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Betrayed Spouse S.T. D. Support

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painpaingoaway posted 5/7/2012 13:10 PM

Whenitsover, please be checked for syphilis immediately. What you are describing sounds worrisome to me. The secondary stage of syphilis can present with rash on palms of hands and feet. Please see a doctor.

coastofsomewhere posted 5/7/2012 13:17 PM

Thank you for bumping this for me. How ironic that BV is being discussed right when I have concerns!

I have to go right now, but I will be back tomorrow.

Thanks again!

ThoughtIKnewYa posted 5/7/2012 16:00 PM


Ask for a second test to confirm the diagnosis. Blood and swab. I was "diagnosed" just over two years ago. I had what appeared to be a severe outbreak that started last fall. My OB/GYN sent me to an infectious disease specialist who finally determined that I did NOT have Herpes. I have several autoimmune issues, as well. It turns out, this is another one. I think it's called Lichen Sclerosus. So, I wasted two years trying to treat something I didn't have. The craziest part of my story is that the Dr. DID NOT get a false positive, he flat-out lied and told me that both my swab and blood tests were positive.

coastofsomewhere posted 5/9/2012 09:23 AM

Well, went to the Dr. again today. Everything looks great!! Clean slate!

Now...if the BV comes back again...ugh, don't even want to think about it!!

I do have a question though...anyone who has had BV did you notice that your period(s) were extremely heavy?

LS_Betrayed posted 5/9/2012 09:54 AM

Sigh... I've had herpes for years, he gave it to me when I was dating him.

I feel so depressed that nobody will even want me because of it.

Broken hearted61 posted 5/9/2012 10:20 AM

My STD tests all came back negative. And my HPV cleared up. My doctor did not run herpes test as one time years ago I had a cold sore. Said it would test positive and better to wait to see if I ever have an outbreak. XSO had 2 strains of herpes, and I now question the doctor's call on this.

lost family posted 5/9/2012 11:03 AM

My HPV tests done after the laser surgery of the cervix are all normal, had 3 already.

But I will have to go for a PAP twice a year and not once for who knows how long.

At least I didn't get something even worse.

ThoughtIKnewYa posted 5/13/2012 12:40 PM

Here's some information I got from regarding STD testing. I thought maybe it would help someone here:

STD Testing and Sexually Compulsive Behavior
One of the most devastating consequences of your partner having engaged in sexually compulsive behavior is the potential that they may have compromised their own and your physical health. What complicates this is the reality that most who engage in such behavior also tend to engage in 'magical thinking' in terms of contracting such diseases. That being, 'they likely won't; don't have an STD and so, there is no need to admit the possibility that they may'. The potential for having an STD is a reality that most in recovery choose not to acknowledge--especially if their addiction has yet to be discovered. And even when that addiction is discovered, there is often ongoing deception to protect the extent of the behaviors involved. This, even at the expense of their partner's (and their own) health.

As a partner of someone you have discovered (or suspect) has engaged in potentially dangerous behavior (affairs, promiscuity, prostitution, etc.) not wait for confirmation of that behavior before you get yourself checked. There are addicts who are so emotionally immature that they would willingly jeopardize your life to maintain their secrets. They will continue to say that they only had protected sex--when that is not the truth. They will continue to say that there was never any penetration--when that is not the truth. DO NOT gamble on your life. You must protect yourself--even if that is to simply receive an "all's clear" with your health.

For you, the partner...there should be no shame in this testing process. You have done nothing wrong and so, walk in there with your head held high.

But what if it is unlikely that I have an STD?

You may feel that you can skip over this awkward and frightening topic if you do not have any symptoms of a sexually transmitted disease (STD), but in fact, some of the most widespread sexually transmitted diseases can be asymptomatic. That means that you may be infected even if you are not experiencing itching, redness, a fever, blistering, discharge or any other symptoms. The only way to tell whether you have been infected is to be tested.

If you are in a relationship and you know that your partner has engaged in behavior that may have transmitted an infection, you must approach this openly. The goal is to ensure that no infections have spread--not to add guilt/shame to an already difficult situation.

