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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Long Term Affair - Part 28
trynhard
♂ Member
Member # 22698
Default  Posted: 10:32 AM, February 21st (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am sorry for being such a downer for all given my poll and all. I thank you all for your support.

ats.. I will say that these daily thoughts do not bring me to emotions with pain such as crying, anger, depression, even a real bad unhappiness... They are just memories. When I think about them I would give them a 3 or 4 of 10. If you ever crashed your car into someone else or something, it like that. You think how stupid it was of them, the trouble you went through to fix it kind of thoughts... but that wreck goes into a place where you don't remember it everyday. These infidelity thoughts continue day in and day out. If they would just go away.

As for my forgiving, I really am at the point where I think I need to move on to truly forgive my W. I cannot keep throwing out her A every few months. It is not fair to do this to her. This is the hard part of forgiving.. the "heart" part.

These next three weeks, I will not see my W much. Business and trip with my son Fishing in FL. Her a trip with my DD to visit her family.

I will try to treat my wife even better into May than I have been treating her. I'm going to dig deep and change me even more. More intimately, more like a real man should. But honestly, I don't expect my W to change and give me what I think I need.

Should I tell my mom or not? I will be with her this week. I know it will be another burden on her. Just in case I do change my mind about the S. Maybe I should wait? Is it fair I held back so long to tell someone who loves me how much pain I've been through?

[This message edited by trynhard at 10:41 AM, February 21st (Tuesday)]


Posts: 2636 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Indiana
Allgoodnamesgone
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Member # 26157
Default  Posted: 10:40 AM, February 21st (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Tryn: as you may recall, my X has been eager to reconcile with me since Thanksgiving. I've actually agreed, though I remain extremely guarded & distant from him. I actually don't feel excited about the prospect. I find it interesting that he comes around to an extent after all this time, but overall I would say I'm numb. I'm giving it a shot though because I do realize that I did not completely end my emotional connection to my X and that needs to be done. So, while I approach this project with a great amount of reluctance and very little energy, I'm in it. Told him it's on him to educate himself and make it happen. I'm just not that motivated to do more.

Anyhoo. I stopped thinking about the A when I started dating. Only when the prospect of reconciling with the X came about, did my thoughts & anxieties about it return, to a lesser extent, I imagine because I've not fully engaged in the R process.

So, for that reason, I think that part of s/d involves accepting a number of things about your relationship that eventually lead you to accept the A in a way that keeps your self-esteem intact. The prospect of a new beginning & a new life helps distract you. But, the minute I think about being with the X again, the A thoughts return. I think I will always feel vulnerable and unsafe with the X & that will be the lasting effect the A will have upon me.

Would love to share more - but I have to go.

Peace to all.


Me- BS
DDay- 8/26/09
Separated after failed R effort.

Posts: 2165 | Registered: Nov 2009
let it be me
♀ Member
Member # 29103
Default  Posted: 10:51 AM, February 21st (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

miracle ~
power walk
... If you are comfortable sharing:How do you go about this and exactly what is a power walk? I need a gameplan to start back into activity now that I am on meds for my ankylosing spondylitis.

lostsuol ~

Dday month
...
fighting resentment and not always winning
it is a marathon not a sprint! You have the strength to run this race!

(((UK))) ~ Relish time with your close family and lean on each other during this time of internment of your Dad's ashes...
re:

vday so special to fWH and MOW
....WELL, you are special-be your own valentine, heck be my valentine next year! I’ll send you something all schmoozy and stuff... and chocolate, lots of chocolate!

ats ~

life is good, love my wife
– wow, just WOW!..... it had a huge impact, reading your post and how so many SI'ers affected your life and therefore your marriage and your wife's life...

working on these together
shared goals require communication and being vulnerable enough to share your authentic self...that is, if they are truly 'shared' goals... good for you!

