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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Betrayed Men- Part 8
MC_Jack
♂ Member
Member # 35016
Default  Posted: 10:31 PM, May 3rd (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Seems like every time I look around here I get discouraged. I want to get back to normal.

I don't know if I can spend the next 2 years like I am now 60 days out from DDay on a LD/LTA.

At least me WW has had sex with me every day (sometimes more than once per day) for each of the days since DDay except for 2. No matter how tired she is.

That's her love language and I like it. I can't imagine how I would be doing absent that. I can't imagine how I would feel in many others' shoes. Some one always has it worse. I feel for them.

[This message edited by MC_Jack at 10:32 PM, May 3rd (Thursday)]


I am not a marriage counselor. I chose "MC Jack" in the spirit of a handle like "MC Hammer" or Young MC"...there is a lot of 'rapping' here, no? At the time I did not know what MC stood for on this site. Duh.

Posts: 792 | Registered: Mar 2012 | From: West Coast of Hopa-hopa-land
wincing_at_light
♂ Member
Member # 14393
Default  Posted: 5:46 AM, May 4th (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It would have hurt to have ended that day with "We need a divorce then" if she'd so chose that, but "I want to work it out" was made possible by her efforts. I mean, I have constant doubts as I vented about, but there's the fact that you need something there to doubt it in the first place.

I think you're completely on the mark here, SG. Even in the most liberal theological circles, repentance always proceeds grace. As the old saw goes, without repentance, there is no forgiveness of sin.


Machiavellian idiot savant

Posts: 6687 | Registered: Apr 2007 | From: Indiana
wincing_at_light
♂ Member
Member # 14393
Default  Posted: 5:49 AM, May 4th (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey, Jack!

You won't spend the next two years like you are now. The hard days get further and further apart and the normal days become...well, the norm again. It'll happen so gradually that you don't even notice.

In the meantime, keep having sex with your wife. Sex is the glue that holds recon together.


Machiavellian idiot savant

Posts: 6687 | Registered: Apr 2007 | From: Indiana
Somedaydig
♂ New Member
Member # 35431
Default  Posted: 7:19 AM, May 4th (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ok...I'm new, but I just gotta vent for a few.

My WW was in a 5 year affair and Dday was 3/6/12 after I found a hotel receipt in her email. I had no idea. Not one suspicion over the years. She was good at covering her shit up. Anyway, I'm not gonna get into the whole thing, but we are working to save the marriage. But this isn't what my rant is about. Something odd happened last night as we talked about things (something we've done nightly for the past 8 weeks). During our talk, she made a weird confession. January '11, we bought a used snow blower that we found on Craigslist. We went to look at it and eventually I went back to pick it up. Her confession was that the house that we bought the snow blower from is like 5 or 6 houses down from the xOM. The house where she's screwed him. The fucking snow blower that's sitting out in my garage was bought from this guy's street. As of today, I'm putting a sign on it that says FREE and sticking it in the front yard. Fuck that. I can't even snow blow my driveway without this fucking guy popping in my head now!

vent off. God dammit!


"Sometimes there just aren't enough rocks." Forrest Gump

Posts: 14 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: East of the Pacific, West of the Atlantic
StillGoing
♂ Member
Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 10:51 AM, May 4th (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Somedaydig, I hear you. We had dog bowls that the OM gave her. Threw them out and bought new bowls.

Fucking dog food and water bowls. It creeps in everywhere, insidious.

Also, unrelated, I heard the sith lords in star wars originally had names starting with "in" then cut off, like Invader and Insidious. Darth Vader, Darth Sidious. I wonder what color light saber Darth Fidelity would use. Maybe a giant orange vibrator that shot sparks from the end.


“Fate is a fickle bitch who dotes on irony.”

Posts: 7109 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
dday3302011
♂ Member
Member # 32043
Default  Posted: 10:57 AM, May 4th (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I wonder what color light saber Darth Fidelity would use. Maybe a giant orange vibrator that shot sparks from the end.

LOL! Hilarious.

