Ok. Tell him you ARE trying.
Just don't finish the sentence.
<to leave his lying, cheating, abusive, unremorseful ass>
Keep getting your ducks in a row.
When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE the worthless
OC born 2001 (I didn't know)
Remarried 2008 (Happy!)
The long and short of it is that I ended up getting my PO, though it was not continued for my sons. The older one can get one if he decides to, and is protected at home because I live here. The younger is old enough to say he does not want visitation, so does not "need" the protection. When the monster asked how he was supposed to see his son, given that we live together, the judge said, "Take it up with a lawyer."
Of course, my whole petition was a lie, cooked up to make him look bad. I apparently also told the monster just before he left that I would "do ANYTHING to get custody." Uh... if that WAS my plan, would I really have told him?
The lies he told went on for TWO HOURS! He just talked and talked and talked. I could tell you all of them, but nobody wants to read so much shit. Just take it from me: I'm nuts, he's sane, I'm a liar, he's honest, and this is all a result of my going off my meds and NOT TELLING him so he could be extra nice to me. (When it was his turn to ask me questions about my testimony, he couldn't even ask them. He could only try to defend himself. The judge wasn't having it.)
And I just threw the sexual assault in for good measure. That was put on the top of the list just to make him look bad. (Anybody else notice they are FORMS you answer IN ORDER? Yeah.)
So anyway, now I have my PO. My youngest is not happy, (but not unhappy, either, that he's not "covered," because all that means is he stays near me,) but we are going to start a parenting plan on Friday with the legal advocate, and he's anxious to get there and state his wishes: NO contact but what he chooses. (Which has been none.)
Oh, I said this would be short, but how could it be? The monster had nothing to say about the boys being suicidal, threatening to send the older two to prison for tax fraud, or any of the other issues. All he jumped on was the sexual assault and that I must have forced my youngest to read the petition, thereby poisoning him against the monster. Of course he did NOT have any negative feelings about the monster WITHOUT my input. And I'm "losing it" and "nuts" or else none of this would be happening.
So as it all turned out, the phone was ringing when we got home, (ignored,) with the monster trying to tell my son he would NEVER do the things I said, and he didn't believe he didn't want contact. Shortly after, he called again to say it's ok... you don't have to see me. I listened to the messages, because my son who "wants" contact wasn't interested. He gave me his phone so he doesn't have to deal with it. Yeah, he wants contact really bad.
That was MY day. I hope, 2_4, yours yesterday was ok, too.
[This message edited by SoHurt at 11:39 PM, June 20th (Wednesday)]
And him blabbing on and on... You gotta love that. They are the best player on your team when they do that. Mine did the SAME thing. NPD's think they are so smart and that they can talk their way out of everything. But they get in front of a judge and they sound like a blathering idiot.
He really did sound like an idiot. I was in tears much of the time, because it's humiliating, but I sounded very put together, according to my DIL. She said there was no comparison between us, and the judge looked intently at me and listened, but looked at the clock, his watch, the door... anything but the monster, while he was talking. For obvious reasons.
I'm just glad that part's over. Custody and divorce, here we come. sigh
Exhaustion is setting in. I'm heading for bed. G'nite (((((Tribe)))))
[This message edited by SoHurt at 12:29 AM, June 21st (Thursday)]
2_4, please check in and let us know how things went.
Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson
I asked my youngest how he'd feel about the monster getting arrested. His answer? You get what you deserve. He's a bright kid. Oh - my son also blocked him on FB without flinching.
Now, I'm off to bed. Can barely see.
[This message edited by SoHurt at 2:07 AM, June 21st (Thursday)]
On a side note: So got some NPD crap today from NPDstbx's atty. Bit of background first: Before I left him I found a bunch of websites he was on and posting pics, they were um not normal sites. After being away, reading SI and finally figuring out that he didn't ever plan to reconcile I starting looking for him on actual dating sites. If you have tried that then you know that you have to join to view profiles. Well I did join one or two, search but didn't find him. I took down one profile but left the other one up. I have never met anyone from this site, haven't dated and actually deleted my profile yesterday when I realized that I am just not healed enough to date.
