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Betrayed Spouse S.T. D. Support

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missyv posted 3/6/2013 23:19 PM

My WS had an affair from Feb - May 2010. This summer i was diagnosed w/ HPV. Makes me PUKE!!!

Two questions if you don't mind
Q1) He has nothing. No breakout nothing. Can he have nothing and pass it on to me?

Q2) I've read that the is no test for HPV for men? True/False

Q3) He was just diagnosed w/ Prostate Cancer. Could his HPV status cause Prostate Cancer?

Okay 3 questions...Sorry!


RAHwife posted 4/9/2013 14:37 PM

I have HPV from one or more of the women my WH had ONS with. This is how I found out about these ONSs. Anyhow, if it's the type of HPV that doesn't have warts, then there is no symptoms in men and no way to test for it. I don't *think* it can cause prostate cancer. I could be wrong though. I had to have a biopsy of the area and it came back precancerous. I have to get paps more frequently now to monitor it.

CrocodileTears posted 4/22/2013 19:16 PM

Found out today that I am hsv1 pos. It's been 7 months since d-day but because of his TT-ing I didn't find out that he had unprotected sex with 2 OW until 2/14/13. I immediately had all the tests I could but they don't routinely text for hsv. Now I find out that I have it after suffering for the last week with painful lesions that I have never before experienced. WH and I are in a rough R and this isn't helping. He has had cold sores on his mouth before and because there is no way to prove that it came from the OW he will not take full responsibility. How should I feel right now? I feel like such a victim, but I can't prove it. He may not have gotten this from them and I am persecuting him unjustly, but how do I know. Every future outbreak will be the biggest trigger, whether its unfounded or not. How do we R through this? Argh!!!! Hopefully the MC will have some advice tomorrow.

MissMarple posted 6/8/2013 19:09 PM

I got tested a month ago and things came back clear. Apparently I was tested too soon. I started experiencing some symptoms, went to my doctor yesterday, and I have Gonorrhea and Chlamydia. Yuck! More blood work that I will get the results on next week. I'm scared, as a month ago my WH had a positive HIV screen. He has to go back for testing later to confirm. I'm horrified that I might have HIV, and that my negative test last month may have just been too early.

I'm trying to reconcile, but I"m not sure I can get over this, and WH, although he says he's sorry, is still acting like a selfish jerk. He wouldn't even watch our son yesterday while I went to the doctor, I had to have a friend watch DS, as WH wanted to SLEEP! He said he didn't want our son (age 4) to destroy the house while he slept and then have me blame him. I feel like a crazy person!

painpaingoaway posted 6/24/2013 09:43 AM

He wouldn't even watch our son yesterday
sorry sweetie, he is BEYOND a selfish jerk...

Bumping for a member

thebirdcage posted 6/24/2013 10:30 AM

I posted this in the reconciliation board but thought I could get more support here...

Short run down:
-Lost our first baby in March.. Stillborn
-Dday April (sex twice with his ex gf)
-Had some hysterical bonding a few weeks after dday
-Decide to R around the same time
-Have been in MC and IC since two weeks after dday and R is going well
- find out I am pregnant again (high risk pregnancy due to disorder I found out I had after the loss of my son) and am currently 9 weeks

I got an STD test right after dday and was all clear. He just got his results this week and has herpes 2. I asked for everything during my test but am afraid that the herpes wasnt included( readin that it usually isnt) I want to continue R and we have a baby on the way. I called my doctor first thing this morning to check and see if I was tested for herpes and to get retested. Since he found out the positive results we have not had sex. It's been about a week since we had sex. How fast will it turn up on a test? . My main concern now is passing the herpes to my baby and I read some scary things about if you contract it in your first trimester the baby can contract it in utero. The odds are very low of that happening but after what I've been through I don't consider myself the exception. If its out there, it will happen to me. Now the possibility of a csection is present too. Also- if I don't have it. How do I continue a sexual relationship with him, who does have it?? There is no way I will have sex with him at all while I am pregnant. I will not put my baby at further risk. He's just totally beating himself up about this- seeing the full scope of the consequences of an incredibly stupid decision and how one moment can change and ruin so many things. He has been great at R (transparent, engaged in IC and MC, extremely remorseful, taking responsibility, answering repetitive questions.. You name it- he's doing all the eighth things)

Has anyone been through this? Any advice on herpes during pregnancy? Or deciding to R after STD's are thrown in the mix of an already extremely difficult decision. I need some light shed.

painpaingoaway posted 7/2/2013 16:07 PM

Schilling posted 7/8/2013 15:49 PM

Just figured I'd chime in here as it fits my relationship.

