SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I still miss Xh ..... d-day will be 3 yrs 8-3-12 ...

I know not a very great post to start here ... specially with all the newbies down here ....

Xh was *that* guy ..... hawt, funny, a SWAT badass for the prison, blah blah blah .....

then he turned into *that* other guy .... the cockey, self absorb, cheater ....

I am glad we are not together ... he changed and he is unable to ever be that sweet, goofy, badass again .... and I don't want him back ...

but I am missing him today ... have been for the last few days ...

it does get better I do not have the urge to break NC ... and I am not laying in a puddle of tears ... and this feeling/trigger will pass ...

today I miss him ...

[This message edited by booger bear at 1:29 PM, February 4th (Saturday)]

(((Booger)))

I haven't had one those missing days in a year but damn I had more than enough before.

I think it's a healthy part of the process. I know I can now separate the bad memories and the good ones. For months after dday, it all bad memories, took along time before I could remember the good part of the M without missing him.

When someone else enters your life, you will probably look for similar qualities but so much wiser not to ignore the other stuff.

Hugs

gma

(( Booger))

I'm feeling the same as you today.

Most days i don't want him back but today i feeling so lonely that maybe it's better the devil you know!!

Hopefully tomorrow when the children are all in doors, i will go back to feeling stronger.

hugs to you both .... and thank you

We've been divorced a year next month. Still feels unreal.

I also miss my X especially when going on dates or out with friends.

I haven't met anyone that attracts me like he did. Also, most men my age are broke from paying child support and alimony or they are broke from starting new careers after loosing their jobs from downsizing.

If they're not broke, they have a lot of baggage that I'm not sure I want to carry.

My X is in Cozymel right now for a week of golf and superbowl parties. I'm sure OW is with him. It should be us not them.

It should be us not them.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

This

why are we the ones who have to work so hard to get *there* ???

and they just kinda seem to fall right into Disney Land ???

I work my tushie off all week ... and I do nada on the weekends and yet I still have no money, have very little personal stuff ... I got my dogs

HE has the A, HE keeps the whore, and HE has this 1950's type life ...

WTF is that ??? it is backwards and wrong ...

I know he is a moral, repugnant, excuse for flesh and bones ... what good does it do that *I* know this and he is oblivious to it ???

life went on as normal for him, just sans the crazy bitchy wife ....

now I am mad ... no more missing ... thank you for your post rcantbleveit ... changed my mood ...

now I hate him and do not miss him ...

It's only been 6 months since D-Day, but I no longer miss him! He was so controlling that I actually feel free now! I decide what I do, when and how I do it and with whom!

I loved having Christmas decorations up this year even though I am the only one here! And for weeks!

I have had more company in "our" home than we had together in the past 5 years! Even had a "girlfriends' weekend" that was the turning point for me.

That doesn't mean that I don't still get a bit weepy and have a hard time at times. I do. But, for the most part, I am angry, mostly for not realizing my situation long before his A's and ONS's and getting out while I still could have had a good life. I have been walking on eggshells and (now I realize) miserable while trying to keep a marriage that was doomed long ago. He has refused for many years to do something about his anger, hostility, negativism, and control, no matter how much I tried for it. Should have thrown in the towel way back, but truly believed I loved him and could trust him (NOT). I believed in "til death us do part". He did not.

(((BB)))

I am angry, mostly for not realizing my situation long before his A's and ONS's and getting out while I still could have had a good life. I have been walking on eggshells and (now I realize) miserable while trying to keep a marriage that was doomed long ago.

this too .... looking back I wish I had the red flags back then and got out ....

back then I had no idea ... not a freaking clue I just thought it was normal and he loved me and that was that ....

boy now I see the writing on the wall .....

and right after d-day when I thought we were going to attempt to try and R ... I walked on eggshells for fear of driving further away and to the whore .... unbeknownst to me at the time he never stopped contact ... never not one time ....

well all that for me ended when I found out in Nov 09 ... and I ended it and took my control back ....

now I wonder sometimes ... what would have happened had I stayed ???

or back in Aug 06 when he asked me not to go to school, to stay home and work on us ??? I went to school ...

and in Dec 06 the EA started ... and in July 07 the PA began .... all the same whore

blech ......

It's totally normal to feel blech. None of us designed this.

I hate that I am living a life that I didn't chose, and that I lost a best friend along the way.

Sorry you're feeling blue today, booger.

AJ's MOM

thanks aj ... just a blue, triggery next couple of months ...

working through it/them at the one place I know I cna .......

I'm sorry your bummed out today. I know the feeling. I wish I had magical words to make you feel a little better.

((()))

thanks myname .... it is a nice feeling to come here and get support from those who understand ....

oops

[This message edited by booger bear at 7:05 PM, February 4th (Saturday)]

What AJ's said - we didn't have a choice and I know for me, that has been a tough row to hoe.

I don't miss XH (except for yardwork) but I miss what we had at times. It's normal, I'm a year further out than you and I still have my moments, though not nearly like I used to.

Big hugs, BB!

At nearly 7 years from the first discovery...granting that putting all the pieces together took me a looooong time...I don't miss any of it. For me, though, I finally came to realize he never was who I thought he was. I'm just glad it's over and looking forward to a better future.

thanks wanna and capri .....

I am happy it is over and I am looking ... not looking back, but don't really feel it is in a forward direction ...

more like a here and now look ... for survival purposes not for future stuff ...

thank you everyone ...

back then I had no idea ... not a freaking clue I just thought it was normal and he loved me and that was that ....

Gee, bb, that's exactly what I have said... Married young and that was marriage, he was the one I loved and trusted to do what was best for us.

or back in Aug 06 when he asked me not to go to school, to stay home and work on us ??? I went to school ...

That sounds like a controller according to the books I have been reading. After they feel we are no longer under their control, or have separate thoughts, they might need a new "teddy". We could have continued to be miserable under their control or found our voice and a way out from under as we did. Just too bad they had to do this to us instead of coming to their senses about the control (they say it does happen with help). There are other ways out of that situation.

I should give a little back story to his request in Aug. 06

backstory

In nov 04 he got the job with the state and we moved to a new town for his job .... very $$$$ place to live and it stressed us ... not to mention he was on graves and I was struggling to find a job ....

I finally got one at a grocery store and I was able to get on the grave shift there and have the same days off as Xh ...

I do not do well on grave shift ... I got really depressed, grumpy, sad .... blah blah blah

well in Mar of 06 I had, had enough and wanted to move home ... so did he ... so I got a job back home he put his transfer in ...

was easy for me to move ... his transfer took 6 months ... so we only saw eachother on his weekends ... it was a long 6 months

his transfer went thru in Aug. 06 ...

and now here I am going hmmmm

what did I do ????

oh well ... it is done and over now ... I still did not have an A tho to cope with anything that may have been bothering me or my M ...

I stayed true and I loved him

eta I should also say that when he was offered the job with the state he was given choices of where to go to work ... and I thought it would be cool to move to this new town we went to ... we made the decision together I suppose but I think I was the leader in this as well .......

sigh

[This message edited by booger bear at 8:44 PM, February 4th (Saturday)]

You're missing what he was, or what you thought he was. There's nothing wrong with that, other than it makes you feel badly. I'm sorry.