SurvivingInfidelity.com® > I Can Relate
Betrayed Spouse S.T. D. Support
so happy i found this forum, and yet so sad that my first post belongs here.
found out in june 2012 positive for genital warts.
A took place jan 2011 and while i had "yeast infection" symptoms a number of times beginning a month after the discovery of his affair, i clearly lived in denial until the symptoms became too uncomfortable.
worse yet, i work in the medical field and am on a very casual friendly basis with my PCP and my Gyn as well as their staff. i was mortified to say the least.
i'm so disgusted. using Aldara, i have an every Tuesday, Thursday and Sunday night reminder of what he did. I take a look down below with a mirror to apply the cream and cry every single time.
staying strong is more challenging than ever before.
Abour Herpes and BV:
BV is VERY difficult to get rid of and some never do. If anyone finds a great, non pharmaceutical cure, please post it. The drugs given to me have had huge side effects and done absolutely nothing for me. It is said that BV is not an STD; yet, I did get it while my XH was having an "EA." Besides drugs, I have tried folic acid, yogurt, and inserting lots of good probiotics.
For all those newly infected with Herpes, I know it seems like the end of the world, but it is not. Unless one has an autoimmune problem of the skin, the disease normally lessens as time passes; that is, year one is the worst and afte a few years one gets into somewhat of a rhythm with virus and understands its triggers, until finally one has only a few outbreaks per year or none at all. I have gone 5 years without an episode. The first year, I broke out 4 times. I have never, yes NEVER, been diagnosed with H. I have been tested twice. I know I have it. I had the swab test done of a sore and a blood test done.
The same place breaks out each time. It isn't large. I try never to touch it and if I must, then I cleanse my hands and the area of outbreak.
It may seem that no one will love you or want to have sex with you again, but this is not true either. I will write more about this later.
Oh, I do not take drugs for this. This can be done, but is not always necessary.
I know there is probably no clear answer to my question but to anyone who has reconciled after an affair that resulted in an STD, how do you even start to consider a sexual relationship with him again?
First...I'm sorry you're here and even more sorry you're dealing with an STD on top of it.
I know how you feel...my backstory is my fWH and I were firsts and onlies (until the A) it was a 12 year LTA/PA and I got BV, genital warts and an abnormal pap smear that needs to be repeated.
He was sexually abused as a child and the A was a reenactment of his trauma (IC said this not me).
I remember when I went in for my check up my OB asked if the warts were bothering me...I said "not physically, just emotionally" The zyclara didn't work for me and they're still there...I'm not sure what option I will use next. I understand that it is just so hard to see them and it just makes it harder to let go of it.
We are 18 months out and are in R. He couldn't be working any harder than he is!! I still ask him to use a condom...I feel safer even though I know I have already been exposed to everything he's got. I see it as a sign of respect...I don't want anything touching me that has touched her...I know that it's all just a head game but it's where I am today. I'll get past this too someday but right now it makes me feel better. I also try to not do anything they did...of course that's impossible and just another one of my mind games but it works for now.
Good Luck...with a very remorseful spouse who will own his own s*** it can get better. It's hard...I get you and I hear you!
Had a meltdown tonite. Got a shower and had the aldara cream, the glove and mirror out. I broke down. I could barely bring myself to put the cream on. I thought "why fucking bother!". I had two days of no crying and was so proud of myself. I finally pulled it together and put the cream on. I just can't stand the glaring every other day reminder I have "down there".
Thanks for listening.
I'm so sorry. I hope the treatment works quickly so you don't have the constant reminder.
This is my first post, and sadly, it is on this thread.
Waiting@Home posted about the diminishing breakouts of Herpes, the longer you have it. That may be true for some.
CDC acknowledges, and many .herpes web sites are reporting, many are suffering from strains of uber-herpes2 and are finding them non-reactive to the current oral and IV drugs. I am one of those people and it is hell, with very few days of relief in over 4 years.
I'm grateful for this thread and thank you to SI for hosting us.
(((btl1980 and alphakitte)))
I wish I could say something brilliant...all I know is that you didn't deserve any of this.
I just want you to know you are being heard and I'm so sorry for your pain.
When my WH and I were dating, I ended up getting a dose of Herpes 2 via oral sex with him. I remember getting the full battery of tests on my first visit to a clinic and thinking, well at least we're good to go after that.
For those of you who have recently contracted Herpes, I did a lot of reading about it when I did. They say a very high % of people have it, some without even knowing. They also say in some cases you never have a secondary outbreak. I am one of those lucky people who hasn't, and god knows I have had enough stress to trigger one with house moves, dday etc. Hopefully this may bring hope to some.
Anyway fast forward 14 years and again I find myself in a clinic, and again it's because of him
He is fully on with playing the blame game. He was in denial that he'd given me herpes 2 back then, when I hadn't had any sort of relationship with anyone for over a year before him. Then this last time, he was saying, "maybe you didn't get PID because of my ONS". He loves to distribute the blame. I did not let him get away with it though.
