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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: N P D Thread part 10
wontdefineme
♀ Member
Member # 31421
Default  Posted: 11:18 PM, October 10th (Wednesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Run now, fast, run and don't look back.

If he isn't marriage material then there is no use in staying.

It will take time to disconnect, but make today day 1.

Run.


Posts: 2079 | Registered: Mar 2011
SoHurt
♀ Member
Member # 1210
Default  Posted: 9:14 AM, October 11th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Swd, like Wont said, RUN.

He sounds pretty N to me, and you will be unhappy as long as you stay. Counseling is worthless with them, simply because they are NEVER wrong.

RUN. Do it now, while you still can. I know it's hard when you love him, but the truth is, it is not him you love: it is an illusion. They all are.

No matter how you look at it, the only way to get away from the abuse is to leave the one doing it.

Keep posting, and we'll help you stay strong. This is not an easy process. (((((hugs)))))


"My feet are finally beginning to heal after 25 years of walking on eggshells."
"I walk barefoot all the time, now!"
~Me, SoHurt, in HIS NPD TAIL HURTS CUZ I KICKED IT~

DIVORCED!! =D


Posts: 463 | Registered: Mar 2003 | From: I am "Somewhere else." Next destination?
hemademesingle
♀ Member
Member # 21281
Default  Posted: 9:19 AM, October 11th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Run Run Run

Don't make the same mistake I did thinking that my love could fix him,wasted over 20 years being his emotional punching bag

There really is no hope for a NPD, as sad as it is, things will never change long term, only long enough to keep you hooked, and his victim


Posts: 361 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: Canada
soverybetrayed
♀ Member
Member # 32948
Default  Posted: 12:29 PM, October 11th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Be very thankful that you are seeing him for who he is now before you waste anymore years with him. His rages will only get worse with age and he will escalate his abuse. I spent 12 years with my exNPDwh but he didn't get the rages till 8 years in and then it kept escalating to death threats (which I thought were jokes) and finally he threatened to hit me.

What you have discovered about his cheating may just be the tip of the iceberg. Most of us here found one thing only to discover more cheating later. Oh and they like to lie and say it isn't cheating. What you fell in love with is his fake persona that he uses to make himself look like Mr. Wonderful. He went after you because you possess the qualities that he is lacking. He wanted your strength, responsibility and other lovely qualities that he can never possess. But and this is critical...once he sucks you dry he will discard you or abuse you. When you can no longer give him the image he needs he will cut you off as if you never existed. You will wonder how he can walk away and never look back.


Me-53
DDay 10/16/2010 DDay2 5/22/2011
Divorced 8/23/2012
I will get stronger and better but no matter where he goes, there he is....

Posts: 1193 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: Learning who I am again!
PhoenixRisen
Member
Member # 35912
Default  Posted: 1:36 PM, October 11th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

swd,
Scott Peterson is mostly likely NPD and look what happened to Lacy and Conner.

This is your chance

You know what you need to do

It will be hard, but it will be harder if you stay - you will not be safe


Posts: 405 | Registered: Jun 2012
Dancetilldawn
♀ New Member
Member # 36980
Default  Posted: 7:40 AM, October 12th (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He went after you because you possess the qualities that he is lacking. He wanted your strength, responsibility and other Lovely qualities that he can never possess.

I needed to hear this today! Thank you!


BS 42 WH 45
BD 15 BS 18
D day #1 2/14/12
D day #2 5/17/12
married 18 years
At least 5 OW over 10 years
I am dedicated to my family, always have
been. I did not deserve this!

Posts: 33 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: EU
sadtoo
♀ Member
Member # 2027
Default  Posted: 5:38 PM, October 12th (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

SWD,

Does this sound like NPD to you? And is NPD really as hopeless as it sounds? I know it is stupid but I love him. My heart wants there to be hope and a chance for us even as my head says RUN AWAY and never look back.

Yes, this sounds very much like NPD. The fact that you still love him is VERY normal. Unlike him, you cannot turn your feelings on and off like a switch.

I married a man very much like you are describing.

1. Absolutely without consience.

2. Drama and problems followed him like the plauge.

3. NOTHING was ever his fault. He was/is the forever victim.

4. He was/is a serial cheater. Lived a double life while we were married which included several OW's and an OC.

5. Completely irresponsible. Financially, personally, etc.

6. When confronted with his bad behavior, he would fly into a rage.

7. ALWAYS felt he was better than everyone.

8. Made our divorce a living nightmare from hell. He told horrible lies about me.

9. Became violent and unpredictable. Stalked and harassed me during and for another EIGHT years after our divorce.

10. Pathalogical lying. Constant lies. He would accuse me of the things he was doing or thinking about doing.

Think long and hard about continuing a relationship with this man. NPD is hopeless. It doesn't get much worse than this.

