Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
Find a Local Couselor
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: Turtles (43206)

I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Spouses/Partners of Sex Addicts - 8
WS is an Addict
♀ Member
Member # 34223
Default  Posted: 8:51 AM, February 12th (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Don't know if this is a "gift" or not, but I am so grateful that WS lost his job...otherwise he would never have gotten help and probably would have pulled the wool over my eyes for decades to come. I guess that is not a "gift" of the addiction, but it is something seemingly terrible that I am grateful for...


DDay for physical infidelities: 12/14/11
Me: 30 Him: 29 (SA - diagnosed 1/2/2012)
Married 4 years, Together 10 years
Reconciling, as long as he remains active in his recovery.

Posts: 361 | Registered: Dec 2011
WS is an Addict
♀ Member
Member # 34223
Default  Posted: 1:07 PM, February 12th (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Kat, How are you doing? How is your son? Thinking of you...

***(((Kat)))***


DDay for physical infidelities: 12/14/11
Me: 30 Him: 29 (SA - diagnosed 1/2/2012)
Married 4 years, Together 10 years
Reconciling, as long as he remains active in his recovery.

Posts: 361 | Registered: Dec 2011
Ghostwalker
♀ Member
Member # 31991
Default  Posted: 2:39 PM, February 12th (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Kat, if you are reading, sweetie, please give us an update. I've kept you and your DS in my daily prayers.

Just musing here...but I suppose my WH's DWI arrest was a "gift". It led to the unraveling of his 18 month secret life -- and he quit drinking cold. However, had it led him to seek treatment or therapy for his core issues, I would feel much more grateful. He refuses.

As it is, it woke me from my slumber, so this is good? But it also resulted in the worst pain of my lifetime.

Stay strong, my friends. Wrapping you all in warm hugs...


This is the Hour of Lead --
Remembered, if outlived,
As Freezing persons, recollect the Snow --
First -- Chill -- then Stupor -- then the letting go --

Posts: 1089 | Registered: Apr 2011
scaredyKat
♀ Member
Member # 25560
Default  Posted: 4:14 PM, February 12th (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for thinking of me. Here's what I posted in G...


Thanks to all, and an update...visiting day was yesterday. He looked pretty well, although somewhat drugged. They are medicating him, I suppose appropriately. He told us for the first 2 days he didn't take the Librium(?) for alcohol detox because 1) he hadn't had a drink for 24 hours and he felt fine and 2) He didn't drink that much! Well, Sunday he had a convulsion. It scared the crap out of him...
He has lost his job as a result of this, one strike policy, even though he wasn't drinking or drunk on the job. But his license is safe. He'll have to go through a monitoring program for 5 years. His health care options may be limited since he was fired "with reason" he may not be eligible for COBRA. And of course no unemployment benefits. He has some savings and very little debt, so that's all good,
When he is discharged he will go to a day program, 9-5, his insurance will pay for 2 weeks unless it runs out.

We told him we would support him completely if he works a recovery, and even financially if necessary. That part is something I don't worry about with this kid, he hates to be financially dependent.

I'm so scared and worried for him, yet he was clear that he HAD to do this, he had no choice, if he wants to live. And he made it clear that he wants to do it on his own. I just wish I could have provided a more stable childhood so he wouldn't be so messed up to begin with.

So. This is the best thing that could have happened under the circumstances. But I am barely talking to WS, and I am so angry at myself for allowing my children to grow up witnessing the cycle of abuse. DS#1 saw much of it. He saw me sitting up waiting for WH to come home in the wee hours because that would be the time he would get home from work. On one of many D-days, I left the house. WS got pissed at then 22 year old DS because he found him drinking a bottle of wine while sitting on the grass in the back yard. Another time when I went away for the weekend, WS took advantage of that to go see one of many whores. DS confronted him, but indirectly, and they had a loud argument during which DS said "the thing I most regret is that I have you as a father" WH had the balls to be insulted by that. How dare he be disrespectful to the big man? Meanwhile WS was disrespecting his wife and family everyday. Parents are supposed to protect their kids. I didn't do a very good job of it.

It's ugly. But the secrets are out. I'm not covering for anyone anymore. I just hope they don't blame me for my past coverups and for staying in an abusive farce of a relationship for so long...

Please keep the hugs and LIGHT aiming in my directions. I'm a bit of a mess. Meanwhile, I am thinking of all of you, too.

NG, be safe tomorrow, Hath, congrats on the house, Sabina, your wisdom always rings a bell in my soul. Take care you listen to it for you, too, Ghost, since we seem to be twin sisters, I hope your situation improves without all the drama and angst. And to the rest of the peeps in our little groups, we can find healing in our sister(and brother)hood

Love to all.
SK


Me-BS-59
HIM-SAFWH-63
Damn autocorrect is responsible for the silly errors, sorry!

