(I love that, fwiw. The attitude that I can spread my c-word around for all and sundry until keeping it maintenanced or trading it for emotional goods and services becomes the defining action of personhood, but if you *call* me that, then there's gonna be some violence and people stabbed in the face with forks. Just sayin'.)
"An open letter to WWís. I know you're very unhappy in your marriage, and I've got some advice, and some thoughts. Let me know what you think. I actually don't give a fuck how it makes you feel, I like to know what and how people think:
1. Your marriage doesnít suck because your husband sucks, youíre marriage sucks because you suck (dick in some cases). In order to have a good marriage or any long-lasting meaningful relationship for that matter, several things need to be in place. Honesty, sharing, caring, and trust. If youíre only capable of 2 of those things, then you have a problem. I know you like to place the blame on your husband because you canít be honest or share in a mature way, but itís really not his fault. You like to think that if he was a better listener then youíd be able to share and be honest with him. Thatís a fucking lie and you know it. You donít share anything meaningful with anyone, ever. You have very few long term relationships because you donít know how to. Youíre idea of sharing is him telling you how much he thought about you at lunch time or bitching about your commute. That isnít sharing. Sharing is telling someone what they are doing is pissing you off and why. Sharing is being honest about how you feel and more importantly what you think about any given situation. If you arenít honest and donít share, then you know what? Your husband isnít a mindreader and canít guess as to whatís bothering you. No one can. Those things need to be communicated.
2. Feelings. Feelings. Fucking feelings. You love to talk about your feelings, especially to your ďfriendsĒ. I feel like my husband doesnít love me. I feel like Iím losing myself. I feel like this man I work with truly understands me. I feel like Iím finding my happiness when Iím riding his cock. Feelings change from minute to minute. We all feel things, and abruptly change how we feel. Living your life guided by your feelings is how 10 year olds act, not 40 year old mothers. Did you ever feel like a slut when your husband was at home cleaning up your daughters puke while you had your boyfriendís cock in your mouth? Maybe for a second? Yeah, then your feelings changed and you felt like you were with your soulmate and could enjoy your special love. Well hereís the thing about feelings that you might be able to understand, they change a lot. Do you feel like your husband invalidates you? Yes. Why donít you try telling him? Describe what he does and how it makes you feel. You know there was a point in time where he did care about your feelings. He probably still would if youíd give him the chance.
3. I know you dated a lot of squids before you met your husband, but you were lucky and smart enough to realize a good man once you found him. Let me tell you who isnít a good man because you apparently arenít able to recognize one from the other anymore: A married father who flirts with, then pursues an emotional and sexual relationship with a married mother, thatís who. That person is a piece of shit. That person not only doesnít love you, they actually hate you. Someone who engages in such behavior certainly doesnít love themselves. They hate themselves, and you have become their vessel of self-hate by proxy. Good men donít ask people to get dressed up like theyíre going jogging so your co-workers wonít know youíre actually going to another hotel to fuck. Good men donít ask you to jeopordize your career so they can fuck you. Good men donít sneak around pretending that your friendship is platonic while secretly professing their love for you in texts, emails, and seedy hotel rooms. A good man who loves you would do anything to be with you and would want the world to know how much he loves you. There is no shame in the love of a good man.
4. Your soulmate, the one you were meant to be with? Yeah thereís a reason heís not pushing you to leave your husband and claim a life together. Why? Itís because as pathetic and weak as he is, he knows you are more pathetic and even weaker and heís using you because of it. You show him pictures of your kids and he tells you how beautiful your daughter is and that you are even more beautiful. You buy his bullshit and think about how great it is to experience such romance. Well guess what? He doesnít give a shit about your kids. If he did none of this would be happening. He sent your kids Christmas presents and you watched your husband play with those presents with the kids so he must care right? Ummm no, that was a slimy fucking passive/aggressive way of trying to feel superior to your husband. Too bad he lacked the balls to actually be honest or confront your husband directly, he had to use you to do it for him in a sneaky, underhanded way, but you were too desperate and weak to notice.
