Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: Ktee (45330)

Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: 20/20 Hindsight: What I should have done when I J F O
still confounded
♀ Member
Member # 7826
Default  Posted: 3:40 PM, December 15th (Saturday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bumping


"Sometimes, the rest of your life starts with goodbye."
D-day April 2005
(Married 33 years, together 35)
Divorced Dec. '05
Life is good, but it took a long time to heal.

Posts: 1302 | Registered: Aug 2005 | From: up the river, NY
StopHurting
New Member
Member # 37818
Default  Posted: 3:54 PM, December 15th (Saturday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi everyone.
less than a week since dd2.
can someone explain to me what 180 is? or refer me to the explanation?
Many thanks.

Posts: 6 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: PNW
NiteOwl
♀ New Member
Member # 36517
Default  Posted: 10:06 PM, December 15th (Saturday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Everything you say rings true but omg it's sooooo hard!!! I sometimes wish for a lobotomy or electric shock therapy. 4 months out and I'm swinging in the wind, unable to make any real decisions and I think I've list my self respect. He says he wants recovery but also wants rug sweeping... Lets just move forward, this is us and this is now. Well my heart and my mind is stuck in the A and the pain and I'm not able or ready to just move forward. I can tell my attitude towards it is wearing thin on him. Any suggestions? It's easy to cave, so hard to be strong :(


Me: 47
WH; 46
Married 26 years
4 adult children
Several EAs, 1 LTA (2 1/2 yrs)
D-Day July 30 2012

Posts: 49 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Mid South (aka Hell these days)
still confounded
♀ Member
Member # 7826
Default  Posted: 10:48 PM, December 16th (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

StopHurting -- for an explanation of the 180, look in the Healing Library (in the little box upper left) under BS FAQ. It's covered under #11. And there are lots more helpful topics there, too.


"Sometimes, the rest of your life starts with goodbye."
D-day April 2005
(Married 33 years, together 35)
Divorced Dec. '05
Life is good, but it took a long time to heal.

Posts: 1302 | Registered: Aug 2005 | From: up the river, NY
still confounded
♀ Member
Member # 7826
Default  Posted: 1:23 PM, January 6th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bumping for newcomers


"Sometimes, the rest of your life starts with goodbye."
D-day April 2005
(Married 33 years, together 35)
Divorced Dec. '05
Life is good, but it took a long time to heal.

Posts: 1302 | Registered: Aug 2005 | From: up the river, NY
Jpapageorge
♂ Member
Member # 31800
Default  Posted: 9:00 PM, January 11th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bump


"Either get busy livin' or get busy dyin'." (and I prefer to live)
"Shame on me for kissing you with my eyes closed."
Spectemur agendo.
Me: FBBF

Posts: 1751 | Registered: Apr 2011 | From: California
thisissogross
♀ Member
Member # 30294
Default  Posted: 11:33 PM, January 17th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


"A pair of powerful spectacles has sometimes sufficed to cure a person in love." -Friedrich Nietzsche

i edit frequently because i have to


Posts: 240 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: southern us
thisissogross
♀ Member
Member # 30294
Default  Posted: 11:35 PM, January 17th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


"A pair of powerful spectacles has sometimes sufficed to cure a person in love." -Friedrich Nietzsche

i edit frequently because i have to


Posts: 240 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: southern us
still confounded
♀ Member
Member # 7826
Default  Posted: 8:58 PM, February 11th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bumping for new-to-SI folks


"Sometimes, the rest of your life starts with goodbye."
D-day April 2005
(Married 33 years, together 35)
Divorced Dec. '05
Life is good, but it took a long time to heal.

Posts: 1302 | Registered: Aug 2005 | From: up the river, NY
homewrecked2011
♀ Member
Member # 34678
Default  Posted: 9:26 PM, February 11th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I never thought about exposing the OW to anyone but her husband.

How do you expose her to her friends, family, boss????


me BS 52
him - 46
married 15 years DIVORCED 10 31 12
children - ds15 ds12
d-day 12-19-11
I gave a 24hour ultimatum then went to attorney next day
Divorce filed

Posts: 2206 | Registered: Jan 2012
crossroads2010
♀ Member
Member # 30213
Default  Posted: 10:19 PM, February 11th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would have just left....filed for divorce.

b/c after 35+ years of marriage, we would either be done and over or he would have realized what he had lost and learned to value it again.