SoHurt,
You are doing so well! I can't tell you how proud I am of you and how you have taken complete control over your situation and faced it head on. WOW! You are an inspiration.

To all of you newbies, welcome and stay the course. There is life after NPD. Sometimes it takes a long time, lots of therapy and lots of money. But it is SO WORTH IT IN THE END.


It is what it is, not what we hope it can be.

When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE the worthless
bum.
OC born 2001
Divorced 2003
Remarried 2008 (New Guy)


Posts: 7925 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Iowa
wontdefineme
♀ Member
Member # 31421
Default  Posted: 7:31 PM, October 12th (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well, I wish I wasn't right, almost. Thought he would fire his attorney, didn't see that his attorney would quit on him.

I finally decided to D him after 25 years, now I can't even get a divorce.

[This message edited by wontdefineme at 7:36 PM, October 12th (Friday)]


Posts: 2079 | Registered: Mar 2011
Free2012
♀ Member
Member # 34070
Default  Posted: 2:21 PM, October 14th (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi all, I need really good advice.
It is about OW and ExNPDWH....
My son started to get psychosomatic symptoms, mainly peeing at night , nightmares etc.

What is happening right now is that OW is calling the shots over there , trying to out-do me, lying, manipulating etc. so far I haven't let her know she pushed my buttons but ... Well she does.

As she wants to be liked by my kids she buys all they want, they are allowed everything they wanna do .... With me of course they can't , as I am responsible for their upbringing and everyday life....

My ex is getting older / weaker and let's her do it all... Talked to my lawyer: I don't have a legal course as he is allowing it and they are not doing anything illegal ...
My IC said the woman also seems
to have a personality disorder as she tries to extinguish my existence . They are MAD.

My question: how do I get my son through this alright ? Daughter seems to he stable with books , music and me.

But the son is in the idealisation phase of his dad......and suffering headaches , stomach aches every other weekend ( with dad).

Dad doesn't seem
to have a problem with this: only believes what's comfortable for him....,


There is no way out but through

Divorced

BS: me 41 yrs
WH: him 67 yrs , married OW (39yrs) 5/13
2 kids aged 7 and 9
married for 12 years
D-Day 16.10.10
Divorced, final 03/12


Posts: 52 | Registered: Nov 2011
soverybetrayed
♀ Member
Member # 32948
Default  Posted: 1:03 PM, October 19th (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Free2012, how old is your son? Do you have him in counseling so he can talk about what he is feeling? I think he really needs IC as something is going on with his emotions and it is coming out in illnesses. He needs help to verbalize what he is feeling. Poor kid doesn't know it but his emotions are making him sick.

I hope that with counseling he will be able to verbalize his emotions to you or his dad.


Me-53
DDay 10/16/2010 DDay2 5/22/2011
Divorced 8/23/2012
I will get stronger and better but no matter where he goes, there he is....

Posts: 1193 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: Learning who I am again!
Free2012
♀ Member
Member # 34070
Default  Posted: 1:40 AM, October 20th (Saturday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Svb, he is 6 yrs. old and I presented him to a doctor who qualified in natural medicine as well as PT.
So far he seems to be alright,'although things become difficult especially after weekends with dad and ow. We try to relax his body ( at night he is very tense) with natural medicine products and before she examines him they talk. As my son is very open and talks......, he would get a strong reaction from his dad if he knew his son sees a shrink and would be influenced to not wanting to go.....


There is no way out but through

Divorced

BS: me 41 yrs
WH: him 67 yrs , married OW (39yrs) 5/13
2 kids aged 7 and 9
married for 12 years
D-Day 16.10.10
Divorced, final 03/12


Posts: 52 | Registered: Nov 2011
SoHurt
♀ Member
Member # 1210
Default  Posted: 9:14 AM, October 22nd (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi (((((Tribe))))), hugs to one and all.

Well, the monster is still at it. Three days after he got his continuance for the first temporary CS hearing and filed papers saying he's making the same as I am on SSI, (but before he ignores the judge and doesn't call in to the next hearing,) he calls Support Enforcement and says he makes NO money, and wants an adjudicative hearing. He also said there is no RO.

Technically, he didn't lie about the RO. (Sarcasm alert.) It's a Protection Order. So that makes everything ok, I suppose.

Anyway, I'm waiting for business hours so I can call them and explain the truth. I will fax them the CS worksheet and PO if they need it, and see what happens. I just have to laugh about it, because if he thinks these people won't all find out the different stories he tells, he's an even bigger idiot than I thought. It's amazing to me.

We're all fools who can't tell he's lying. Just amazing.