5. The aftermath. Oh the aftermath. You know of course you will get caught right? That little fantasy bubble you created that no one will ever know about? Yeah itís about to burst. Your soulmate will be there for you of course once all is discovered right? Oh shit he ran for the hills once he knew your husband found out? Hmmm. He also outed you to his employer for fear of being fired? Well that doesnít seem like the actions of a soulmate does it? But your husband is still here. Heís still willing to give you another chance. He actually does love you. All of those feelings youíve been having for so long and were unwilling to communicate? Well now those are being put to the test and all of the bullshit you told yourself doesnít ring true anymore does it? ďmy soulmate loves me, my husband doesnítĒ. What a crock of shit. Now the hard part. Why did you tell yourself that? Now that you know for a fact it isnít true, why? Why did you tell yourself that? If you can answer that question then maybe, just maybe youíll be able to get the love back that you so thinly deserve at this point. Good luck to you WW. You'll need it."
Peace my brothers. I hope this vent finds you well.
[This message edited by dday3302011 at 3:08 PM, May 15th (Tuesday)]
"So you're a married woman and looking for dick that doesn't belong to your husband.
I bet you have a whole laundry list of reasons why you want it, or need it, or feel entitled to it.
I bet you didn't even realize those reasons not only aren't unique, but are so fucking common most of them have entries in urbandictionary. You don't want to hear that, though. Of course not. You're special.
Well lets take a look at how special you are.
1. Sex, yeah. How unfulfilling your life must be to be married to a man who can't read your fucking mind. That worthless fucking husband of yours rolling out a 30 minute commute each way to his 8 hour days to come home and pick up half the chores and look forward to tuesday where it's the same fucking thing again on 6 hours sleep because the kids waking up at 1 AM only affect you, he doesn't have the psychic ability to know you're faking that orgasm or would rather he moved a bit more slowly with a bit more touching. It's all about you, your day, and how he should fucking know just what you need by now without you having to tell him. Here's a protip ladies: Don't fake a fucking orgasm, tell your husband what you want, and don't be afraid to move his head around. If he's that fucking insensitive that he won't take you out to dinner sometimes, bring you flowers or lick your clit before trying to drill you, take a step back and seriously examine the situation with this question: Have I even fucking told him I want this in so many words plainly spoken, or am I dropping hints and getting pissed because he can't read the tea leaves of my scattered clues?
2. Finances aren't why you're staying in your marriage. Your selfish fucking desire to straddle other mens dicks while you get to reap the benefits of a monogamous relationship are. Yeah, it sucks to get divorced if you're a woman and don't live in New Jersey. Too fucking bad. There are plenty of women out there who do it the right way, hard or not, and you know what? They made it. They thought about what they were going to do, made a plan, and followed through. You? You're just some clueless fucking princess looking for a magic dick to come rescue you from your problems. Another protip, gals: That dick doesn't care about you. It doesn't have super powers that will make everything better. The difference between magic dick and your husband is this: your husband is publicly standing by his commitment to you even though you're being a weapons-grade bitch. Magic dick is sneaking in at night when nobody else is looking. You go right on thinking that Magic Dick loves you but your True Lurv has to stay hidden : because nobody else understands you. Just like your fucking teenage son with the eyeshadow, right? Wait, no, he has an excuse. He's a fucking teenager.
