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I Can Relate Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Betrayed Spouse S.T. D. Support
brokenhearted76
♀ Member
Member # 39616
Default  Posted: 8:48 PM, July 29th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I now find myself here :( i want to curl up and die. Things had been going good for me. Until now. I broke out in a blistery rash. So off to the doc i went yesterday. No cultures no blood work..just took a quick look and said i have a herpes outbreak. Gave me a script for pills and sent me home. I am beyond miserable. Im in pain. And i cant stop crying. Sorry for any spelling errors. Its hard to type while crying and shaking. I really dont know what to do. Ive researched obline until my eyea crossed. And nothing ive read is good. Weeks!! This may last weeks! Only to come back over and over! I cant deal with this. I am so alone..now even more. And now as if emotional pain wasnt enough. Now physical. I just wabt to go to sleep and not wake up.


~Me~ Blindsided wife, age 37
~Him~ XWH, age 37
~Son~ age 14
~Daughter~ age 18, special needs
~Dday~ June 4th 2013
~him: several affairs during our marriage both emotional and physical, latest physical affair in may 2013~

Posts: 85 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: brokenhearted76
plainpain
♀ Member
Member # 40139
Default  Posted: 9:11 PM, July 29th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am so very sorry. I completely relate. It is just the final kick in the face, to know that I bear his infidelity in my body forever.


Me: Believer; 40s
Him: Liar; 40s
Married 19 years
1 year EA/2 month PA/incidental infidelities I can't begin to process
OC born 2014
OW:21
In successful R, but still in just plain pain.

Posts: 808 | Registered: Jul 2013
ThoughtIKnewYa
♀ Member
Member # 18449
Default  Posted: 12:12 AM, July 30th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((brokenhearted76)))

They need to do a test to confirm it. My Dr. maliciously (IMO- he had a negative test and told me it was positive) told me I had herpes and I DO NOT. I would have never known if I hadn't had an auto-immune condition called Lichen Sclerosus and thought it was my "herpes". None of the meds were working and I was eventually sent to an Infectious Disease Dr., who did a DNA test and determined that I NEVER had herpes. So, MAKE them test you. And HUGE (((((((((HUGS))))))))) to you!


Posts: 11771 | Registered: Mar 2008
steppingup
♂ Member
Member # 42650
Default  Posted: 10:28 AM, July 30th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

To all reading this, in this day and age with the power and information of the internet do some of your own looking into symptoms before you go to the MD office to ask somebody (who is typically rushing) to make an accurate diagnosis.

You can talk your MD into just about any test. When possible test using more sensitive and more expensive DNA tests, not antibody based tests, which can have false negative or inconslusive test results.

If you get a negative result and you do not believe it, ask for a retest or ask the MD to ask the lab to test the specimen again.

I know labs make errors - you will have to trust me on this one.

If anyone has medical or STD related questions message me and I will do my best to support you.

Regards, Step.


Her (WW 40s) Me (BH, 40s) very young DS & DD

“Whatever follows after DD is much more crucial than the infidelity action itself” Quote by SI Member Melian40

"I'm a good man, not an option" - Steppingup


Posts: 518 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: CALI
mellie99
♀ Member
Member # 39712
Default  Posted: 8:03 PM, July 30th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I haven't gone through all the posts on this topic yet but I'm just looking for those of you whose WS has a STD but you don't. My WH was tested for STD's previously after his strayings, but was apparently never offered a blood test for HSV-2 or HepB until recently, both of which came back positive. I of course immediately had my dr screen me for everything, specifically those two and came back negative for everything. While I am of course relieved, my H has been very depressed and sworn off sex. He said his dr told him they will not give him oral meds for the HSV unless he has a breakout (which to our knowledge he's never had) and the one time we tried using condoms it upset him so much he actually got up and left.

Lately he keeps telling me that he intends to remain celibate and has suggested I get a boyfriend/lover since there's "no point in both of us being abstinent". I refuse to entertain this idea but this is almost a feeling worse than the initial betrayal. I avoid hugging and kissing him now because it always tends to lead to other things and I'm really lonely and hurt. I don't really have any friends where I am and the closest family is literally almost 1,000 miles away. I've been trying to get out more and make friends, but it was already hard enough rebuilding our bond because we have an infant that keeps us from going out often and now this. How do you 'fix' things when obstacles keep getting thrown in your way? I really could use some advice; TIA.


Me: BW (32)
Him: WS (31)-Multiple ONS
Married: 1/3/05 Together since 5/2002
D-Day #1-3/2009 (4 years after the fact)
D-Day #2 3/2013(he confessed to 3 more ONS, 1 the month I found out I was pregnant)

Posts: 66 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: United States
steppingup
♂ Member
Member # 42650
Default  Posted: 4:16 PM, July 31st (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My WH was tested for STD's previously after his strayings, but was apparently never offered a blood test for HSV-2 or HepB until recently, both of which came back positive. I of course immediately had my dr screen me for everything, specifically those two and came back negative for everything.

