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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Long Term Affair - Part 28
old dipstick
♂ Member
Member # 25598
Default  Posted: 3:18 PM, December 23rd (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

wye.

Hang in there. You have much on your plate right now and this time of year can be very tough. Can you get any ME time? I know you are very busy but just a little can help.

Laura.

Thanks for the pictures. That cat looks pretty pissed. You are right about trying to get away from infidelity related stuff. Once it starts it seems to me that it comes at you in clusters.

deep.

No naked grilling for me. It is way to cool for that. BTW, you do something ONE time and you get a bad rap. It not like I am some kind of serial naked griller!

LH2 and FNF.

It is good to hear from both of you. You are missed here at the LTA house.

I hope everyone has a good holiday weekend and that it will be as stress free as possible.

Hugs to the tribe.


Her WW 60
Me BH 60
M 36 yr
D-day#1 fall of 76 OM#1 2NS
D-day#2 summer of 89 OM#2 LTA 8 yrs OM#3 Short Term A


Posts: 751 | Registered: Sep 2009
Laura28
♀ Member
Member # 28997
Default  Posted: 3:36 AM, December 24th (Saturday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Love you all

Laura

[This message edited by Laura28 at 3:36 AM, December 24th (Saturday)]


Married 30yrs Me BW 57Yrs Him FWH 59yrs
OWzero 1988 EA?/PA? Gaslighted.
Dday May 28 2010.
OW1 1994(6mths PA, EA til dday).
OW2 2002(8yrs PA).
OW3 2009(1Yr PA).
Others???? Status: Not Divorcing..but.."You can't unfuck the goat"

Posts: 2729 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Australia
brokenpromise
♀ Member
Member # 28859
Default  Posted: 3:31 PM, December 24th (Saturday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

still lurking about...

A happy and peaceful Christmas and wishing all of us a New Year of acceptance and courage for our new beginnings, for our reconciliations, for those of us in limbo, for those of us going through great loss or that it is okay for us to look forward to happiness.

With gratitude and hugs for the tribe
BP

Eta due to Ipad fumble fingers

[This message edited by brokenpromise at 3:41 PM, December 24th (Saturday)]


BW- Me 60 FWS - 65
M 43 years
DD June 9, 2010
On and off LTA with dept secretary
But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal Matt 6:20

Posts: 413 | Registered: Jun 2010
deeppurple
♂ Member
Member # 28757
Default  Posted: 5:05 AM, December 25th (Sunday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

well survived xmas day ok but would you believe xmas nite fucktard ww goes out


Me - BS 49
Her - WS 43
Married 16 yrs (together 17 yrs)
DD13 DS10 DS8 DS6
DDay 1 6.4.2010 dday 2 7.25.2010
Heading for divorce.
"Never look down on someone unless you are helping them up"

Posts: 522 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Where the sun is shining & the surf is pumping
Laura28
♀ Member
Member # 28997
Default  Posted: 5:57 AM, December 25th (Sunday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi DP

Stupid stupid woman!!!!!!!

Big Hugs for you tonight.

Laura


Married 30yrs Me BW 57Yrs Him FWH 59yrs
OWzero 1988 EA?/PA? Gaslighted.
Dday May 28 2010.
OW1 1994(6mths PA, EA til dday).
OW2 2002(8yrs PA).
OW3 2009(1Yr PA).
Others???? Status: Not Divorcing..but.."You can't unfuck the goat"

Posts: 2729 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Australia
trynhard
♂ Member
Member # 22698
Default  Posted: 7:18 AM, December 25th (Sunday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey DP...

I guess I have about 6 very good friends. In the past 4 years, 2 have faced infidelity besides me. These two friends did D because their xWW believed the new relationship was more important than the M. One took the bull by the horn and filed D, the other one’s W filed D. Both are very different type people. One is is very serious financial shape, the other in great shape.

Life has been very good to both of these men. Both of these men have described some very fun relationships while searching for a new partner. Both don’t regret the D choice at all. Both don't hate xWW anymore. Both do not have "triggers" like I describe I have even today. Both have said they have had some happiness come back into their lives.


Christmas is a day of birth. It is egg, the new beginning; it is the message that boils down to being at peace with you. It is a message of that you must take action yourself to achieve it.