EJ ~ I'm with you on your Valentines Day experience...Even though my fWH was given the responsibility of planning a "family celebration", well, the absolute BEST thing was talking with and helping my "Bubby, DS13" put together his first 'Valentine' for his best friend at school and take a chance, being vulnerable, to let her know of his feelings in such a public way... I was so happy for him that he had the self respect to step out and be vulnerable at school, especially in today's culture... She shot him down, but they are still friends... And his world didn't end! Go figure... My son is stronger emotionally than I AM?!?!?!?!

at 5 yrs past D-day I am still a quivering tearful wife when alone with my thoughts

This chills me... Just to the bone... (((EJ)))


dip ~ BPD is a difficult dx for the BPD's loved ones, as well... Do you have a support group?

nell ~

"Boo Men" night
...Too Funny! & you and your random stranger interactions... Get yourself to a psychic and have your 'aura' checked...

cdn ~

by the time it ended, I was almost 40
... I feel ya. I was 40. Started a month before I turned 34... Please, please, please wrestle a bit more with bringing an innocent child into this unresolved situation... Please...


wye ~ I get the triggers and unwelcome thoughts when it comes to fWH doing things... rather than fight them and feel guilty for feeling them, why not EMBRACE them? Ask yourself questions about the feelings? Is this going to help me or hurt me... Dive into it and wrestle with it until you come out the other side...

Toxic mother
...*sigh*... You are probably right, you
can't do this anymore
... I am in total agreement with so many others in the Tribe who have already posted in as much...(((woman that just wants a relationship with her mother)))
The funeral? GO. Simple. Just go. Treat it like an EMDR sort of thingie…. Face the fear, rise above it and conquer it…. You are worth it and you do have it within you to do this!

Laura ~ Our animal families can be such blessing in our lives! How thankful you must be for the time you shared with him!
LESS STRESS:DOCTOR’S ORDERS... prescription for health!
So off to Europe you GO? Ummmm, Jealous just a little over here!
Remember Laughter is the best Medicine, so to honor the adage:
"Energizer Bunny arrested..... charged with battery."

h&c ~

Has anyone made sense of it all? The M. The A. The M and R.

I had this whole long response typed and then deleted it. A simple "No" will suffice.

tryn ~ I have a long history of misunderstanding God's messages to me... I easily interpret what I believe it to mean rather than waiting for clarification from the Holy Spirit… To see with Yahweh's eyes and hear with Yahweh's ears... Praying for you that 'the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your heart* and your mind* in Christ'.
*singular
POLL
1) 19months since dday...
2) no

nofun ~ the game is tiring isn't it?

RSEB ~ I admire your interest in searching out new resources to help in your quest to heal yourself and your marriage from your LTA...

fnf ~ 'acceptance'... yep…... That's it. Someday, someday I'll get there...

DP ~ *sigh* ...always wish I would have been able to find mOW's BH... She is a serial cheater... Poor BH, he is her third husband.

Ahhh, *sigh*.... Finally got in to my new pdoc and told her about my insurance change (not able to afford Seroquel anymore and weaned myself off)..I've been, well, unstable (being delicate with myself) for the last 6 weeks.. My pdoc said she is going to give me their samples and that I need to be on this med and do nothing more than manage my wellness plan best I can until my mind is stable. "We'll talk in 4 weeks, no point until then. Let's get your mind stable and start anew"... I cannot believe this blessing some times... Now for the adjustment period while continuing MC and fWH struggling with working on his issues (his IC is our MC as well) as I need him to be strong to help me stabilize on my meds; Yet my frailty feeds his issues.... My Poor DS13... Thank God DS's IC is amazing and works with my pdoc.
One day at a time. One less thought a day. One more hour of sleep a night.
(((((TRIBE)))))


Me/BS/40~Him/fWH/42 Both in IC
MC put 'on hold' till my IC agrees
DD~07/19/10 R on hold till my IC agrees
BP1 DX 10/2011&Complex PTSD 7/1998
"There are no mistakes in tomorrow"

Posts: 337 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Eastern NC
trynhard
♂ Member
Member # 22698
Default  Posted: 10:52 AM, February 21st (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Allgood,

When we first meet someone new, both men and women just treat each other in a very good, attractive emotional way. For a man, once we are M, we conquered. The things we did during dating just stop. That was me. I’m not going to lie to myself. My focus of love then became the love of service to my family as a whole. I left my W to not have the things she needed. We just could not communicate effectively in our M. It even makes it harder when you don’t listen. I just did not have the skills needed to be desirable nor do desirables.

