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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Long Term Affair - Part 28
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 9:50 PM, March 24th (Saturday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

cannot remember all i read and skimmed....too much action goin on so i will touch on the few i remember and send many many hugs to everyone else....

((((tribe))))

m3: congrats honey....i do still worry for you though...cant' help it....will be prayin for a safe healthy pregnancy and baby

dp: you will move on when you are ready to.....i know you know in your head its what you have to do, i believe you even know it in your heart....carrying through with it though always seems like such another matter


happy birthday needtofindhim


strong: its wonderful to hear from you and i am so sorry that old wounds were repopened...catches you by surprise too doesn't it, you think your past it and then whack...your doing amazing...give him hell hon....as long as it doesnt cost you financially, emotionally or physically

honest: i am with everyone else...where the heck are ya????


miracle front: was so sick this past week, fever on and off, coughing, sneezing and in general feeling like crap....and...


i passed all my tests with flying colors....got my 4.0 gpa....i start my internship on monday...and hopefully if i clock enough hours i can take the certification exam the end of april, if not it will be the end of may....i am really proud of myself.. .....


((((tribe))))


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
worst-year-ever
♀ Member
Member # 33003
Default  Posted: 10:47 PM, March 24th (Saturday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Awesome job IWAM!!!!


Me: BW
Him: FWH
4 kids & 20 years together
DD: 7/7/11
OW1: 3yr+ LTA
OW2: My xBFF
Trying to R

Posts: 1282 | Registered: Aug 2011
deeppurple
♂ Member
Member # 28757
Default  Posted: 6:34 AM, March 25th (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

IWAM - YOU ROCK BABY!

I will move on when I'm ready. Right now the impact on 1 child would be devasting, so I bide my time; working on me & being a father.

Take care tribe


Me - BS 49
Her - WS 43
Married 16 yrs (together 17 yrs)
DD13 DS10 DS8 DS6
DDay 1 6.4.2010 dday 2 7.25.2010
Heading for divorce.
"Never look down on someone unless you are helping them up"

Posts: 522 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Where the sun is shining & the surf is pumping
Laura28
♀ Member
Member # 28997
Default  Posted: 7:04 AM, March 25th (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((DP))))


Married 30yrs Me BW 57Yrs Him FWH 59yrs
OWzero 1988 EA?/PA? Gaslighted.
Dday May 28 2010.
OW1 1994(6mths PA, EA til dday).
OW2 2002(8yrs PA).
OW3 2009(1Yr PA).
Others???? Status: Not Divorcing..but.."You can't unfuck the goat"

Posts: 2729 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Australia
worst-year-ever
♀ Member
Member # 33003
Default  Posted: 1:14 PM, March 25th (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((DP)))
You are a good and honorable man.


Me: BW
Him: FWH
4 kids & 20 years together
DD: 7/7/11
OW1: 3yr+ LTA
OW2: My xBFF
Trying to R

Posts: 1282 | Registered: Aug 2011
deeppurple
♂ Member
Member # 28757
Default  Posted: 4:31 PM, March 25th (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

but I cant spell - meant to say Devastating.


Me - BS 49
Her - WS 43
Married 16 yrs (together 17 yrs)
DD13 DS10 DS8 DS6
DDay 1 6.4.2010 dday 2 7.25.2010
Heading for divorce.
"Never look down on someone unless you are helping them up"

Posts: 522 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Where the sun is shining & the surf is pumping
strongish
♀ Member
Member # 29259
Default  Posted: 5:58 PM, March 25th (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((DP))) You deserve to be happy. It may only be baby steps but start this week doing things that make YOU happy. There is no perfect time for a D, just less painful times. You are a great Dad and your kids know that and will understand. Just like you want them to be happy, they want the same for you.

IWAM - Congratulations on making a 4.0. You put your mind to doing this and worked hard and now you have the grades as a reward. Wow! I'm very impressed with your willpower.

To the rest of the Tribe - the roller coaster is moving along, sometimes at a snail's pace, sometimes with dizzying speed. I've read through some of the posts and it makes me sad to so many that are still in so much pain. I'll be the first to tell you that moving toward a D is very, very difficult. But from my perspective it is the only way that the future looks any brighter. A happier life may be months-years down the road, but it is there. I don't regret trying for over 1 year to stay in a marriage that was broken, but because I tried I feel at peace with the decision to end my marriage. Like DP, I don't really much like my WH right now. I hope that some day we can be friendly, if not friends, for our kid's sake.

