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User Topic: Betrayed Spouse S.T. D. Support
brokenhearted76
♀ Member
Member # 39616
Default  Posted: 8:48 PM, July 29th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I now find myself here :( i want to curl up and die. Things had been going good for me. Until now. I broke out in a blistery rash. So off to the doc i went yesterday. No cultures no blood work..just took a quick look and said i have a herpes outbreak. Gave me a script for pills and sent me home. I am beyond miserable. Im in pain. And i cant stop crying. Sorry for any spelling errors. Its hard to type while crying and shaking. I really dont know what to do. Ive researched obline until my eyea crossed. And nothing ive read is good. Weeks!! This may last weeks! Only to come back over and over! I cant deal with this. I am so alone..now even more. And now as if emotional pain wasnt enough. Now physical. I just wabt to go to sleep and not wake up.


~Me~ Blindsided wife, age 37
~Him~ XWH, age 37
~Son~ age 14
~Daughter~ age 18, special needs
~Dday~ June 4th 2013
~him: several affairs during our marriage both emotional and physical, latest physical affair in may 2013~

Posts: 85 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: brokenhearted76
plainpain
♀ Member
Member # 40139
Default  Posted: 9:11 PM, July 29th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am so very sorry. I completely relate. It is just the final kick in the face, to know that I bear his infidelity in my body forever.


Me: Believer; 40s
Him: Liar; 40s
Married 19 years
1 year EA/2 month PA/incidental infidelities I can't begin to process
OC born 2014
OW:21
In successful R, but still in just plain pain.

Posts: 846 | Registered: Jul 2013
ThoughtIKnewYa
♀ Member
Member # 18449
Default  Posted: 12:12 AM, July 30th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((brokenhearted76)))

They need to do a test to confirm it. My Dr. maliciously (IMO- he had a negative test and told me it was positive) told me I had herpes and I DO NOT. I would have never known if I hadn't had an auto-immune condition called Lichen Sclerosus and thought it was my "herpes". None of the meds were working and I was eventually sent to an Infectious Disease Dr., who did a DNA test and determined that I NEVER had herpes. So, MAKE them test you. And HUGE (((((((((HUGS))))))))) to you!


Posts: 11831 | Registered: Mar 2008
steppingup
♂ Member
Member # 42650
Default  Posted: 10:28 AM, July 30th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

To all reading this, in this day and age with the power and information of the internet do some of your own looking into symptoms before you go to the MD office to ask somebody (who is typically rushing) to make an accurate diagnosis.

You can talk your MD into just about any test. When possible test using more sensitive and more expensive DNA tests, not antibody based tests, which can have false negative or inconslusive test results.

If you get a negative result and you do not believe it, ask for a retest or ask the MD to ask the lab to test the specimen again.

I know labs make errors - you will have to trust me on this one.

If anyone has medical or STD related questions message me and I will do my best to support you.

Regards, Step.


STEP (BS) - too many DDays, TT and non-disclosure continue - WW is considering chasing her dreams with D or R.
"Cheating is so rampant it has become a sign of how mentally unwell and immature our society is".

Posts: 1922 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: CALI
mellie99
♀ Member
Member # 39712
Default  Posted: 8:03 PM, July 30th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I haven't gone through all the posts on this topic yet but I'm just looking for those of you whose WS has a STD but you don't. My WH was tested for STD's previously after his strayings, but was apparently never offered a blood test for HSV-2 or HepB until recently, both of which came back positive. I of course immediately had my dr screen me for everything, specifically those two and came back negative for everything. While I am of course relieved, my H has been very depressed and sworn off sex. He said his dr told him they will not give him oral meds for the HSV unless he has a breakout (which to our knowledge he's never had) and the one time we tried using condoms it upset him so much he actually got up and left.

Lately he keeps telling me that he intends to remain celibate and has suggested I get a boyfriend/lover since there's "no point in both of us being abstinent". I refuse to entertain this idea but this is almost a feeling worse than the initial betrayal. I avoid hugging and kissing him now because it always tends to lead to other things and I'm really lonely and hurt. I don't really have any friends where I am and the closest family is literally almost 1,000 miles away. I've been trying to get out more and make friends, but it was already hard enough rebuilding our bond because we have an infant that keeps us from going out often and now this. How do you 'fix' things when obstacles keep getting thrown in your way? I really could use some advice; TIA.


Me: BW (32)
Him: WS (31)-Multiple ONS
Married: 1/3/05 Together since 5/2002
D-Day #1-3/2009 (4 years after the fact)
D-Day #2 3/2013(he confessed to 3 more ONS, 1 the month I found out I was pregnant)

Posts: 66 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: United States
steppingup
♂ Member
Member # 42650
Default  Posted: 4:16 PM, July 31st (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My WH was tested for STD's previously after his strayings, but was apparently never offered a blood test for HSV-2 or HepB until recently, both of which came back positive. I of course immediately had my dr screen me for everything, specifically those two and came back negative for everything.

