SurvivingInfidelity.com® > Just Found Out
20/20 Hindsight: What I should have done when I J F O
I know it's hard for JFO folks to believe that a foggy, unremorseful, gaslighting WS is so unlikely to straighten up and fly right.
But it seems to me that someone in the midst of a passionate affair (and aren't they all "passionate"?) is exactly in the same altered state of reality as someone with a crack cocaine habit.** The ecstatic moments of "stolen bliss" (I know, I know: sick-making lunacy) are such a great escape from regular life, with all its mundane elements: bills, dishes, oil changes, visits to in-laws, crying kids, crazy neighbors, bad boss, etc., etc., etc.
But time and time again I've read horrible stories of a WS going along to therapy (couples and/or individual), going on special getaway trips with the spouse, seemingly ON BOARD and committed to the marriage/relationship, only to have the BS find out that the contact with the AP never stopped, that the affair has continued on the sly … So this 20/20 Hindsight list is brilliant. And really … if your WS really wants to reconcile, he/she will do everything they can to make that happen.
** Maybe there should be 30-day rehab centers to help people break their "affair" habit!
Bump, some of my favorite advice.
Bumping to first page ...
Hello, new to SI folks …
Good advice here.
Katherine - Fantastic! This is basically what I did, although your list is clearly written and I wish I had seen it right after DDAy. I could tell my WH was not being fully honest with me, and still lying to protect OW #1. To me that was the deal breaker, so I filed. I have never regretted filing. Yes it's been heartbreaking, humiliating at times, and scary. But I know I deserve better and I'm moving on to a better life. Good luck to you, thanks for a great post!
This is just what I needed. I'm new here and have been trying to figure out how to handle a WS that is deep in the fog. I have an appointment with an attorney next Tuesday.
Bumping for newbies.
Great advice...mine was remorseful and scared the moment I found out...that helped but I busted him in a lie 4 months later...his IC raked him over the coals!
This infidelity crap is not for sissy's that is for sure!
thanks again...even 19 months out!
bump for helpless17
Wish I'd seen this list a year and a half ago! Any chance of getting a slightly expanded version into the Healing Library so it doesn't have to keep getting bumped?
Another bump containing valuable lessons.
Thanks for bumping this.
It is hard to read, but I am finding it to be absolutely correct on all counts.
Thank you for posting it.