My partner is a cereal cheater.
9 years ago I was diagnosed with Chlamydia. Easily Fixed with Meds.
6 years ago I was diagnosed with HPV, cancer causing strain.
3 years ago I was diagnosed with HSV-1 vaginally.

HSV was the most difficult. It was painful and stressful and came at a time where I really thought our relationship was headed in the right direction.

I get tested OFTEN now, simply because I am paranoid.. because I don't trust him.

painpaingoaway posted 7/11/2013 22:42 PM

Bumping for learningtofly.

Heartbrokenjk posted 8/15/2013 15:02 PM

I just found out that I have Trich after trying to R for the past 7 months. I'm really scared about my health and can't believe my H would do something this stupid again! The worst thing is he won't admit to doing anything wrong and claims that he has no symptoms.

painpaingoaway posted 8/15/2013 15:20 PM

Heartbroken, your H is full of shit. He DID cheat.

Yes, it is true that men rarely have any symptoms with trich, but that does not mean that he did not have it, or that he did not give it to you.

I am so sorry. I went through the exact same bullshit with my H. Since he showed no symptoms, he tried to tell me that 'I' had cheated, and gotten trich that way. Fuckin bastard!

He did eventually confess, but that initial denial and blame shifting to me was horrible and devastating to me.

I'm so sorry sweetie.

Even though he has no symptoms, he must be treated, or will continue to pass it back to you.

However, I would not recommend having any sex with him at all. If you do, you must protect yourself.

AroundTheWorld posted 9/1/2013 18:19 PM

So I'm not yet sure if I belong in this thread. I tested "reactive" for Herpes through a blood test. So the lab proceeded to do further tests to determine exactly which strain so we would know how to treat it. Well I apparantly tested negative for all Herpes strains. The Dr. said they had never seen that before. Apparantly when they do the additional testing they are looking for the antibodies that my body is producing to fight the disease (not a dr. sorry if this is not an exactly correct description). No antibodies were detected. So now I am in limbo for two more months until they want me back to re-test.

WH went to be tested when I got the positive "reactive" result, but he tested negative.

I'm miserable.

I am also still awaiting the results from the pap (testing for trich, hpv, etc.) I also will have to be tested 3 more times for HIV and once more for Hep B and Syphilis before I am cleared of those. So I have 10 more months of testing.

Has anyone ever heard of testing reactive, but then negative for Herpes? When I asked the nurse what the odds were that it was a false positive, she studdered a bit then said that a reactive result is the same as a positive result. IE, honey, you probably have it.

brknwmn posted 9/9/2013 18:50 PM

I am so thankful for this thread. Reading this I know that I am lucky. Both times (that I know about) that my WH cheated I was told by my OB/GYN's. Every time I go in for my yearly I ask for an STD check just to be safe...something that I've always done (dad cheated on mom and she made sure that her daughters knew to ask and hoped we would never need to)but anyways the first time my doctor told me WH cheated i had contracted chlamydia the 2nd time I had contracted trichomoniasis. Needless to say I wasn't my best self when I found out (I lost it.) Called him all sorts of horrible names and told his mom and grandma! lol I let them know that he was trying to kill me and how lucky I was that I got something curable. that maybe if she stood up for herself in her marriage (his mom)that he would have realized how serious this was...(I apologized later, I'm not that horrible of a person)

The kicker is that his aunt has HIV bcuz her exH cheated and gave it to her. This past time I showed him a picture of her and asked him if that's how he wanted me to end up. If he wanted his sons to grow up with a only a part of the mother they deserved. I think he got it that time...but I still use condoms.

brknwmn posted 9/10/2013 13:13 PM

So it just hit me. Although I've been tested for other STD's I haven't been tested for HIV

I had my first lap (for my endometriosis) in early April (DDay was in March) & I they drew blood but I don't know if tested for HIV. Do they normally for surgery? And a week after my surgery my doc called and said I had I was treated for that but I don't know what possesed me to not get HIV tested.

I just ordered my Oraquick online.

How could I have overlooked something so important?????

painpaingoaway posted 9/12/2013 09:30 AM

Hi everyone, just thought I'd pass along some info I found online about HPV and SCC (squamous cell carcinoma) and HPV16 and HPV18.

