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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: N P D Thread part 10
hopefulmom
♀ Member
Member # 23556
Default  Posted: 11:14 AM, April 7th (Saturday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

They really are crazy.

I discovered today that ex who can't afford to help his kids with tuition or sport or other costs bought his newest GF now fiancee 4 dozen roses for valentine's day followed by an engagement ring the next day?

He expects the kids who he hasn't spoken to since he left 3.5years ago to attend his wedding? Will he buy them clothes too?


me-44
WH-45
married 22 years
Dday 10/08
Divorced!

Posts: 257 | Registered: Apr 2009
wontdefineme
♀ Member
Member # 31421
Default  Posted: 2:25 PM, April 7th (Saturday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Now the kids don't fit into his role as a good father and husband and people don't see how he acts with them, they are collateral damage. Now if the kids are in the wedding, I am sure the clothes would be wonderful so it would reflect well on him. Always about them and how people perceive them.

Posts: 2079 | Registered: Mar 2011
hopefulmom
♀ Member
Member # 23556
Default  Posted: 3:24 PM, April 7th (Saturday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He really wants the kids to fit in well....he's in seminary and to have his kids refusing to speak to him...that just doesn't fit his new image.


me-44
WH-45
married 22 years
Dday 10/08
Divorced!

Posts: 257 | Registered: Apr 2009
wontdefineme
♀ Member
Member # 31421
Default  Posted: 9:49 PM, April 7th (Saturday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Does the administration at the seminary know about him?

Posts: 2079 | Registered: Mar 2011
QUIETSTORM
♀ Member
Member # 23563
Default  Posted: 11:27 PM, April 7th (Saturday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am so sick of my STBXWH'S NPD ways. Tonight ( as usual) he woke DD up with his loud mouth because I wasn't paying attention to him.

I guess MOW2 wasn't available so he came back earlier than expected and would not stop talking. NPD's hate to be ignored, so he kept getting louder and louder while I tried to watch my movie and woke DD up. Whenver he wakes her up with his loud mouth he has the same stupid look on his face like he can't understand why she's awake. I can't wait for him to get out and pray for our possible buyer to get the loan for our house so I can move out.
I will NOT miss his selfish behavior.


ME BW 35
HIM WH 41 (the goblin)narcissist
Married 8 years, together 14
DD 4
D-Day1 3-19-09
D-Day2 2-11-12
MOW #1 (buffalo)
MOW #2 (easy bake)

Done trying...Divorce filed 3-28-12..final 7/24/12 (same date as marriage)


Posts: 236 | Registered: Apr 2009 | From: Iowa
hopefulmom
♀ Member
Member # 23556
Default  Posted: 5:44 AM, April 8th (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

wontdefineme,

Yes they do. One of the lead pastors is an old family friend and will be officiating at the wedding. Ex feels this is God's calling and that God has totally transformed him. Too bad he forgot the part about remorse and making amends to those you have hurt (alcoholic). Oh and the reason he doesn't have a relationship with the kids? I poisoned them against him. And I wont be the "bridge between him and the kids" He is waiting for them to reach out to him.


me-44
WH-45
married 22 years
Dday 10/08
Divorced!

Posts: 257 | Registered: Apr 2009
soverybetrayed
♀ Member
Member # 32948
Default  Posted: 1:48 PM, April 11th (Wednesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My stbxNPDwh has done something truly amazing, in a good way. I am once again back in the hospital and have been for a week. I informed my attorney that I am very ill and wouldn't know when I would be getting out of the hospital. They used this information and requested a continuance for our case scheduled for this month.

My attorney sent it to stbx attorney to see if they would agree and we got the shock of our life. She actually agreed to our request for a continuance. The only thing I can think of is that stbx figured it would look bad if they said no and I was still in the hospital and couldn't make the hearing. He actually showed a wee bit of kindness or he was looking out for his ass. Probably just looking out for his ass. But I don't care as long as they agreed to the continuance so I can get well and not worry about the upcoming court case.

I love that I don't ever hear from him because it makes it so much easier to disengage and stop thinking about him. I will be better off without him. I hardly think about him anymore unless I get sick and need something. Being sick and in the hospital I don't even miss him now since the last time he would just come and complain about how long it would take him to get home. This time I can actually concentrate on my issues with my health and not wonder if he will show up or wish he wouldn't show up.

