now, this was the first we had heard about new H adopting OC (they also have an OC together, from when he was cheating on his BSO with OW). It makes sense, they have been seeing one another since OC was a year old, but at the time of the hearing the had only been married a few weeks (like, 3 weeks).
After a little investigating, I found that 1) they had many people convinced that he actually IS OC's biological father, and 2) had put on their "wedding website" that their wedding would be a "family joining ceremony", as "(new H) will be adopting (OC) immediately after the ceremony."
Well, that was 2011. That was the last we heard of any of it. So I messaged OW in January, and thanks to Facebook now recording when a message was read by the recipient, I know that she hasn't even opened it (and no, I know OW well enough to know that she didn't delete it without reading it, LOL, she doesn't have that kind of impulse control).
So, now I have to wait. And wait. And have mini-panic attacks.
But, hopefully the end result will be OC being adopted. Currently, my FWH and I are both full time students (economy here is awful, and our work experience is obsolete now). In addition to that, he is having to work evenings and weekends not to support us, but OC. After the XW (adult stepchildren) gets her piece of the pie, and OW gets hers, we will see almost nothing. OC being adopted would mean my FWH wouldn't have to be missing out being with our family.
Please, send your positive thoughts, everyone.
Let OW and her new H read that message, see the benevolent intent, and start the ball rolling on the adoption.
Let's hope I get a return message. If not, I will be messaging them that in the event that they are not interested in new H adopting OC, we feel it is in the best interest of OC to have a relationship with her actual father, which is FWH.
This is exactly what OW does not want.
Well now that the message has been read, hopefully you and fWH get some answers. You mentioned the last you'd heard about it was 2011, right? The wedding hasn't happened yet? If adoption is what you and fWH want to happen I hope that it comes to pass.
As for myself, I am leery of that situation because OW had brought it up no less than 4 times over the years. The four of us (fWH and I, 2nd XH and her) met in 2008 to set it in motion, but before the next time we met they separated. In 2010, she fought that my fWH should just sign over the rights to her alone, but she said she would only drop support if he dropped custody first. Obviously, OW is not a trustworthy person so....yeah, that didn't happen.
I've had some improvement since last week. Today I filed the civil complaint for harassment. On Thursday an officer came to the house to take the information and offered to call OW on my behalf to start getting the message across. OW started yelling at her and hung up on her! So the officer called back and left a message with her badge number, and gave me an incident number Then I spent Friday out with some good friends.
So hopefully the district judge will approve the complaint and we'll get some progress with the appeal of the support case.
You mentioned the last you'd heard about it was 2011, right? The wedding hasn't happened yet?
No, they got married in 2011. The CS hearing was a few weeks after the wedding. It was the first she had mentioned it to us, but as I said, his intention to adopt her was plastered all over their "wedding websites" (multiple), Facebook, etc.
However, she has no way of contacting us (until now). Paperwork was filed with the CS office that they could not give any of our information to OW (phone, address, etc.). We have all of our bills go to a PO Box so that our address in untraceable. Our water bill is even in the name of our landlord so that she cannot trace us through our utilities.
Fantastic on the civil suit, and many, OW may as well have hung herself when she hung up on an officer! Way to look sane and rational, OW.
*sigh* I hope everyone else is having a great day. I'm so greatful for this outlet/safe place to get all my feelings and thoughts regarding this crazy, rollercoaster ride of a situation out. Until next time (and who knows how long that will be since I am more of a lurker... lol) take care!
[This message edited by Masks at 8:42 AM, June 16th (Sunday)]
OW=UW or Ugly Whore- cow of WH
UW claims to be pregnant w/ WH baby and I HATE her for it.
Together: 14 years
Married: 10 years
Kids: 3 beautiful boys. Ages: 8, 4, & 19 months
Trying to R-Some days are
but I won't do anything specifically for him... thats the way I feel right now.
Perfectly acceptable. We also had no COM when OC was born (FWH has 3 children from previous M, all adults), so I know how you feel. Father's Day after the OC was born made me ill.
I'm so sorry you find yourself in this situation.
Your first step is for your husband to change his number. ASAP. Texts of ultrasounds pictures is NOT "maintaining NC". It is breaking NC.
Stay NC until OC is born, then get a paternity test. You have no idea how many times I have seen OCs 1) not be real (even with u/s pics, which are sometimes someone else's) or 2) not be the WS's child.
This board has been slow lately. Feel free to pm me for support or advice if you aren't getting answers here.
Of course, they want us to foot the bill for everything as well as do all of the legwork, but whatever, she's boarderline illiterate and would surely fuck everything up anyway.
So, we are looking for an attorney to give us a consultation right now. If everyone could think good thoughts for us, it'd be wonderful.
There is hope for happy endings.
[This message edited by Want2help at 3:01 PM, June 16th (Sunday)]
LiedtoLucy: I kind of know how you feel. When my daughter was 2 weeks old we found out my husband had another child (we didn't believe the affair even happened until the DNA test proved it). Now I don't know what to do or how to feel. I don't know how to tell our daughter when she's old enough or ifshe'll grow up knowing her half-sister. We still aren't sure if he's going to establish visitation, we can't afford the court costs right now though.
Want2Help: I've read your posts on here and I'm very happy for you and your H. My H and I are hoping that his OC's soon to be stepfather wants to adopt her because we live 9 hours away from her and my H knows he won't be able to be any kind of father to her. Unfortunately I don't believe it will happen as child support was just established, I can't imagine the OW wanting to establish CS if her fiancÚ wanted to adopt one of her children (she has 3 from 3 different men and her fiancÚ has 3 of his own as well). I'll still pray that he does because I want my family to be what it was before we found out. However, I don't know what my husband truly wants, I know he thinks this will be best for the OC but that doesn't mean he wants her to be some other man's daughter. I plan to ask him soon what he really wants, regardless of repercussions (right now he says he wants NC because I don't want her to be part of my life but I'm trying to accept the fact that she may become part of it and I don't want her to be punished if my husband does want to be part of her life but won't because of me).
DDay - May 9
"You are strong and brave." - My fortune shortly after DDay, the cookie knew just what to say.
This morning, she came knocking on our door at 3:00 am demanding WH to give her OC back. She had been calling all week asking for him, but never coming, then asking WH to meet her halfway. So even though it took us by surprise, we were kind of expecting it.
I'm completely torn. I didn't have time to come to terms with myself that he was leaving, and possibly, unless the courts don't decide with WH, not seeing him again, plus the fact that he has been living with us for such a long time, I'm afraid that he might be confused. I just don't know where all of these feeling are coming from! Why are all these tears pouring out? I have a DD, and even though I always wanted another one, she is and will always be the apple of my eye. Has anyone out there ever felt this? This type of attachment with OC? I don't know if I'll be able to take another one like this one.