I am very familar with HepB with my medical experience, the kind of test you take can really alter the result you get, if the test was "antibody" based you can miss what is called the "window period" and you could be infected while your immunesystem was not yet producting antigens for it, which such a test looks for. What you want is a DNA test, a PCR test for HBV, qualitative test, not quantitative test. The HBV virus is a sneaky little devil and its titer in a body can vary depending on many factors. In a few weeks go have another test. Seriously, unless you had the HBV vaccine, if you did, don't bother getting tested.

While I am of course relieved, my H has been very depressed and sworn off sex.

He needs to, becuase he is carrying HBV and there is NO CURE and that virus will kill your liver and cause persons great hard and early death. He will kill others (early) if they get that virus. If he ever does have sex, he must wear a condom 100% of the time, and get the really good ones! Kissing is fine, just make sure he didn't floss or has any blood in his mouth.

and has suggested I get a boyfriend/lover since there's "no point in both of us being abstinent". I refuse to entertain this idea but this is almost a feeling worse than the initial betrayal.

DONT DO IT.

I've been trying to get out more and make friends, but it was already hard enough rebuilding our bond because we have an infant that keeps us from going out often and now this
.

In time you will, and it will feel good.

How do you 'fix' things when obstacles keep getting thrown in your way? I really could use some advice; TIA.

In time you will see clearly what to do, when we are hurt and sad and anxious we cannot do anything. In time my dear. God Bless, Step.


STEP (BS) - too many DDays, TT and non-disclosure continue - WW is considering chasing her dreams with D or R.
"Cheating is so rampant it has become a sign of how mentally unwell and immature our society is".

Posts: 1922 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: CALI
mellie99
♀ Member
Member # 39712
Default  Posted: 9:28 PM, July 31st (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for your thorough reply Step:

I actually did get vaccinated for HepB in hs because I took a class where we did clinical rotations in a hospital. However, I will take your advice and get tested again in the future.

Just really frustrating dealing with the fallout of his garbage over and over again. Stuff like this makes me want to throw in the towel. I've reached the point now where I'm constantly asking myself 'what's he going to tell me this time?'. I really need to hear some 'yeah it sucks but we made it through anyway' stories from people.


Me: BW (32)
Him: WS (31)-Multiple ONS
Married: 1/3/05 Together since 5/2002
D-Day #1-3/2009 (4 years after the fact)
D-Day #2 3/2013(he confessed to 3 more ONS, 1 the month I found out I was pregnant)

Posts: 66 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: United States
norabird
♀ Member
Member # 42092
Frustrated  Posted: 4:06 PM, August 6th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Any HPV-havers in the house? Just got my test results back and this was in my app smear results.

Last pap smear was just before the ex, and didn't have HPV; we had a non-monogamous relationship for a while but I was using condoms then, so don't quite know if this is to be attributed to the ex's cheating or not. Certainly his cheating seems to have pervasive for many months of the year we were sleeping together without condoms.

Regardless of blame...I'm not quite sure what to do with this news? My doctor says 80% of young women have it; I was slightly too old for the vaccine. Guess I just have to tell the current guy I'm dating and sort it out with him.

Sigh.


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4318 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
whattheh
♀ Member
Member # 40032
Default  Posted: 4:39 PM, August 6th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have hpv from my fWH cheating with craigslist ho. I've been told it can be passed thru genital to genital contact so condoms do not fully protect. Also passed via oral. So condoms won't entirely protect you from hpv. Herpes also is passed even when condoms are used.

My obgyn tested me further to see if I had one of the main cancer causing hpv strains. Evidently there a couple or few which cause 70% of the hpv related cancers. Men can also get cancer on their penis and testicles from hpv and ppl can get throat cancer.

Fortunately I don't have one of these but mine hasn't gone away after 2 years so it may do damage yet to me...