"My feet are finally beginning to heal after 25 years of walking on eggshells."
"I walk barefoot all the time, now!"
~Me, SoHurt, in HIS NPD TAIL HURTS CUZ I KICKED IT~

DIVORCED!! =D


Posts: 463 | Registered: Mar 2003 | From: I am "Somewhere else." Next destination?
ThoughtIKnewYa
♀ Member
Member # 18449
Default  Posted: 7:01 PM, October 22nd (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((SoHurt)))

He's a real piece of work!

So, how did your day go??


Posts: 10915 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: North Carolina
wontdefineme
♀ Member
Member # 31421
Default  Posted: 11:13 PM, October 22nd (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Texts received the night before divorce court for an NPD goes like this:

I will always love you, forgiveness and grace would have fixed this.

It was all your fault you didn't forgive my mistake. But I will love you.

You @&*(()= if you had just stopped making me accountable and stopped bugging me for answers we would have been okay. But I will love you until my dying breathe.

And so on and so on.


Posts: 2079 | Registered: Mar 2011
SoHurt
♀ Member
Member # 1210
Default  Posted: 9:16 AM, October 23rd (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

TIKY and all, I'm actually doing better as the days go by. There was a time I thought I'd never survive this mess, but that's over, I think.

I made my phone calls, one to my CS worker and one to the adjudicator, and left messages. I should hear back today from one or the other or both. It'll be interesting to tell them what's going on, and see what they say. This hearing is all about the monster saying he has no money, therefore should pay no CS. Well, filing papers saying he is on disability and then telling support enforcement he has no money makes him a liar in one place or the other. I just can't believe how often this shit happens, and how he thinks these are all separated entities that don't communicate at all. It's just amazing to me.

So my day went ok, and today may net me more information about where I sit. I am hoping to avoid a hearing all together, but on the other hand, it could be fun to listen to his explanation for saying he has no money when he filed papers saying he does.

How about you guys? It's been really quiet in here lately. I hope that means things are going well for you all. (((((Tribe)))))


"My feet are finally beginning to heal after 25 years of walking on eggshells."
"I walk barefoot all the time, now!"
~Me, SoHurt, in HIS NPD TAIL HURTS CUZ I KICKED IT~

DIVORCED!! =D


Posts: 463 | Registered: Mar 2003 | From: I am "Somewhere else." Next destination?
wontdefineme
♀ Member
Member # 31421
Default  Posted: 9:40 AM, October 23rd (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Waiting to go into court right now. Got an offer in the hallway, not a good one. Don't want to be greedy, don't want to be stupid, slow and steady, persistence, this is the last couple of hours predivorce and I want to use what he taught me about him. I know from the offer its still about him.

Wish me luck and pray for me to get through this one last thing, for today anyway.


Posts: 2079 | Registered: Mar 2011
ThoughtIKnewYa
♀ Member
Member # 18449
Default  Posted: 5:27 PM, October 23rd (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((wontdefineme)))

(((SoHurt)))


Posts: 10915 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: North Carolina
SoHurt
♀ Member
Member # 1210
Default  Posted: 9:48 AM, October 24th (Wednesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((((Wont))))) I hope it went well for you.

Thanks, TIKY.

[This message edited by SoHurt at 9:48 AM, October 24th (Wednesday)]


"My feet are finally beginning to heal after 25 years of walking on eggshells."
"I walk barefoot all the time, now!"
~Me, SoHurt, in HIS NPD TAIL HURTS CUZ I KICKED IT~

DIVORCED!! =D


Posts: 463 | Registered: Mar 2003 | From: I am "Somewhere else." Next destination?
Edie
♀ Member
Member # 26133
Default  Posted: 12:55 PM, October 24th (Wednesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, it IS quiet in here at the moment, So Hurt! I do hope that means that NPD beasts are losing their roar. Although I seem to be having many serial nightmares about mine currently, so i guess he's still roaring from afar. (I know its echoes from the past on the whole, and yet...)

Hugs to you and Wont, I hope it's the final bouts in the ring for you both.


Maybe a long walk in the Hindu Kush would do it?
BW (me) 52
FWS 55
Together 29 years; 2 DDs 15 & 12
Dday Dec 08 (confessed) Feb 09 16 other OW confessed. OW17 tried her unedifying hardest until Aug 09. R'd.

Posts: 4960 | Registered: Nov 2009 | From: UK
SoHurt
♀ Member
Member # 1210
Default  Posted: 9:13 AM, October 25th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Edited: duplicate and the next one came out better.

[This message edited by SoHurt at 9:17 AM, October 25th (Thursday)]


"My feet are finally beginning to heal after 25 years of walking on eggshells."
"I walk barefoot all the time, now!"
~Me, SoHurt, in HIS NPD TAIL HURTS CUZ I KICKED IT~

DIVORCED!! =D


Posts: 463 | Registered: Mar 2003 | From: I am "Somewhere else." Next destination?
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