I know what light saber I would use: My son's little league bat. It's a 28" Easton Marauder and it's perfect for thumping some skulls, well one skull in particular.


BH-41 (me)
xWW-42
M 11yrs, together 14
DDay 3-30-2011
2 kids, 9 & 7
1 yr LTA w/MOM
Divorced 5-16-2013

Posts: 235 | Registered: May 2011 | From: Northeast
wert
♂ Member
Member # 34478
Default  Posted: 11:03 AM, May 4th (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My son's little league bat. It's a 28" Easton Marauder and it's perfect for thumping some skulls, well one skull in particular.

Good stuff. Since dday I have kept a baseball bat in the back seat of my truck. I never know when the mood will strike me or an opportunity will arise.



Posts: 1364 | Registered: Jan 2012
StillGoing
♂ Member
Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 11:21 AM, May 4th (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

"Marauder" is a great name for a blunt weapon. If I cut a branch from Yggdrasil, lifted the hammer and chisel from Pan Ku's workshop and trimmed it down into a bat, then wrapped the handle in leather from the Colchian dragon after whats her face put it to sleep - I'd name that thing Marauder. It'd be cooler than Durendal.

All right I need to stop geeking up this thread. Sorry, back to surly mutterings elsewhere.


“Fate is a fickle bitch who dotes on irony.”

Posts: 7109 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
SuperDuperWonderboy
♂ Member
Member # 34716
Default  Posted: 11:39 AM, May 4th (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This thread just got really nerdy. Gimli would not approve.


My Friends call me Wonderboy--That's Mr. SuperduperWonderboy to you Tred.


Posts: 1267 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Everett
wonderingbull
♂ Member
Member # 14833
Default  Posted: 12:06 PM, May 4th (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Do you guys know where I can find the English version of SI?

WB


The secret of life is enjoying the passage of time...

James Taylor


Posts: 5893 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: A better place
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 12:32 PM, May 4th (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Ok, I got
- Yggdrasil
- Pan Ku
- Colchian
- Durendal

"Search Google for" makes me smart!
...still looking for whats her face lol...
It might've been Boudicca, my queen. She did kick a lot of ass, so she kinda, you know...kicks ass:


Posts: 6013 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
Mypoorboys
♂ Member
Member # 33169
Default  Posted: 1:03 PM, May 4th (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What a bunch of geeks! lol, but we all can use a little humor, just a little.
Thanks all for the support, encouragement and enlightenment.
Next and hopefully last court date next Wednesday, (May 9th), then everything is decided by the judge.
I continue to pray nightly for my health, my boys and for fairness. That's all I want.
Made her a buyout offer during my testimony on the stand few weeks back, but the money would come from state Farmland preservation funds and takes 12-18 months to get.
God willing, the judge will allow this to take place and the boys and I will remain on the farm.
She can take the earliest bus to wherever. I don't give a rat's behind, but I do continue to worry about my boys and her boyfriend/s.
God Bless All,
MPBs

Posts: 176 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: New Brunswick, New Jersey
StillGoing
♂ Member
Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 1:31 PM, May 4th (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Right next to you in EB today MPB. If I wasn't working til Fuckall O'Clock and wanting to go home on time I'd buy you a beer. Hope things work out for you and the boys.

I can't remember the witch who put that dragon to sleep, jj. I could google it but I am afraid of getting lost in wikipedia all day.

Boadicea was awesome. You seen 'ee? ICENI.

God that was stupid. I need to be banned from the internet today.


“Fate is a fickle bitch who dotes on irony.”

Posts: 7109 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
noescape
♂ Member
Member # 34888
Default  Posted: 1:44 PM, May 4th (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

MPB you're an inspiration. Wishing the best for you and your boys.

Darth Fidelity cracked me up. I'd say he had a double bladed weapon.

My own nerdy 2 bits; seems like a nazgul is perpetually circling overhead, where's the grey rider when you need him?


