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Newest Member: ThrownAwayTwice (43226)

I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: N P D Thread part 10
2_4giving4_2long
♀ Member
Member # 34008
Default  Posted: 8:57 AM, May 7th (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Weakness on my part HELP!!

Okay, first I have been feeling GREAT sinse NPD moved out..now today he is texting "loving" texts about not being with me his life is"worthless"

I don't want him back. Why can't he just leave me alone?

I feel like I'm close to losing my mind..all weekend I ignored his texts The poor poor me bullshit...I HATE IT.

Then todayhe tried to play WORD on FB with me. I only play that with two female friends and we chat while playing...

When I tried to R with him and he asked to play the game I said sure...then he had gotten so pissed he stormed out of the house. He ended up drinking with the guys..

I don't know what I need today...I am beyond tired..I want him to leave me alone.

He is so disgusting to me. His energy makes my skin crawl.


Me 52
He 49
DDay 11/06/11
Married 23 years
2 adult children.

Posts: 159 | Registered: Nov 2011
veritas
♀ Member
Member # 3525
Default  Posted: 4:03 PM, May 7th (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

nutso crackers time continues!

I dropped the kids off at Dickhead's house, where we are greeted by Dickhead and a very cute little dog. It's a puppy, and she is very excited to see our daughter, who is just as excited about getting a puppy.

So they come home, and Lola is full of stories about the dog. She asks me when we're getting a puppy, and I told her that one puppy is enough to see at her daddy's house because we have a senior cat with no patience. She says, oh, that's not our dog; that's Miss Theresa's dog. She just watches him at Daddy's house sometimes.

I just bet. I have the kids most of the month, and they don't even know that I've dated someone. How many women are my kids going to have to puppysit before the divorce is even final??? You see them once every 3 weeks, and can't even spend 48 hours without a hole??? Really???


Actions unmask what words disguise.
Love many; trust few; and always paddle your own canoe.
When you win, you teach; when you lose, you learn.

Posts: 10164 | Registered: Feb 2004
ThoughtIKnewYa
♀ Member
Member # 18449
Default  Posted: 4:33 PM, May 7th (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hello, everyone! I have a couple of questions for all of you regarding NPD tendencies: Do NPDs regularly give the belongings of others away and do they tend to ask for gifts they've given to you to be returned to them?? I ask because my MIL walked in here over a year ago and said, "Here." as she handed me a quilt. I said "What's this?" and she told me that it was a quilt some ladies made for my BIL while he was in Walter Reed (after he was critically injured in Iraq). I asked why she was giving it to me and she said that she thought I would want to have it. This HER son-in law, not her son- and she's given us his stuff before...

Now, the most recent episode of her asking for something she had given to us back was over some Calphalon that she had given us almost 20 years ago. The anondized surface wore off and it started to react with some foods. That made me nervous, so I bought stainless and now only use cast iron and stainless. H told her we were getting rid of them about a month ago. She called yesterday and disguised her # thinking I would answer (I've been NC for over a year, due to her just stepping all over my boundaries and then blasting me for it), but then she left a message that basically said she hoped we hadn't thrown them away and she'd like them back. Fortunately, we hadn't thrown them away, so she can have them. There have been many instances of asking for us to return gifts- I just thought that it was odd behavior. What do you guys think?


Posts: 10976 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: North Carolina
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 6:09 PM, May 7th (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Since NPD is translated from ancient Sanskrit for asshole, who gives a fuck?

I don't climb asshole branches on family trees, they smell.

"Gifts", be they pots, pans, blankets, or headaches are frequently used by assholes as tools...payments in advance for the abuse they plan to heap on you.
Thanking God, Gaia, Cthulu, or your lucky stars they didn't give you herpes or high blood pressure is optional.