I have read 1000'so WS post and debate with cheaters. I know that A's are alot like new romances, the intiamcy, the effections, the words of affirmation, the things that for most men go once M'd. We BS then fill other not intimacy parts of love. I did it. Guilty. It is not that I made the choice to commit adultery, but I did not cheerish like I needed. I am speaking from a man's perspective of course.

I am pretty sure I am "getting it" and changing to be the ideal H. What has your H "gotten"?

Now the apple was eaten, my mind is altered forever. Nothing I can do to get back that lost time and I need to somehow continue to live for today now I know what happened. My W has a story too about our relationship. It’s one that we all talk about our spouses must find out why? My W says it was weakness, and her inability to say, “no” and pure selfishness. What I know she means was... I needed "intimacy" that was not given to me. So she selfishly took it with opportunity. And she still needs it today just like all you fine woman here. What more needs to be said. You can change all those things if you want. I can man up, I was unable to do my part.

just reflecting...

[This message edited by trynhard at 11:20 AM, February 21st (Tuesday)]


Posts: 2636 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Indiana
cdnmommy
♀ Member
Member # 30182
Default  Posted: 11:21 AM, February 21st (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow - sometimes this thread moves fast!

Tryn: I am sending you best wishes that your separation helps you to sort through your feelings. I have often wondered if healing would come quicker for me without fWH, but thankfully we keep making small steps forward and the steps back are less frequent now.

I'm sorry I didn't answer your poll on the weekend. I read through the thread but was on my phone and it is a pain to post. My answers:
1) 16.5 since DDay1, 15 (today!) since DDay 2
2) Hell no. It still occupies a great deal of my mind.

ats: I hope you don't mind if I ask you what led to your wife taking shots? I have struggled for years with low sex drive, and while I think it had much to do with a difference in expectations (fWH sent me a clear message very early on in our relationship that I was "special" and made me feel like my being too sexual was a turn off, which I internalized over many years.) I wonder if there are physical things going on as well, but am not sure what to ask my doctor for. I do suspect my issues are more emotional/mental from many years of suppressing things, but while I am happy to look into that side of it, I want to cover all bases. fWH isn't complaining, partially because he knows what a hit my self-esteem has taken, but I feel like it is critical to our healing as a couple that I be more aggressive sexually. I have some work to do to figure out how to do that.

RSEB: welcome, and glad you posted here. I fear that sometimes what you read might be painful for you, but am glad to have another perspective on this.

deeppurple: Good luck this week. I know it sucks but you will be doing her a favor.

WYE: Again, I am not familar with all of the details, but does OWs still work with your fWH, or will he be seeing her at the funeral for the first time in a long time as well? I, too, struggle with the idea of seeing MOW. However, I am getting closer to indifference and all I can hope for is that when the inevitable happens and I run into her, I will be able to be cool and ignore her. I almost think it might be easier to know I am going to see her, rather than just have it happen for the first time. Do you think maybe that is why you are so insistent that your fWH go, because maybe you have some control over the situation by knowing it's going to happen?

Laura: I am so excited for you about your trip! I am going through old photos and organizing the negatives to get them digitized, and we have 3 albums from our trip to Europe several years ago. Yesterday when I was working on this project, our son (age 4) asked if we would take him. fWH immediately said yes and started talking about all the things we will see. It was nice to hear him react so quickly and enthusiastically. During the A, I felt like DS and I were just a nuisance to him. I hope you make a ton of great memories on your trip!

nofun: I would be livid! I am so sorry you are having to deal with this. I sometimes wish we had more separation of finances, even though this isn't a big problem for us.

let it be me: Don't think for a moment that I have not "wrestled" with this to there and back. It is not a decision I have made lightly, and if the circumstances were different (e.g. we didn't already have a child together) I would not have made it. Part of my reason for proceeding is that I look at our son and see what a happy, wonderful child he is. Given my fWH's lack of engagement, I take a lot of credit for the fact that the impact on him from all of this has been minimal. The first 3.5 years of his life in a miserable situation, yet he never had any shortage of love and attention. fWH is now the dad I always thought he would be, but even if things didn't work out I know that I am capable of being a great mom to my kids. There are very few things that I feel confident about post-A, but one thing I feel completely confident about is that my abilities as a parent, whether with a partner or not. I think I can do even better because I am in control of my own destiny now in a way I wasn't when I was in the dark about the A. :)