Instead, we are in sort of a permanent limbo...in his mind, he never lost anything and I still see no remorse and can't regain my trust and security in this marriage.

I have become stronger in so many ways and I am recovering, but we are not recovering...just rugsweeping.

Why didn't I leave?? I didn't want my kids...in their 20s... to know and I was so blindsided and shocked for 6 months, I literally couldn't think.


Posts: 600 | Registered: Nov 2010
crossroads2010
♀ Member
Member # 30213
Default  Posted: 10:30 PM, February 11th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

NiteOwl...I can so relate to your feelings and confusion and the rugsweeping. I am over 3years out from dday, but at 6 months, the pain/anger/confusion is so overwhelming...find a good IC...find yourself...not the old you...she is gone...find the new you...try to focus on the new you...not him. I know it is hard.

Posts: 600 | Registered: Nov 2010
h0peless
♂ Member
Member # 36697
Default  Posted: 10:34 PM, February 11th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If I could go back and re-do things, I would have filed right away. It would have saved me a few months of hoping for something that wasn't worth hoping for.

Unfortunately, I was paralyzed.


Posts: 1731 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Baja Arizona
ArcticNight
♀ New Member
Member # 38068
Default  Posted: 6:40 AM, February 12th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I wish I would have had this list and followed it before giving him chance after chance. Remorse was spotty at best.


Me - XBGF Born -78 and awesome (most days)!

My short, very condensed story in my profile.

"Your character becomes your destiny."


Posts: 4 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Sweden
hard_yards
♀ Member
Member # 23549
Default  Posted: 1:12 PM, February 18th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bump



I feel like I'm in a parallel universe... everything looks the same... but something's just not right...

Posts: 1241 | Registered: Apr 2009
still confounded
♀ Member
Member # 7826
Default  Posted: 4:04 PM, February 19th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

To this day, almost eight years after D-day, I still consider this the best assessment of what to do when the bomb drops, metaphorically speaking.

The only thing I would reiterate (for the BS) is do not beg, do not plead, do not bother to use your most logical arguments about why the WS should come to his/her senses, don't guilt trip, don't shame, don't say how great your love is, etc., etc., etc., because NONE OF THAT MATTERS with a fogged-up WS. And, in fact, it just makes things worse. The only thing that helped in my situation was my half-assed attempt at the 180, and it helped ME, nothing more. And that turned out to be all that could be helped.


"Sometimes, the rest of your life starts with goodbye."
D-day April 2005
(Married 33 years, together 35)
Divorced Dec. '05
Life is good, but it took a long time to heal.

Posts: 1302 | Registered: Aug 2005 | From: up the river, NY
still confounded
♀ Member
Member # 7826
Default  Posted: 3:37 PM, February 23rd (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bumping


"Sometimes, the rest of your life starts with goodbye."
D-day April 2005
(Married 33 years, together 35)
Divorced Dec. '05
Life is good, but it took a long time to heal.

Posts: 1302 | Registered: Aug 2005 | From: up the river, NY
still confounded
♀ Member
Member # 7826
Default  Posted: 8:17 PM, March 1st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bumping again (I keep doing this because this post helped me so so so much)


"Sometimes, the rest of your life starts with goodbye."
D-day April 2005
(Married 33 years, together 35)
Divorced Dec. '05
Life is good, but it took a long time to heal.

Posts: 1302 | Registered: Aug 2005 | From: up the river, NY
still confounded
♀ Member
Member # 7826
Default  Posted: 6:43 PM, March 8th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Encore


"Sometimes, the rest of your life starts with goodbye."
D-day April 2005
(Married 33 years, together 35)
Divorced Dec. '05
Life is good, but it took a long time to heal.

Posts: 1302 | Registered: Aug 2005 | From: up the river, NY
thisissogross
♀ Member
Member # 30294
Default  Posted: 3:01 AM, March 15th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


"A pair of powerful spectacles has sometimes sufficed to cure a person in love." -Friedrich Nietzsche

i edit frequently because i have to


Posts: 240 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: southern us
Topic Posts: 167
Pages: 1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 7 · 8 · 9

Return to Forum: Just Found Out Post Reply to this Topic
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.