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Betrayed Spouse S.T. D. Support

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brokenhearted76 posted 7/29/2014 20:48 PM

I now find myself here :( i want to curl up and die. Things had been going good for me. Until now. I broke out in a blistery rash. So off to the doc i went yesterday. No cultures no blood work..just took a quick look and said i have a herpes outbreak. Gave me a script for pills and sent me home. I am beyond miserable. Im in pain. And i cant stop crying. Sorry for any spelling errors. Its hard to type while crying and shaking. I really dont know what to do. Ive researched obline until my eyea crossed. And nothing ive read is good. Weeks!! This may last weeks! Only to come back over and over! I cant deal with this. I am so alone..now even more. And now as if emotional pain wasnt enough. Now physical. I just wabt to go to sleep and not wake up.

plainpain posted 7/29/2014 21:11 PM

I am so very sorry. I completely relate. It is just the final kick in the face, to know that I bear his infidelity in my body forever.

ThoughtIKnewYa posted 7/30/2014 00:12 AM

(((brokenhearted76)))

They need to do a test to confirm it. My Dr. maliciously (IMO- he had a negative test and told me it was positive) told me I had herpes and I DO NOT. I would have never known if I hadn't had an auto-immune condition called Lichen Sclerosus and thought it was my "herpes". None of the meds were working and I was eventually sent to an Infectious Disease Dr., who did a DNA test and determined that I NEVER had herpes. So, MAKE them test you. And HUGE (((((((((HUGS))))))))) to you!

steppingup posted 7/30/2014 10:28 AM

To all reading this, in this day and age with the power and information of the internet do some of your own looking into symptoms before you go to the MD office to ask somebody (who is typically rushing) to make an accurate diagnosis.

You can talk your MD into just about any test. When possible test using more sensitive and more expensive DNA tests, not antibody based tests, which can have false negative or inconslusive test results.

If you get a negative result and you do not believe it, ask for a retest or ask the MD to ask the lab to test the specimen again.

I know labs make errors - you will have to trust me on this one.

If anyone has medical or STD related questions message me and I will do my best to support you.

Regards, Step.

mellie99 posted 7/30/2014 20:03 PM

I haven't gone through all the posts on this topic yet but I'm just looking for those of you whose WS has a STD but you don't. My WH was tested for STD's previously after his strayings, but was apparently never offered a blood test for HSV-2 or HepB until recently, both of which came back positive. I of course immediately had my dr screen me for everything, specifically those two and came back negative for everything. While I am of course relieved, my H has been very depressed and sworn off sex. He said his dr told him they will not give him oral meds for the HSV unless he has a breakout (which to our knowledge he's never had) and the one time we tried using condoms it upset him so much he actually got up and left.

Lately he keeps telling me that he intends to remain celibate and has suggested I get a boyfriend/lover since there's "no point in both of us being abstinent". I refuse to entertain this idea but this is almost a feeling worse than the initial betrayal. I avoid hugging and kissing him now because it always tends to lead to other things and I'm really lonely and hurt. I don't really have any friends where I am and the closest family is literally almost 1,000 miles away. I've been trying to get out more and make friends, but it was already hard enough rebuilding our bond because we have an infant that keeps us from going out often and now this. How do you 'fix' things when obstacles keep getting thrown in your way? I really could use some advice; TIA.

steppingup posted 7/31/2014 16:16 PM

My WH was tested for STD's previously after his strayings, but was apparently never offered a blood test for HSV-2 or HepB until recently, both of which came back positive. I of course immediately had my dr screen me for everything, specifically those two and came back negative for everything.

I am very familar with HepB with my medical experience, the kind of test you take can really alter the result you get, if the test was "antibody" based you can miss what is called the "window period" and you could be infected while your immunesystem was not yet producting antigens for it, which such a test looks for. What you want is a DNA test, a PCR test for HBV, qualitative test, not quantitative test. The HBV virus is a sneaky little devil and its titer in a body can vary depending on many factors. In a few weeks go have another test. Seriously, unless you had the HBV vaccine, if you did, don't bother getting tested.

While I am of course relieved, my H has been very depressed and sworn off sex.

He needs to, becuase he is carrying HBV and there is NO CURE and that virus will kill your liver and cause persons great hard and early death. He will kill others (early) if they get that virus. If he ever does have sex, he must wear a condom 100% of the time, and get the really good ones! Kissing is fine, just make sure he didn't floss or has any blood in his mouth.

and has suggested I get a boyfriend/lover since there's "no point in both of us being abstinent". I refuse to entertain this idea but this is almost a feeling worse than the initial betrayal.

DONT DO IT.

I've been trying to get out more and make friends, but it was already hard enough rebuilding our bond because we have an infant that keeps us from going out often and now this
.

