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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Betrayed Men- Part 8
numb&dumb
♂ Member
Member # 28542
Default  Posted: 2:25 PM, May 21st (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Whoa ! jj you da man.


Me-35 her-35

DS 1, DD 6
Dday 8/31/11. ONS that occurred 3 years earlier. Lied to for 3 years.

Every truth comes to light in a long enough timeline.


Posts: 2457 | Registered: May 2010
jollum
♂ Member
Member # 25152
Default  Posted: 3:42 PM, May 21st (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

jjct is in the pictures???

Blue is now my favorite color closely followed by black


Posts: 269 | Registered: Aug 2009
2814
♂ New Member
Member # 35333
Default  Posted: 4:56 PM, May 21st (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

reallyscrewedup- things have been rocky. we are talking R. In counseling and seeing what happens. Last week she called me up and asked me to come over. I walk in and she says," I never loved him. I love you. No one has ever loved me like you do, and I've never loved anyone like I love you." I say," So it's over with him?" She says yes. I say, then delete his number out of your phone, block him on facebook and email. She gets her phone and comp out, does everything I ask her to do. this was last thursday. She was scheduled to get an abortion on friday(which was the second thing she wanted to ask me was to go with her. I explained my reservations but agreed. It turns out.. you can't pay for an abortion with a check!) So we spend all weekend together. reconnecting and whatnot. she has another appointment for earlier this morning. I tell her I can't go with her, but I will be around when she should be getting home and willing to support her after that. she calls me around 1:30. I head over... she tells me... it's actually my kid!! She is about a month farther along than she thought which puts conception clearly during a time when it would be me. sooooooo..... yeah, she is making calls to get another appointment at a different place that handles 14-20 week pregnancies. I told her there is NO WAY we could have a kid. she completely agreed. Sucks we gotta give the OM back his monetary portion of the procedure.
so that's where we are at, up to the minute.

oh yeah. at one point today she mentioned how she feels bad for the OM since he thought it was his kid. I looked at her and said,"yeah... he was a willing participant. I got stuck in a situation where I had no control over any of this." she immediately said,"You're right! I feel absolutely horrible for everything I've put you through. Just, you know. I feel bad for hurting everyone."


------------------------------
Me:BS(30)
Her: WW(29)
Married 1 1/2 years together for 5
D-Day: 4/11/12

Posts: 27 | Registered: Apr 2012
stilllovingher
♂ Member
Member # 29959
Default  Posted: 5:49 PM, May 21st (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

at one point today she mentioned how she feels bad for the OM since he thought it was his kid.

THE FUCK?!?!
She actually wanted you to sympathize with the ass that screwed your wife?!?!


The only difference between a butt kisser and a brown noser is depth perception.
I'm sure WAL would agree.

Posts: 2385 | Registered: Oct 2010 | From: still BFE, but now BFE, CA
dday3302011
♂ Member
Member # 32043
Default  Posted: 11:18 PM, May 21st (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I tell her I can't go with her, but I will be around when she should be getting home and willing to support her after that. she calls me around 1:30. I head over... she tells me... it's actually my kid!! She is about a month farther along than she thought which puts conception clearly during a time when it would be me

2814, please, please, please, tell me you have verified this or that you can verify this.

Since the first time you posted on SI I've read of her manipulation and attempts at control over you.

I hope I'm wrong about my instincts here but telling you it's your kid and that you have to pay for the abortion and OM gets his money back just absolutely screams "bullshit!".

I feel bad for hurting everyone

She feels bad for OM? Why?

She's sorry for hurting everyone? What does that mean? Everyone? What about you my friend? What about you? This doesn't sound good.


BH-41 (me)
xWW-42
M 11yrs, together 14
DDay 3-30-2011
2 kids, 9 & 7
1 yr LTA w/MOM
Divorced 5-16-2013

Posts: 235 | Registered: May 2011 | From: Northeast
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 6:31 AM, May 22nd (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

after looking at that pic a few times I noticed you were there smiling.

jjct is in the pictures???

wal))) thanks to you & so many others - SI en todo! - for the deep harbors I've found!