Ah...the thrill of not living with an NPD..bliss


Me-53
DDay 10/16/2010 DDay2 5/22/2011
Divorced 8/23/2012
I will get stronger and better but no matter where he goes, there he is....

Posts: 1193 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: Learning who I am again!
iwanttokillher
♀ Member
Member # 24178
Default  Posted: 5:05 PM, April 12th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Soverly, I hope you get well soon. My NPD was always at his absolute worst when I was sick, hospitalized and pregnant. Your NPDSTXH seems to get that he looks bad when he attacks when you are sick, so that is truly a blessing and you should have a nice little vacation from his BS while you are there to focus on healing. Mine just keeps coming at me. I have 10 weeks left of my pregnancy which has had major complications and he has filed his 3rd court motion/complaint. Tonight I asked him to sign a paper for my medical benefits and he gave me a hard time and took the paper. The man would rather I give birth in a ditch than make sure I have the coverage to deliver this child in a safe environment. It's funny though, a man was standing there as we had this exchange and when my husband walked away he said "what a jerk". I know it sounds strange, but I felt more validated by that man than I have in 4 years. All the abuse just makes you start to think it's you and not him. I felt like hugging this stranger, but instead said, that is why I'm pregnant and getting a divorce and walked away. He said "I don't blame you, the guy's an asshole". WOW, now I wanted to bring him home and cook him dinner and have him say that over and over to me.

I guess we are so used to the abuse in situations when we need support and love that we are in shock at any decency they show, true or pretend. I'm so glad you are getting that moment to relax. I know exactly how bad it can be when they strike when you are down. Feel better!!


Posts: 161 | Registered: May 2009
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 5:47 PM, April 12th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((want))) it doesn't sound strange to me...umm like I'm the bellweather for not strange all of a sudden? lmao at that!

It was an older couple, just leaning in to each other, commenting on my pet (walking ahead of them like a whore. In Target. On Sunday.) that dinged it for me.

I didn't hear the words but I knew.

I love ding stories.
Ding! I gets it! (slow learner that I am).
(((Tribe)))


Posts: 6000 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
soverybetrayed
♀ Member
Member # 32948
Default  Posted: 4:16 PM, April 13th (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well, I just knew that it was too good to be true. STBX's crappy attorney has decided that she won't sign our request for a continuance until we give her a new date for the final hearing. He is in such a hurry to dump me and pretend I don't exist that he is pushing me when I am at my weakest (so he thinks).

I told my attorney to push for the latest date we can get and if they balk at it then we will go for him paying 100% of my cobra. He can either keep me on his insurance while I need it or he can pay for my cobra. I am digging in my heels now every time he pulls this crap.

I have 10 ulcers and numerous erosions in my esaphugaus (sp) can't eat without throwing up and am in constant pain and he wants to pull this crap on me now? Oh HELL NO. I have taken so much of a beating by him in the last 4 years and threats of violence that I am fighting for it all. He wants to kick me when I am down well go ahead cause I will kick back now. NO more taking his crap.

Want, I am so sorry that your stbx is being such a jerk when you are carrying his child. He should be making sure that you have whatever you need and that your child is well taken care of as well as you. I just don't understand how you can treat someone this way when they are down. I wish you luck.


Me-53
DDay 10/16/2010 DDay2 5/22/2011
Divorced 8/23/2012
I will get stronger and better but no matter where he goes, there he is....

Posts: 1193 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: Learning who I am again!
sadtoo
♀ Member
Member # 2027
Default  Posted: 7:59 AM, April 14th (Saturday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

They always seem to kick you when you're down. Typical chicken shit behavior of the NPD.

SVB,
I'm so sorry you're back in the hospital. I hope you get well soon. Try not to let your jackass get under your skin too much.

I have to say that even though you are sick, you sound GREAT! You sound strong and determined. Isn't it amazing the clarity that comes after you get away from them?

