If he isn't marriage material then there is no use in staying.
It will take time to disconnect, but make today day 1.
He sounds pretty N to me, and you will be unhappy as long as you stay. Counseling is worthless with them, simply because they are NEVER wrong.
RUN. Do it now, while you still can. I know it's hard when you love him, but the truth is, it is not him you love: it is an illusion. They all are.
No matter how you look at it, the only way to get away from the abuse is to leave the one doing it.
Keep posting, and we'll help you stay strong. This is not an easy process. (((((hugs)))))
Don't make the same mistake I did thinking that my love could fix him,wasted over 20 years being his emotional punching bag
There really is no hope for a NPD, as sad as it is, things will never change long term, only long enough to keep you hooked, and his victim
This is your chance
You know what you need to do
It will be hard, but it will be harder if you stay - you will not be safe
He went after you because you possess the qualities that he is lacking. He wanted your strength, responsibility and other Lovely qualities that he can never possess.
I needed to hear this today! Thank you!
Does this sound like NPD to you? And is NPD really as hopeless as it sounds? I know it is stupid but I love him. My heart wants there to be hope and a chance for us even as my head says RUN AWAY and never look back.
Yes, this sounds very much like NPD. The fact that you still love him is VERY normal. Unlike him, you cannot turn your feelings on and off like a switch.
I married a man very much like you are describing.
1. Absolutely without consience.
2. Drama and problems followed him like the plauge.
3. NOTHING was ever his fault. He was/is the forever victim.
4. He was/is a serial cheater. Lived a double life while we were married which included several OW's and an OC.
5. Completely irresponsible. Financially, personally, etc.
6. When confronted with his bad behavior, he would fly into a rage.
7. ALWAYS felt he was better than everyone.
8. Made our divorce a living nightmare from hell. He told horrible lies about me.
9. Became violent and unpredictable. Stalked and harassed me during and for another EIGHT years after our divorce.
10. Pathalogical lying. Constant lies. He would accuse me of the things he was doing or thinking about doing.
Think long and hard about continuing a relationship with this man. NPD is hopeless. It doesn't get much worse than this.
You are doing so well! I can't tell you how proud I am of you and how you have taken complete control over your situation and faced it head on. WOW! You are an inspiration.
To all of you newbies, welcome and stay the course. There is life after NPD. Sometimes it takes a long time, lots of therapy and lots of money. But it is SO WORTH IT IN THE END.
When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE the worthless
OC born 2001 (I didn't know)
Remarried 2008 (Happy!)
I finally decided to D him after 25 years, now I can't even get a divorce.
[This message edited by wontdefineme at 7:36 PM, October 12th (Friday)]
What is happening right now is that OW is calling the shots over there , trying to out-do me, lying, manipulating etc. so far I haven't let her know she pushed my buttons but ... Well she does.
As she wants to be liked by my kids she buys all they want, they are allowed everything they wanna do .... With me of course they can't , as I am responsible for their upbringing and everyday life....
My ex is getting older / weaker and let's her do it all... Talked to my lawyer: I don't have a legal course as he is allowing it and they are not doing anything illegal ...
My IC said the woman also seems
to have a personality disorder as she tries to extinguish my existence . They are MAD.
My question: how do I get my son through this alright ? Daughter seems to he stable with books , music and me.
But the son is in the idealisation phase of his dad......and suffering headaches , stomach aches every other weekend ( with dad).
Dad doesn't seem
to have a problem with this: only believes what's comfortable for him....,
BS: me 41 yrs
WH: him 67 yrs , married OW (39yrs) 5/13
2 kids aged 7 and 9
married for 12 years
Divorced, final 03/12
I hope that with counseling he will be able to verbalize his emotions to you or his dad.
Well, the monster is still at it. Three days after he got his continuance for the first temporary CS hearing and filed papers saying he's making the same as I am on SSI, (but before he ignores the judge and doesn't call in to the next hearing,) he calls Support Enforcement and says he makes NO money, and wants an adjudicative hearing. He also said there is no RO.
Technically, he didn't lie about the RO. (Sarcasm alert.) It's a Protection Order. So that makes everything ok, I suppose.
Anyway, I'm waiting for business hours so I can call them and explain the truth. I will fax them the CS worksheet and PO if they need it, and see what happens. I just have to laugh about it, because if he thinks these people won't all find out the different stories he tells, he's an even bigger idiot than I thought. It's amazing to me.
We're all fools who can't tell he's lying. Just amazing.
He's a real piece of work!
So, how did your day go??
I will always love you, forgiveness and grace would have fixed this.
It was all your fault you didn't forgive my mistake. But I will love you.
You @&*(()= if you had just stopped making me accountable and stopped bugging me for answers we would have been okay. But I will love you until my dying breathe.
And so on and so on.
I made my phone calls, one to my CS worker and one to the adjudicator, and left messages. I should hear back today from one or the other or both. It'll be interesting to tell them what's going on, and see what they say. This hearing is all about the monster saying he has no money, therefore should pay no CS. Well, filing papers saying he is on disability and then telling support enforcement he has no money makes him a liar in one place or the other. I just can't believe how often this shit happens, and how he thinks these are all separated entities that don't communicate at all. It's just amazing to me.
So my day went ok, and today may net me more information about where I sit. I am hoping to avoid a hearing all together, but on the other hand, it could be fun to listen to his explanation for saying he has no money when he filed papers saying he does.
How about you guys? It's been really quiet in here lately. I hope that means things are going well for you all. (((((Tribe)))))
Wish me luck and pray for me to get through this one last thing, for today anyway.
[This message edited by SoHurt at 9:48 AM, October 24th (Wednesday)]
Hugs to you and Wont, I hope it's the final bouts in the ring for you both.
[This message edited by SoHurt at 9:17 AM, October 25th (Thursday)]