Sometimes, you must overcome all your fears and dive in that cold water expecting the shock, only to get use to the new life. What are you waiting on? Change! You go find a new partner, a different way of raising kids, a new job, a change in the way daily chores happen, etc.. DP, My hat off to you for finding that good job that by now must have given you some stability in your own mind. It might be your time to take a new step. A new partner would do you good. You must have learned what the best possible relationship is by now? I have put enough graphs up! Lol…

Just make the change with a commitment to yourself that I am going to be wise and I am going to do this for my own happiness.

Saying YES to life works!


Posts: 2636 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Indiana
trynhard
♂ Member
Member # 22698
Default  Posted: 7:20 AM, December 25th (Sunday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Merry Christmas all!


Posts: 2636 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Indiana
Ellejay
♀ Member
Member # 30498
Default  Posted: 4:09 PM, December 25th (Sunday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Laura: Thanks for the pics sweetie, hilarious!!

DP: It must be hell living in limbo like this with that narcissistic woman. It will a relief for you to finalise things there. I will raise my glass to you today. Any particular preference?? Hugs and more hugs.

Hope everyone had a good day yesterday amongst all the triggers.

Love Ellejay xxxx


Married 25 years now divorced.
D-Day: 20/11/10
Me: 48.5 plus 10% GST
Him: mental age 6 (apologies to all 6 year olds)
Betrayal: Who cares anymore?

Posts: 1073 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Adelaide, South Australia
deeppurple
♂ Member
Member # 28757
Default  Posted: 5:11 AM, December 26th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

EJ - Coopers sparkling ale or vodka lime & soda.

1.5k swim swim this morning the 2 hrs with the kids at the pool, mowed the yard,
hit the bag for 1/2 hrs then a 4 k run (first in 6 weeks since calf injury)
to top it off my tan isnt as good as i thought it was & i got sunburnt - im the adult i should know better

Hoping to get the kids to the surf 1 day this week but the swell is mighty big & unsafe.

take care tribe


Me - BS 49
Her - WS 43
Married 16 yrs (together 17 yrs)
DD13 DS10 DS8 DS6
DDay 1 6.4.2010 dday 2 7.25.2010
Heading for divorce.
"Never look down on someone unless you are helping them up"

Posts: 522 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Where the sun is shining & the surf is pumping
trynhard
♂ Member
Member # 22698
Default  Posted: 7:34 AM, December 26th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ej.. I had a great day yesterday! I hope you had a good one too.

Dp you sound like you had a good day too.

Peace out all!!

[This message edited by trynhard at 7:34 AM, December 26th (Monday)]


Posts: 2636 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Indiana
ImNellNow
♀ Member
Member # 28753
Default  Posted: 9:25 AM, December 27th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've got a case of the post-Christmas blues. Ugh. Busy busy busy until last night... and today I'm back to the grind and feeling down. Okay, gotta get out my paper and pen and make some lists. Head down, keep busy. Yoga tonight, Mr. STBXNell leaves tomorrow morning to spend NYE doing whatever with whomever, I need to get the house ready for my family-friendly NYE party with my Boyos. Maybe relax for a few minutes without the stress of dealing with Mr. STBXNell.

Love you guys. Hope everyone else is doing well. (Better than I am!)

XO - Nell


BS & D
Drinking wine and thinking bliss is on the other side of this.

Posts: 2370 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Baby steps on my new path
Ellejay
♀ Member
Member # 30498
Default  Posted: 1:07 PM, December 27th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nell:

Just popping in quickly to give you a cyber hug. It's 5.30 am here in Oz, I'm up at the crack of dawn as usual. Yes, try and relax (easier said than done ). Good stbx has left, now you can breathe for a minute. Enjoy your NYE preparations, enjoy your boyos, enjoy being Nell.

Hugs

EJ


Married 25 years now divorced.
D-Day: 20/11/10
Me: 48.5 plus 10% GST
Him: mental age 6 (apologies to all 6 year olds)
Betrayal: Who cares anymore?

Posts: 1073 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Adelaide, South Australia
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 3:07 PM, December 27th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

boy its sure quiet in here...hope its a good sign....

nell: you are doing amazing and doing what you have to do....honoring your feelings and being proactive in your life...so even though you feel sucky at the moment, please know that moments pass, especially when we are proactive...and eventually i believe that we will all find a happy place within...preferrably without aid of meds or booze....but in the meantime god bless meds and booze..

im a little late in wishing all happy holidays..SOooooooo


HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!...ok covered it in case i dont get back here to post!!!

i am so very grateful for all of you and for this site.....may god bless each and every one of you in the new year..

