Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: KingHit4Six (44888)

I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: OC Thread (BS Only) Part II
sparkle76
♀ Member
Member # 13108
Default  Posted: 11:28 AM, April 5th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OW's latest display of weaselly behavior involved calling our attorney to ask him about the continuance she wants. Did I mention yet how she tapped his shoulder and requested to speak with him privately when we were in court back in February? Does she think she can sink her hooks into him, too?

I wonder if she contacted our previous attorney (for the support hearing). That might explain the about-face that she pulled on us.

OW also crossed the line when FWH went to pick up OC yesterday. Ever since the Black Friday confrontation, FWH rings a doorbell on the ground level, and waits for OC to come down...therefore avoiding OW. Yesterday, OW came down by herself and proceeded to try to talk to FWH. He told her No, he wasn't doing this and would not say anything else. She continued to try to bait him, then huffed back up the stairs, muttering to herself...and still OC was nowhere in sight. FWH thought she was denying the visit and started to walk away...then he said she screamed out something like, "You're not picking him up?!?!?" and that's when OC finally came down.

This is going to be a long few weeks until court. I'm just tired of being in this limbo state and all this BS in between.


Me~ BW 37
fWH~37
Married 14 years
6 children together and he has a son from his A
D-day #1~ May 4th, 2002
D-day #2~ June 27th, 2002
D-day of OC's paternity~ June 30th, 2004

slowly reconciling

Looking for the rainbow after the storm


Posts: 260 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: PA
Want2help
♀ Member
Member # 20547
Default  Posted: 5:49 PM, April 5th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so sorry, sparkle. Yuck, does she think she can get her way with your attorney, as well?? Does she not realize that YOU and FWH are the clients?

Well, OW in my case is one of those who imagines herself to be incredibly intelligent, and is actually a complete idiot (FWH's biggest complaint about her when he ended the A to try R; "She's just so stupid. She thinks she's so smart, and she thinks she knows everything about everything, but when she opens her mouth you can tell she is just so stupid… it was embarrassing".) I told her the attorney that we hired was an attorney for both of us, she had no need to hire her own attorney, that ours would work for both sides. Yeah, not really true, but she seems to take our attorney's advice. We are paying 100% of the adoption, and OW WAS fighting us over a $10 (each) fee for their background checks (which we didn't want to pay on principal, it's their criminal history, they should pay the measly $20) but our attorney advised them to pay it, as well as let them know that it is usually the burden of those who are actually adopting to pay, not those who are having their rights terminated.

Have you considered having neutral parties do the exchange? Like, inlays or something? I don't know if it is possible for you, but I've seen it done in (legitimate) relationships where the couple cannot put their differences aside long enough to do a child exchange…

[This message edited by Want2help at 5:56 PM, April 5th (Saturday)]


BS- me.
FWS- him.
DDay 6/07 (immediately separated)
RDay 8/07
Surprise OC born 3/08 (NC)
7 years into successful R.
"That which can be destroyed by truth should be." -P. C. Hodgell

Posts: 2258 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: PNW
sparkle76
♀ Member
Member # 13108
Default  Posted: 9:11 AM, April 7th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Want2~ That definitely describes OW...she acts like she knows everything, even after she's been proven wrong or caught in her lies many times. And the truly stupid part is that she still thinks that what she says is taken at face value.

I'm glad that your attorney advised OW in your case to just pay the $20 for the background checks. ITA with you that it should be their responsibility.

There's already a stipulation in the current custody order that I and my FIL and OW's mother and her boyfriend can transport OC for custody exchanges. Her mother already has a few times, her boyfriend never has. My FIL is starting to show signs of Alzheimer's, so we don't think he's going to be driving much longer....and we definitely wouldn't ask him to go out of town, where he's unfamiliar. As for me, OW has been making it abundantly clear how she doesn't even want to see my face, and she's already hinted that she wants to get me removed as a transport alternative.


Me~ BW 37
fWH~37
Married 14 years
6 children together and he has a son from his A
D-day #1~ May 4th, 2002
D-day #2~ June 27th, 2002
D-day of OC's paternity~ June 30th, 2004

slowly reconciling

Looking for the rainbow after the storm


Posts: 260 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: PA
strongerdaybyday
♀ Member
Member # 40264
Default  Posted: 2:25 PM, April 7th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

As for me, OW has been making it abundantly clear how she doesn't even want to see my face, and she's already hinted that she wants to get me removed as a transport alternative.