3. The ugly truth you don't want to hear: magic dick is fucking his wife, too. Shake your head no all you like, but lets make this clear: you're no more special than any and every other cheating wife, and every cheating wife eventually comes to discover the fact that her special, magic dick takes wet dives into other hungry cave mouths that aren't between your eagerly vibrating legs. Magic Dick doesn't love you. Magic Dick is saying the same shit to HIS wife he's saying to you. The best fucking part of it all? You're too goddamn stupid to realize that he's cheating on his wife, with you, making you the expendable whore where he parks his cock because he's afraid your husband will turn his face inside out and hang him from a fucking telephone pole as a warning to other shitbags like him. Oh, no? Well it's obvious I'm wrong by how many of these guys profess their love and fuck you married women right where everyone can see because they're so proud of you. That's right, they don't. They let you suck cock in a parking lot or fuck you in a cheap ass hotel. Maybe they even spring for a courtesan-grade spa weekend. I'm sure in that case you're proud of being a high priced whore for another man who still won't fucking legitimize you and pretends he isn't afraid of the guy you're still married to.
4. You want romance. You want excitement. You want love. Good fucking job, lady. I'm sure you bust your ass to plot romantic outings, buy sexy little panties, get your hair all ready and your lipstick all dolled up with those pumps and stockings after making sure you do yoga 6 days a week and practice deep throating a pool cue for your husband and he just doesn't fucking appreciate you working all that in through your own busy schedule, while he lazes around at work and the yard and refuses to do the same. Fuck those grocery store flowers or cheap ass chocolates or redbox flick, where's the goddamn ROMANCE, right ladies? Poor fucking you Ė oh yeah, that's right, you gave up the grocery store flowers and redbox nights to romantically take stealthcock in your ass behind the dunkin donuts dumpster. What a goddamn romantic encounter that is. I bet the Oxygen channel is duking it out with Lifetime and WE to build that story up to it's incredible, breathtaking conclusion of you guzzling dick in the Super 8 after Magic Dick deigns to drop 40 bucks to cover the room and shows up with a pint of Ben & Jerry's and a porn. Maybe you can take a walk in the park after that. The blue sky and sunny days make it all dreamy and shit, where you can forget about your husband at home picking up your fucking slack and trying to deal with your fucking bitching that he doesn't do anything.
5. In the end, your fucking problems won't disappear by you fucking someone else. Because they're your fucking problems. You can fuck all the dicks in china in a week and your depression isn't going to disappear, your boredom isn't going to manifest itself in a piece of shit Eat/Pray/Cheat novel, your kids aren't going to spontaneously pick up after themselves, the dishes aren't going to disappear into the cabinets self-washed, the clothes aren't going to march downstairs and hop in the washer unaided and the next guy isn't going to be able to read your fucking mind either.
Here's some insight into what will happen:
Your husband will find out. If you're lucky and he loves you and you immediately recognize how fucking stupid you've been and bust your ass to fix things, you might have a chance at it working. What's more likely to happen is you will be found out. If you're fucking someone else's husband than all your girlfriends are probably going to shut you out, because you're that homewrecking bitch and they don't want you anywhere fucking near their husbands. If you're fucking some single guy and your husband drops you like a lead fart he sure as shit isn't going to suddenly take you in to deal with all the shit your husband did. If you DO get this guy to take you in, congratulations: You're living with someone who didn't give a shit about anyone else and has categorically demonstrated his willingness to cheat. You go ahead and think you're special though, he won't cheat on YOU.
Every guy that knows you is going to see the woman who sucked cock and took cumshots in a cheap fucking motel for less than what a hooker expects in payment. Your kids won't have any fucking idea what's going on, and if your husband is anything like most faithful men, he is going to become their goddamn hero and you will become some kind of fucking Disney villain despite his best efforts to make sure they treat you with respect and dignity. Since he won't tell them the full details of what happened they're going to find out from their friends, or friends parents, and you can damn well see how that's going to go down, with no fucking padding or damage control. So you're going to lie through your fucking teeth, and that's going to make it worse, because once again the truth will come out and now you're not just a lying, cheating bitch but your own damn kids can't even count on you.