(((((tribe))))))


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
worst-year-ever
♀ Member
Member # 33003
Default  Posted: 8:43 PM, December 27th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi there everyone....been busy with the kids and everything lately.

Got a kitty. Well, fWH did. He took the girls to the humane society and brought one home finally. I knew he would eventually, and I told him to once they found an 8 week old male kitten. My allergies are acting up, but he's cute enough that I'll deal. Thank god for allergy meds. LOL

We have been fighting a lot about mom, and about how different our approaches with her are. Ultimately, though, I know that he's almost always right. She is totally NPD (on a good day), more likely bi-polar (nondiagnosed of course since she won't consent to a psych eval because she is totally fine). I know that he's right that she's never going to change. She's hell bent on self destruction. Which I have to let go of. I can't fix her. I just have to stop trying.

Things with him are mostly good, except for my occasional trigger and his shitty response to them. He sees now that his reactions are making things worse and is at least trying to work on it. So I guess that is something.

The baby is stable, which is about all we can ask for right now. He was 24 weeks, and has a long road ahead.

So ready for this crappy year to get over with.


Me: BW
Him: FWH
4 kids & 20 years together
DD: 7/7/11
OW1: 3yr+ LTA
OW2: My xBFF
Trying to R

Posts: 1282 | Registered: Aug 2011
Laura28
♀ Member
Member # 28997
Default  Posted: 1:43 AM, December 28th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi all

Saw this today on someone's facebook page. When I saw the butterfly I had to think maybe it was a message to me.

I often read people on SI talking about doing all the "hard work" to reconcile. I am starting to think I am not doing enough - not working hard enough. I am DOING the right things - being attentive, affectionate, sex , cooking cleaning and housework etc but my head is not in the right place.

Anyway...................

I've got a lot of catching up to do. So forgive me for hogging a page!!!!

HUGS to all.

Laura

[This message edited by Laura28 at 1:51 AM, December 28th (Wednesday)]


Married 30yrs Me BW 57Yrs Him FWH 59yrs
OWzero 1988 EA?/PA? Gaslighted.
Dday May 28 2010.
OW1 1994(6mths PA, EA til dday).
OW2 2002(8yrs PA).
OW3 2009(1Yr PA).
Others???? Status: Not Divorcing..but.."You can't unfuck the goat"

Posts: 2729 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Australia
Laura28
♀ Member
Member # 28997
Default  Posted: 2:20 AM, December 28th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Working backwards

WYE

Prayers going out for bub, your mum and you.

You have so much to deal with at present honey. Please try to take care of you when you can.

Miracle

Good to hear from you honey. Some of us were worried.

Happy Christmas and hoping for a better 2012 for you and your kids.

LJ

Cyber hugs honey from the other side of OZ. Hope you and the kiddos have a great New Year planned and FT and his whore are too busy stroking each other's egos to annoy you.

Tryn

That Santa looks like you! I swear it!

Before the year ends I need to tell you how much I appreciate you cheering everyone on. Whether it is starting again or all in R. You are always on the sideline barracking for us. Thanks for being you.

DP
Honey you need to get out! I hope you are putting aside a nest egg so you can. You know what I think about your FTWW. The woman has no shame and no morals. To leave you and the kiddos Christmas night because it happened to be her Sunday night liaison time is disgusting.

Whatever you do decide to do, please put yourself and the kids first and do not think about her needs.

I hope you are making plans for NYE which DO NOT include her. Pack the kids up in the afternoon and disappear. See how she likes it!!!!

BIG HUGS

BP

I think of you often honey. I am glad you lurk and hope that some of our random musings are useful to you. Our ddays are close and I know that like me you often feel your heart is broken. I remember on earlier parts of LTA thinking we thought alike.

Take care sweetie

Dip

I love you. I just love you! I love your sense of humour, your patience with your FWW and your ability to get to heart of the matter.

You make us all smile so much and so often.

I hope you know that you don't always have to do this - joke I mean- and you should vent and look for shoulders to cry on when you need to.

End of page 6.

Now for Page 5!!!

HUGS

Laura


Married 30yrs Me BW 57Yrs Him FWH 59yrs
OWzero 1988 EA?/PA? Gaslighted.
Dday May 28 2010.
OW1 1994(6mths PA, EA til dday).
OW2 2002(8yrs PA).
OW3 2009(1Yr PA).
Others???? Status: Not Divorcing..but.."You can't unfuck the goat"

Posts: 2729 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Australia
Laura28
♀ Member
Member # 28997
Default  Posted: 2:45 AM, December 28th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi all

Page 5

LH2

Lovely to hear from you - it is wonderful to hear from those who have been around her a long time. I hope all is OK at your place.