Posts: 6032 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
veritas
♀ Member
Member # 3525
Default  Posted: 6:23 PM, May 7th (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Things NPDex has taken back:

1. Psp for one of the kids for Christmas. Reason? His mother never bought him anything so expensive for Christmas.

2. The cabinet he bought for blankets and sheets for me for Mother's Day. Reason: i have more closet space than he does.

Things he tried to take: the china closet with my mother's china in it.

My jewelry, to pay the mortgage that he was court ordered to pay.

I once made the mistake of asking if he needed something as i was on the way to drop off the kids. I was expecting Popeyes, mickey ds. "You have a list of things from the house you want to give me?"

(((24))) it's hard to go back when you know it's all crap.

[This message edited by veritas at 7:41 PM, May 7th (Monday)]


Actions unmask what words disguise.
Love many; trust few; and always paddle your own canoe.
When you win, you teach; when you lose, you learn.

Posts: 10164 | Registered: Feb 2004
ThoughtIKnewYa
♀ Member
Member # 18449
Default  Posted: 7:09 PM, May 7th (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

"Gifts", be they pots, pans, blankets, or headaches are frequently used by assholes as tools...payments in advance for the abuse they plan to heap on you.
That's what I'm discovering. These people are nucking futs!!!

I'm one who tries to make sense out of everything. MIL actually said I read too much!! WHAAAAT?? (She's a Math teacher, BTW) Anyway, I'm thinking that since NPD is all about the NPD- everything is all about them, so they view everything in the world as theirs.

veritas, taking from the kids like that is just straight nasty!! Your X is, as jjct said, an asshole.

Is it common to see NPD in clusters in families??? I swear in my Hs family, his mom and BOTH sisters are NPD. NPD in the malignant sense, not just self-centered, but calculating and cruel.

And jjct, I DO have high blood pressure, but they say it's because I'm too sensitive.

[This message edited by ThoughtIKnewYa at 10:44 PM, May 7th (Monday)]


Posts: 10976 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: North Carolina
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 7:26 PM, May 7th (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

lmao me too.
So I'm thinking, the absolutest best revenge is dyin from laughter...

since I've had sex


Posts: 6032 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 7:35 PM, May 7th (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

o, and yes!
They 'cluster' in families.
See that.

Your question is why? hm. Figures. So's mine.

I figure it's a combination of nature and nurture. And do my best. To warn my sisters on here to bond. Spend TIME with you cherished ones. i mean it.


Posts: 6032 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
veritas
♀ Member
Member # 3525
Default  Posted: 7:36 PM, May 7th (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Npd is part nature and part nurture, so it is highly possible to find a bunch of them in the same family. I have a bunch in my family and the rest of us are codependent. I had high blood pressure but i managed to cut off even the ones in my family, and my bp is now back to normal. :)


Actions unmask what words disguise.
Love many; trust few; and always paddle your own canoe.
When you win, you teach; when you lose, you learn.

Posts: 10164 | Registered: Feb 2004
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 7:47 PM, May 7th (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

love ya v!
me too.
cut off.
breathe.
It's thunderbumpin in a drought zone. Brave thunder and lightning soothes me now, since all this. I feel... stricken.

Posts: 6032 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
caregiver9000
♀ Member
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 7:58 PM, May 7th (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am thinking out loud here, but the combo of nature nurture:

Stretch is NPD. I have two children who are exposed to his example, mistreated by him, and react to him.

If I am not strong enough to balance his example, to talk through his bullshit with them, and to fight back sometimes with EVERYTHING I have, then I surrender them to it. They have no example but his.

It is so easy to run from the NPD behavior, to cower from the treatment, to shy away from the hurt and to close off from the physical and emotional interactions with ALL people. I had to force/train myself to be available to my kids in the early days post Dday.

I can see how the nature and nurture would lead to family clusters of this disorder.

Even now my emotional component and barometer feels off sometimes. My rational mind is stronger (when I am not exhausted) and I can think through and override the fear and flight and lashing out emotional component (on most days.)