If you're lucky you'll hook your ex-husband for alimony and child support, and after you descend into a booze-fogged life where you fight tooth and nail to deny your own responsibilities your kids will make every effort possible to avoid you, or use you as a landing pad for their own emerging independence so dad can't see what they're up to. You'll love this, because finally you'll get their attention, and can't desperately cling to the remnants of a stable life that now, years later, some other woman is enjoying with your ex, because he's STILL reliable, and STILL the man he was, and she tells him where to put his tongue or that she needs some sleep for a day or two if he wants wild monkey sex. He will avoid you, make the occasional sneering comment at the useless piece of shit you're shacked up with Ė assuming he didn't throw your ass under a bus and desperately try to save his own marriage, which is what usually happens.
If that happens? Your True Lurv goes back to his wife? Well congratulations : You get to be a middle aged divorced woman with the veteran scars of child bearing trying to date men who see alimony payments as either a cash cow they can milk or a fucking facehugger popping out of a xenomorph egg. Protip for you, gals: Move somewhere nobody knows you and stick to seedier matchmaking sites. They're less likely to inquire about what happened to your previous relationships before they take you out to Applebees before hitting the Super 8.
Go right ahead and blame your husband for the shit that went wrong in your life. Welcome that asshole hitting on you because it makes you feel better to be validated. Tell yourself you did everything you could and that fucking this other guy on the sly is what you need to move on. Because YOU will be that one woman who wins the lottery of love and ends up in Milan, sipping her drink of choice from the deck of masteryogi91's yacht, laughing quietly at these unrealistic accusations. Go for it. Buy a fucking powerball ticket while you're at it, too."
I thought of you all during the ceremony. (oldest son's wedding)
There was no contact, no reaching out of hands. I only looked at the guy when he wasn't watching.
Dressed like a freak with a graying ponytail tucked under his shirt with a short brimmed fedora and dark tinted glasses. Some kinda blues brothers look.
I couldn't pray rightly thru my smirking when x stood up and read her prayer. Sorry God!
I DID converse with a fantastically beautiful woman during the reception - she was in town as a keynote speaker at a sex convention.
She went on and on about how her research indicated that native americans were the best in the sack, and that jews were the best lovers...
She was shining I tell ya!
Then she caught herself, and asked me who I was. I told her
This is priceless
You want romance. You want excitement. You want love. Good fucking job, lady. I'm sure you bust your ass to plot romantic outings, buy sexy little panties, get your hair all ready and your lipstick all dolled up with those pumps and stockings after making sure you do yoga 6 days a week and practice deep throating a pool cue for your husband and he just doesn't fucking appreciate you working all that in through your own busy schedule, while he lazes around at work and the yard and refuses to do the same. Fuck those grocery store flowers or cheap ass chocolates or redbox flick, where's the goddamn ROMANCE, right ladies? Poor fucking you Ė oh yeah, that's right, you gave up the grocery store flowers and redbox nights to romantically take stealthcock in your ass behind the dunkin donuts dumpster. What a goddamn romantic encounter that is.
Good job to all involved.
I was warned by many old-timers, but I was just too stupid to heed their advice.
They are laughing at me now, saying 'I told you so'....
Take risks in love and life because there are great pay offs.
Don't marry in a no-fault state.
Fight to get no-fault states changed.
Marry up dramatically with no pre-nup
Don't marry in a no-fault state.
Fight to get no-fault states changed.
Fight to get no-fault states changed.
We were just discussing this the other day. Al the guys involve agreed to educate their sons on this topic.
Funny thing is guys, (and ladies), New Jersey was only voted a no-fault divorce state in 2005. I got married in 2001, but still are obligated to abide by the present laws.
agreed to educate their sons on this topic.
The post-nup g_r offered me when it came to giving up alimony and child support if we ever got a D for *any* reason was a huge gesture on her part. She was initially scared because she thought by post-nup I wanted her to give up rights to everything - property, kids, dogs. I explained I didn't want to be an indentured servant for life, things cleared up fast. We never did do one but that was my choice. We'd got far enough into R that I didn't feel that threat looming. I know, I should have got it anyway but it's nice to find nuggets of trust here and there.
also, new jersy sucks.