Ok, so I get some more stuff from discovery (which was due to us May but wasn't produced) and included was the my profile on the website. They also included one of the USPS certified forms I have to sign each month to get my SS check. I was feeling very very depressed when I got that check and was missing stbx so when I signed it I put xoxo above my name. It was stupid but I did it. Well they sent a copy of that as well.
At first I was really upset that I would now have to explain this stuff in court and that I opened this email today when I just had 2 teeth pulled and I am in fracken pain on both sides of my mouth. But then it actually made me laugh. This is NPDstbx's only dirt he can find on me. He is stalking me on the internet trying to prove that I have been with someone else. I have so much stuff on him that he did DURING our marriage and he is gonna bring out a profile on a dating site that I used to see if HE was dating. God the lengths he will go to try to make me look like the bad guy. Too fracken funny! Keep digging NPDstbx cause there is nothing and I can prove that I haven't dated anyone. LOL
Dawn4, please do not do this to yourself, do not give him another chance. He has shown you who he is and while I know you still love him he will only continue to hurt you. You deserve better than what he can give you because as an NPD he can't give you love, sympathy, empathy and he never will be able to. I know it is hard to accept but we have to in order to protect ourselves and children.
2_4?? Where are you? Please give us an update on your court situation and how you are doing. We are worried about you. Please be safe.
NPD's are sooo hard to deal with. Hang in there and don't forget your self worth. I know I have to much and for toooo long.
Not to sound religious, but we are all God's children, and as Thomas Jefferson said in the Declaration of Independence "All "men" are created equal...." These NPD's are NOT better than we are, although they have tried to train us to believe they are. We are worthwhile.. we are good people. We deserve better.
Thank you all for your wonderful posts and inspiration. Just wanted you to know, that although I haven't posted, all of you have helped me a lot in trying to deal with my "NPD" or my WH who exhibits a LOT of NPD characteristics!!!
Thank you (((((Tribe))))) for all the prayers and support throughout this mess. I have finally shed the last of the stress of court, and am back on semi-solid ground. Monday, I start the parenting plan and so on, and will try to get the divorce papers done. I want to file it all at once and be through with that step ASAP. I hate this crap!
Dawn, be really careful and do what needs to be done. You will be so much happier! I had a really hard time believing everyone when they were telling me that, but it's the truth. Yes, this is hard, and frustrating and all that. But it's so worth the peace of not dealing with them every day! My home is full of laughter again, and we are finally starting to come back to ourselves. The division that was there, between each of us, has evaporated, because the monster is not there to feed it.
The relief of waking up in the morning, knowing he is not here, and can't ever be here, is so great, that sometimes I think I am dreaming. If it weren't for you guys, I would still be stuck in that horrible place of eggshells and land mines... and I'm not!
Thank you, thank you, thank you for being tough, understanding, pushy and helpful. Loving and supportive. You guys are really the greatest. You helped save my family, and my youngest son in particular. If you hadn't pushed me, he may not have made it. He told me two days ago that he is happier than he's ever been. I cried, hearing that. Thank you just doesn't say it.
I PMd the mods to see if they can tell if 2_4 has been on SI at all. I pray she is ok.
[This message edited by woundedby2 at 5:14 PM, June 23rd (Saturday)]
Thanks for all the prayers and concerns. I felt all of you with me in the court room.
The whole experience was strange. My N did talk. A LOT! My attorney was late. (for legit reasons) and I answered calmly and honestly. My N was all over the place. The judge had me leave the home ASAP. That's why the delay in getting back here.
So N thought he could use threats of stop paying all bills. Judge said , "um NO," N asked, "Why do we have to go through the courts to gets a divorce?" The judge kept telling N to get a lawyer.
Bottomline is: I get the house, he has to pay all bills. Pay SS. No Contact. Get financials in order. No hiding monies.
The Sheriff's dept was made aware of possible violence.
What I learned on SI was to let the N talk. I did And it worked
From the bottom of my heart I want to thank all of you for your support, encouragement, love, understanding and mostly, strength to go through this even though I was afraid. Without all of you and your wisdom I would have just given up.
You faced down the storm because it didn't realize you had your thunderwear on.
I'm so happy you get to wake up (and for me it is to come home as well) PEACEFULLY.
Revel in it.
You faced down the storm because it didn't realize you had your thunderwear on.
jjct you made me laugh out loud!