Sisterhood and bonding and feeling good about ourselves and each other is PRIME importance.

.....but, jj, my friend, where does that leave you?

(((tribe)))


Me: 43, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 12 DS 9
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5310 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
veritas
♀ Member
Member # 3525
Default  Posted: 8:26 PM, May 7th (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Caregiver, I went through that fight or flight behavior, too. It has only been in the past year that in dealing with toxic behavior with my FOO that I actually tried to confront in a healthier way. I finally let them know that while I appreciated whatever support they were offering, i wasn't going to tolerate bullshit or being talked down to. Needless to say, it didn't go over well. But now they know that when the nastiness comes out of their mouths, I am not going to have a meltdown nor will I run, but I will put out there how I feel in public if that is how they brought it to me. You don't get to poke jabs at me publicly, then decide that we need to discuss it privately.


Actions unmask what words disguise.
Love many; trust few; and always paddle your own canoe.
When you win, you teach; when you lose, you learn.

Posts: 10164 | Registered: Feb 2004
ThoughtIKnewYa
♀ Member
Member # 18449
Default  Posted: 11:15 PM, May 7th (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I finally let them know that while I appreciated whatever support they were offering, i wasn't going to tolerate bullshit or being talked down to. Needless to say, it didn't go over well.
I HAVE to laugh at that, but only because the same thing happened here. And, it was a HUGE mess. Still is. I renounced the family name. Had enough. And the puppet master gets pissed when the puppet cuts the strings, I've learned.

They torture my H so. It's so hard to watch. He still holds out hope for them.


Posts: 10976 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: North Carolina
veritas
♀ Member
Member # 3525
Default  Posted: 11:32 PM, May 7th (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am heading into it this weekend, the utter maliciousness. It should be fun -not!


Actions unmask what words disguise.
Love many; trust few; and always paddle your own canoe.
When you win, you teach; when you lose, you learn.

Posts: 10164 | Registered: Feb 2004
veritas
♀ Member
Member # 3525
Default  Posted: 11:40 PM, May 7th (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Apparently my sister gets 4 tickets to her graduation and my parents don't know that I am not included. I am super excited.


Actions unmask what words disguise.
Love many; trust few; and always paddle your own canoe.
When you win, you teach; when you lose, you learn.

Posts: 10164 | Registered: Feb 2004
ThoughtIKnewYa
♀ Member
Member # 18449
Default  Posted: 12:01 AM, May 8th (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wait. What???? You have to go to a family function where you were excluded from the main event?? And your parents don't know??

I just DON'T go, anymore. Wedding, funeral, confirmation, whatever... I don't go.

And, my sister????? Don't get me started!!! She's Borderline, though, not NPD (officially). Just as impossible as NPD to deal with. I tend to think "Borderline" is just NPD with suicidal tendencies.


Posts: 10976 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: North Carolina
woundedby2
♀ Member
Member # 18522
Default  Posted: 12:33 AM, May 8th (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've been doing some thinking about the familial nature of PDs quite a bit lately. Since my mom's illness and death, I'm seeing more and more that my dad is higher up the NPD scale than most people. My brother is even more so. Neither one is a malignant sort of narcissist, but they are both more self-centered than other-centered for sure, and my mom was the nurturing caretaker that I am. I guess there maybe is a reason that I was ever attracted to, and remained with, such a selfish NPD Assclown. Sigh.

I do worry about my children and the FOO that will be theirs to deal with.

v - I'm sorry you're dealing with family drama. Be strong and be true to yourself.


Me: BS
2 kids: DD15 and DS18
Him: The Assclown NPD
OW: "friend" of 15 years
Divorced! Feb. 2010

Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson


Posts: 7635 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: SoCal
ThoughtIKnewYa
♀ Member
Member # 18449
Default  Posted: 12:52 AM, May 8th (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

wounded,

The issues with my MIL weren't so obvious when FIL was around. When he died, everything changed. It was always 'off', but so much more pronounced after he was gone.