You do not necessarily have to seek help all on your own. You may wish to enlist the support of your family doctor, a counselor or a member of the clergy. Itís not usually a good idea to get a friend or family member involved, although it may be tempting. However, the intervention of a professional may be helpful in this situation.

Whether or not you choose to ask for help in having this conversation, this will likely be difficult for you both. A possible script of your initial conversation might run as follows:

ďAs you know, I am coming to terms with the consequences of your actions. One thing that I need to face is that you may have exposed me to a sexually transmitted disease. I understand if you donít feel that you can tell me all the details of your behavior right now, but I do know that we both need to get tested and, if necessary, treated. I understand that you may be feeling resistant to this right now but this is something I need to do for my own health.Ē

If you do not have a current partner, for example if you have separated from your partner who was involved in sexual addiction, you should still be tested for STDs. You may feel that you donít want to know the truth, but many STDs can lead to long-term health problems. By getting tested and (if necessary) treated, you are demonstrating to yourself that you value your own well Ėbeing.

Getting tested may seem daunting. You may be afraid of what your doctor says, or you may not be able to afford the doctorís visit in the first place. Break this task down into smaller steps. For example:

1) Find clinic phone number in phone book.
2) Make phone call for appointment
3) Look for clinic on map
4) Drive to clinic on day of test.

And note, most cities provide either free testing or testing for nominal fees. And, such testing is completely confidential.

What should you be tested for?

A community member (who reports having an MD), offered the following:

"I can't stress enough the importance of std testing. Early and often. What is routine testing in the well patient exam situation is not routine in this situation. Here is my list of what you should be tested for:

Blood tests(serology):
Hepatitis B and C
Herpes simplex types 1 and 2 (type-specific antibodies)

Direct sampling:
Gonorrhea (GC)
Chlamydia (CT)
HPV (Human papilloma virus, high risk type)
Pap test

Additional things to know:
GC, CT and HPV can be tested from ThinPrep or SurePath liquid-based Pap testing material. Most labs offer this, but check with your doctor. They can also be obtained by direct swab of the cervix.

GC and CT can also be performed on voided urine by certain methodologies.

Trichomonas can be detected directly in the office, or by lab testing from a vaginal swab.

Some of you may have had the HBV (Hepatitis B Virus) vaccine, and would not need this test. I highly recommend HBV vaccination to everyone.

For men, the only tests that do not apply are HPV, Trichomonas and the Pap test. For obvious reasons urine is the preferred specimen for GC and CT testing.

Most of these infections are clinically silent. Don't base your decision to be tested on the presence of symptoms."

Please note, this is not intended as medical advice but rather, information to take to your medical doctor for further discussion.


It may sound strange, but the ordeal of getting tested for STDs can turn out to be empowering. Take this step as a way of moving forward in your healing and self care. Once you have made the decision to get tested and have followed through, pause for a moment and experience whatever feelings come your way. You may feel both deeply ashamed and embarrassed. Acknowledge those feelings, and recognize that you have done nothing wrong and that by taking responsibility for your health you are looking after yourself and demonstrating self care.

For more information on STDs, you may wish to visit the Center for Disease Controlís website at

soverybetrayed posted 5/14/2012 13:10 PM

I am so angry right now that I want to scream. I was reviewing my STD tests from last August and discovered that my doctor misread my herpes test. I tested positive in August 2011 so I never had a negative test like she told me.

It clearly states:
Herpes Simplex 2 Igg H >5.00

HSV IgG Index Value <0.90 =negative for IgG antibodies to HSV 2, 0.90-1.10=Equivocal for IgG antibodies to HSV 2, >1.10 Positive for IgG antibodies to HSV 2

This doesn't change the fact that my cheating stbx gave it to me it just makes me mad that I didn't know I had it back when I was first tested. I plan to call her to discuss this "mistake". How could she make such a huge glaring mistake? I have checked all over the net and it clearly states that the higher the number the longer the exposure so I have had this for years. I want to ring my stbx's neck for this crap.