We've both had a full set of tests. He goes back for his second HIV tests at the end of August. I know it's unlikely from a ONS but I have insisted on condom useage since d day.
The thing that gets on my nerves the most is he KNOWS how worried I am about diseases. I once said to him, if you ever have sex with anyone else, please promise me you will use protection. Oh he promised alright.
So why then did he put his stupid self in her mouth and ass without any protection.
my WH still stands by his story that he was with someone 20+ years ago that had genital warts and that they 'popped up' on me now because of stress.
i could fucking scream.
Hello - just got disturbing news from the BW of the mOM who has fucked my wife 50 times w/o condom.
She didnt know how to tell me before, but they both have HPV and Herpes.......and I should be checked.
Confronted WW with this, and she says I am a liar. I showed my phone log that I indeed had a conversation with BW - my WW says she's a liar.
OMG right. Its Sunday, and I want fucking answers right fucking now!
Can someone tell me, what are the chances after so many encounters? Also, how long does it take to get back lab reports once tested?
[This message edited by kchip at 10:39 AM, August 19th (Sunday)]
Hi kchip, I hope you are okay. I just wanted to say don't panic too much. Stress isn't good for either of those things.
Both are most likely to be spread if the infected person has an active outbreak. They can be spread at other times, but it is not as likely.
I hope you get some answers soon.
this is a really good link about HPV for men.
As far as the herpes, that can be passed even if they did use condoms.
I have had 3 rounds of STD tests since dday back in March of 2009.
All of my tests were back within a week if not sooner.
Damn it is right kchip. I'm so sorry you're going through this. The tests came back within a day or two for me. Sending strength!
My WH is having his second HIV test on Thursday. That is exactly 3 months since his ONS.
I am scared. So scared.
good luck, CallMeRed. i'll send prayers and good thoughts your way until the test results come back.
Ok, all of these posts have officially freaked me out and gotten me very upset again! My WW had a ONS with her old high school boyfriend. Coincidentally, she started having yeast infection issues at the same time (5 month ago) that still won't go away. She has been tested for STD's and says that she was clean (I've asked for the report), but reading all of this has me greatly worried that her continued yeast infections are not in fact actually yeast infections. Can it possibly be Herpes? or BV? I've talked to her doctor and the doc says that she is seeing lots of hard to treat yeast infections because it's been so hot this year. I guess I need to get myself checked out this week as well. Not sure how good this is going to be for R if she in fact does have something besides a really tricky yeast infection.
GP: Since you spoke to the doctor, and the doctor took a specimen, then it sounds like that's what it is. Could it be something else? If they misdiagnosed, then maybe it's BV. She could go to another doctor for another test. Yeast is sometimes difficult to get rid of and with yeast or BV the Vag PH needs to be restored. That can be really difficult to do. The doc can write a prescription for that gel too or you can get the over the counter Rephresh. (Hasn't helped my BV.) Some women get heightened yeast monthly, after using antibiotics, and after sex to name a few. Yeast are always present; it's all about balance.
alphakitte pointed out an uber H. Yes, like I said, H takes off in some people. You see, some who take the suppressants and then pass on H to others may have created a more resistant Herpes simply by taking the suppressants. Also, people with autoimmune disorders have more trouble with H. My X used to get H every 3-4 weeks, that subsided, but now it's sacral Herpes. I htink he spread it by sleeping nude, touching the outbreak, and then accidentally touching open wounds around the buttocks and back. (He has a skin condition that caused teh H to run rampant.)
Yeast infections are horrible but they are not always caused by any sort of sexual contact. I've had thrush on and off all my life, from before I was even sexually active. I have very sensitive skin so something as little as not wearing 100% cotton underwear can trigger it.
TMI: They are particularly common in women as the yeast occurs naturally in the digestive system so if you wipe the wrong way that can trigger it too.
Try not to hear "yeast infection" and think it is automatically related to sex... as that not necessarily the case.
GP: One thing maybe to suggest to your wife is to eat natural yoghurt (the ones with live cultures in) regularly. This restores the natural balance of the digestive system. It really can help with this.
[This message edited by CallMeRed at 2:27 AM, August 21st (Tuesday)]
Aside from the anger, depression, embarrassment of having Herpes, I'm not sure it does much to change the status of our relationships. We are definitely working to R, she has been exceptionally open, honest and truthful through all of this and show HUGE remorse for having made the mistake.
Now, I feel bad bringing it up to her this morning. She's struggling just to get out of bed because she "hates herself". I know that me bringing it up causes her thoughts of self loathing all over again.
We start MC today at 1:45. She's already in IC as am I. Is there any more benefit to me bringing it up again? If she has it, she has it. Any thoughts on me dropping the subject?