Poor OW. Doesn't want you around.

Perhaps and (here's a crazy thought) she should have thought of that before getting pregnant and deciding you would be her child's stepmom. These women are broken and pathetic and have the title "OW" for a reason.

Looney idiots

The OW in my H's life has disappeared. She called his parents and said her son was crying for his daddy. This time, h and I were there (yes we're divorcing but his parents invited me and the kids over for dinner and asked if I would mind H being there - I think she's trying for R. God love her )

Anyway He picked up the phone and said: "this is the last time I will address you and this situation. do not call me or my family. further communication will result in harassment charges. I will have my lawyer draw up a formal letter if this is not clear." And no...he doesn't have a lawyer but she got flustered and hung up.


Me-BW Him - WH
Married 6 years, together 13+ years
D-Day Summer 2013
children-3
If it is what it is then what is it?

**If I edit I'm correcting a typo!**


Posts: 384 | Registered: Aug 2013
Want2help
♀ Member
Member # 20547
Default  Posted: 3:05 PM, April 7th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

As for me, OW has been making it abundantly clear how she doesn't even want to see my face, and she's already hinted that she wants to get me removed as a transport alternative.

Ha! What an idiot!

Perhaps and (here's a crazy thought) she should have thought of that before getting pregnant and deciding you would be her child's stepmom.

I concur, but I firmly believe the OWs DID think it through… and in their mind (at least I know this to be the case in our switch), the MM would run to them, taking the knocked up OW in their arms, and never let go.

The day OW announced her pregnancy to fWH (and then promptly called me, so she could announce it to me before he had a chance), she told me "I thought he'd be done with you for good…" and "I NEVER thought he'd leave me to be a single mom…"

They didn't anticipate us being the stepmothers of their OCs, because in their fantasies, we, our Ms, and our COM were discarded in favor of OW, OW's magical vagina, and the COM she would soon push out of it.


BS- me.
FWS- him.
DDay 6/07 (immediately separated)
RDay 8/07
Surprise OC born 3/08 (NC)
7 years into successful R.
"That which can be destroyed by truth should be." -P. C. Hodgell

Posts: 2258 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: PNW
Want2help
♀ Member
Member # 20547
Default  Posted: 3:16 PM, April 7th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just left a message for our attorney, asking her to clarify exactly what step we are at in the adoption process (I believe we're just waiting for the courts, but last we heard OW was not being forthcoming with some of the paperwork she was required to fill out).

I also asked what we can do about a NC order for our families. As I mentioned last week (or so), OW seems to have been in contact with FIL and stepMIL, which FWH is royally pissed about. In the past she has attempted to contact MY family through social media, for what reason I do not know, they all blocked her.

We'd like to have a NC letter sent to her, (which would likely exclude adult stepDs, MIL, and SIL, since OC has already formed bonds with these people, and these people are not involved in our life in any way).

Ugh, I cannot stand OW. Who in the hell does she think she is, outing the affair to OUR families, while filling her own families (except her mother and father, who totally encouraged the affair) lies about some mysterious baby daddy who cheated and HER (OW) and left when she found out she was pregnant. I'd LOVE to contact her family (all religious) and let them know how OC REALLY came about.

Instead, I will leave it to the attorney to handle. And FWH intends to call his father and demand that he cease contact with OW once the adoption in complete.


BS- me.
FWS- him.
DDay 6/07 (immediately separated)
RDay 8/07
Surprise OC born 3/08 (NC)
7 years into successful R.
"That which can be destroyed by truth should be." -P. C. Hodgell

Posts: 2258 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: PNW
sparkle76
♀ Member
Member # 13108
Default  Posted: 3:34 PM, April 7th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I sometimes wonder what OW has told her boyfriend and friends about how OC came about as well. I don't imagine it's truthful.

I can't make heads or tails out of OW's thinking...she specifically said once that she knew FWH wouldn't leave me, but that she hoped he would.

The discussion especially showed how she's using OC to try to separate FWH and I. She had the gall to sit there and complain to FWH that one of the reasons she wants me to stay out of things is that FWH and her end up fighting because FWH obviously takes my side....


