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Betrayed Spouse S.T. D. Support

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heartache101 posted 5/18/2014 12:22 PM

HPV is very serious. Because of HPV diagnosis I had paps every 6 months because I started having high squamous (sp?) Cells. Anywho long story short I had cancer when I forced my doctor to preform the hysterectomy. I was .1 mm from being staged! This shit is serious.....Pay attention to your body I never got the warts....
I was cheated out of more childen it is not fair!

FoggedIn posted 5/18/2014 14:16 PM

I responded to her message. All I said was "I didn't realize there was a HPV test for men".
She responded & said, "You're right, so I guess that means I could've gotten it from anyone."
hmmmmmm, wonder if she's just trying to stir the pot, or what it was even all about.

If she was positive for HPV while they were married, does that automatically mean WH has HPV? And that it/'s likely I will or do have HPV? Guess I need to do some research.

Why is it that women are always the ones that suffer with symptoms and the forever hell of STD's while typically men can carry the virus and never suffer a single day? It's so screwed up!

Like WH giving me HSV (herpes) 3 years into our marriage, and he's never had an outbreak (or so he says....... he lives in the land of denial and minimizing, it's a lonely little island), yet 10 years later I'm still having miserable outbreaks. Awesome!

FoggedIn posted 5/18/2014 14:19 PM

Tearsoflove & Heartache101

So a simple regular pap is what detects HPV? Should I request something else in addition to my regular screenings?

After I found out about WH prostitute obsession I went in for an STD panel, but I don't believe that HPV was part of that panel.

jendo posted 5/18/2014 14:39 PM

Ok, just reading this and having husband had an EA with a much younger intern at his office. Dday was 6 weeks ago. We have been married for 20 years- have been together since we were 17. I had 2 sexual experiences prior to marriage- at ages 16 & 17. I was his only sexual partner. This is unless of course the EA was actually also a PA. I do not think it was as reconciliation is going well for us and he has been very honest about all kinds of things, but I will always have my doubts. 2 weeks after Dday we found out through the grapevine (there has been NC) that OW was diagnosed with cervical cancer that is far enough along that it is requiring radiation and chemo and a hysterectomy. I assume from this that she has HPV. WH claims that the only physical contact they have had was a few hugs in the presence of others. I did find extremely graphic messaging between them, but there is no admission of PA. I did make an appt to have a pap done this week- is it too soon?

Tearsoflove posted 5/19/2014 02:24 AM

So a simple regular pap is what detects HPV?

Yep. Ask your doctor if they routinely do DNA testing when they do their paps if abnormal cells are discovered. The DNA testing will tell them if a high risk form of HPV is causing the abnormal cells.

If you've been married to your husband for a long time and have never had an abnormal pap, there are one of three possibilities:

1. You don't have it and never have had it.
2. You've had it and your body's immune system took care of it.
3. The virus is there but is dormant.

Just because his ex had it doesn't mean he gave it to her. And just because she said she got it from him doesn't mean that's true either. She could have gotten it from anyone she slept with. She may even have contracted it after the marriage was over and is lying about the timing.

If you have regular paps and they have been normal, I wouldn't worry about this. If you ever have your pap come up abnormal, then you can worry if you want to. But even then, it's slow growing and highly treatable. Yes, for some people it does become cancerous and require surgery just like any other cancer. But if you are having paps and they've been normal so far, there is no reason to become alarmed. I certainly wouldn't freak out over a message from an ex-wife who might just have her own agenda. I seriously doubt she's as "concerned" about you as she is pretending to be. The fact that you've already busted her lying is a pretty good indication. It must have been pretty satisfying when she backtracked on blaming your husband when you called her out on it.

Tearsoflove posted 5/19/2014 02:34 AM


According to this site:

the average incubation period is 2 to 3 months. If you suspect that he's had sex very recently, you might want to wait a couple months.

In my case, my husband had stopped sleeping with her in February of 2003. I first slept with him after 8 months of him being away in March of 2003. In August of 2003, she sent an email looking for sympathy over her cervical cancer scare. I went and had a pap in September which showed abnormal cells. By December, my husband had developed genital warts. A few weeks after the abnormal pap, I had a colposcopy which was determined not to be cancerous. Every pap after that was normal. For two years, I had them every 6 months. After I hit the two year mark of normal paps, I was put on a 1 year schedule for the next several years. I still usually go have them every year with my new doctor but they are always normal. My husband's genital warts went away on their own within 6 months of their development and he has had no other symptoms.

