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Betrayed Spouse S.T. D. Support

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CallMeRed posted 8/30/2012 07:01 AM

waiting - that was a superb post. I have only ever had one attack and I fully expected this latest episode to trigger a second one but it seems I am one of those lucky people who isn't going to have another flare up (yet). I have read different %s, I am sure I've read between 20%-40% of adults have some form of herpes infection.

Your post was both informative and well written, thanks for sharing it.

CallMeRed posted 8/30/2012 07:04 AM

starlightsky I am really struggling to know what to say but I want you to know I am thinking about you.

Cancer is such a horrible thing to be dealing with but to know it could have been caused by someone else must be worse. I am sure your feelings of hatred and anger must be very common in this situation BUT I will say this. With cancer, the best thing you can do for YOU right now is try and get rid of that negativity and somehow learn to relax, exercise, eat, well, treat yourself as best as you can, as being in a positive frame of mind will help during your treatment. It really will. I know far too many people who have had various cancers and the ones who have been positive and got on with their lives and look after themselves are the ones who are still around today.

How old are your children?


kchip posted 8/31/2012 09:51 AM

confirmed hsv-2.

I'm was already depressed and nonfunctional. Now I'm shocked and angry too. All of this is so surreal. I woke up again at 2am (like every night) with mind movies and keep wondering when the hand grenedes will stop exploding mext to my head. Not one week has gone by since Dday that there hasn't been some sort of new revalation or TT bomb.

Now I really don't see much future. Having to explain this to a future possible SO. I've never had an ob, bit I've read everything I could possible google about this and I could potentially transmit this. Which makes more angry, because mOM never once warned my WW (LTA 18 mon) that he has H.
The final insult - she is downplaying it and saying what am I complaining about comparing my situation to a friend of hers who just got diagnosed with a brain tumor. In other words, I've got it made.

I wasn't sure how to recover from the LTA devastation, now this.

atsenaotie posted 8/31/2012 10:02 AM


FWW contracted H from her OM. I wanted tested for that, and to Drs. told me blood test show exposure, but not necessarily infection. Both would not do test until I had an outbreak, then they would test the crusty, oozy stuff. Fortunately we rarely have sex any more so no outbreaks for me.

exhaustedHeart posted 8/31/2012 12:45 PM

I'm waiting for my WW's results to come back. I've never had any symptoms. If hers come back clean, do I really need to have myself tested?

kchip posted 8/31/2012 13:42 PM


If you have antibodies - you have the herpes virus. You just haven't had an OB yet and there is no way to know when or even if you will.

CallMeRed posted 8/31/2012 14:43 PM

exhaustedheart I'd say as long as you have access to her results and they are all negative AND you have only been with her, you probably don't need to have the tests.

If you'd get peace of mind though, it wouldn't hurt. But I'm in the UK where the tests are free so I expect that has an impact too, if you have to pay.

starlightsky posted 8/31/2012 21:10 PM

Callmered, thank u for ur kind words. My children are 15& 17. My son graduates this year. Urs its rough knowing someone who loved me so much gave me the std that contributed to my cancer. Im looking after myself & my kiddos as that is my priority. I am going to grief therapy for all the losses& changes have changed in the past year. im still having difficulty processing and accepting all of it. Ive learned so much. Still am. Im struggling to accepting the cold way my narcissist ex just abandoned us as if we never existed. After what I thought & remember of 8 great years he just left us 8 months ago& never turned back. Now he just moves on eith this girl who is almost due with his child. His serial cheating is part of this somatic narcissistic personality traits. To think he is just spreading the std around. He isnt the type to use protection I found out..the hard way. I miss my life I remember & loved, but separating what really is feels like a constsnt nightmare bc it makes no sense. It helps me to also talk to other spouses who have also had the unfortunate experience of dating ,marrying, or being engaged to a narcissist that has devaluef & discarded them with no closure,just pure abandonment. its horrible, but in time I will accrpy it all finish mourning it &move on...

esposa posted 9/4/2012 20:58 PM

Do people go on to reconcile after STDs? Mine gave me HPV and genital HSV1. I don't even know what to do.

esposa posted 9/12/2012 07:24 AM


My husband's affair supposedly ended in December 2011. I just now had a painful sore in my genital area. They did a swab and confirmed that it was herpes - but oral herpes HSV 1. This was my first outbreak. I have never had a cold sore in my life.

My husband had cold sores as a child and tested HSV 1 positive previously like most people.

Here's the thing....

I haven't had SEX with him in 2 months. I haven't hard ORAL SEX with him in 6 months. Why is this just happening now?

kchip posted 9/12/2012 09:30 AM

The virus can be dormant in your body for YEARS. Some people never have an OB. Some people have one OB and then never again. Others, every couple of months and they take meds to help suppress the virus.