I am very familar with HepB with my medical experience, the kind of test you take can really alter the result you get, if the test was "antibody" based you can miss what is called the "window period" and you could be infected while your immunesystem was not yet producting antigens for it, which such a test looks for. What you want is a DNA test, a PCR test for HBV, qualitative test, not quantitative test. The HBV virus is a sneaky little devil and its titer in a body can vary depending on many factors. In a few weeks go have another test. Seriously, unless you had the HBV vaccine, if you did, don't bother getting tested.

While I am of course relieved, my H has been very depressed and sworn off sex.

He needs to, becuase he is carrying HBV and there is NO CURE and that virus will kill your liver and cause persons great hard and early death. He will kill others (early) if they get that virus. If he ever does have sex, he must wear a condom 100% of the time, and get the really good ones! Kissing is fine, just make sure he didn't floss or has any blood in his mouth.

and has suggested I get a boyfriend/lover since there's "no point in both of us being abstinent". I refuse to entertain this idea but this is almost a feeling worse than the initial betrayal.

DONT DO IT.

I've been trying to get out more and make friends, but it was already hard enough rebuilding our bond because we have an infant that keeps us from going out often and now this
.

In time you will, and it will feel good.

How do you 'fix' things when obstacles keep getting thrown in your way? I really could use some advice; TIA.

In time you will see clearly what to do, when we are hurt and sad and anxious we cannot do anything. In time my dear. God Bless, Step.


Her (WW 40s) Me (BH, 40s) very young DS & DD

“Whatever follows after DD is much more crucial than the infidelity action itself” Quote by SI Member Melian40

"I'm a good man, not an option" - Steppingup


Posts: 518 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: CALI
mellie99
♀ Member
Member # 39712
Default  Posted: 9:28 PM, July 31st (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for your thorough reply Step:

I actually did get vaccinated for HepB in hs because I took a class where we did clinical rotations in a hospital. However, I will take your advice and get tested again in the future.

Just really frustrating dealing with the fallout of his garbage over and over again. Stuff like this makes me want to throw in the towel. I've reached the point now where I'm constantly asking myself 'what's he going to tell me this time?'. I really need to hear some 'yeah it sucks but we made it through anyway' stories from people.


Me: BW (32)
Him: WS (31)-Multiple ONS
Married: 1/3/05 Together since 5/2002
D-Day #1-3/2009 (4 years after the fact)
D-Day #2 3/2013(he confessed to 3 more ONS, 1 the month I found out I was pregnant)

Posts: 66 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: United States
norabird
♀ Member
Member # 42092
Frustrated  Posted: 4:06 PM, August 6th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Any HPV-havers in the house? Just got my test results back and this was in my app smear results.

Last pap smear was just before the ex, and didn't have HPV; we had a non-monogamous relationship for a while but I was using condoms then, so don't quite know if this is to be attributed to the ex's cheating or not. Certainly his cheating seems to have pervasive for many months of the year we were sleeping together without condoms.

Regardless of blame...I'm not quite sure what to do with this news? My doctor says 80% of young women have it; I was slightly too old for the vaccine. Guess I just have to tell the current guy I'm dating and sort it out with him.

Sigh.


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4196 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
whattheh
♀ Member
Member # 40032
Default  Posted: 4:39 PM, August 6th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have hpv from my fWH cheating with craigslist ho. I've been told it can be passed thru genital to genital contact so condoms do not fully protect. Also passed via oral. So condoms won't entirely protect you from hpv. Herpes also is passed even when condoms are used.

My obgyn tested me further to see if I had one of the main cancer causing hpv strains. Evidently there a couple or few which cause 70% of the hpv related cancers. Men can also get cancer on their penis and testicles from hpv and ppl can get throat cancer.

Fortunately I don't have one of these but mine hasn't gone away after 2 years so it may do damage yet to me...

[This message edited by whattheh at 4:51 PM, August 6th (Wednesday)]


BW- mid 50's (me)
fWH-late 50's
M 33 T 35
DD-Early 2013 PA 2010
In R but I have PTSD...

Posts: 575 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: USA
painpaingoaway
♀ Member
Member # 27196
Default  Posted: 7:13 AM, October 24th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bumping for those in need.


me BS female 56/him WS 59
Married 33 years
D-day July 09/he gave me his slut's STD
Watch my movie: "My wayward husband's adventures in STD land":
Episode 1: youtu.be/9Jv0-d_CdYc
Episode 2: http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8Tz822H82Gk

Posts: 7113 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Coastal South
neecee
♀ Member
Member # 43523
Default  Posted: 8:24 AM, October 26th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Not sure what to think. Just had my annual pap and was told I have cell abnormalities. Last years pap was normal. Have a colposcopy scheduled for Thursday. At first i was worried that it may be cancer, but further researching has me worried that I could have HPV. I never got tested after dday and I continue to have sex with my FWH. Has anyone found out through a routine pap that they have an STD??? I'm praying that its nothing. I remember having a colposcopy 20 years ago that turned out to be fine. This sucks! Like I don't have enough shit on my plate to think about!!


What doesn't kill me.....better run cause when I get back up I'm gonna kick some ass!!!
me 44
WH 46
married 19 years
together 28 years
3 children 16,14,7
OW-lucky to be alive!!!!
D-Day 5/8/2014

Posts: 150 | Registered: May 2014 | From: new york
Topic Posts: 271
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