Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
Please visit our sponsor

In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: Repairlilflower (46988)

Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: 20/20 Hindsight: What I should have done when I J F O
still confounded
♀ Member
Member # 7826
Default  Posted: 9:57 AM, February 10th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know it's hard for JFO folks to believe that a foggy, unremorseful, gaslighting WS is so unlikely to straighten up and fly right.
But it seems to me that someone in the midst of a passionate affair (and aren't they all "passionate"?) is exactly in the same altered state of reality as someone with a crack cocaine habit.** The ecstatic moments of "stolen bliss" (I know, I know: sick-making lunacy) are such a great escape from regular life, with all its mundane elements: bills, dishes, oil changes, visits to in-laws, crying kids, crazy neighbors, bad boss, etc., etc., etc.
But time and time again I've read horrible stories of a WS going along to therapy (couples and/or individual), going on special getaway trips with the spouse, seemingly ON BOARD and committed to the marriage/relationship, only to have the BS find out that the contact with the AP never stopped, that the affair has continued on the sly So this 20/20 Hindsight list is brilliant. And really if your WS really wants to reconcile, he/she will do everything they can to make that happen.
** Maybe there should be 30-day rehab centers to help people break their "affair" habit!


"Sometimes, the rest of your life starts with goodbye."
D-day April 2005
(Married 33 years, together 35)
Divorced Dec. '05
Life is good, but it took a long time to heal.

Posts: 1310 | Registered: Aug 2005 | From: up the river, NY
LearningToRun
♀ Member
Member # 31353
Default  Posted: 1:48 PM, February 12th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bump, some of my favorite advice.


Me: BS 49
Him: WH 54
OW - HS GF, reconnect on FB - EA, but it was enough for me. (gut says there is more)
M- 23 years
DD Sept 2010 - he was lying about meeting and deleting all his texts
D-12/13/2010 - 60 days after i called uncle

Posts: 372 | Registered: Feb 2011
hard_yards
♀ Member
Member # 23549
Default  Posted: 12:18 PM, February 25th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bump



I feel like I'm in a parallel universe... everything looks the same... but something's just not right...

Posts: 1256 | Registered: Apr 2009
norabird
♀ Member
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 10:36 AM, March 6th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bump


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4280 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
undonelife
♀ Member
Member # 38421
Default  Posted: 12:46 PM, March 6th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

BUMP


Me: BS 53 Him: WH 51
M: 28 years
DDay 1 1986 EA Confessed
DDay 2 EA/PA Caught 11/25/12
TT 9/9/13 In R
OW:20 yrs younger McOW
Kids: 2

Posts: 206 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Dont know anymore
still confounded
♀ Member
Member # 7826
Default  Posted: 6:32 PM, March 14th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bumping to first page ...


"Sometimes, the rest of your life starts with goodbye."
D-day April 2005
(Married 33 years, together 35)
Divorced Dec. '05
Life is good, but it took a long time to heal.

Posts: 1310 | Registered: Aug 2005 | From: up the river, NY
JaneDeaux
♀ Member
Member # 42630
Default  Posted: 8:02 AM, March 15th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Greet post...thanks.


We must embrace pain and burn it as fuel for our journey. Kenji Miyazawa

Sprinkles are for winners. Flo from Progressive


Posts: 137 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: Southeast USA
still confounded
♀ Member
Member # 7826
Default  Posted: 5:17 PM, April 1st (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hello, new to SI folks
Good advice here.


"Sometimes, the rest of your life starts with goodbye."
D-day April 2005
(Married 33 years, together 35)
Divorced Dec. '05
Life is good, but it took a long time to heal.

Posts: 1310 | Registered: Aug 2005 | From: up the river, NY
katherine41
♀ Member
Member # 5792
Default  Posted: 7:34 AM, April 25th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bumping.


Posts: 8206 | Registered: Nov 2004
staystrong101
♀ Member
Member # 41068
Default  Posted: 7:55 AM, April 25th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Katherine - Fantastic! This is basically what I did, although your list is clearly written and I wish I had seen it right after DDAy. I could tell my WH was not being fully honest with me, and still lying to protect OW #1. To me that was the deal breaker, so I filed. I have never regretted filing. Yes it's been heartbreaking, humiliating at times, and scary. But I know I deserve better and I'm moving on to a better life. Good luck to you, thanks for a great post!