[This message edited by whattheh at 4:51 PM, August 6th (Wednesday)]


BW- 50's (me) WH-early 60's M 34 T 36
DD-Jan 2013 cheated 2.25 years with late 40s CL ho who told me very cruelly & stalked us; DD2 Aug2015: 5 AM profiles set up May2010/Dec2012/Jan2013 and used after dday

Posts: 922 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: USA
painpaingoaway
♀ Member
Member # 27196
Default  Posted: 7:13 AM, October 24th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bumping for those in need.


me BS female 56/him WS 59
Married 34 years
D-day July 09/he gave me his slut's STD
Watch my movie: "My wayward husband's adventures in STD land":
Episode 1: youtu.be/9Jv0-d_CdYc
Episode 2: http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8Tz822H82Gk

Posts: 7192 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Coastal South
neecee
♀ Member
Member # 43523
Default  Posted: 8:24 AM, October 26th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Not sure what to think. Just had my annual pap and was told I have cell abnormalities. Last years pap was normal. Have a colposcopy scheduled for Thursday. At first i was worried that it may be cancer, but further researching has me worried that I could have HPV. I never got tested after dday and I continue to have sex with my FWH. Has anyone found out through a routine pap that they have an STD??? I'm praying that its nothing. I remember having a colposcopy 20 years ago that turned out to be fine. This sucks! Like I don't have enough shit on my plate to think about!!


How did I end up here?
me 44
WH 46
married 19 years
together 28 years
3 children 16,14,7
OW-lucky to be alive!!!!
D-Day 5/8/2014

Posts: 267 | Registered: May 2014 | From: new york
Trivial
♀ Member
Member # 45546
Default  Posted: 7:36 PM, December 15th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So I went to the doctor to get tested for STD's, and they all came back negative except for HPV. But all the information I found about HPV is confusing. On the one hand, the articles say it is a sexually transmitted virus, on the other hand they caution against the assumption that it was transmitted from your partner. I've been married 15 years, and was in a monogamous relationship with my WH for 6 years before we got married. So, what are the odds that one of us was just "carrying" the virus for 20 years? This is crazy making. Did I get it from my husband, and does that mean he got it from having sex with someone else? He has admitted to an EA, and to "looking for" a one night stand, but says nothing sexual happened. Which, of course, I don't believe, but I have no proof otherwise.


BW: 44 (me)
WH: 46
Married 15 years 2 kids
DD: August 9 2014
5 month EA with COW, unrequited.
Anon chat room
fishing on FB and in live action, admits to being 'on the lookout' for an opportunity
WH says no PA
12/2/14: tested + for HPV

Posts: 341 | Registered: Nov 2014
trustedg
♀ Member
Member # 44465
Default  Posted: 7:57 PM, December 15th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Trivial - ask your doctor. My understanding is that HPV is sexually transmitted.


Me BW
Him WH - 1 yr PA, 25 yrs ago, with a "friend" of mine
ONS, 35 yrs ago (came out TT a few days after DDay)
DDay 12/2012
Married a long time, in R

Posts: 822 | Registered: Aug 2014
earthangel
♀ Member
Member # 44357
Default  Posted: 6:44 PM, December 31st (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bump for new members


Never regret. If it's good, it's wonderful. If its bad - it's experience.

Posts: 384 | Registered: Aug 2014 | From: England
butterflywings88
♀ Member
Member # 45604
Default  Posted: 4:57 PM, February 20th (Friday), 2015View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So my question is...After I found out about the affair, I went immediately and was tested for everything. I requested it all. Everything came back negative. I have since slept with him awhile ago, unprotected and it was a mistake. Now, I am noticing white bumps down there that don't seem to go away. I know this sounds crazy, but could it be from shaving myself or could it be warts? It can be itchy.


Me (BS): 45
Him (WS): 45
Dday: November 4, 2014
Status: Divorced 6/4/15
Married: 20 years/together 21 years

Posts: 170 | Registered: Nov 2014 | From: Oregon
gottagetpastthis
♀ Member
Member # 46645
Default  Posted: 5:46 PM, February 20th (Friday), 2015View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Butterflywings - you better get it checked out. Yes, itchy bumps happen after shaving - that's what I thought was happening to me, too. Until the itching got really bad and the bumps started multiplying, and then they started to hurt, and then, to my horror, they became extremely painful, oozing sores, ALL over.

After the tingle-y, itchy bumps turned into painful, oozing sores, I knew what it had to be, and eventually, (embarrassed), I showed my WBF, (he felt terrible, as he fucking well should), then went to my doctor. She said yes, without a doubt, you have herpes. Herpes!! Yuuuck!! I was so depressed and felt humiliated. There is no cure, and it's chronic, it keeps coming back - around my period, during times of stress (hello), and for added fun, it shows up in the form of huge zits on my face. Right now, I'm broken out so badly, I don't want to be seen. It's like a badge of shame. :(

Medicine (Valtrex or generic) can be prescribed, (I can't afford it right now!) - take it at the very first tingle to get the most benefit. But YES - if you are concerned, see your doctor ASAP. Because if it IS herpes (and I REALLY hope it's not, for your sake), it gets very MUCH WORSE VERY FAST if your first outbreak goes untreated, AND the longer you wait to get treated, the longer it takes to subside.

Good luck & stay strong!!