Thing is, they're in me.

It's like that conversion experience you explained so well awhile back; you just know it.
We are hard-wired to *appreciate* the female body. There was a kid, ohh, about 8 yrs. old, I was showing him the rules (yes, that was a giant chess set in the background lol!), he lost all concentration - completely went out the window - when those gals showed up. Poor kid.

He could not take his eyes off them. The chess lesson was oh ver!

But my lesson was in observing that hard-wiring in action...so I turned it around & imagined what it must be like to be the girl. Always hunted. Like prey.

Thus, they develop what we have always jokingly referred to as that "mysterious" 6th sense. If you were prey, wouldn't you be listening to the rustle of leaves? Wouldn't you be hyper-aware of your surroundings, and the track that hunters' eyes take?

Knowing that gives my mind power to overcome the hard-wired, typical response.
In the presence of stunning beauty it's tough! Some women are almost painfully beautiful, you know?

But I think about you faithful men, and all the wonderful wise people on here, you all give me strength! I feel like some emissary for *faithful, good men*, crunching my life's bootheel on the men-are-pigs meme, like Paul Atreides' weirding module - kaaaaaaaaCHA! Fuck that, see?

Or in blue smurf speak; "I see you" the inside of you.
That's what women need. That safety...and it's all good, it's outstanding!

Because it's in me.

We're all in a sense, "graduates" -


Posts: 6032 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
Mypoorboys
♂ Member
Member # 33169
Default  Posted: 7:50 AM, May 22nd (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

jjct,
Wow seems like you have found inner sanctity; the proverbial SOMA pill, or have befriended the Dalai Lama.
Regardless, if I follow your drift correctly, I'm proud of you man and I think we all can agree that it doesn't matter how GOD made women/men. How women could be predisposed to certain behavior, but remember,it's our choice. We are supposed to be the top of the food chain!
My argument, on the other hand, has always been, 'you reap what you sow'.
Societal constitution, maybe through Darwinian precepts, perverse our God given, righteous nature.
Consequence has to be part of our soul. Eliminate that, everything else falls over the cliff and that is what I feel is happening to humankind.
jjct, it's great that you can still find within yourself the time and honesty to relate your misfortune to primitive female behavior.
It's, at best, a temporary snapshot of a tiny corner somewhere.
Fess up WS's. I know it can be difficult to see through the instantaneous gratification, smoke and mirrors, normal defense mechanism and, God Forbid, the constant toil of daily routine, having sex with the same person, over and over again!
Why not take another fruit from the tree! Eve did it, why not you.
Hint to all you Wsluts out there, (man or women), keep on reading the story!
Enough said,
MPBs

Posts: 176 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: New Brunswick, New Jersey
trynhard
♂ Member
Member # 22698
Default  Posted: 7:59 AM, May 22nd (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

foundoutlater... Thank you for that post.

StillGoing… As I have listened and read this book, Dr Laura’s presentation style is communication by being “condescending”. This method brings on conflict. A conflict is sometime the only way for a person to initiate change in themselves.

Please allow me to present an excerpt from the book.

“The Garbage needs to be taken out.

Scenario 1: Yell at him every five minutes to remind him that the garbage has to be taken out then berate him for not having done it yet in spite of you reminders and in spite of whatever else he might be doing. Then start escalating things by bring up everything else he’s done to annoy you in the past decade. Then once he’s finally taken the garbage out, tell him, “it’s about time!” Then storm off to your room, pout, and turn your back to him in bed.

Scenario 2: Let him know you‘ve wrapped up the trash and that it’s sitting by the back door, and ask him if, when he has time, he would he please dump iy in the trash bin. Don’t bring it up again (Why bother because the trash man isn’t coming till morning, anyway?) Catch him just as he’s coming back from the tossing the bag in the can. Give him a big kiss and tell him that it was a big help because it’s hard for you to hold can lid up with one arm and pitch a very have with the other hand.

