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Betrayed Spouse S.T. D. Support

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hamster posted 10/11/2012 08:37 AM

thanks for the hugs 0115...
Everyday is a rollercoaster.Days I feel lost and that this whole thing is can't be true..but it is :-(my due date is fast approaching and that is what I am trying to focus on to get me through this. I will be happy then and for her. That has to keep me going. As for him & us..trying to reconcile..good days and bad days..but I guess that's expected. I can't predict the future or erase the past but in time I have to see where this goes.

Sleepless22 posted 10/11/2012 16:50 PM

I have a question. I had BV recently. I tested negative for chlamydia and HIV but now have a false positive on syphilis. They tell me that i don't have it but need to follow up and take the test again. I have scoured the internet but now I'm worried that there may be something else going on. Does anyone have any experience with a false positive for syphilis? They took it as a blood test only. I am freaking out. Is the doctor just being cautious? This whole A thing just sucks.

sleepwalk posted 10/20/2012 12:48 PM

I haven't read through all of the posts here yet, I'm still working on it. So I apologize if my question has already been asked and answered.

Some of the things I've read say that a lot of STDs won't even show up on tests until somewhere between 3 and 12 weeks after exposure. My husband got tested about...8 or 9 days after the first time he slept with gutterslut mctrampy pants. (He slept with her 3 more times during the week he was out of town for his dad's death and funeral). He had sex with me exactly a week after the first time he had sex with her. I haven't been tested yet, because from what I've read it's too soon for anything to really show up. (Today is 1 week since I had sex with him). However... whatever "sources" say, I definitely have something going on. Intense itching of entire area (vaginal and anal, tmi i know), swelling, tenderness, thick, clear, discharge (no odor that I've noticed) and I'm also feeling crampy in the uterine area. I'm a bit concerned because I was towards the end of my period when I had sex with him... so everything was OPEN. I'm very concerned. Something is DEFINITELY going on, this is not normal, and it's not a yeast infection. But would it be a waste of time to go to my doctor and get tested now when it's only been a week and not the 3-12 weeks that it takes for most thigns to show up??

edited to add: after re-reading it sounds like we had anal sex and we didn't!!!! lol. i was on top so my rump was all over his scrotum (tmi again, I know!)

[This message edited by sleepwalk at 1:25 PM, October 20th (Saturday)]

lonely2009 posted 10/22/2012 11:50 AM

Get in to see your dr. asap.

They can better advise testing and determine what is going on. especially with the symptoms you describe.

sadandempty posted 11/1/2012 15:10 PM

I had the same symptoms, itching, swelling, cramping... I thought it had to be a yeast infection. I have never had one before so instead of getting the over the counter stuff I went to the dr. Well she had to sit me down and explaine to me that I had a STI called trich!? I have never even heard if it before. I was so humiliated! That's how I found out about my WH A. To make things worse after all that humiliation, OW told my WH she got checked and didn't have anything so they both decided I had made the whole thing up to make him come clean about the A, so my WH didn't take the pills I gave him because he didn't trust ME about what I was giving him. Well two months later after he came out of his fog, and was truly sorry and R was going well he admitted this to me, so I got to go back to the same dr and be humiliated all over again. I made WH come with me so dr. could explaine to him what I came in for and what I had, then I got checked again and surprise I still had it. My WH was just sick and humiliated himself!

Decimated posted 1/2/2013 14:32 PM

My STBXWW was cheating on me for 1 ½ years. This started in 2009. I found out January 2011. After I discovered her cheating I asked her if she practiced safe sex and her response was "No, he is clean…he is married". I was stunned at her arrogance and asked her "how the hell do you know if he was clean?" She then said "whatever…go get tested if you want".

Apparently, in mid 2010 STBXWW tested positive for HPV…and never bothered to tell me. In June of 2012 STBXWW's pap came back abnormal…pre-cancerous/highly aggressive cells. Since then she has had a hysterectomy and all the while, hiding the true cause from me. By chance, I asked her doctor while STBXWW was in the post surgery recovery room..."what would cause this?" She looked at me in a confused manner and said HPV. I told her I knew nothing about this and then and then I proceeded to tell her about my STBXWW's affair. Much to my surprise her doctor showed me STBXWW's records that proved when she tested positive. We have been married for almost 16 years…together for 18. I had no sexual partner for 4 years before we met and I certaimly never cheated on her so I seriously doubt that her HPV was pre-marriage. I reviewed the timelines with her doctor and she agreed that STBXWW more then likely got it from posOM.