As for me, we had a lovely long weekend. fWH had to work a bit (works from home) and was feeling crappy about it so we hung out with him while he was working, doing our respective things in the family room. I had a trigger last night that resulted in me being really angry, but fWH handled it really well.

edited for poor spelling

[This message edited by cdnmommy at 11:24 AM, February 21st (Tuesday)]


Me: BW
DDay: Oct 2010 + 6 weeks false R
2.5 (+?) year A with married coworker/my "friend"
1 great kid.
Reconciling and healing

Posts: 1681 | Registered: Nov 2010
let it be me
♀ Member
Member # 29103
Default  Posted: 11:57 AM, February 21st (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

cdn ~
There are very few things that I feel confident about post-A, but one thing I feel completely confident about is that my abilities as a parent, whether with a partner or not. I think I can do even better because I am in control of my own destiny now...

This is beautiful, truly....

What a blessing and gift this authenticity will be to your child(ren)...

Have a FABULOUS day!


Me/BS/40~Him/fWH/42 Both in IC
MC put 'on hold' till my IC agrees
DD~07/19/10 R on hold till my IC agrees
BP1 DX 10/2011&Complex PTSD 7/1998
"There are no mistakes in tomorrow"

Posts: 337 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Eastern NC
trynhard
♂ Member
Member # 22698
Default  Posted: 12:16 PM, February 21st (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Cdnmommy.. Can you imagine this kind of man?


A man that makes a point to compliment you in different ways to woo you everyday and in different ways

A man for flexible and less rigid, more accepting and not suggesting you change

A man with strength in character, honest before God and other men and appreciates all of the people in his life not matter how big or small

A man mature, responsible and consider the decision and choice of the family before playthings

A dominant man who take the lead in a fair balance way in all variations of life.

A man who appreciates all the things his wife does for him and makes sure he lets her know every time

A man who is creative provide his wife with diversity and contrast to take the boredom out o each day. Fun, light and unpredictable, mysterious and challenging.

A man romantic and exciting to tackle her curiosity.

A man who values the attention, time and effort every time his wife give it. He makes sure she knows it.

A man who will do thing for his wife, Do thing together for US.

A man who does not get bothered by the little things and not be bothered by the little things the kids do either.

A man who makes each lovemaking tender yet sometimes wild and rowdy

A man covered with warmth and lovingness

A man to take care of the things around the house that need to be fixed, seasonal things.. not holding back.

A man who Realizes that doing thing is not necessarily the way she does things... and is not the way he will do things... yet allow you to do those things without interfering.

A man who will allow is wife to enjoy romance in movies, books and wants to occasionally do those kinds of things with her.

A man who will slowly build lovemaking by taking his time with words of affection, appreciation, beauty first, then slowly able to allow her to build within before the act occurs

A man who does not maul his wife but wants to her to allow her to see his passion because of strong desire for her

A many not looking at other woman and wants a monogamous marriage, wants only his wife’s attention, especially when in public and around other woman and not secretly or with permission off visiting porn site

A man who want to be smart, successful in business, some one not afraid to work hard but knows when and how to set that works aside to be loving to his wife and as a father.

A man who is physical, strong, and muscular like a man is supposed to be.

I wonder if a wife who has this kind of man needs a pill?

For me in the future.. I am going to try and be that kind of man. My W can't teach me those things. A man needs to want to be that man and make the effort everyday. My mom and dad didn't teach me those things... maybe a few... but ALL? It's funny how we seem to do those things when we first meet yet loose them with time for all kinds of reason. To keep it going after 3 years, 7 years, 15 years.. 25 years..

