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Betrayed Spouse S.T. D. Support
nomoredreams, I found out a long time ago...about the betrayals. Only recently found out about the STDs. Now I'm just trying to figure out how to get tested here without getting booted out of the country and losing a job I love.
[This message edited by mystified1970 at 4:16 AM, January 22nd (Wednesday)]
I found out I have HPV 2 Weeks ago. My world has stopped. It is one thing to know of the A and be told but another to have to deal with the side effects staring you in the face. I don't think I will ever be okay again.
Just found out Monday. HPV High Risk and Chlamydia. Husband still won't admit there is OW but pretty sure this and the fact he didn't question my fidelity tells me what I need to know.
It is not possible for me to have these any other way right?
(I have been faithfully all 8 years of relationship)
My WH last saw the stupid hag in September. She told him after they first had unprotected sex that she has herpes. God only knows what else she might have. I guess I have to bite the bullet and go get tested.
MoyBerry, it's highly doubtful you contracted those STD's in any other way. I'm so sorry.
So I was tested 4 months after I found out about OW. My blood test and the other tests can back neg. Should I get tested again in 6mo?
I contracted HPV genital warts and scabies from my H's A.
The scabies were awful. I was going crazy, thought we had bed bugs or something.
The ironic thing of it all is I actually work in an STD/HIV clinic...
It's funny, when I talked to my elders (church) about WS's escapades, I was able to keep from crying...until I told them he had given me HPV (two types, both high risk) and herpes. Then I couldn't keep myself from bursting into tears. It's such a very personal violation.
That's what is so awful. It's not just emotional pain. It's actual physical damage that has been inflicted on me, and I did nothing -- nothing to deserve or cause it.
I'm due this month to get another exam to decide whether or not I will opt for a hysterectomy. My HPV is apparently so deep that freezing or other procedures won't help, so if it doesn't heal on its own -- and it may not, since I'm in my 30's -- and I don't want to have continual PAPs and COLPs to check for cervical cancer, I might have a hysterectomy.
At least I wasn't planning on raising any more kids...
My W had an 'EA/semi-PA' with a co-worker from Aug-Nov last year. I have been told repeatedly that they 'never had sex', and talking to OMW, she agrees that she doesn't think they did either based on weight of phone messages/email evidence.
Over the past few weeks, I have noticed a flat single bump (not even half a millimeter high) at the base of my genitals. I thought it might be a small swollen gland, but a check up today revealed it to be a small genital wart. I have never had an STD in my sexual life from 18-34. The doctor froze it off and said I might never see another instance of it ever again. He was brilliant, and he could see how upset I was despite my brave demeanour.
I should also add that OM admitted to my W that he had slept with 8-9 hookers during his 6 year marriage. I find it infinitely miraculous that I have my first STD now at tbe age of 34, and literally 5-8 months after my W's affair...which just happens to coincide with the average incubation time for the genital wart strain of HPV.
My W swears on her life that she never had sex with OM, but I am seething. I am pragmatic enough to believe that I may habe had this dormant for years, but the timing seems very convenient. I now don't know what to think of my W; it might not be her fault or it could be that they had sex afterall. I'll never know.
[This message edited by Hurthalo at 7:42 AM, April 4th (Friday)]
I haven't really spoken to her or returned her calls all day because I've been pissed off at her. I call her half an hour ago (10:30pm) and she's out with a bunch of guys at an evidently loud bar.
Hey buddy I hope you're not buying that Bullshit she's feeding you. you know the AP and your wife had sex buddy come on don't let yourself. It's bad enough that Your WW is and has been lying to you this whole time, check your get feeling buddy. I feel so bad for you. Let's face it buddy after reading all your post. She shows you nothing in the terms of being a loving wife. That should know that you're devastated hurt and in a lot of fear about the future of your marriage. Come on she's an officer in the military. And she thinks it's appropriate to hang out at bars with men on a business trip right after her A with a coworker. You know that there something wrong with her. You know that you're going to have to file for D. I'm sorry dude if this really hurts you... buddy you came here for a reason. To get help with this fucked up situation. Please keep posting buddy
[This message edited by trojan007 at 6:03 AM, April 6th (Sunday)]
My WH had UNPROTECTED sex EVERY time he slept with his ####. I'm on immunosupprants so IF I caught something, it could be a death sentence. Like I wasn't suffering enough already.
I've been to the doctors twice, having tests run for EVERYTHING. I didn't catch anything, but just the thought of him being so selfish and believing everything his #### said makes me want to scream.
Marlie, I was almost 40 when I was diagnosed with high risk HPV and had my first abnormal cells. I don't know how severe yours is but I had a colposcopy that took three punches. I told my doctor that I wanted a hysterectomy so I wouldn't have to trigger at every PAP while I waited to be told I had to have another colpo or worse. This gentle man asked me to wait. He said HPV has a very high chance of spontaneous resolution with a healty immune system and since I didn't drink or smoke and was otherwise healthy, he felt sure my body would take care of it. I was so unsure but he was right. It's been 11 years since the abnormal PAP. Within that first year, my PAPs went back to normal. After two years, I no longer had to have them every 6 months.
In addition to that, my husband developed genital warts at the same time (evidence that she gave him more than one type of HPV). He was a smoker and they bothered him terribly. He went and got the cream from the doctor but when we read about the burning he might experience, we decided to wait. He stopped taking Nsaids (like ibuprofen and tylenol) because they can depress the immune system and he cut back on smoking as much as he could. He quit drinking altogether and he started eating healthier. The warts went away on their own.
I know you are in your 30s but if you are healthy, you may just get rid of it on your own without having to go through the risks of a hysterectomy. Talk to your doctor to be sure.