Posts: 146 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: United States
kodiak14
♀ New Member
Member # 43235
Default  Posted: 10:32 AM, April 25th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is just what I needed. I'm new here and have been trying to figure out how to handle a WS that is deep in the fog. I have an appointment with an attorney next Tuesday.

Posts: 20 | Registered: Apr 2014
still confounded
♀ Member
Member # 7826
Default  Posted: 8:56 AM, May 20th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This. Yes.


"Sometimes, the rest of your life starts with goodbye."
D-day April 2005
(Married 33 years, together 35)
Divorced Dec. '05
Life is good, but it took a long time to heal.

Posts: 1310 | Registered: Aug 2005 | From: up the river, NY
still confounded
♀ Member
Member # 7826
Default  Posted: 6:33 PM, June 12th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bumping for newbies.


"Sometimes, the rest of your life starts with goodbye."
D-day April 2005
(Married 33 years, together 35)
Divorced Dec. '05
Life is good, but it took a long time to heal.

Posts: 1310 | Registered: Aug 2005 | From: up the river, NY
hopefull77
♀ Member
Member # 43221
Default  Posted: 7:21 PM, June 12th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Great advice...mine was remorseful and scared the moment I found out...that helped but I busted him in a lie 4 months later...his IC raked him over the coals!
This infidelity crap is not for sissy's that is for sure!
thanks again...even 19 months out!


me-BS
him-WS
3 adult children 1D 2S
married-1977
LTA 06-2010 - 11-2012
D-day - 11-11-2012
status - reconciling and very hopeful
"Let Go of Control; Let God's Life Flow" ...Richard Rohr



Posts: 795 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: sunny california
yearsofpain25
♂ Member
Member # 42012
Default  Posted: 2:32 PM, June 19th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bump


"I remind myself of this. I am a survivor. I have taken all this world has dished out and am still here. So there is no reason to be afraid. Whatever happens, I will survive. So now onto living. It is time for me to thrive." - DrJekyll

Posts: 2736 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Northeast US
still confounded
♀ Member
Member # 7826
Default  Posted: 1:37 PM, June 22nd (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bump for helpless17


"Sometimes, the rest of your life starts with goodbye."
D-day April 2005
(Married 33 years, together 35)
Divorced Dec. '05
Life is good, but it took a long time to heal.

Posts: 1310 | Registered: Aug 2005 | From: up the river, NY
MakingMyFuture
♀ Member
Member # 43530
Default  Posted: 4:21 AM, June 23rd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wish I'd seen this list a year and a half ago! Any chance of getting a slightly expanded version into the Healing Library so it doesn't have to keep getting bumped?


When people show you who they really are, believe them - Maya Angelou

BW: 42 (me) WH: 40 (him)
DD-10, DS-8
DDay 1 - 1/13
DDay2= 7/14 (False Recovery....Discovered CyberA was PA + Broken NC w/email during entire R)
Filed for Divorce 9/9/14:


Posts: 267 | Registered: May 2014 | From: SoCal
Schadenfreude
♂ Member
Member # 43075
Default  Posted: 9:07 PM, July 4th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Another bump containing valuable lessons.

Posts: 892 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: Midwest
still confounded
♀ Member
Member # 7826
Default  Posted: 10:27 PM, August 15th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

August bump.


"Sometimes, the rest of your life starts with goodbye."
D-day April 2005
(Married 33 years, together 35)
Divorced Dec. '05
Life is good, but it took a long time to heal.

Posts: 1310 | Registered: Aug 2005 | From: up the river, NY
blindsided81
♀ Member
Member # 44206
Default  Posted: 6:56 AM, August 16th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for bumping this.

It is hard to read, but I am finding it to be absolutely correct on all counts.

Thank you for posting it.


Me, BW 51
WH, 47
OW, ttw (trailer trash whore)
DD, 7/21/14
Separated, divorcing his ass as soon as I possibly can!!

Posts: 167 | Registered: Jul 2014 | From: North Carolina
Topic Posts: 194
Pages: 1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10

Return to Forum: Just Found Out Post Reply to this Topic
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2015 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.