So, from first sexual encounter in March to first abnormal pap in August, there was 6 months. From my husband's first sexual encounter with her which was either October 2002 (according to her) or December 2002 (according to him) and the first development of genital warts was 10-12 months. If the average onset of symptoms after exposure is 2-3 months, I could have expected to have had an abnormal pap as early as May of 2003 had I been checked.

plainpain posted 5/21/2014 17:19 PM

I'm new to this group - my doctor just diagnosed me with herpes. I was in so much shock, and the Dr. was not super helpful in his delivery. I'm wondering about the possibilities of passing this to my kids via sharing towels, etc. Should I be concerned for them?? Just had my first obvious breakout, but I was infected a year ago.

FoggedIn posted 5/31/2014 13:15 PM


Sorry it's been a while since anyway has been on this board. I popped on to make a post, but I'll respond to yours first.

HSV cannot live outside the body. It is only a 'live' virus on the skin or in the body, once it leaves the body it dies. So from what I've read and what I know, you can't pass it on to your children by sharing a towel or a cup etc. Kissing them on the mouth if you have a mouth blister, that can share the virus for sure!
If you have HSV 2 (vaginal) like I do, then I would be less concerned about sharing the virus with your kids. My WH has (I assume, because he's refused to be tested) HSV1 & HSV2, and has frequent fever blisters, I refuse to kiss him when he does! I've never had a fever blister or mouth sore.

In a quick google search I found this.

FoggedIn posted 5/31/2014 13:50 PM

So I've been suffering a severe HSV outbreak for a couple of weeks (contracted HSV2 from WH 10 years ago,..... after 3 years of M). Still have regular OB's, 8 a year probably. Then on top of that got a yeast infection that I couldn't get to clear up with the over the counter meds. So I made an appt with my gyno & went Thursday.

First glance he says "whoa you have the mother load of yeast infections" asks some more questions, I have lower belly pain, pain with urination, bleeding in between periods (I'm on the pill). And the nurse says, "Do you want me to get the prep ready for a Chlamydia test?"

Sh*t!!! That hadn't even crossed my mind really! I did a full std panel, 3 weeks out from Dday. (had HB about 5 days from DDay) Hadn't thought about the follow up panel that I think you should do at 3 or 6 months. (stupid! I know!)
Anyway, doc says yes, need to test for that and G too.

We're almost 10 months out........(8/8/13-dday), can I really just now be having symptoms of an STD I contracted 10 months ago? Or did I just get the STD he contracted 10 months ago?

Gahhhh I'm so confused.

He gave me a script for diflucan, 1 dose, says symptom improvement of yeast infection in 2-3 days & I took it on Thursday. No improvement....

[This message edited by FoggedIn at 1:50 PM, May 31st (Saturday)]

FoggedIn posted 5/31/2014 14:04 PM

(post overload....sorry)

Quick update to the my post a couple of weeks ago Re: WH's ex-wife contacting me about him being a carrier of the cancer causing strain of HPV.

I responded to her and simply said, thank you for the info, I do get my pap's regularly, I have a family history of uterine & bladder cancer so I am diligent about my health. But I will be a bit more alert. I decided since she opened the door...... I'd ask if WH had HSV while they were married. Things then got weird (or weirder I guess)
I'll substantially shorten her response!
She said she already knew that I knew WH had HSV, one of the kids 'overheard' us talking about it and they asked her about it (whatever). Said she didn't know he had it until she had already contracted it from him and then she felt forced to marry him (WTF!). But how grateful she was that she got 3 beautiful kids from the union. She apologizes that this happened to me (of course I never said that I had it, just asked if he had it). Then offers if I ever need to talk or have questions she's available anytime.

I gave no response. Until about a week or so later, I decided to clarify, because she can be sketchy and change her story quite rampantly (I take everything with a huge grain of salt).