FNF

Hope your FWH is OK at present. You have such an enormous burden to bear at present with both his LTA and his illness. But you are a strong lady. You survived his infidelity. You CAN do this too.

Praying for you daily.

NoFun

I am sorry things are continuing to be not good for you honey. Please come join us and vent when you need to. You know we are always here for you.

Hope you have a better NYE.

HUGS

ats

Where are you at honey? I read your posts and feel as though the energy is draining out of you. Hope you are taking very good care of you!!

HUGS

Nell

You are such a brave woman. Keep on the path that is best for you and your kiddos.

BIG HUGS

Honest

Your DSs are gorgeous. I love them!!! Please tell us FT ended up in Greenland. Pretty Please!!!!????

0115

Nice to hear from you honey. Keep lurking - we still think of you often.


At Laura's Place

Well tribe FWH has finished tending to the FDs and FCs and will be inside shortly. It's after 7.30pm here in OZ so I should start dinner.

Stay tuned for responses to page 4 tomorrow and .....wait for it....... a new chapter in the butterfly story!!!!

Once again it is butterfly season here in OZ and I have some news about another species or should that be variety?

Take care all

Love each and every one of you

Laura

BIG HUGS


Married 30yrs Me BW 57Yrs Him FWH 59yrs
OWzero 1988 EA?/PA? Gaslighted.
Dday May 28 2010.
OW1 1994(6mths PA, EA til dday).
OW2 2002(8yrs PA).
OW3 2009(1Yr PA).
Others???? Status: Not Divorcing..but.."You can't unfuck the goat"

Posts: 2729 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Australia
Laura28
♀ Member
Member # 28997
Default  Posted: 3:13 AM, December 28th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh well

I thought he was finished with the FDs and FCs but I was wrong so now I can do page 4. YAY

Allgood

I hope you and that "boy" are continuing to have fun. I am so jealous!!!

Is FTWH still giving you a hard time? Maybe he has truly come to his senses???

Update needed please.

Hope and Change

You have only popped in a couple of times in this part honey. How are things with you?? Let us know if we can help.

NJ

I suspect you have been too busy with the hols to post. I am sure that is the case!!! So wonderful to have someone on here who has "survived".

Much love to you and yours

he's coming in. have to go tribe.

love to all

Laura


Married 30yrs Me BW 57Yrs Him FWH 59yrs
OWzero 1988 EA?/PA? Gaslighted.
Dday May 28 2010.
OW1 1994(6mths PA, EA til dday).
OW2 2002(8yrs PA).
OW3 2009(1Yr PA).
Others???? Status: Not Divorcing..but.."You can't unfuck the goat"

Posts: 2729 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Australia
trynhard
♂ Member
Member # 22698
Default  Posted: 8:20 AM, December 28th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Laura... what a wonderful post and I say the same for all too!!!


Posts: 2636 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Indiana
Faithful w/Love
♀ Member
Member # 33128
Default  Posted: 2:00 PM, December 28th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi,
I am new to this thread. I am mostly in the General.
I guess I belong here and never wanted to admit it.
WH is still in contact with OW. Just friends...
They have been in the affair for 2yrs 4months.
They are less and less and I do know that OW wants more from him except friends, he has told me this. He told her that will never happen however, he keeps in contact with her through texting like always. We fight because I call him out all the time and he gets angry.
I have been the stupid wife all this time knowing what was happening in front of my face. I think I was in shock for the first year and then just beat down with it the rest until recently. About 4 months ago i started not to care, like well I will get to the piont of no return and that is when I started to see another change, I see changes but they are not what I need. I need my husband. I am not sure what is going on right now.
He said that she is moving on... but I heard that repeatedly over the course of the last 2 plus years.
He talks about us and our furture, he also wants to start going to church. I am not sure if he is going through some sort of withdrawls or what.. If I bring us up or the affair he flips out.. "Is that all we can talk about" I am sorry I hurt you....I say well you are still hurting me cause I dont know what the fuck is going on.
Anyways sorry for rambling... but I think this is my new home because he is in a LTA. Cake Eater.


BS(ME)40 WH(HIM)37
DD 19 and DS 15
Separated Aug 2012
Moved back home Oct 31 2013
False R. Still Lying.
Will be divorcing soon!
"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have"!

Posts: 2459 | Registered: Aug 2011
Topic Posts: 1000
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