Hurthalo, Your wife may be using semantics to lie. She may not have had intercourse because HPV lives in the skin. Skin to skin contact is all it takes. Even a condom doesn't offer much protection. It's also possible to transmit orally so if she's one of those "blow jobs don't count" kind of people, she may have allowed him to perform oral sex.
Like you, I find it odd that you'd develop warts at the exact incubation time. While HPV can live dormant for a long time and manifest under stress, the fact that your wife's infidelity happens to coincide with the timing is either very unlucky for her or she's lying.
Tears, tell me about it. In all my sexual years (18-34), I've never had an STD, so I found the timing of having something show up 5 months later quite 'convenient'.
It's gone now, and the doctor said it was so small I may never see another one again, but it makes me wonder. OM was a prolific customer of hookers afterall, so it was probably all over him....despite my wife claiming they absolutely never had sex or oral sex.
Got my tests back today. I'm clean. whew. I do have HSV1 but I already knew that. I get a cold sore on my lip once or twice a year for as long as I can remember. But clean everywhere else. What a relief.
Bumping for a new member
Anyone familiar with HPV here?
This is a strange situation. My WH ex-wife just contacted me out of the blue a couple of days ago. (She knows nothing about WH affair, None of WH family knows, only my BFF and my Mom know!) Also even though WH and his ex have children together, they have always lived with us (we've been married 12 years) & she's rarely participated in their lives.
Anyway, she contacted me (FB message) and said she had something she needed to tell me concerning my health that's been bothering her. I responded and said, Ok please feel free.
She said that WH is a carrier of the cancer causing strain of HPV. She found out about 7 years into their marriage and it has been on her heart to tell me. She had problems because of it and it caused her to have a complete hysterectomy. She encouraged me to make sure and always have my yearly pap's done and be on alert to the issue.
She is a nurse, but she's also a little crazy. (I mean she actually takes meds, I don't actually know what, but it's easy to tell when she isn't taking her meds, because she gets very weird!) Not knocking anyone who needs or takes meds to maintain, just to clarify she rides a roller coaster of "I don't need these meds" and then things go south real fast, and we start getting strange communication from her. So I'm not sure what to make of this.
I did some research and it doesn't look like there is actually a test for men for HPV. Is that accurate, does anyone know or have any experience with this?
She also had 2 affairs during their marriage (idk the timing of both, the 2nd was towards the end of the marriage, caused the D, & they were M'd 10 years) So if she is basing her std problems solely on WH, it is possible that she caught whatever she had from one of the other men she was sleeping with.
I'm certainly not granting WH a pass on any of this, I'm just trying to understand and figure out WTH the truth is in all of this. As well as trying to decide if I should ask her if he had HSV when they were married. (I contracted HSV from WH 3 years into M, swears he was faithful and he must've had it when we got married......) Although they had been D'd for 7 years I believe before we got M, so he could've gotten herpes during that time I guess.
Any info is appreciated!!!
(edited for typos)
[This message edited by FoggedIn at 9:48 AM, May 18th (Sunday)]
Fogged in, I'm not up on all the specifics of HSV currently, although in researching it a few years ago I found out the genital warts he had removed from his penis before/right after we got married were not caused by warts on his/my hands or elsewhere. There hasn't been a recurrence, but I would assume the virus would stay in your body. Kind of a moot point for us since bad health choices has rendered him impotent, so sexlife is zilch!
Anyways, after that long intro what I wanted to say was, if you are going to contact the exwife again, why don't you let her know that he said she had 2 affairs when they were married and see how she reacts to that. I'm assuming you only have his word for it? You know that little detail about how cheaters lie? Yeah that one. Good luck to you, I hope you remain safe & healthy and keep going in for those checkups.
I contracted more than one strain of HPV from my husband after his first affair. Based on my experience, the ex-wife could not know that she contracted HPV from your husband if she had multiple partners. If your husband is symptom free (no warts or symptoms of penile, anal, or oral cancer), she cannot know if he is or isn't a carrier as there is no test for men.
That said, the fact that she has it means that he could also have it. Therefore, you do need to have regular paps. However, you will want to discuss with your doctor how frequently those need to occur based on the possibility that you may have been exposed to HPV. As long as you are having paps and your doctor is aware to be thorough, you don't need to be on any special "alert" over it.
The fact is, it's a very common STD and most people who are exposed fight it off with their own immune systems- even the high risk strains. While it can become cancerous if you have a lot of risk factors such as smoking, heavy drinking, high rate of cancer in your family, if you are healthy, you would likely fight it off. Given that you have been married to him for so long, if he were a carrier, you most likely have already been exposed and your body has already taken care of it.
In my case, we know my husband contracted both a high risk strain and a strain that causes genital warts. The high risk strain was caught because the OW wanted sympathy and emailed about her "cancer scare". As soon as she told me it was cervical, I went right to my doctor for a pap. I knew that a 21-year-old doesn't get cervical cancer without high risk HPV. I had abnormal cells and the DNA test from my pap showed that it was, indeed, a cancer causing strain. After a colposcopy, my doctor felt sure that my immune system would resolve the HPV on its own so he just put me on a 6 month pap plan for the next two years. Two years of normal paps and I'm back to the regular schedule. The wart strain was caught because my husband developed genital warts. He had them for about a year before his immune system took care of it. They went away on their own with no treatment. Mind you that we both had our symptoms in 2003 and have not had an issue since those initial outbreaks.
So, I believe that it's likely that if you've been having normal paps, you are probably not going to have an issue. Continue to have them as ordered by your doctor but I wouldn't let this message freak you out.
[This message edited by Tearsoflove at 12:19 PM, May 18th (Sunday)]