Posts: 2921 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: In my head
Ghostwalker
♀ Member
Member # 31991
Default  Posted: 5:21 PM, February 12th (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Kat, I am so happy to hear from you! Yes, we are twin sisters. I just posted my long, sad story in "General" including my DS's current struggle with alcoholism.

Your DS seems like an amazing young man! Continued prayers for his recovery. We are not there yet. God, I need strength, as there seems to be no end of problems for my family. Pray for me, my friends, as I pray for you...


This is the Hour of Lead --
Remembered, if outlived,
As Freezing persons, recollect the Snow --
First -- Chill -- then Stupor -- then the letting go --

Posts: 1089 | Registered: Apr 2011
WS is an Addict
♀ Member
Member # 34223
Default  Posted: 6:32 PM, February 12th (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Love and prayers for all...

WS leaves Keystone tomorrow. Don't know whether I'm excited or scared. All I know is that the real work for him begins now, too.

I'm watching a documentary on Whitney Houston, and I'm thinking that everyone is vulnerable to this terrible disease of addiction - even the most beautiful, talented and successful among us.

The best we can do is reach out for help when we need it because no one is strong enough to get through this alone...maybe for awhile, but not forever.

Love, love and more love.

*****(((((All)))))*****


DDay for physical infidelities: 12/14/11
Me: 30 Him: 29 (SA - diagnosed 1/2/2012)
Married 4 years, Together 10 years
Reconciling, as long as he remains active in his recovery.

Posts: 361 | Registered: Dec 2011
Kelany
♀ Member
Member # 34755
Default  Posted: 6:38 PM, February 12th (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Addiction is terribly powerful.

I had a brief addiction with pain medication due to medical issues. It's what originally sent me to IC about 4 years ago. So I do understand the nature of addiction.

It's why I know that my WS is an addict even though he doesn't. And why, until he realizes it and admits it, at least to himself, he won't get the help that he needs.


BS - Me
SA/FWH Him
DDay 1 - Jul 11
DDay 2 - Jul 12
R Dec 12

Former 80s Icon wishful thinking


Posts: 1993 | Registered: Feb 2012
Ghostwalker
♀ Member
Member # 31991
Default  Posted: 7:28 PM, February 12th (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OMG -- my SAWH just left!!! Please read my post in "General". I don't have the strength to repeat the long story!

Help me, my sisters. I feel both relieved and devastated.

I guess it's over. I don't know how I feel, except being exhausted both emotionally and physically. Please help me through this...


This is the Hour of Lead --
Remembered, if outlived,
As Freezing persons, recollect the Snow --
First -- Chill -- then Stupor -- then the letting go --

Posts: 1089 | Registered: Apr 2011
ChoosingHope
♀ Member
Member # 33606
Default  Posted: 8:03 PM, February 12th (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Kat, I'm sending lots of prayers your way: for you, your son, and WS.

WS - I'll be thinking of you tomorrow. (And I feel the same exact way about Whitney Houston - what beauty, talent, promise. . . .)

NG - good luck tomorrow. You're in my thoughts and prayers. It sounds as though you're as well prepared as anyone could be. Please let us know how it goes.

****((((HUGS and LIGHT to everyone))))****


Posts: 1433 | Registered: Oct 2011
ChoosingHope
♀ Member
Member # 33606
Default  Posted: 8:22 PM, February 12th (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ghost,
We cross-posted. I'm sorry.

He can't drive. He has no license. But he just packed up and left. I suspect he is walking to his office to sleep. A 20 minute walk through a very tough city neighborhood.

He'll be fine because I'm sure he's done more dangerous things than this before since he's a SA. But more importantly HE chose to leave and walk in the dark through bad neighborhoods. You did not make this decision for him. You can't control him. So if something happens to him, it will be his fault only.

And of course he'll be back soon for his things - or to ask you if he can come home. Because really, he can't live in this office.

I do not care. His parting words were: " Have a good life'. Yeah, you too, coward.

As I read your post, all I kept thinking is that he's a coward who would rather leave the only good thing in his life than come clean and face what he's done and have to apologize and get some help for himself.

My heart goes out to you. If he's just gone overnight, or for several days, or for longer, I hope you can just take the time to slow down and take care of yourself. You deserve it more than anyone else I know.


Posts: 1433 | Registered: Oct 2011
Ghostwalker
♀ Member
Member # 31991
Default  Posted: 10:46 PM, February 12th (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you, sweet Hope. Your support tonight means more than you will ever know.