[This message edited by trynhard at 12:44 PM, February 21st (Tuesday)]


Posts: 2636 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Indiana
m334455
♀ Member
Member # 26893
Default  Posted: 12:38 PM, February 21st (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well, this was so last page but the answer to the poll for me is 27 months and No. I still think about it every single day. Guess I shouldn't have married such as jackass.


BW 38, 5 kids
Dday Dec. 2009

Posts: 4034 | Registered: Dec 2009
trynhard
♂ Member
Member # 22698
Default  Posted: 12:42 PM, February 21st (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

M3.. I would not have cheated on you, but I still would have been that jackass. I think I am having an ephaney.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5bobskjQwWI

[This message edited by trynhard at 12:53 PM, February 21st (Tuesday)]


Posts: 2636 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Indiana
cdnmommy
♀ Member
Member # 30182
Default  Posted: 12:46 PM, February 21st (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You know, tryn, based on your list, that is a lot of what I thought I had, pre A. I guess if I was right, the A wouldn't have happened.

However, one issue I have that I need to bring up in MC is what I perceive as fWH's expectations. He will make comments like, "a boob job would be worth the money" or tries to get me to show more cleavage or whatnot. If I challenge him on this, he claims he is not interested in changing me, yet he says my lack of sexual expression has been a problem for him. This from the same man who discouraged me from dirty talk early on which, for me, is a more comfortable outlet for sexuality than going out with my breasts half out.

I guess I feel like every comment is a condemnation. Maybe that is my problem because I do tend to internalize things, but I struggle with it because he had a 2.5 year A with someone he once described to me as his "sexual twin" and I think maybe I can't be what he needs or maybe I just don't want to if it means I have to change dramatically who I am.


Me: BW
DDay: Oct 2010 + 6 weeks false R
2.5 (+?) year A with married coworker/my "friend"
1 great kid.
Reconciling and healing

Posts: 1681 | Registered: Nov 2010
ImNellNow
♀ Member
Member # 28753
Default  Posted: 12:51 PM, February 21st (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

"A man who does not maul his wife..."

I don't know... sometimes a nice mauling would be a good thing.

Ninja smartass out!

[This message edited by ImNellNow at 12:52 PM, February 21st (Tuesday)]


BS & D
Drinking wine and thinking bliss is on the other side of this.

Posts: 2370 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Baby steps on my new path
trynhard
♂ Member
Member # 22698
Default  Posted: 12:55 PM, February 21st (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nell.. That would fall under the...

"yet sometimes wild and rowdy "


Posts: 2636 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Indiana
Allgoodnamesgone
♀ Member
Member # 26157
Default  Posted: 12:58 PM, February 21st (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am pretty sure I am "getting it" and changing to be the ideal H. What has your H "gotten"?

Ooooo he really doesn't "get it" get it in the way you are talking about it.

He seems to know he f-d up, not only with the A but with the lackluster R effort. Understands that things that made him disgruntled & unhappy in our M were unrealistic.

He seems to see that I will move on without him & that he really, really doesn't like the idea of any other man being near me.

I would say that's about it.

Not going to be enough for me if that's where it ends. He's been going to IC though. So, we shall see...


Me- BS
DDay- 8/26/09
Separated after failed R effort.

Posts: 2165 | Registered: Nov 2009
trynhard
♂ Member
Member # 22698
Default  Posted: 12:58 PM, February 21st (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

cdnmommy

A boob job? You kidding me right...

I see that as so unfair.. why? to think he pick you to M you for all who your are..

That will never be a real man IMO...


Posts: 2636 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Indiana
trynhard
♂ Member
Member # 22698
Default  Posted: 1:06 PM, February 21st (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Allgood... He is not going to learn that in IC. I am telling you that.

Cdnm... Hoestly.. It is a man's job to initiate. That's what men do. Somehow I do beleive that if a man does all the right things.. it will saomehow emotionally connect and then a woman may want to initiate.

Then you have the woman who always must initiate. WTF kind of man is that? Not a real man in my book.

[This message edited by trynhard at 1:07 PM, February 21st (Tuesday)]


Posts: 2636 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Indiana
cdnmommy
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Member # 30182
Default  Posted: 1:07 PM, February 21st (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thing is, it is always said in a joking manner, and I have no doubt he finds me sexy as I am (he tells me and shows me all the time, at least save for when he was in the A. Even when I was 8 months pregnant I could feel it from him.)