Since my mom's illness and death, I'm seeing more and more that my dad is higher up the NPD scale than most people. My brother is even more so. Neither one is a malignant sort of narcissist, but they are both more self-centered than other-centered for sure, and my mom was the nurturing caretaker that I am. I guess there maybe is a reason that I was ever attracted to, and remained with, such a selfish NPD Assclown.
Yes, I know how I got here, too. I always called my dad "The Running Man" because I could see that he was always running. He's not NPD (at all), but living with the lies was the set-up for this.

I hope that H isn't like the rest of his family They chastised him for being 'too emotional', so he learned to shut down. He went to therapy voluntarily, so that's a good sign, I hope.


Posts: 10976 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: North Carolina
sadtoo
♀ Member
Member # 2027
Default  Posted: 1:54 AM, May 8th (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

On the the threat of suicide:

Next time he makes the threat, hang up and call 911. Tell them that he has made a SERIOUS theat of committing suicide. They will go pick him up and have him evaluated. When he gets out and calls to ask you who called and turned him in, ignore the call.

You simply CAN NOT have any contact with these loons. They are simply not human. The sooner you realize and accept that he is crazy and completely UNFIXABLE the better off you will be. Every time you talk to an NPD, you are giving him power and control. Shut him off and shut him down.

2_4,
You either need to block him or change your number. WWF?? Seriously?
Ignore, ignore, ignore.

They will take ketchup packets

YES!!! And then spend another $5000 fighting to get the mustard packets that were long ago lost or tossed out of the pantry.

Mine fought for everything right down to the candlesticks. He wanted my grandmother's china too! (what is up with these freaks and the damn china???) He fought for stuff that wasn't even ours. He fought for things that didn't even exist. He would fax list after list after list CLAIMING that this was the approved list from the judge on our case and I had 3 days to comply. he was not going to quit fighting until he got everything and I was left with crumbs.

And change the locks? Check. Gate locks. Check. Big dog. Check.
Have mail forwarded to PO BOX (they go through your mail)
Change all utilities into your name and add passwords.
Put in an alarm system with video surveillance.
Deliver doughnuts to your local police precinct every Saturday morning.
Change your phone number to an unlisted and unpublished number.
Only communicate with your NPD (if you have children) through email and ONLY discuss the children. Do not allow yourself to be baited.


It is what it is, not what we hope it can be.

When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE the worthless
bum.
OC born 2001
Divorced 2003
Remarried 2008 (New Guy)


Posts: 7927 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Iowa
2_4giving4_2long
♀ Member
Member # 34008
Default  Posted: 2:26 AM, May 8th (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

@ Sad

I have a friend coming this week to change the locks on all the doors...I had awoken up to find EVERY mode of entry unlocked!! I was pissed. Even the master bedroom balcony french doors were unlocked!!! NEVER EVER until July did we unlock those doors.

As for taking everything...well he started taking things...I see my lawyer in the afternoon...

I had written out my resume of marriage...all I can say is DAYUM!! Boy did I miss the signs. I was juggeling so many things I had no vision left to see he is NPD.

As for WORD on FB..I decline ASAP!! No way.

NPD changed my # a week ago (without my knowledge) I do have a block number code to use. I did that this after noon.

I have the local police half on my side Daughter's B/F BIL..yay for me.
But the chief lives a few houses up from me and he's afraid of my NPD.

What had me so upset earlier was I had my phone off for 2 days and when I turned it on all these texts came from him. But in between were from DD and DS and my BFF G/f.

I am more afriad of the divorce process, costs, games, lack of bitchiness on my part...yep I am way too nice. That's why I read this thread so often. Just to keep focused on the prize..DIVORCE!


Me 52
He 49
DDay 11/06/11
Married 23 years
2 adult children.

Posts: 159 | Registered: Nov 2011
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