ETA: I want to say how sorry I am to all the folks here for finding out that the one we trusted the most did us the most damage. I am so sorry that we are all dealing with these STDs.

[This message edited by soverybetrayed at 1:12 PM, May 14th (Monday)]

painpaingoaway posted 5/24/2012 21:04 PM

Did you talk to the doc about the 'mistake'?

soverybetrayed posted 5/24/2012 21:25 PM

No, I actually had an appointment to see the doc today but when we walked out to my car I discovered it had been broken into and someone took certain items only. Funny thing was is that it was locked last night and there were no windows broken or locks jimmied. I had to call the police and wait for them to come out and actually had to require them to take a report as they didn't want to since they couldn't see an actualy "break in".

I called my doctor's office and left them a message that I had to wait for the police so I need to reschedule an appointment to discuss this issue. I have had two tests and was told one was negative and one was positive. I have no idea which one is correct. I will update you guys when I find out. Thanks for caring, sometimes I feel so alone in this sea of STDs.

painpaingoaway posted 5/26/2012 14:43 PM

Sorry about the break-in. Bummer.

painpaingoaway posted 6/27/2012 09:01 AM

Bumping for newbies

soverybetrayed posted 7/13/2012 11:28 AM

Finally talked to my doctor and showed her the actual paper she gave me and she said that it was correct that I tested positive in August 2011. I asked her why she told me that my tests were negative and she thinks the person who called me got it wrong. She also said that their is no way of knowing how long that I have had it but I know it goes back to the marriage as I haven't slept with anyone else since we met. I hate his fracken NPD ass!

ThoughtIKnewYa posted 7/13/2012 12:06 PM


MistyMemories posted 7/27/2012 21:31 PM

Had my STD testing done today.

Had a panic attack as soon as my feet hit the stirrups. Couldn't stop shaking and crying. GAWD!!
How humiliating!!! My Dr. bless her heart, pulled my legs off and together, then talked me down. She just kept telling me it wasn't my fault, I didn't do anything wrong. Took me 10mins to settle down. She also stayed with me when the nurse came in to draw blood. Also told me I should be tested again in 6 months. Yay!! (sarcasm) just about the time I may start feeling better about myself....The Reality Bitch will slap me down again. Needless to say, she bumped up my AD meds.

Why do we feel such shame?? I can't even be pissed at my WH at the moment because the shame & pain is sooo overpowering. It's probably a good thing he doesn't live here.

We are riding together tomorrow for grandson's 3rd birthday (1.5hrs one way). I will have to play nice because I refuse to let that jackass make me ruin the b-day. I hope I don't puke when he picks me up.


Hawkette78 posted 8/4/2012 13:52 PM

My tests came back negative except for the herpes. Both swab and blood test were positive. Can I just say that I want to puke? I just found yesterday and I am so scared. I haven't told anyone and don't even know how to tell my attorney. Do I need to call stbxh? What about his "friend"? What the hell do I do?

Hawkette78 posted 8/4/2012 17:45 PM

Bump for help

Hawkette78 posted 8/5/2012 08:14 AM

Bump for help

0115 posted 8/5/2012 23:58 PM


I don't know what to say. I would post a std or herpes thread in general. I know people would answer you.

Good luck.

btl1980 posted 8/14/2012 22:07 PM

so happy i found this forum, and yet so sad that my first post belongs here.

found out in june 2012 positive for genital warts.

A took place jan 2011 and while i had "yeast infection" symptoms a number of times beginning a month after the discovery of his affair, i clearly lived in denial until the symptoms became too uncomfortable.

worse yet, i work in the medical field and am on a very casual friendly basis with my PCP and my Gyn as well as their staff. i was mortified to say the least.

i'm so disgusted. using Aldara, i have an every Tuesday, Thursday and Sunday night reminder of what he did. I take a look down below with a mirror to apply the cream and cry every single time.

staying strong is more challenging than ever before.

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