I later asked STBXWW when she was going to tell me about her HPV. She said she didn't know…wth? She even claimed that she didn't know where she got it for sure. I asked her how many other guys she was F*****g since we were married…she claims none, only OM.

Now I have to face the fact that I have more then likely, been exposed to HPV although I have no symptoms. Also, as of now, there is no HPV test for men. Thanks to STBXWW and diseased posOM, what am I supposed to do…never have sex again? I could never expose another woman to this. This stuff causes Cancer! I am shocked at STBXWW's selfishness.

It is ironic because after I discovered her affair I was trying to reason with her to break it off with posOM. I tried to give her a mental picture of what her life would be like if I divorced her. When I mentioned she would not have health insurance anymore she snapped back at me "I should stay married so I can have a pap smear done once a year?" Well, that pap smear saved her life!

[This message edited by Decimated at 2:36 PM, January 2nd (Wednesday)]

Oh the Irony posted 1/9/2013 18:38 PM

Decimated, I know you are super upset by her actions and all, and her comment about her pap smear is the type of situation that made me choose my user name. Those ironies are so painful...

But really, 80% of adults get an HPV infection at some point! Around 70% clear it after a year, 93% after 2 years.

Most women do not get cancer from it even if they get the virus.

HPV is normally not that big of a deal. You can totally have a normal active sex life!!

Please research it. You will find that so many people have it that you really just have to assume that people do. Yeah, disclose if you have a new partner but it isn't a no-sex sentence.

painpaingoaway posted 1/9/2013 20:11 PM

HPV is normally not that big of a deal.
OTI, are you seriously coming on to a thread specifically designed for victims of STD's to tell us that our STD's are 'no big deal'??? I'm quite amazed at that.

Most women do not get cancer from it even if they get the virus.
True, but I'm sure that doesn't make those that have gotten cancer from it feel like it was 'no big deal'.

Decimated has every right to feel the way he does. The fact that he is concerned about protecting himself AND future partners is a testament to his character, and I commend him for it.

These are the actual CDC figures on HPV:

Genital warts. About 1% of sexually active adults in the U.S. have genital warts at any one time.

Cervical cancer. Each year, about 12,000 women get cervical cancer in the U.S. Almost all of these cancers are HPV-associated.

Other cancers that can be caused by HPV are less common than cervical cancer. Each year in the U.S., there are about:
1,500 women who get HPV-associated vulvar cancer
500 women who get HPV-associated vaginal cancer
400 men who get HPV-associated penile cancer
2,700 women and 1,500 men who get HPV-associated anal cancer
1,500 women and 5,600 men who get HPV-associated oropharyngeal cancers (cancers of the back of throat including base of tongue and tonsils) 

Did you know that HPV is now the leading cause of oral cancer?

notwarmorfuzzy posted 1/12/2013 19:40 PM

Got my negative results Thursday.... To wake up today with sores on my vagina! Holy FN Shit Balls!!!! I'm a nurse.... So the minute I took the mirror down... My face fall off... My heart stopped... I have Herpes.. Swollen itchy, painful sores. Courtesy if the WHORE that my WH was with without a condom!!! Oh yeah... I thought I had thrush in my mouth because I had just gotten over pneumonia (gee I wonder where my immune system has gone... Can we say STRESS) but... Nope, it now makes sense. It's not thrush, no white patches, FN SORES ON MY TONGUE!!!! I think I'm numb. Yes, I cried, we actually had a good day today, but now I'm sitting here... Blank... Typing... Wondering what this means to our R?? Can a R be successful with HERPES?! OMG... I'm numb.., 😶😐😕
BS-me 38
M-20 years
DDay 11/12/12
2kids 19&16
I thought we were working on R.... Now... I'm lost in Herpeland?!?!

