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Just Found Out
Topic: 20/20 Hindsight: What I should have done when I J F O
Member # 7826
Posted: 9:57 AM, February 10th (Monday), 2014
I know it's hard for JFO folks to believe that a foggy, unremorseful, gaslighting WS is so unlikely to straighten up and fly right.
But it seems to me that someone in the midst of a passionate affair (and aren't they all "passionate"?) is exactly in the same altered state of reality as someone with a crack cocaine habit.** The ecstatic moments of "stolen bliss" (I know, I know: sick-making lunacy) are such a great escape from regular life, with all its mundane elements: bills, dishes, oil changes, visits to in-laws, crying kids, crazy neighbors, bad boss, etc., etc., etc.
But time and time again I've read horrible stories of a WS going along to therapy (couples and/or individual), going on special getaway trips with the spouse, seemingly ON BOARD and committed to the marriage/relationship, only to have the BS find out that the contact with the AP never stopped, that the affair has continued on the sly … So this 20/20 Hindsight list is brilliant. And really … if your WS really wants to reconcile, he/she will do everything they can to make that happen.
** Maybe there should be 30-day rehab centers to help people break their "affair" habit!
"Sometimes, the rest of your life starts with goodbye."
D-day April 2005
(Married 33 years, together 35)
Divorced Dec. '05
Life is good, but it took a long time to heal.
Posts: 1277 | Registered: Aug 2005 | From: up the river, NY
Member # 31353
Posted: 1:48 PM, February 12th (Wednesday), 2014
Bump, some of my favorite advice.
Posts: 165 | Registered: Feb 2011
Member # 23549
Posted: 12:18 PM, February 25th (Tuesday), 2014
I feel like I'm in a parallel universe... everything looks the same... but something's just not right...
Posts: 1216 | Registered: Apr 2009
Member # 42092
Posted: 10:36 AM, March 6th (Thursday), 2014
Sit. Feast on your life.
Posts: 1033 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
Member # 38421
Posted: 12:46 PM, March 6th (Thursday), 2014
Me: BS 53 Him: WH 51
M: 28 years - 29 now
DDay 11/25/12 TT 9/9/13
OW:20 yrs younger married co-worker
Kids: 2 teens
Posts: 171 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Dark Hell
Topic Posts: 145
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