Oh shit SoHurt !
That is an understatement. I'm emailing him with pleas not to take this course. I don't know what is going to happen, now.
I hope he intends to have someone stay with you 24/7 because this going to be all your fault according to WH. It will get ugly. Like I said DS needs to be able and prepared to help you.
There's NOBODY to stay with me! That's why I'm so scared! This WILL be my fault, because I trusted him to work WITH me, not against me! I am in full panic mode, and there's nothing I can do!
Ready or not ? Ughhhh !
I just hope that I can get the kids through this sane....
A var for my daughter was a suggestion here but that could even be used against me in court. Plus she loves her Dad and wants to be seen.....
OW is in the honeymoon phase of their relationship , they both decided to write bestselling books together and become very rich.....NPD fantasy I guess.
Does anyone have an idea what I could do / how I can handle it well. I try to do my best.....
That sounds really awful! Try to convince your son to help you -again! If he can't see WHY it has to be your way, get a friend over and have your mobile nearby (does it have VAR function?) try to record everything WH says and does! Will be thinking of you (((())))!!!!
BS: me 41 yrs
WH: him 67 yrs , married OW (39yrs) 5/13
2 kids aged 7 and 9
married for 12 years
Divorced, final 03/12
(Thanks for the hugs, btw. I sure need 'em.)
There is nobody I can call. I don't have a phone, for one thing. My friend is out of state atm, so we are emailing, but other than that, I'm stuck.
Back to the gf thing. I'm wondering if WH did something that made her tell son that she wouldn't stay in this house with him here. And what that something would be. And if it's true. I'm sorry to be eating up the thread like this, but something is going on that I don't know about, and it could backlash on me BADLY.
@sohurt: I know this must be difficult and scary, but if you really fear for your safety, please consider contacting a woman's shelter. They can help you to get help to be reliant on no one else. The atmosphere that you've been living in doesn't sound healthy for anyone, and if your ex gets violent with your son, eviction will be an eventuality. Your priority should be protecting yourself, regardless of what happens between your son and his girlfriend.
[This message edited by veritas at 4:43 PM, February 20th (Monday)]
Just when I thought it was safe to go back in the water. The gf is pregnant, and THAT is what was fueling her pushing on my son. I won't even go into the ways I see this as a desperate ploy on her part. Suffice it to say she is NOT the right person for my son, and this is really bad news for him. I knew this was coming. I want to cry. She's manipulative, on a good day, and not mentally stable the rest of the time.
So I asked him if we could go somewhere to talk after he gets home, and I'll see if I can talk him down off the ledge. When, where, and HOW will I ever get away from all this crap? Oh, and just for kicks, I found out the other day that my oldest son knocked his wife up again; she's 3 months gone, with a not-quite 7 month old. He isn't working, yet, but she is.
Suddenly, I am not afraid for myself. Now, I'm scared for my son. He has one nasty girl on his hands.
ETA: And the hits just keep on comin'...
[This message edited by SoHurt at 5:19 PM, February 20th (Monday)]
Free-Are the kids in IC or could they be ?
Is your son going to allow you to stay? Although this isn't ideal, you wouldn't be alone during the divorce process.
As far as your son and the PG g/f, since your son is an adult there's probably not much you can do about it. And to preserve a relationship with any future grandchildren, I would highly recommend you staying out of this too. If you pick sides, or voice your opinion of this woman, it could cause way more problems in the future.
Plus you have your own issues to deal with now without borrowing any more.
When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE the worthless
OC born 2001 (I didn't know)
Remarried 2008 (Happy!)
gma and sadtoo, we've known this girl most of her life. They sort of grew up together. It was her sister, though, who was his first love. That complicates things in my mind, but oh, well. They were our neighbors, and it was US the sister came screaming to when her dad overdosed. It was US that dealt with the immediate aftermath of "Daddy won't wake up!" Then they had to live with their out of control bipolar mother.