Keep looking up my friends....and do what you need to do to make your future hopeful.


Posts: 490 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Texas
m334455
♀ Member
Member # 26893
Default  Posted: 10:45 PM, March 25th (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Congrats Miracle!!!

Don't worry about me too much. I used to worry about me too, but I'm good now. Recovering from this changes you. I'm different now, tougher. I don't care whether or not my M works out anymore. I'll be fine either way.

They do say all these things about forgiveness, etc. I still get irked sometimes. I still randomly wonder in the most fascinated way why a person would deliberately permanently damage their relationship with their spouse.... it's confounding.

Nonetheless, I don't worry about it or obsess anymore. You see, I don't have to let the selfish bullshit decisions of two other people control anything about me or my life. And I would be fine without him. And if he restarts this A or has another I will catch him because he's just not that slick.

It's like the baby -- I've had 5 miscarriages and 4 kids. The chances are good that I won't even stay pregnant. But I'm not going to obsess about that either. If I miscarry, it wasn't meant to be. I'd be a little sad, but not much because after you've lost 5, well, it just comes with the territory.

Anyway, got to get myself moving in the right direction to get some rest, etc.

Have a great week everyone!


BW 38, 5 kids
Dday Dec. 2009

Posts: 4034 | Registered: Dec 2009
nofun
♀ Member
Member # 24546
Default  Posted: 6:30 AM, March 26th (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

M3 - Congratulations!! Woohoo! That's happy news! Gotta love happy!

Honest - where are you?

Good to hear from you Strongish....I want to be you!


BS (me) 56
WH 61
M 36 yrs
OW - 55 - Howdy Doody Look Alike
3 Awesome Adult C
DD 6/7/09
LTA 12 years.
Confused: D or R???

Posts: 987 | Registered: Jun 2009
ImNellNow
♀ Member
Member # 28753
Default  Posted: 9:49 AM, March 26th (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

m3,
Word.


BS & D
Drinking wine and thinking bliss is on the other side of this.

Posts: 2370 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Baby steps on my new path
trynhard
♂ Member
Member # 22698
Default  Posted: 10:44 AM, March 26th (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

DpÖ A man will always needs to be true to himself by being true to his values and ideals, no matter what the consequences will be. And me, I know the apple never falls far from a tree.

I have no doubt a child can see things, learn things, you have no clue as to what they can sense and seeÖ and learn.

What did I learn as a child growing up with a father who knew how to love in some areas but not in most other areas. I learned how to not love my wife like she needed.

I did not know that I needed to hold my wifeís hand at every opportunity. Not to rub her body with warmth, he did not to kiss her and hug her at every greeting. I did not learn the proper way to romance her and woo her everyday. I stopped making out with my wife. Why did I do that? Itís such a simple task but I never ever noticed my dad giving my mom a deep kiss.

I did not know that I needed to tell her in public (around my kids), my woman is a great woman. In private or public, I did not give her the love of affirmation she needed everyday. My dad never told my mom she was beautiful. I rarely said to my wife she was beautiful. I say it in different ways everyday today. This morning, I hugged my wife and kissed her, told her she smelled good and that is a wonderful fragrance she picked out for me to smell. I never saw my dad do any of that.

I witnessed a dad who taught me to hang out way too much at the golf club (his friends) , and my mom make me go into the menís only club to tell him to get his ass home for dinner. My dad taught me to buy my play toys without consulting my wife. He did not teach me to respect my wife like I needed. I never knew balance.

I did not learn how to deal with conflicts. I did not learn that life can be Devastating, and you can still be happy after wards. And more.

Your child may get hurt, but it will be up to you to lead that child into the proper way to overcome. Obviously, your wife know nothing about how to properly teach your child

I know it is your choice and time. Just sharing what we learn when surviving infidelity.

Peace!