So i pop open my Facebook messenger and type out "so WH had hsv before you met? and click send. I get the message "you don't have permission to message this person"
We aren't FB friends, but you can message people you aren't friends with, which is how we were communicating. But now she blocked me. Weird!!!! Her last words were "If you ever need to talk......."

So...... Whatever I guess.

Healinggirl posted 6/15/2014 16:38 PM

I'm scared I have herpes. 19 months since DD and I have a sore area. I thought I felt a tiny lump or possible blister down there but it washed away whilst in the shower.

FWH has never had any symptoms and STD tests have always been negative, although I know herpes isn't tested for. He is my 'only'.

I will see my doctor but could anyone give me the benefit of first hand experience in the meantime? I would really appreciate it.

FoggedIn posted 6/16/2014 17:36 PM


My first herpes ob was like a living hell, I knew for 100% that something was not right. However it literally never crossed my mind that it could be an std, much less hsv. That was 10 years ago.

I can assure you that a herpes blister/sore will not wash away in the shower though. It takes days if not weeks for the sore to heal on it's own. Faster if you're on meds, but still a good 5-7 days.

Not everyone experiences the same severity with their first ob with herpes. But mine included the skin on my leg, buttocks and back to be in so much pain, just the slightest touch would send me through the moon. Had fever, felt like I had been hit by a truck, basic flu like symptoms. I occasionally still have these severe ob's.

I also understand sometimes it is easy to miss a positive result without an open sore. That's how mine was diagnosed. My gyno swabbed the sore.

My WH has never had a symptom in his life. I guess unless you include minor (and I mean very very minor) fever blisters. They never get bigger than the head of a pin, never scab or anything. tiny tiny. I'm certain he actually has hsv 2 and hsv 1, but will not get tested.

I would encourage for your own sanity to get the full std work up and ask for the hsv testing as well. However what you're describing doesn't necessarily sound like herpes. Which is a huge blessing. I pray the results say the same!


My WH has a thing for prostitutes too. Crappy thing to have in common.

FoggedIn posted 6/16/2014 18:04 PM

Quick question.

Anybody know if you can be tested for chlamydia while you are on prescription meds for a YI?
Specifically the cream Terazol that you insert nightly?

The local clinics are currently offering free STD testing. It would be a good opportunity to get another test since I'm concerned the test I had a few weeks ago may have been crappy timing.

Symptoms of YI, but I had just finished a round of zpack for an eye infection, then had sex with WH, saw gyno 9 days after sex for the YI, he suspected chlamydia and did test for it and gonorrhea, results came back negative. I'm on the 3rd medicine to clear up YI and not working. I suspect that it actually is chlamydia, however since I had just finished the zpack, had sex with wH and tested so close to new exposure, it didn't show on the results.

So a free test would be nice! But I have 3 days left on the YI meds.

Healinggirl posted 6/17/2014 05:58 AM

Thank you FoggedIn.

I think I might have a dose of thrush, I certainly don't have anything like you describe and no more blisters if I ever had any in the first place. It's been hot here in the UK and I've been wearing tight jeans, so that may explain it. I've had thrush in the past that hasn't been sex related.

FWH phoned the STD clinic to ask for a blood test for herpes and the doctor replied that the test is about as useful as a chocolate tea pot! So we will probably never know if he's a carrier unless he develops symptoms.

What honestly puzzles me is how he got away without picking up a thing from these women. He's had all the relevant tests, as I have. Nothing. Nada. That's why I think I panicked....he can't have gotten away with it so lightly, but maybe he has.

I even apologised to him this morning for jumping to conclusions and making him feel guilty all over again. He just sat with his head in his hands.

Dealing with adultery can really mess with your head.

FoggedIn posted 6/18/2014 10:43 AM


Don't feel guilty...... He put you in this mess. It's a natural response (trust me, I've been there, am there now) anytime something goes haywire with your ladybits to go straight to the thoughts in your head that it must be affair related. It's nearly impossible not to!