I was reading over in "New Beginnings" and one of our "clan" (skeeredbuthoeful) posted about her STBXNPD. If I didn't know it was her STBXNPD, I would swear it was my XNPDH. It's crazy how similar these wackos are.

http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=452380

http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=452475

[This message edited by sadtoo at 8:01 AM, April 14th (Saturday)]


It is what it is, not what we hope it can be.

When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE the worthless
bum.
OC born 2001
Divorced 2003
Remarried 2008 (New Guy)


Posts: 7925 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Iowa
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 10:30 PM, April 14th (Saturday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Healing thoughts for you (((svb))) You get well!

sad, those were textbook, disgusting links to npdthink, Ugh. Hard to read, Stupid evil shits!
((((((((((skeered))))))))))

Notice the replies. Really, there are alot of people who "get it", and caution and advise...NO CONTACT!

UGH! Stupid stupid stupid evil shit!


Posts: 6000 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
hemademesingle
♀ Member
Member # 21281
Default  Posted: 7:32 AM, April 15th (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We have our own little monster too, , that's the little pet name that our son gave him, son was 17 at the time The kids had wrote him letters way back in 2005 asking him to go to counselling, he wasn't the one with the problem

We are the lucky ones, cause our little monster lives 3500 miles away, so we don't deal with him on a daily basis, he had to leave the province for work in 2009, I do receive text messages from him on a regular basis, some sexual in nature, some threatening to cut off support, some about the weather, some about songs he sings and in his heart he dedicates to me, some about songs we should sing together, , did I mention he lives with a woman, some used to threaten divorce, , those stopped when he was served in October , now they come about how his lawyer isn't doing his job.

I just won round 1 in court, he was suppossed to have papers in before the end of 2011, by the end of Febuary 2012 no papers, my lawyer was going to file default, with that threat he produced some incorrect papers, first court date was set for April 2012, my lawyer contacted his lawyer, his lawyer couldn't get ahold of him, he was texting me regularly about trivial shit, yet he couldn't respond to his lawyer, wanted my lawyer to adjorn and set another date she said nope we go forward, still his lawyer is ignored by him, , while in court he sends me a text asking if I'm with my lawyer , I didn't respond until way late in the day never mentioned anything about his question, wake up this morning to a complaining text how his lawyer assumed, how now he is fined 500, well yes I was awarded cost , the judge wants to pound the message home through his wallet that the financial abuse is going to stop , the order for the correct amount of child support and spousal support has been filed , he has only 45 days to get his paperwork together and right the judge ordered for him to come to the table for a settlement conference, as he has drug this out for a very long time, it took me along time to save the money for a lawyer but every penny, everything that I did without is so worth it

We don't walk on eggshells anymore , we don't live with critisism anymore , we don't worry about emotional outbursts from a grown assed man ,we don't live with threats anymore , I don't have to pick up behind his stupid ass anymore , he left everything at his ass oh I could go on and on, all I can say is

FREEDOM FEELS SO GOOD


Posts: 361 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: Canada
caregiver9000
♀ Member
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 10:20 AM, April 15th (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

A shrink once told me that once you expose a narcissist, they never sparkle for you again.

courtesy of squiffle in a response to BS in General.

This quote is perfect to me because it covers the non-human (vampire) aspect, the fantasy better than human deeper than ordinary love (cue Twilight) that the NPD believes themselves worthy of and capable of delivering. It is all fiction in NPD land.

I also think it works in that they don't sparkle because we see them for the ordinary non sparkly person and because they give up on putting on the show for us.

had to share!


Me: 43, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 12 DS 9
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5289 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
lied2
♀ Member
Member # 1807
Default  Posted: 6:34 PM, April 15th (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

They really are crazy.
I discovered today that ex who can't afford to help his kids with tuition or sport or other costs bought his newest GF now fiancee 4 dozen roses for valentine's day followed by an engagement ring the next day?

He expects the kids who he hasn't spoken to since he left 3.5years ago to attend his wedding? Will he buy them clothes too?