[This message edited by trynhard at 10:56 AM, March 26th (Monday)]


Posts: 2636 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Indiana
lostsuol
♀ Member
Member # 13706
Default  Posted: 11:24 AM, March 27th (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OmG, it's reallly quiet in here. I've tried to read & catch up... sending good thoughts & prayers to all of the tribe as I read.

I'm into the 2nd week of whatever IwaM had:

was so sick this past week, fever on and off, coughing, sneezing and in general feeling like crap...

I hope your 1st day of internship wasn't marred by the 'crud' and you get the certification hours you need done in record time.

M3: Love your attitude!

I am slowly learning not to obsess about the choices he made in the past that I cannot change and not allow myself to dwell on what should have been. It's not easy to accept that moving on, not letting this affect my life in the now, today... to just take a day at a time is the way to achieve some form of healing. I have let things fall apart around me and I'm literally sick of the me I've become! So, baby steps for me... I'm tackling one area slowly and hope this will give me a boost to continue.

My new motto (from an article by Toni Bernhard, J.D. on Psychology Today):

"Cosmically, there's no difference between weekdays and weekends, or between regular days and holidays. It's just sunrise, sunset, sunrise, sunset. Treasure and enjoy."

{{{LTA, one and all}}}


Posts: 808 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: Canada
ImNellNow
♀ Member
Member # 28753
Default  Posted: 8:26 PM, March 27th (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bit of news... as of this afternoon, Nell is divorced.

Huh.


BS & D
Drinking wine and thinking bliss is on the other side of this.

Posts: 2370 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Baby steps on my new path
strongish
♀ Member
Member # 29259
Default  Posted: 8:49 PM, March 27th (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Nell)))

Posts: 490 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Texas
deeppurple
♂ Member
Member # 28757
Default  Posted: 9:11 PM, March 27th (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((NELL))
My thoughts are with you & your boys. Take care of yourself.

DP


Me - BS 49
Her - WS 43
Married 16 yrs (together 17 yrs)
DD13 DS10 DS8 DS6
DDay 1 6.4.2010 dday 2 7.25.2010
Heading for divorce.
"Never look down on someone unless you are helping them up"

Posts: 522 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Where the sun is shining & the surf is pumping
lostsuol
♀ Member
Member # 13706
Default  Posted: 11:24 PM, March 27th (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

{{{Nell}}}

Posts: 808 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: Canada
0115
♀ Member
Member # 31740
Default  Posted: 11:44 PM, March 27th (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((Nell))))


BS (me) 49
FWH 49 newbeg2011
Married 29 years
Very Long LTA
DD 01/15/11-6/30/11
The hard work is done...let the healing begin.

Posts: 997 | Registered: Apr 2011
Laura28
♀ Member
Member # 28997
Default  Posted: 2:32 AM, March 28th (Wednesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nell

Laura


Married 30yrs Me BW 57Yrs Him FWH 59yrs
OWzero 1988 EA?/PA? Gaslighted.
Dday May 28 2010.
OW1 1994(6mths PA, EA til dday).
OW2 2002(8yrs PA).
OW3 2009(1Yr PA).
Others???? Status: Not Divorcing..but.."You can't unfuck the goat"

Posts: 2729 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Australia
nofun
♀ Member
Member # 24546
Default  Posted: 6:42 AM, March 28th (Wednesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((((Nell))))))


BS (me) 56
WH 61
M 36 yrs
OW - 55 - Howdy Doody Look Alike
3 Awesome Adult C
DD 6/7/09
LTA 12 years.
Confused: D or R???

Posts: 987 | Registered: Jun 2009
ImNellNow
♀ Member
Member # 28753
Default  Posted: 8:45 AM, March 28th (Wednesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks, tribe. I'm in a very unemotional place... probably because (a) I've already spent several years grieving this M (b) I feel like I did flat-out everything in my power to avoid D before finally coming to the decision that there's no other option (c) the weird hands-off way a non-contested D is finalized in my state-- judge signs papers, sends papers via email attachments to lawyers, lawyers email clients and (d) the majority of my emotions are tied up in my sister's C-section today.

But I'll take the hugs anyway and save them for later.

XOXO - Nell

PS Miracle, I'm so damn proud of you!!! Not surprised, but proud.


BS & D
Drinking wine and thinking bliss is on the other side of this.

Posts: 2370 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Baby steps on my new path
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