Basically, the virus is always with you - some people are 'luckier' than others.


painpaingoaway posted 9/12/2012 10:04 AM

Do people go on to reconcile after STDs? Mine gave me HPV and genital HSV1. I don't even know what to do.
I am attempting to, but it is very very hard. Sometimes, I just want to give up when the horror of the day my doc told me I had an STD comes back to haunt me.

The only way I have been able to reconcile the horror of it is because most waywards do NOT use protection, and I figure it was just H's bad luck that he got one, and passed it to me.

Basically, any wayward not using protection is at risk for STD's, and it is simply the luck of the draw if they get infected. So, logically, I realize that that doesn't really make FWH any 'better' or 'worse' than any other wayward. (although, it sure does hurt)

fyou143 posted 9/12/2012 13:46 PM

Reading this whole thread makes me scared and just break down and cry. My DD was on 6/24 discovered my WH answering Craigslist ads I feel like I stopped from it going to the next level but when I find condoms in his laptop bag I'm not so sure now. I'm scared to go get tested but I know I need to I've just been hesitant and really don't know where to start. I have no medical insurance so I can't just walk in and set up an appointment. I just know though that if I do get a positive he will blame me and accuse me of cheating he has been gas lighting and denying what I found on DD and actually blamed me when I found the condom in his laptop bag accused me of "planting" it that I "stooped low" to be doing something like that to get him to confess to something he didn't do. I'm just scared but I don't want to be in the dark either. I'm so sorry for everyone who has to go through this hugs to all

painpaingoaway posted 9/12/2012 16:31 PM

Please don't be scared to get tested. Chances are you are fine. The 'good' thing about this is that you did find condoms, so you know that he was at least using protection. (not that condoms are 100%, because they are not.)

As far as the 'blaming it' on you...that is H tried to do the same to me. I certainly don't condone, or encourage violence, but when he accused me of giving him the STD, I slapped his face.

Regardless, GET TESTED! Call your county clinic and see of you can get the testing for free or low cost.

hitbyatruck posted 9/15/2012 17:06 PM

I was diagnosed with Cervical Cancer in 2002. I had a complete hyster. I did not have to have any other form of treatment.

HPV wasn't talked about in 2002, I didn't even know to ask about it. A few weeks after my hyster The TOday Show had a segment on CCancer being an STD. I was mortified. I figure I had to have caught HPV before I was married and it finally turned into Cancer.

I was too foolish to think that my H was cheating at the time so I never asked my Dr anything about HPV. Years later I finally did ask after DDAY. DR told me it was highly unlikely that I had contracted HPV 5 yrs prior to my diagnosis.

Lighthouse Heart posted 9/20/2012 00:32 AM

Most folks won't remember me from Adam and I post rarely these last few years. When I left my ex a lot of things changed for the better but I never told anyone I got the gift of HPV. I noticed some changes in my skin this last year and have seen two different specialist ( the first was a joke and wasted 6 months of mine and my GP's time). I'm currently awaiting results on vulvar biopsies taken last week and hoping to hell its something else like psoriasis (which I also developed in the last 2 years) or seboriac keratosis.

Not much I can do at this point except wait...and stay off google.

I'm just putting this out here as its like saying it out loud. It doesn't seem fair that after everything was said and done this happens.

ThoughtIKnewYa posted 9/20/2012 01:55 AM

Hi, (((lighthouse)))

It could be lichen sclerosus.

Lighthouse Heart posted 9/20/2012 12:23 PM

Hi TIKY - I'll look that one up. Not a term that has been mentioned at this point. My first thought was WTH ... Lichen as in moss? Lol.

Trying to just not worry about anything until there is something concrete to worry about...and then I move the wrong way and feel my stitches pull

hamster posted 9/28/2012 13:41 PM

so it has been 10 days since I found out my WH had 3 sexual encounters. He also informed me that he tested positive for HIV. I have tested since then and am negative (for now. I'm 7 mons pregnant and my priorities are me and the baby. I'm just so devastated. It is still so new that it is surreal that all this is happening. We've been married for 11yrs together 16 with a 6YO. I go back and forth between love and hate, happy and sad with this man. Reading these blogs have helped but I just feel so lost. I have started IC, MC and he has started IC but it's like I don't even know where to begin. What has happened to my life? This was so unfair. What kind of future will there be? So emotionally drained...

0115 posted 10/2/2012 00:44 AM


I keep waiting for someone to put up something phenomenal for you...sometimes I just stumble on my posts but...

Oh my gosh my heart is breaking for you!!!! I hope he gets his head out of his a** and helps you NOW...seriously, seven months pregnant and dealing with all of this???? Please post and read...I wish I could help more!!

hamster posted 10/11/2012 08:37 AM

thanks for the hugs 0115...
Everyday is a rollercoaster.Days I feel lost and that this whole thing is can't be true..but it is :-(my due date is fast approaching and that is what I am trying to focus on to get me through this. I will be happy then and for her. That has to keep me going. As for him & us..trying to reconcile..good days and bad days..but I guess that's expected. I can't predict the future or erase the past but in time I have to see where this goes.

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