I haven't said anything negative about her to him, because I'm not willing to risk my relationship with him over her. I don't care for her, but it's not my life, it's his. He's going to be 23 at the end of the month, so he can make his own choices, and I'll support him, either way. She LIKES me, so she doesn't mind if I stay... it's just WH.
He talked with her, and although they are not "together," right now, once WH is gone, they will get back together. (Snark: IF she hasn't moved on to greener pastures.) So, I have gone from panicked to exhausted in one fell swoop.
I had my first biological grandchild last July, there is one due this July and one in August. I'm starting to think renting wouldn't be so bad... I think I need to go to sleep early tonight. This was a lot to handle in ONE DAY.
It sounds like you will have to pick your battles carefully. You need to be your first priority.
The essence of love is not what we think or do or provide for others, but how much we give of ourselves.
A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.
As I was trying to sleep, I was really getting angry. I was composing lots of nasty monologues to her. She could have set a nasty chain of events in motion, and she didn't even know or care. I don't know if I can stand to live with her, that's for sure.
Anyway, I am going to get those ducks moving, and get things in order. That's what pissed me off, partly. I have been formulating my plan, gotten started on the process by emailing SS and some other things, and she nearly derailed the whole thing with her selfishness.
But it isn't going to stop me, it's going to speed me up. I can't have her do this again. I really wondered if I was going to survive or have a heart attack, yesterday. This is not fun, for me. Holy moley, I was freaked. But in the end, it was a good motivator to keep going. With a loose cannon around, I sure can't afford to sit still. I will be getting a phone, and if I have to do it openly, so be it. Who gives a fuck if WH knows? I need a phone, I can have one. It's MY money, so why not, right? That will make it easier to keep things moving.
(((((tribe))))) Thanks for being here for me all day. It was very good to know that I have so much support. I love you guys a ton!
I'm glad that that disaster was averted.
Someone mentioned contacting a shelter. That's a great idea. Unfortunately, they hear this (and worse) all the time. They might have some useful information for you. There might be free services that could really help you that you don't even know about.
Knowledge is power
Glad you have some time now to plan.
I guess I don't understand why it would be such a bad thing that your son tell your WS to leave the house. Since it is son's house and he is allowing you to live there, why not have WS tossed out? If you're divorcing, this would be the end result at some point, right? And if you're worried about WS reaction to this, IGNORE him.
My thinking (and again, I don't know the whole story) is this may be a blessing in disguise for you. Son throws out WS, you start divorce process, you have somewhere to live and other people to support and protect yfrom urging the process. I understand the G/f situation isn't ideal, but this would be a better option than a shelter.
[This message edited by sadtoo at 2:08 PM, February 21st (Tuesday)]
Forgive me for not knowing your back story.
None needed. It's been kind of scattered around, and I haven't taken the time to write it in my profile.
Since it is son's house and he is allowing you to live there, why not have WS tossed out? If you're divorcing
It's partly because WH doesn't know we're divorcing, yet. The other problem is that if my son were to say, "You leave, mom and brother stay," WH would take that as a sign we were in cahoots, and that's where the problems would start. For one thing, WH is paranoid that everyone is always against him. Nothing could ever be his own fault... it always a conspiracy to hurt HIM.
Also, WH has said he feels like son is going to challenge him, and that he wouldn't mind going for it. That scares me. I can't let my son take the brunt of this for me, although he would do so willingly. I made my bed, and I'll have to unmake it. He is far more likely to choose to preserve his skin and only use verbal abuse, if I do the ousting.
My money comes in on the first, so I will be getting a phone. In the meantime, I'm emailing with SS to find out exactly what I need to do to change accounts and so forth, to handle the money situation. I also have an attorney to contact who's a friend of a friend and may help me without sending me to the poorhouse.
Feeling anxious as my day nears. Feeling anxious as things change.
Stretch is local full time per the kids. Never going back to out of state skank. But not "broke up" according to the kids. What the f-ever. But local one hundred percent of the time? ick. bleck. cue anxiety.
Need to retrain my brain pathways.
I long for the distance (time and physical space) to heal.