Me~ BW 37
fWH~37
Married 14 years
6 children together and he has a son from his A
D-day #1~ May 4th, 2002
D-day #2~ June 27th, 2002
D-day of OC's paternity~ June 30th, 2004

slowly reconciling

Looking for the rainbow after the storm


Posts: 260 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: PA
Forthem
New Member
Member # 42991
Default  Posted: 11:22 PM, April 7th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have been reading up as I am new here. I talked to OW last week for the first time since she had OC. My H is in denial but she is pretty sure. They are getting a paternity test soon, but,I am out of town on business. It was a friendship and then one drunk night, after she just got out of jail for DUI and two days before he came home to see us after 3 months apart. I told him he could not see the OC. I am so freaked that this is just the beginning of the drama you all seem to be going through. They were drinking buddies while my h was working in WY and I was getting the kids to the end of school, selling the house and working. My son has Ashbergers or whatever they are calling it this week, we now live in a smallish town from a big city. Both of them have family and friends there. I got no one but the church, and we are both in counseling. We love each other but I just don't know if I can handle this.


ME: BS-46
HE: WS-40
OW: 36
Married 17 years, together 20
2 kids - 7 and 9
D-Day: 9-15-13

Posts: 18 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: Wyoming
strongerdaybyday
♀ Member
Member # 40264
Default  Posted: 8:08 AM, April 8th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

magical vagina

Want2 - You're right. My H's OW actively pursued him, and TRIED to break us up. Assuming that he would fall in love w/OC and her and leave me and the 3 kids we share.

Sparkle


I sometimes wonder what OW has told her boyfriend and friends about how OC came about as well. I don't imagine it's truthful.

You're probably made out to be some spiteful mega bitch even though SHE'S in the wrong. I often wonder after H's OW told her ExH he's the dad and then 7-8 years later told my H he's the dad how did she handle that. What could she have said that doesn't make her look like the whore she is?

Forthem -

Welcome to the thread. And - sorry you have to be here. I know, it stinks. One thing I have to say and I say it with all gentleness and love: You can demand NC (that's your right and that's your comfort level) but you can't force it. My H went back and forth on NC for a bit because he felt guilty for this little boy to have been ditched by 2 men the mom claimed were his dad. But, in the end, our marriage and our children won out. But, I didn't force NC. I told him that was a decision HE had to make, I didn't want him to resent me one day. I know it sounds messed up but this was his child and as much as it upset me he had the right to know him if he wanted to. You can handle this but you have the right to set boundaries. Whether it's C or NC. Once that decision is made, YOU set the terms. If your church is good and understanding (mine wasn't - they sided with HIM) they can be a great resource of support. I promise you, you will start to feel better. You may still feel bouts of depression/sadness etc but eventually this becomes your new normal.
We're in the midst of separation/divorce and I still go back and forth. I love him but the OC and cheating scenario were too much for me. We'll see what happens with us. As for you, please take time. Post, post and post some more. We're here for you. You have some decisions to make - whether he's got an OC or not he still cheated and that's hard to wrap your head around. (((HUGS)))

[This message edited by strongerdaybyday at 8:09 AM, April 8th (Tuesday)]


Me-BW Him - WH
Married 6 years, together 13+ years
D-Day Summer 2013
children-3
If it is what it is then what is it?

**If I edit I'm correcting a typo!**


Posts: 384 | Registered: Aug 2013
sparkle76
♀ Member
Member # 13108
Default  Posted: 8:26 AM, April 8th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Forthem~ welcome to the thread. This is a great resource, especially when you feel lonely and like no one else understands what you're going through. I hope the paternity test comes back negative. Failing that, try not to let yourself be swayed by what your H wants or out of feelings of guilt or anything else. FWH and I chose to have contact, OC is 12 now and we've seriously considered dropping custody and going completely NC. It can definitely be a long, hard battle.


Me~ BW 37
fWH~37
Married 14 years
6 children together and he has a son from his A
D-day #1~ May 4th, 2002
D-day #2~ June 27th, 2002
D-day of OC's paternity~ June 30th, 2004

slowly reconciling

Looking for the rainbow after the storm


Posts: 260 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: PA
strongerdaybyday
♀ Member
Member # 40264
Default  Posted: 8:53 AM, April 8th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

try not to let yourself be swayed by what your H wants or out of feelings of guilt or anything else.