hamster posted 1/12/2013 20:25 PM

@notwarmand fuzzy

I just read your post ((hugs)). I am in R with my WH 3 1/2 mons now. He decided to hook up with a random starnger in Vegas and brought home HIV. Now I've tested negative but we get to live with him having it. I know I don't have the STD but I sure as hell feel like I do. There will be good days and bad days ahead but you just have to take care of yourself. It's time for you to be selfish and think of your well being. They say time make sthings better...I'm still waiting...

fallingquickly posted 1/12/2013 21:09 PM

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I found out my WH was cheating by being diagnosed with HPV. The nurse didn't think it was such a big deal. She told me how it could stay in your system for years before becoming active. When I told her my WH and I were "onlies" and had been together since we were 17 she started to cry. She felt so badly for me and for how she handled it.
I realize this is probably very little consolation for you but thank you for your reaction to being exposed to HPV. You make me believe that there are good men out there. My WH used to be one. I don't know what happened to him. I hope that when I'm ready I find a truly good man.

I just want you to know you're heard and that I empathize with your pain.

Please be sure to get your follow up testing. It can take a while for things to show up. It's much better to catch things early.

painpaingoaway posted 1/14/2013 09:49 AM

Hugs to all of you. I am so sorry you have had to join this sad little club.

Hamster, did you mean to type 'HIV'? Because there must repeat testing for HIV. I really hope that was just a typo.

hamster posted 1/14/2013 13:01 PM


nope that was correct HIV

I have and continue to get tested. Here's the kicker..I was 7 mons. pregnant when he told me. I have had baby tested, delivered on 12-6. She is healthy & happy.

Incredible how people can be so selfish and only think of their wants & needs.

hitbyatruck posted 1/14/2013 13:15 PM

Most women do not get cancer from it even if they get the virus.

HPV is normally not that big of a deal. You can totally have a normal active sex life!!

I got cervical cancer from HPV, it was a very big deal considering that was all discovered when I was pregnant. I had a hyster shortly after I had my son. Thank goodness I had already had 2 kids.

painpaingoaway posted 1/14/2013 16:48 PM

Oh hamster I am so sorry.

I have a friend from this site with HIV. She and her H both have it.

Her H got it from his whore, and the mother fucker waited almost a year to tell her. When she was finally tested, she was way sicker than her H.

I can put you in touch with her if you would like me too.

PM me if you would like.

Oh the Irony posted 1/15/2013 13:22 PM

I'm sorry. I didn't mean to offend at all and of course know HPV--which I have had personal experience with--can be devastating.

I guess the OP talking about never having sex again hit a nerve.

hamster posted 1/24/2013 13:56 PM

well we're 4 mons.out now and I'm begining to think less about the "acts" and more about the consequences. This is a life long disease we will be dealing with. It breaks my heart because afterall I am still human and empathetic to him. But OMG I can't believe this. It's surreal..still.

CreekWalker posted 2/11/2013 22:15 PM

My husband had unprotected sex with his ow. After his return, I had no idea it had been unprotected. When I found out, he insisted she is "clean." Over time, he admitted that she's the sort of older single woman who has some drinks and goes home with whomever.

Anyhow, he would not go get tested, and never has. I went. Everything was negative. I get tested question long before I can stop worrying? BTW the OW is a she probably has access to treatments for herself if she thinks she has anything.

When do I stop getting tests and stop worrying?

CrocodileTears posted 2/15/2013 03:06 AM

I am one week out from having my STI test and the waiting is killing me. WH's A's were a little over six months ago but I only recently decided that he was lying about using protection. Ironically he just admitted to me yesterday (V-Day) that he indeed did not use any protection during either A. We have been M for 10 years and the day before our 10yr anniversary I had a hysterectomy because of HPV. I can't prove that he contracted it after we were married, but to have it pop up 8 1/2 years into a marriage that you have been faithful in is hard to believe. Just have to make it through the next couple of days until I hear from the Dr. I didn't know however that I had to ask to a herpes test specifically. I don't think I was tested for it. Thanks for all the helpful info in this thread and (((hugs))) to everyone that is dealing with the worst possible fallout of an A.

painpaingoaway posted 3/3/2013 06:25 AM


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