I just don't think he understands how hurtful it is, post A, to hear anything remotely like that. I felt like I disgusted him, like I was a huge turn off. And I felt like it was about me.

In my head, I know it wasn't, but my emotions won't catch up to there. I still feel insecure, and that doesn't help.


Me: BW
DDay: Oct 2010 + 6 weeks false R
2.5 (+?) year A with married coworker/my "friend"
1 great kid.
Reconciling and healing

Posts: 1681 | Registered: Nov 2010
trynhard
♂ Member
Member # 22698
Default  Posted: 1:15 PM, February 21st (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

cdnmommy
I said many things over the years that hurt my W. My wive never really communicated to me the hurt in an effective way. I have no doubt these things, in part, gave herself the Permission to allow her to say "yes" to her OM. She was trying to tell me at that time, but it was so unclear too me.

Had my W said this too me.. "I am not going to be married to a man who belittles my body" "it hurts me to my inner cord" "I cry inside over those/that comment" "it's my body and and who I am" My W still cannot communicate to me. I got the silent treatment Sunday to last night over something I did not hear/listen to. I was the one who opened up the dialogue. Something I didn't even know what I did wrong about. Honestly, I find so unattractive about my wife and sick of it. We have been to retrou and she is suppose to know what to do in a healthy relationship and open up to me. My heavy lifting, she is not. I hate reading "body" language that tells me something is wrong.

As I think back, I never once said anyhing about my W's body. I said things like, " I like skinny woman"; "that woma is hot" I look at myself today in Disgust for even saying that to her. How could that make her feel good? It did not. She is skinny anyway. It's stupid.

No more being THAT man again for me. Fact is.. I have not been that man for a long time now.

[This message edited by trynhard at 1:31 PM, February 21st (Tuesday)]


Posts: 2636 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Indiana
cdnmommy
♀ Member
Member # 30182
Default  Posted: 1:29 PM, February 21st (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Communicating effectively is something I take very seriously, but I think it needs to be a conversation we have at a time when I am calm. I have tried to tell him, but when I am upset, and then I am not as good at expressing why it hurts. I think I will write it down for discussion.


Me: BW
DDay: Oct 2010 + 6 weeks false R
2.5 (+?) year A with married coworker/my "friend"
1 great kid.
Reconciling and healing

Posts: 1681 | Registered: Nov 2010
trynhard
♂ Member
Member # 22698
Default  Posted: 1:36 PM, February 21st (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

cdnmommy

In Retrou.. You do communicate alot by letters. I took the role of always writing the first letters on quetions. She always responded in kind. I do have some of the most Beautiful letters from her that made me feel very good. I post some of them a long time ago... I still practice letters, she does not like to express herself.. It's hard for her to do it. Maybe over fear of me because of our history... my always poo pooing things... saying it will be ok... Her thnking she must protect my feeling or whatever it is...

[This message edited by trynhard at 1:40 PM, February 21st (Tuesday)]


Posts: 2636 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Indiana
Allgoodnamesgone
♀ Member
Member # 26157
Default  Posted: 1:44 PM, February 21st (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Tryn - I don't believe this is going anywhere. I have told the X this. I said I will devote a year of my life to this, but I know where it will end up - with me starting over again. I literally told him yesterday that it's up to him to educate himself as to what's needed & not to expect me to spoon feed it to him.

I don't have any reason to believe he will do it. But - by the same token - I cannot handle the stress of him begging me to try to R. I'm obviously unable to walk away from it & be indifferent for whatever reason. So, I guess I need to give him this chance to really be free of it too.

Who knows?
Meanwhile - the former "new guy"/"cute guy" keeps trying to make plans with me. And while I have consistently said no & have not encouraged him (unless responding to his texts is encouragement -which it might)I haven't shut him down hard & said don't ever contact me again either.
Sigh.
I may have a problem with ending relationships...


Me- BS
DDay- 8/26/09
Separated after failed R effort.

Posts: 2165 | Registered: Nov 2009
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