In time you will, and it will feel good.

How do you 'fix' things when obstacles keep getting thrown in your way? I really could use some advice; TIA.

In time you will see clearly what to do, when we are hurt and sad and anxious we cannot do anything. In time my dear. God Bless, Step.

mellie99 posted 7/31/2014 21:28 PM

Thanks for your thorough reply Step:

I actually did get vaccinated for HepB in hs because I took a class where we did clinical rotations in a hospital. However, I will take your advice and get tested again in the future.

Just really frustrating dealing with the fallout of his garbage over and over again. Stuff like this makes me want to throw in the towel. I've reached the point now where I'm constantly asking myself 'what's he going to tell me this time?'. I really need to hear some 'yeah it sucks but we made it through anyway' stories from people.

norabird posted 8/6/2014 16:06 PM

Any HPV-havers in the house? Just got my test results back and this was in my app smear results.

Last pap smear was just before the ex, and didn't have HPV; we had a non-monogamous relationship for a while but I was using condoms then, so don't quite know if this is to be attributed to the ex's cheating or not. Certainly his cheating seems to have pervasive for many months of the year we were sleeping together without condoms.

Regardless of blame...I'm not quite sure what to do with this news? My doctor says 80% of young women have it; I was slightly too old for the vaccine. Guess I just have to tell the current guy I'm dating and sort it out with him.

Sigh.

whattheh posted 8/6/2014 16:39 PM

I have hpv from my fWH cheating with craigslist ho. I've been told it can be passed thru genital to genital contact so condoms do not fully protect. Also passed via oral. So condoms won't entirely protect you from hpv. Herpes also is passed even when condoms are used.

My obgyn tested me further to see if I had one of the main cancer causing hpv strains. Evidently there a couple or few which cause 70% of the hpv related cancers. Men can also get cancer on their penis and testicles from hpv and ppl can get throat cancer.

Fortunately I don't have one of these but mine hasn't gone away after 2 years so it may do damage yet to me...

[This message edited by whattheh at 4:51 PM, August 6th (Wednesday)]

painpaingoaway posted 10/24/2014 07:13 AM

Bumping for those in need.

neecee posted 10/26/2014 08:24 AM

Not sure what to think. Just had my annual pap and was told I have cell abnormalities. Last years pap was normal. Have a colposcopy scheduled for Thursday. At first i was worried that it may be cancer, but further researching has me worried that I could have HPV. I never got tested after dday and I continue to have sex with my FWH. Has anyone found out through a routine pap that they have an STD??? I'm praying that its nothing. I remember having a colposcopy 20 years ago that turned out to be fine. This sucks! Like I don't have enough shit on my plate to think about!!

Trivial posted 12/15/2014 19:36 PM

So I went to the doctor to get tested for STD's, and they all came back negative except for HPV. But all the information I found about HPV is confusing. On the one hand, the articles say it is a sexually transmitted virus, on the other hand they caution against the assumption that it was transmitted from your partner. I've been married 15 years, and was in a monogamous relationship with my WH for 6 years before we got married. So, what are the odds that one of us was just "carrying" the virus for 20 years? This is crazy making. Did I get it from my husband, and does that mean he got it from having sex with someone else? He has admitted to an EA, and to "looking for" a one night stand, but says nothing sexual happened. Which, of course, I don't believe, but I have no proof otherwise.

trustedg posted 12/15/2014 19:57 PM

Trivial - ask your doctor. My understanding is that HPV is sexually transmitted.

earthangel posted 12/31/2014 18:44 PM

bump for new members

butterflywings88 posted 2/20/2015 16:57 PM

So my question is...After I found out about the affair, I went immediately and was tested for everything. I requested it all. Everything came back negative. I have since slept with him awhile ago, unprotected and it was a mistake. Now, I am noticing white bumps down there that don't seem to go away. I know this sounds crazy, but could it be from shaving myself or could it be warts? It can be itchy.

gottagetpastthis posted 2/20/2015 17:46 PM

Butterflywings - you better get it checked out. Yes, itchy bumps happen after shaving - that's what I thought was happening to me, too. Until the itching got really bad and the bumps started multiplying, and then they started to hurt, and then, to my horror, they became extremely painful, oozing sores, ALL over.

After the tingle-y, itchy bumps turned into painful, oozing sores, I knew what it had to be, and eventually, (embarrassed), I showed my WBF, (he felt terrible, as he fucking well should), then went to my doctor. She said yes, without a doubt, you have herpes. Herpes!! Yuuuck!! I was so depressed and felt humiliated. There is no cure, and it's chronic, it keeps coming back - around my period, during times of stress (hello), and for added fun, it shows up in the form of huge zits on my face. Right now, I'm broken out so badly, I don't want to be seen. It's like a badge of shame. :(

Medicine (Valtrex or generic) can be prescribed, (I can't afford it right now!) - take it at the very first tingle to get the most benefit. But YES - if you are concerned, see your doctor ASAP. Because if it IS herpes (and I REALLY hope it's not, for your sake), it gets very MUCH WORSE VERY FAST if your first outbreak goes untreated, AND the longer you wait to get treated, the longer it takes to subside.