Oh my sounds like my ex. He wanted them to come to the wedding. I told him he gets to handle all the details (clothing and whatever) but as per our court order I needed to know where the kids would be during the visit. He would only tell me "with him" and refused to provide his cell number or anything (have sole custody and visitation at my discression)

Well the kids were bend on making a scene at the wedding right down to dying their hair blue and green. At the last minute he decided to leave it alone. (definitally one of his smarter decisions)

Today he has to give me some papers. We are adjusting the CS via agreement But he missed giving me some of it- he says by mistake. He comes out with "you don't trust me? You think I am trying to scam you"

He seems to have gotten better over the last few yrs of being married to Ms HoHo. But I don't trust him as far as I can throw him and i really don't ever see that changing. Why can't he get that?

Just a few more yrs and my kids will be grown and I don't have to have dealings with him at all. I can't wait. Seeing his ugly mug still makes me


The grass isn't greener on the other side of the fence. It is astro turf.

The essence of love is not what we think or do or provide for others, but how much we give of ourselves.


A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.


Posts: 8196 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Ontario, Canada
hopefulmom
♀ Member
Member # 23556
Default  Posted: 4:58 PM, April 16th (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

the kids were bend on making a scene at the wedding right down to dying their hair blue and green


Too funny!

[This message edited by hopefulmom at 4:59 PM, April 16th (Monday)]


me-44
WH-45
married 22 years
Dday 10/08
Divorced!

Posts: 257 | Registered: Apr 2009
SoHurt
♀ Member
Member # 1210
Default  Posted: 1:06 PM, April 17th (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well. I haven't posted in a while, because I've been dealing with issues that I didn't expect.

When my middle son began to see that I was very serious about the divorce, he started talking. (I've got a lawyer who will help me pro bono and we've begun the paperwork,) I found out why I was sent to work for years, while the monster, (Npet's new name, funny that hemademesingle's son felt the same way,) stayed home. He abused my boys in horrible ways, and threatened to beat the shit out of them if they told, so they never did. That explains why my oldest is accused by the monster of lying about everything. The oldest is more likely to talk, in the monster's eyes.

The monster has also been telling the boys nasty lies about me, including that I'm "hooking up" with his best friend, that I'm a lesbian, and other assorted things. The truly sad part is that he's been doing this for months to my youngest, who nearly did not make his 15th birthday. (I'll explain that in a minute.) My youngest finally told him to stop, because he didn't want to hear it anymore.

The reason he almost didn't make it to his birthday is that the monster took him to an elderly friend's house to cut blackberries. The monster was supposed to help, but he sat out in the van in front of the house, working on the radio, while my son went to the very back of the acre and did the work - completely out of view.

He was nearly finished, and very tired, when the machete the monster had sharpened landed on my son's wrist. It cut so easily through it stuck in one of the bones in his wrist. Blood started spurting, so my son pulled it out, dropped it and started for the van. He stopped after 5 or 6 steps, because he realized he had to stop the bleeding. (He's only 14 at this point.) He pulled off his belt and used it as a tourniquet, then ran for the van.

The monster was so surprised to see him injured! He rushed him to the hospital, and my son was choppered to the university hospital for surgery. He'd cut two tendons to his thumb, two nerves, and his radial artery and a near branch of it. Everyone from our hospital to the university hosp. told him that if he hadn't put that belt on, he'd have died.

My son saved his own life, while the monster fiddled with the radio.

I had my brother drive us to the univ. hosp., and my son got his surgery. The surgeon said his quick thinking not only saved his life, but his hand. If he hadn't thought to do what he did, he would not be here now. I would have been burying my son on his birthday. My son is thrilled he was awake for his first helicopter ride.

And the monster is displeased that I blame him for it. Imagine that.

Since then, the monster has been displeased about a lot of things. Like being told he has to leave. That I am divorcing him, regardless of how he feels about it. That I won't agree to joint custody. Basically everything.

When he was told to leave, he threatened to see us all homeless. He's so smug and sure of his place in our lives. He won't be so smug when I file the domestic violence protection order that reads like a DV manifesto. It details everything from the physical and emotional abuses to the drinking and gambling, the financial abuse, the threats... and it finishes by stating that I believe he has psychological problems and that we are afraid of what he will do once he's served.

So much has happened in the last few weeks, I am angrier than I've ever been, though it doesn't show on my face or in my actions. He believes I'm broken and weak. But he has done the worst thing he could... he woke a sleeping giant. I am not going to lose this battle. Not this one.