"What fresh Hell is this?" - Dorothy Parker
D-day: 6.1.14, I think I just got hit with DDay #2? 07.16.15?
Me: BGF, 49
Him: WBF, 56
In "committed relationship" since 2009. I thought. Living together, still figuring it out.


Posts: 169 | Registered: Feb 2015 | From: CA
NoGravity
♀ New Member
Member # 46405
Default  Posted: 5:16 PM, February 28th (Saturday), 2015View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm a BS living with HSV-2. This was how I discovered my FWH was up to something. Years of secrets and sexual encounters with escorts. We were in the midst of a particularly difficult weekend and I felt some pain and itching. I went into my GYN, she took one look and said she believed it was herpes. I was stunned. In complete disbelief. I walked out of there in a trance. What was happening?! It was the worst time of my life. To discover my H was unfaithful AND he gave me a STD. Ugh.

Here we are, 6 or so months later, taking Acyclovir twice a day daily. We stand next to each other every morning and night taking our meds. Silently. he asked his doc for suppressive therapy for a full year. Mine only wanted to put me on for 6 months to see how things went. As I near the end of my prescription I'm worried. I have noticed a few outbreaks over these past months, but very mild and only lasting a few days at most. Should I be worried about outbreaks returning once I'm off the meds? Should I consider asking my doc to extend my prescription? Wondering if anyone else has dealt with going off meds and how things were afterwards.


Me: BS, 39
Him: WH, 42
Children: DS, 5
D-Day: August 2014
massage parlors and escorts dating back to 2010. Oh, and he gave me herpes. That's how I found out.
"There are far, far better things ahead than any we leave behind."

Posts: 27 | Registered: Jan 2015 | From: Los Angeles
realgood2u
♀ Member
Member # 20940
Default  Posted: 2:52 AM, March 8th (Sunday), 2015View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I need opinions, please.

I am married over 40 years and WH has been my only sexual partner. My state tested blood for STDs at the time so I know we were both clean at the time of marriage. I also had a pap a few months prior in order to begin birth control. I have been consistent with yearly paps and have had two children since without problem.

I was diagnosed with BV at the time of WH affair twelve years ago. No doubt in my mind why. I had one UTI a couple of years ago. Unsure if I can blame it on WH.

Since the A I have remembered that I had some sort of infection many years ago...my only other female problem EVER. I cannot remember if there were any bumps or rash, but there was pain when I urinated. There was genital burning and clothing contact was very uncomfortable. I never went to the doctor because there was no appointment available before my period was due in a few days. After my period all symptoms were gone. Of course, I now suspect another A.


Could this have been a yeast infection that cleared up voluntarily? Or??? Obviously I know it was not BV or UTI but have no other experience to compare to.


http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/phi/187640237.html

"Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live."

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cngsVlG3Z60


Posts: 391 | Registered: Sep 2008
PeacefulWarrior5
♂ Member
Member # 44382
Default  Posted: 12:54 PM, April 2nd (Thursday), 2015View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just having a very angry day today. Feeling like who is going to want me now. Hard to be hopeful of a future with a proper partner now having to face rejection of something that I had no say so in...


Falling in love (or lust) and fear feel a lot alike. They both give you that anxious butterfly feeling in your stomach, a sense of excitement, and a general unease physically and mentally. It's easy to confuse love with fear.

Posts: 74 | Registered: Aug 2014
HealingGrace
♀ New Member
Member # 47503
Default  Posted: 5:15 PM, April 12th (Sunday), 2015View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am so angry right now that I want to scream. I was reviewing my STD tests from last August and discovered that my doctor misread my herpes test. I tested positive in August 2011 so I never had a negative test like she told me.

It clearly states:
Herpes Simplex 2 Igg H >5.00

HSV IgG Index Value <0.90 =negative for IgG antibodies to HSV 2, 0.90-1.10=Equivocal for IgG antibodies to HSV 2, >1.10 Positive for IgG antibodies to HSV 2

Cold sores are also herpes. When I got tested, the doctor mailed me the results and wrote a note that the everything came back clear. The test did show herpes, but that would be positive if I had cold sores. It's been many years and I've never head a genital herpes outbreak, however, on rare occasions, I will get a cold sore. So, just as an fyi to help anyone else who is scared - testing positive for hsv doesn't necessarily mean you have the genital version of herpes.

I did find out 3 years later that I have high risk hpv. It wasn't tested for when I got tested for STDs. It showed up after several years of abstinence, because it was laying dormant until my immune system was weakened and didn't keep it in check. I had surgeries. The hpv has been in check for a couple years. After all these many years, I have never had a GENITAL herpes outbreak even through stress and when my immune system was weak. I have, however, had a few cold sores, which was no big deal. I hope this knowledge helps someone else.

Please everyone, get tested and get your annual exams.


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