Good luck & stay strong!!

NoGravity posted 2/28/2015 17:16 PM

I'm a BS living with HSV-2. This was how I discovered my FWH was up to something. Years of secrets and sexual encounters with escorts. We were in the midst of a particularly difficult weekend and I felt some pain and itching. I went into my GYN, she took one look and said she believed it was herpes. I was stunned. In complete disbelief. I walked out of there in a trance. What was happening?! It was the worst time of my life. To discover my H was unfaithful AND he gave me a STD. Ugh.

Here we are, 6 or so months later, taking Acyclovir twice a day daily. We stand next to each other every morning and night taking our meds. Silently. he asked his doc for suppressive therapy for a full year. Mine only wanted to put me on for 6 months to see how things went. As I near the end of my prescription I'm worried. I have noticed a few outbreaks over these past months, but very mild and only lasting a few days at most. Should I be worried about outbreaks returning once I'm off the meds? Should I consider asking my doc to extend my prescription? Wondering if anyone else has dealt with going off meds and how things were afterwards.

realgood2u posted 3/8/2015 02:52 AM

I need opinions, please.

I am married over 40 years and WH has been my only sexual partner. My state tested blood for STDs at the time so I know we were both clean at the time of marriage. I also had a pap a few months prior in order to begin birth control. I have been consistent with yearly paps and have had two children since without problem.

I was diagnosed with BV at the time of WH affair twelve years ago. No doubt in my mind why. I had one UTI a couple of years ago. Unsure if I can blame it on WH.

Since the A I have remembered that I had some sort of infection many years ago...my only other female problem EVER. I cannot remember if there were any bumps or rash, but there was pain when I urinated. There was genital burning and clothing contact was very uncomfortable. I never went to the doctor because there was no appointment available before my period was due in a few days. After my period all symptoms were gone. Of course, I now suspect another A.


Could this have been a yeast infection that cleared up voluntarily? Or??? Obviously I know it was not BV or UTI but have no other experience to compare to.

PeacefulWarrior5 posted 4/2/2015 12:54 PM

Just having a very angry day today. Feeling like who is going to want me now. Hard to be hopeful of a future with a proper partner now having to face rejection of something that I had no say so in...

HealingGrace posted 4/12/2015 17:15 PM

I am so angry right now that I want to scream. I was reviewing my STD tests from last August and discovered that my doctor misread my herpes test. I tested positive in August 2011 so I never had a negative test like she told me.

It clearly states:
Herpes Simplex 2 Igg H >5.00

HSV IgG Index Value <0.90 =negative for IgG antibodies to HSV 2, 0.90-1.10=Equivocal for IgG antibodies to HSV 2, >1.10 Positive for IgG antibodies to HSV 2

Cold sores are also herpes. When I got tested, the doctor mailed me the results and wrote a note that the everything came back clear. The test did show herpes, but that would be positive if I had cold sores. It's been many years and I've never head a genital herpes outbreak, however, on rare occasions, I will get a cold sore. So, just as an fyi to help anyone else who is scared - testing positive for hsv doesn't necessarily mean you have the genital version of herpes.

I did find out 3 years later that I have high risk hpv. It wasn't tested for when I got tested for STDs. It showed up after several years of abstinence, because it was laying dormant until my immune system was weakened and didn't keep it in check. I had surgeries. The hpv has been in check for a couple years. After all these many years, I have never had a GENITAL herpes outbreak even through stress and when my immune system was weak. I have, however, had a few cold sores, which was no big deal. I hope this knowledge helps someone else.

Please everyone, get tested and get your annual exams.

HealingGrace posted 4/12/2015 17:53 PM

Just having a very angry day today. Feeling like who is going to want me now. Hard to be hopeful of a future with a proper partner now having to face rejection of something that I had no say so in...

I can empathize with this feeling! This is how I felt when I first found out about the hpv. My cheating ex had been my only partner when I found out, so it was from him. Years later, I did tell a man and was surprised he acted like the hpv was no big deal since it is such a common disease. He actually felt safer with me in a way because I had so many tests done, I was upfront about it and he knew what to expect. I have heard stories of other people who have found proper partners despite having STDs like herpes, hpv, etc. There is also a dating site for people who have herpes. I hope this helps. I'm sorry you are having to go through this too!

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