About 6 weeks after DDay, I had already been tested for std (WH had not) & we were in & out of the HB phase. Literally in the second after he came (tmi) I threw him off of me & had a full on meltdown. He smelled funny, or I smelled off. Something wasn't right. I screamed yelled that he was a liar cheat, even after std testing it was still a viable option I could still catch whatever crap he was pay money to get from a whore because he didn't get tested.
Turns out it was BV, which some believe is an std is all practical senses.
So don't kick yourself for getting upset. It's normal, & likely to happen again. Your WH should understand he out you in this situation & needs to be willing to face the fallout on occasion. It's crappy, but it is what it is & it eventually gets better (so I hear)

I'm beyond thrilled that it's not HSV! It's not easy to live with physically or emotionally!

woundedwoman posted 7/6/2014 09:19 AM

WHEW! ALL results came back clean.

I'm waiting for std test results now. With the holiday on Friday...hoping to get the results on Monday.

My hubby strayed, went to a massage parlor, got freaked out because the woman started to perform oral sex, he waited three days, got tested, got the test results back four days later (negative and yes, it was full panel of std tests), resumed normal relations with me and tried to bury his visit. Six weeks later, and yes, sex weeks of having sex because I didn't know, I find out about the massage parlor. He gets retested, everything is negative again -but during those six weeks he was on antibiotics for a week due to minor surgery.

Fast forward to the present...I've suffered UTI infection (never had one), intense pain in the pelvic area, and sex becomes painful so I go to my doctor. He's concerned it could be chlamydia and so I went through the std waiting. Also, on antibiotics -two types.

My doctor is great, said this happens all the time. I could barely get the words out to ask for testing. He said he sees women like me daily...and he doesn't understand why men do those things, especially when many STDs wreck havoc on a woman.

Anyway, I just don't know how I'll handle it if my test results come back positive. I have a husband saying there's no way he infected me (um, yes, there is) and I certainly haven't strayed. So dang angry I'm in this situation.

[This message edited by woundedwoman at 12:25 PM, July 7th (Monday)]

FeelingMN posted 7/8/2014 08:07 AM

woundedwoman, I'm glad for you that your results were clean. That has to be a weight lifted off your shoulders.

My FWW contracted an STD from a ONS. I had to go to the Dr. last week to get something checked out and I haven't heard back about my tests yet so I had to call the office this morning. Of all the reasons to have stress this just seems like the most unnecessary, doesn't it? I'm glad you're ok.

FeelingMN posted 7/8/2014 10:21 AM

I just talked to the Dr office. No OB for me right now. I guess that should be some relief, it doesn't totally feel like it.

FoggedIn posted 7/8/2014 15:59 PM

Doesn't it suck that even when the results are negative, it still feels like you're waiting for the other shoe to drop. Like somehow you just haven't contracted whatever crap your WH has brought home somehow?
Frustrating! I'm almost 11 months out & have have 1 full std panel come back negative & a 2nd partial panel (symptom related) about a month ago, also was negative. Yet I still am fearful. It could be because WH has yet to be tested.
I finally told him last night (over 2 months now without sex) that there will continue to be no sex until he gets tested.

MadOldBat posted 7/17/2014 17:46 PM

I went to my first ever visit to the GUM clinic this morning.
I've definitely got something stingy & worrying.
Discovered last weekend that my husband of 30 years sleeps with prostitutes.
Have freaked myself out looking at websites of Portuguese strip clubs (who knew prostitution is legal there?)
- Husband's response is that he has no idea why he did it, and no, he didn't think of the consequences.
He's so, so sorry though.
Just a group of business colleagues "letting their hair down" - not bad lads.
Doesn't know what came over him.
It was just the once, and he was so drunk he couldn't even manage sex.
Oh - then I checked his phone, pictures of two girls in his hotel bedroom.
Oh - then I checked the online banking - he'd drawn out two lots of (max) cash at 3am in the morning - two nights running.
(And the year before as well - so it's obviously a "what happens on holiday, stays on holiday" regular occurrence. Which he didn't deny when I put it to him.
Have convinced myself that not only do I have gonorrhoea, but probably syphilis, herpes, hpv and aids.
Get initial results next friday, but now have another 12 months of tests to complete before any categorical result re HIV can be given.
Have been gaining strength to call it a day (with dignity hopefully) by reading posts for the last two nights.
Goodness how i despise him!
Stinging at one end - and steaming at the other.
Wht an absolute shit life sometimes is!

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