Forthem - Sparkle and Want2 always have great advice as shown in the above quote. I hope you don't think I was saying that if your H wants contact you have to be ok with it. If you won't be okay with it please do what's right for you. This whole situation is messy. And PLEASE don't let people guilt you with "innocent child" stuff. Yes the child is innocent but his conception wasn't and my personal problem with contact was that I didn't want a reminder of my H's infidelity running around. My children were a result of love and commitment. Not some sweaty one night stand or affair. AND I did not want OW in my life. People called me selfish. I told them to fuck off.

[This message edited by strongerdaybyday at 8:54 AM, April 8th (Tuesday)]


Me-BW Him - WH
Married 6 years, together 13+ years
D-Day Summer 2013
children-3
If it is what it is then what is it?

**If I edit I'm correcting a typo!**


Posts: 384 | Registered: Aug 2013
strangeasfiction
♂ Member
Member # 42160
Default  Posted: 12:44 PM, April 8th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's official. I'm a member of this club.


Me - BS 39
Her - WW 34
Kids - 3 & 1
Married - 9 years
Status - FUBAR

Posts: 211 | Registered: Jan 2014
LosferWords
♂ Guide
Member # 30369
Default  Posted: 12:57 PM, April 8th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((SAF))))

I'm so sorry, man.


Posts: 6978 | Registered: Dec 2010
strongerdaybyday
♀ Member
Member # 40264
Default  Posted: 1:26 PM, April 8th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((SAF))

Welcome to the club nobody wants membership to. We're here for you.


Me-BW Him - WH
Married 6 years, together 13+ years
D-Day Summer 2013
children-3
If it is what it is then what is it?

**If I edit I'm correcting a typo!**


Posts: 384 | Registered: Aug 2013
sparkle76
♀ Member
Member # 13108
Default  Posted: 1:40 PM, April 8th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((SAF))) So sorry to hear that. Sending strength and good thoughts for you.


Me~ BW 37
fWH~37
Married 14 years
6 children together and he has a son from his A
D-day #1~ May 4th, 2002
D-day #2~ June 27th, 2002
D-day of OC's paternity~ June 30th, 2004

slowly reconciling

Looking for the rainbow after the storm


Posts: 260 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: PA
Forthem
New Member
Member # 42991
Default  Posted: 1:41 PM, April 8th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank-you Stronger and Sparkle. Your posts really resonate with me, because they seem to be the forks in the road. My counselor, who is with the church and very supportive, told me to try and hold off making any big changes and to take care of me. I hope that means eating frosted honey buns and picking up the cigarettes again (after more than 10 years) because that is where I am. I am insisting we separate our finances as our paychecks go to different banks and we make about the same amount (I actually make a little more).
I was in the Marine Corps, am a sunday school teacher and a financial advisor so I am trying to hold on to what I have going for me, but in a way it just makes me feel sorry for the OW, who is an unemployed alcholic single mom (she has a 9-year-old too)and looks as old as I do even though I am 10 years older. Even her 70-something year old Mom still bartends. I try to be a nice person, but I really wanted to distance myself from people like her as I have known my share.
Thank-you for making me feel better about the OC as just seeing a young baby is a trigger for me, so I don't know when I will be ready for the real thing. Ugh!!!


ME: BS-46
HE: WS-40
OW: 36
Married 17 years, together 20
2 kids - 7 and 9
D-Day: 9-15-13

Posts: 18 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: Wyoming
strongerdaybyday
♀ Member
Member # 40264
Default  Posted: 2:36 PM, April 8th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

is an unemployed alcoholic single mom

I've yet to read about an OW that wasn't broken or pathetic in some way. My H's OW had "daddy issues" (as my counsellor says.) Her dad wasn't around so she looked for love anywhere she could get it. My counsellor says that (without meeting her, only by what my H has said) the OW equates sex with love and assumes it's enough to keep a man and when they leave she get's angry (makes sense considering none of her children are fathered by the same man and all the fathers have left - her 1st child's father told my H he thought she was evil.)