The monster will stop sparkling, as they do. (Nod to squiffle.)

ETA: He still hasn't left. He can't find anywhere to goooo.

[This message edited by SoHurt at 1:50 PM, April 17th (Tuesday)]


"My feet are finally beginning to heal after 25 years of walking on eggshells."
"I walk barefoot all the time, now!"
~Me, SoHurt, in HIS NPD TAIL HURTS CUZ I KICKED IT~

DIVORCED!! =D


Posts: 463 | Registered: Mar 2003 | From: I am "Somewhere else." Next destination?
sadtoo
♀ Member
Member # 2027
Default  Posted: 3:14 PM, April 17th (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

SoHurt,
File for the protection order and have him removed. He is NOT going to leave because you ask him. Of course he can't find anywhere to go. He's not going to bother to even look!

You need to STOP communicating with him. Don't tell him your plans and ask him to leave! You're only showing your cards.

File the order, let the authorities remove him and then you let your attorney deal with him. You remain NC. That will be louder to him than any words you have ever said.


It is what it is, not what we hope it can be.

When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE the worthless
bum.
OC born 2001
Divorced 2003
Remarried 2008 (New Guy)


Posts: 7925 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Iowa
SoHurt
♀ Member
Member # 1210
Default  Posted: 4:01 PM, April 17th (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just to clarify, there has been only one conversation. It was a necessary one, as I had no lawyer at the time.

It included him asking if he could stay here, but in a separate room. No. Just till the end of the month. No. Since he couldn't stay, could he have joint custody with my son moving back and forth week after week. No. He then went to my son we live with and asked him if he could stay two more weeks. No.

That is when the threat to see us homeless came in.

I have done no communicating with him at all otherwise. We don't talk at all. I want to file the protection order, but I'm afraid to do it while he's in the house.

I am working on the courage to make that move, but it's not as easy as you'd think. Remember, I've spent my whole life abused. 25 years of it with him. I know what he's capable of, more now than I ever did. Yes, I am braver now than I was before, but that does not mean I am not still terrified. Not just of him, but of the effects of all this on my youngest son. I've seen the shark eyes. I know what's behind them. I'm doing what I can do when I can do it. And it's still hard to do when you have no way to get around.


"My feet are finally beginning to heal after 25 years of walking on eggshells."
"I walk barefoot all the time, now!"
~Me, SoHurt, in HIS NPD TAIL HURTS CUZ I KICKED IT~

DIVORCED!! =D


Posts: 463 | Registered: Mar 2003 | From: I am "Somewhere else." Next destination?
sadtoo
♀ Member
Member # 2027
Default  Posted: 8:21 PM, April 17th (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just to clarify, there has been only one conversation. It was a necessary one, as I had no lawyer at the time.
It included him asking if he could stay here, but in a separate room. No. Just till the end of the month. No. Since he couldn't stay, could he have joint custody with my son moving back and forth week after week. No. He then went to my son we live with and asked him if he could stay two more weeks. No.

Ok. But he's still there right?

The problem is every time you have ANY conversation with him, you give him power. He "baits" you with his words, you engage, you give him the power and you lose.

He's still there.

This is how your entire marriage/relationship has gone. He baits you, you engage and divulge information, he takes that information and uses it against you, he threatens, you shut down, and he wins.

We don't talk at all. I want to file the protection order, but I'm afraid to do it while he's in the house.

Well, then it's a stalemate. He's certainly not going to leave on his own and he's not going to leave by being asked nicely.

As bad as this is, and as frightened as you are; the only way to get through situations like this is to face them head on.

You MUST file for the PO. Have the authorities throw him out. If he comes back, call the police and have him thrown in jail. Most of the time these NPD's are just big bag's of wind. Yes, they can be very scary. But most of the time they are picking on women and children. Not anyone where there could be any danger of the NPD getting physically harmed.

None of this cost any money. You just have to follow through.


It is what it is, not what we hope it can be.

When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE the worthless
bum.
OC born 2001
Divorced 2003
Remarried 2008 (New Guy)


Posts: 7925 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Iowa
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