Here's a sample from the article: "Human papillomaviruses have been categorized by their genotypes into low-risk and high-risk types according to the risk of that virus causing squamous cell carcinoma of the uterine cervix [1]. Infection of the uterine cervix with any human papillomavirus (HPV) genotype is associated with high-risk sexual behaviour, particularly if started at a younger age; and persistent infection of the uterine cervix with high-risk HPV genotypes, especially HPV-16 and HPV-18, is essential for the development of squamous cell carcinoma (SCC) [13]. Recent evidence also incriminates high-risk HPV-genotypes in the pathogenesis of oral and oropharyngeal SCC [421], and it will be the purpose of this paper to explore this relationship.
HPV infection of the mouth and of the oropharynx, like HPV infection of the uterine cervix, is associated with high-risk sexual behaviour, in particular with orogenital sex; and high-risk HPV genotypes, in particular HPV-16, are present in many oral and oropharyngeal SCC where in some cases they probably play an essential aetiological role [17]. Persons with oropharyngeal SCC in which HPV can be detected intracellularly have a better prognosis than persons with HPV-cytonegative oropharyngeal SCC [11, 14]."

brknwmn posted 9/19/2013 23:08 PM

negative HIV test. pretty freaking happy

painpaingoaway posted 9/20/2013 07:22 AM

Brkn, I am happy that your HIV test was negative, but I am very concerned that your H gave you trich after D-day 2, and that was AFTER he had already given you Chalamydia.

Sweetie, I'm glad you are protecting yourself by insisting on the condom usage, but why are you still with this guy?

[This message edited by painpaingoaway at 7:23 AM, September 20th (Friday)]

FoggedIn posted 9/20/2013 16:32 PM

I'm trying to find any hard documented evidence about herpes transmission.

I jfo that my husband slept with a prostitute (8/8/13). Well, he said they didn't have sex, but he performed oral sex on her........

But this question actually relates to suspicions I had 9 years ago.

I contracted herpes from my H after we had been married 3 years, & having sex for 3 1/2 years. Severe intense initial outbreak. Gyno said because of the severity of the initial outbreak that he was convinced I had just been exposed to the virus.

I'm 100% sure I did not have hsv before I 1st had sex with my H. I was std free (pregnant & tested) & no sex partners between last test & H.

I allowed myself at the time to believe in the 10% chance he had been carrying the virus before we met & it took over 3 years for me to get it. He says he never had any symptoms & didn't know he had HSV.

In light of my discovery of his "thing" for hookers, I'm having serious second thoughts about his fidelity 9 years ago.

I also had another 'incident' 2 years ago. Went for std testing then, doc screwed up my labs, but before I knew my labs had been compromised, he gave me flagyl & I began taking it. So when I got word that my labs got lost it was too late to get re-tested. At the initial appointment the gyno said he suspected it was either Trich or BV.
Killed me not to ever know the truth.
But during this time, there were also red flags that H wasn't being truthful.

Any help or direction on statistics for herpes is greatly appreciated.

Fogged In

painpaingoaway posted 9/20/2013 17:18 PM

Hi Fi. (I just realized that said, 'hi-fi', lol!)

I don't think there is any way you can get a 100% definitive answer to your questions...but I think you know what the answer is.

Sometimes, we simply have to make educated 'guesses' based on our gut, red flags, and probabilities.

In your case, I would imagine that what you suspect is true, that your H has been 'playing' around for years. I am so sorry.

FoggedIn posted 9/21/2013 09:04 AM

Thanks for your reply PainPain....

I know what my gut is saying, but I need something to back up my gut with. (that sounds bizarre!)

The only way he finally came clean about his cheating last month was when I had him red handed. Emails arranging the meet up. I know he will not come clean about anything historical because he's terrified that would be the absolute end of our M. Working on R at the moment. Of course I've told him that any truths that come out way down the road, are deal breakers for me. If there's more to tell he better do it NOW!!

Blameitontherain posted 9/26/2013 21:09 PM

Fogged in: you could ask for a polygraph. He may come clean with just the mention of one. Or he will he continue to deny. Either way if you ask for it, go through with it. Don't let him call your bluff.

I too thought my husband had been in the small percentage that carried a std dormnt or the test was a false positive. 4 years later, I demanded a blood test to see if he had the antibodies in his blood. All lies.... He cheated. He came out with the truth once I had him backed into a corner and was going to find out no matter what.

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