Separating your finances is a good idea. Protect and worry about yourself right now. And you can always post here if you need an understanding shoulder to cry on or vent or ask advice.

[This message edited by strongerdaybyday at 2:36 PM, April 8th (Tuesday)]


Me-BW Him - WH
Married 6 years, together 13+ years
D-Day Summer 2013
children-3
If it is what it is then what is it?

**If I edit I'm correcting a typo!**


Posts: 384 | Registered: Aug 2013
Forthem
New Member
Member # 42991
Default  Posted: 10:39 AM, April 9th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Still no paternity test. My H just wants to see how long he can avoid it. I don't feel like I should have to force him to get this done, but I guess I am going to have to, so we can just move on to the next thing. He is the only one that doesn't think its his, but his hesitance just tells me that he does believe it and just doesn't want to face up to it. I get back home on Friday so I guess I will just have to wait through another weekend. It is so much easier to love him at home than when I (or he) is away.


ME: BS-46
HE: WS-40
OW: 36
Married 17 years, together 20
2 kids - 7 and 9
D-Day: 9-15-13

Posts: 18 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: Wyoming
strongerdaybyday
♀ Member
Member # 40264
Default  Posted: 1:04 PM, April 9th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He is the only one that doesn't think its his, but his hesitance just tells me that he does believe it and just doesn't want to face up to it

This.

I MADE my H do the test. I had to know. For me and my children. He felt like as long as he didn't know he could deny it.
If she decides to take him to court for child support (and most OW's do) he'll have to do a court ordered DNA test anyway.

**t/j (sidenote) when did I lose the "new" beside the word member under my username? Have I posted that much/been a member that long?? I'm sad to see how many members have needed to join since me! But SI is a great place. Wow how time flies - at least I'm making progress w/healing!**

Now please continue OC related discussions!

[This message edited by strongerdaybyday at 1:08 PM, April 9th (Wednesday)]


Me-BW Him - WH
Married 6 years, together 13+ years
D-Day Summer 2013
children-3
If it is what it is then what is it?

**If I edit I'm correcting a typo!**


Posts: 384 | Registered: Aug 2013
storm77
♀ Member
Member # 40277
Default  Posted: 2:55 PM, April 9th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hello all,
I have not been on in a while as we moved and life just got really busy.
Merida,
I told my 10dd but not my 4 dd. It was really had because I wanted to be honest with her, but what I told her broke her little heart. It has been a while but she is doing fine now. I just keep an eye out for odd behavior from her or when she gets too quiet. On the upside she knows she can ask me anything and I will tell her the truth. I will wait a few years to tell my 4 yo.
So here is my update.
Wh and ow we're communicating until I went bat shit on his ass and told him I would rather live in a women's shelter with our two kids than deal with this bull anymore. I flat out could not and would not take any more. I need NC And I do not care how he ow or anyone else feels. They can all suck it.
I also found to ow mother is not speaking to her over this mess.
We also got our order for support. It is 0. I was surprised by this this. I guess the last time he went to court they modified the documentation I filled out and basically said I did not include things like medicine, entertainment for com etc. To say I was shocked is a understatement.
I guess after she got it she wanted help picking out a Christian school for OC to attend and said she would take whatever our budget allowed. Well it allows 0. My WH listened and gave her a bunch of info on schools. I told him they were both idiots, her for not being able to pick out a school and basically admitting she was lieing about OC being in school in the first place and him for buying into her I am helpless bullshit. I told him she was just manipulating him to having a relationship with her.... Meaning OW. A few days later she asked for the exact same information. All info was sent via text. He told me I was right......no shit Sherlock!


Me BS:35
Him WS:36
Kids 10 and 3
Embracing the furture. I know that I will be great no matter what the future brings.

Posts: 128 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Chicago
Topic Posts: 1000
Pages: 1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11 · 12 · 13 · 14 · 15 · 16 · 17 · 18 · 19 · 20 · 21 · 22 · 23 · 24 · 25 · 26 · 27 · 28 · 29 · 30 · 31 · 32 · 33 · 34 · 35 · 36 · 37 · 38 · 39 · 40 · 41 · 42 · 43 · 44 · 45 · 46 · 47 · 48 · 49 · 50

Return to Forum: I Can Relate This Topic is Full
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.