Posts: 739 | Registered: Feb 2012
Somedaydig
♂ New Member
Member # 35431
Default  Posted: 2:02 PM, May 4th (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Great! Not only do I feel comfortable talking in the Betrayed Men thread, but now I'm even more so comfortable due to the LOTR and Star Wars references!!
Thanks for really making me feel welcome!


"Sometimes there just aren't enough rocks." Forrest Gump

Posts: 14 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: East of the Pacific, West of the Atlantic
Mypoorboys
♂ Member
Member # 33169
Default  Posted: 2:32 PM, May 4th (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

noescape,stillgoing and all the rest of my dear friends on this thread,
Thanks again for your support.
For me and a lot of people here, it is all about taking care of the things that we hold dear and still have; our health, our kids, family and our support group.
It's just in my nature not to give up. I've been through hell and physical pain doesn't bother me one bit.
I will fight until justice is served and defeat all the dragons that come my way.
That's a promise to myself, my kids and my friends here and elsewhere.
We fight the good fight, because we are decent people with morals and family values.
That can't be understated.
It's what holds me together, that and my GOD, our GOD and I'm not a worshiping type, but I do believe, 'what goes around, comes around'.
Patience, virtue, honesty and integrity.
GOD Bless us all,
MPBs

Posts: 176 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: New Brunswick, New Jersey
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 11:14 AM, May 5th (Saturday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Next week, I will be attending my oldest son's wedding. Tux fitted, so I guess I'm "in" it.
He lives @ 3hrs. away, hasn't clued me in to any details/procedures, etc.

I'm reluctant to ask. In fact, I've been avoiding. In part, because I had to sit down at work last week - first time ever - dt a crazy after-lunch blood pressure spike. (stress, ya think?) Scared me, besides the physical wiped out about to explode feeling.

But also because my 1st XWW married the OM. I haven't even asked if OM will be there.

I thought I had forgiven!
But the thing I'm "holding on to" is:
The OM is a symbol. Of everything not connected with "holy matrimony".

I wish my son could say; "Don't worry dad, OM won't be there."
But he hasn't.
I can't bring it up.

One friend told me;
"You haven't forgiven."
Another told me he gets where I'm at - the OM's probably dreading it more than I!

deep breath...relax...I need to find some core place within me that helps to resolve this...
Watch, at some point the OM will no doubt reach out to shake my hand.
I'm sure my boys will "think I'm a better man" for shaking, but...
Having trouble with this.
Have I not forgiven? Is that it? Should I go thru the motion of shaking his hand for the appearance
or
....
in my little rationalizing mind, refusing to shake his hand "says" that I don't
or won't...what?...ever think "it's ok now"...


Posts: 6013 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
dday3302011
♂ Member
Member # 32043
Default  Posted: 3:30 PM, May 5th (Saturday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This happened to a buddy of mine recently and I think he handled it perfectly.

His wife left him for OM and they were all at a funeral together a couple of months ago. Anyway, guy walks up to him and is like "Hi, I'm so-and-so" and wants to shake hands. My buddy basically pretended he didn't know who he was, shook his hand quickly and never spoke to or looked at him again. It didn't matter to him. That guy was beneath him. You should do the same thing. Who gives a fuck at this point? Does he "have" something on you? He has a cheating wife and you should be happy she's not in your life anymore. Your a better man than him and he knows it. Act like it.


BH-41 (me)
xWW-42
M 11yrs, together 14
DDay 3-30-2011
2 kids, 9 & 7
1 yr LTA w/MOM
Divorced 5-16-2013

Posts: 235 | Registered: May 2011 | From: Northeast
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 11:37 AM, May 6th (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks dd, that helps me...
I really don't know who he is, other than <insert various colorful adjectives here>, so it doesn't sound like it would be that difficult to adopt that mindset.
<<<<< now getting in character

Posts: 6013 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
64fleet
♂ Member
Member # 18710
Default  Posted: 12:53 PM, May 6th (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It happened to me jj, at FIL's funeral. Shook his hand & went on, he was just like one of the other folks from out of town I'll never see again. Don't think about it.

good luck man.


time wounds all heels

Posts: 5359 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: deliverance land
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