I am going to bed now, my friends. Tomorrow is another day. *Deep sigh*


This is the Hour of Lead --
Remembered, if outlived,
As Freezing persons, recollect the Snow --
First -- Chill -- then Stupor -- then the letting go --

Posts: 1089 | Registered: Apr 2011
pink carnation
♀ Member
Member # 34310
Default  Posted: 11:34 PM, February 12th (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

GW- I am super praying for you... and for all my sisters in this torturous group... Hugs and prayers for all.


You are in God's hands now, Dahlin'!

Posts: 1881 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: GA
SabinatheOwl
♀ Member
Member # 30023
Default  Posted: 9:42 AM, February 13th (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

***(((Ghostwalker & scardeyKat)))***


~ Sabina


Details & story in profile

"Live a life not an apology." Edward R.Murrow

"I can be changed by what happens to me but I refuse to be reduced by it."

Maya Angelou


Posts: 1350 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: Metro DC
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 10:34 AM, February 13th (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have my "To Do" list made out so I can wrap up loose ends before we skedaddle. My "We're through, goodbye" letter ready to be printed out & taped to the front door. Drunk some coffee. Looked up some hotels to stay at in a town some ways away. Now I need to go wake my kids up for what will be the worst day of their lives to date. I have a knot in my stomach the size of Texas at that thought.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 elementary school-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 8778 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 10:45 AM, February 13th (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Locksmith is on the way to change the locks.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 elementary school-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 8778 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
hathnofury
♀ Member
Member # 32550
Default  Posted: 11:21 AM, February 13th (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((Ghost)))) and ((((NatureGirl)))). You are in my thoughts and prayers today.


BS 43, SAWH 38. M 15years, together 17. Body count in the triple digits. Both in recovery, trying to R.
Three kids under age 11.

Posts: 1408 | Registered: Jun 2011
ChoosingHope
♀ Member
Member # 33606
Default  Posted: 12:47 PM, February 13th (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((Ghost)))) and ((((NatureGirl)))). You are in my thoughts and prayers today.

Me too. NG - Stay strong. Keep remembering your "Hell NO" rallying cry.


Posts: 1433 | Registered: Oct 2011
WS is an Addict
♀ Member
Member # 34223
Default  Posted: 2:42 PM, February 13th (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

**********((((((((((Nature))))))))))**********

Lots of love! It will be hard, but you got this! I've been thinking of you and praying for you all day! Take care of yourself and those wonderful kids. Love, love and more love!


DDay for physical infidelities: 12/14/11
Me: 30 Him: 29 (SA - diagnosed 1/2/2012)
Married 4 years, Together 10 years
Reconciling, as long as he remains active in his recovery.

Posts: 361 | Registered: Dec 2011
Ghostwalker
♀ Member
Member # 31991
Default  Posted: 5:54 PM, February 13th (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nature Girl ~ Stay in touch!!! You are such a strong woman protecting her Baby Bears. I am in awe of you. Love and prayers!!!!

My update is SAWH left the house last night, never come home for any more things (my DS was home all day) and I have not heard from him since.

I will not call him. I assume if he didn't make it to his office last night, I would have heard by now, right? I am very sad, but I will practice the 180 until I get it right. I HAVE to start taking better care of myself.

Hugs to all...


This is the Hour of Lead --
Remembered, if outlived,
As Freezing persons, recollect the Snow --
First -- Chill -- then Stupor -- then the letting go --

Posts: 1089 | Registered: Apr 2011
WS is an Addict
♀ Member
Member # 34223
Default  Posted: 6:21 PM, February 13th (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I HAVE to start taking better care of myself.

Yes, Ghost, you deserve this!

Sometimes it's good when "they" leave, because then you don't have to feel guilty about leaving them.

Lots of hugs!


DDay for physical infidelities: 12/14/11
Me: 30 Him: 29 (SA - diagnosed 1/2/2012)
Married 4 years, Together 10 years
Reconciling, as long as he remains active in his recovery.

Posts: 361 | Registered: Dec 2011
Topic Posts: 1000
Pages: 1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11 · 12 · 13 · 14 · 15 · 16 · 17 · 18 · 19 · 20 · 21 · 22 · 23 · 24 · 25 · 26 · 27 · 28 · 29 · 30 · 31 · 32 · 33 · 34 · 35 · 36 · 37 · 38 · 39 · 40 · 41 · 42 · 43 · 44 · 45 · 46 · 47 · 48 · 49 · 50

Return to Forum: I Can Relate This Topic is Full
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.