Which approach do you think will ensure that the trash is out of your kitchen every night like clockwork? “

This is exactly the kind of stuff written in that book. I don’t know about you men, but I have been in Scenario #1. It sure does not make me want to do a damn thing for my wife.

Mypoorboys.. Amen to that!

[This message edited by trynhard at 8:00 AM, May 22nd (Tuesday)]


Posts: 2636 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Indiana
StillGoing
♂ Member
Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 8:26 AM, May 22nd (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

like Paul Atreides' weirding module - kaaaaaaaaCHA! Fuck that, see?

I always imagined the sonic tanks in Dune2 blasting obscenities out of weirding modules backed by Slayer or Maiden or something. Sorry, off the mark. I agree, boobs are awesome.

StillGoing… As I have listened and read this book, Dr Laura’s presentation style is communication by being “condescending”. This method brings on conflict. A conflict is sometime the only way for a person to initiate change in themselves.

Condescending is not a communication style, it's "bitch" style. I don't want to live with a nagging OR condescending bitch.

Your excerpt is what's called a false dichotomy - you're presenting those two scenarios are the only scenarios there can be. That garbage scenario isn't an either or. Scenario 1 AND 2 are bullshit. Just because in Scenario 2 your wife isn't being a nagging bitch doesn't make her manipulative, condescending let-me-mommy-you approach desirable. Here is scenario 3:

Take the trash out yourself because it needs doing, instead of turning it into some passive-aggressive battlefield and talk to him honestly about why he can't take out the fucking garbage on his way to the car in the morning. Treat him like a responsible adult with the same expectations and speak respectfully and honestly about the situation, actually fucking pausing to listen to something he may have to say about it.

Dr. Laura's proposed method is disrespectful and childish. I mean, fucking really: "Give him a big kiss and tell him that it was a big help because it’s hard for you to hold can lid up with one arm and pitch a very have with the other hand." Does she bend a leg up behind her ass and bat her eyelashes demurely while she simpers or does she save that for when she REALLY wants something, like her man to be all big and strong and open a jar? Absolutely contemptible.

mpb, I'm not really understanding - I get the whole thing that consequences are a natural part of responsibility but the darwin comment is confusing. Like a cause and effect thing?

eta:

The badwords volume increase is incited from a shitty morning, sorry to offend anyone. I can go pick them out later on.

[This message edited by StillGoing at 8:28 AM, May 22nd (Tuesday)]


“Fate is a fickle bitch who dotes on irony.”

Posts: 7119 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
Mypoorboys
♂ Member
Member # 33169
Default  Posted: 9:09 AM, May 22nd (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

StillGoing,
The Darwin thing was just, 'tongue in cheek'!
My basic point, I think, you got.
Nothing will ever improve in a relationship or in this world, if people continue to evade the issue of taking responsibility for their actions.
MBPS

Posts: 176 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: New Brunswick, New Jersey
trynhard
♂ Member
Member # 22698
Default  Posted: 9:48 AM, May 22nd (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

StillGoing.. good point... Your scenario 3 is the kind of relationship everyone should have... but this book was written about those woman who are not that. It is a self help book (for woman). As with all self help books, If you are doing those things, you say to yourself... Hey I do that already. If not, you might try it.

As for me, I know what I like. I like my W to come place her hands around me and tell me.. Thank you honey. She did it last night in fact. Felt good.


Posts: 2636 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Indiana
trynhard
♂ Member
Member # 22698
Default  Posted: 9:49 AM, May 22nd (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

StillGoing.. good point... Your scenario 3 is the kind of relationship everyone should have... but this book was written about those woman who are not that. It is a self help book (for woman). As with all self help books, If you are doing those things, you say to yourself... Hey I do that already. If not, you might try it.

As for me, I know what I like. I like my W to come place her hands around me and tell me.. Thank you honey. She did it last night in fact. Felt good.


Posts: 2636 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Indiana
StillGoing
♂ Member
Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 10:23 AM, May 22nd (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Women who are not what, responsible and independent adults?

jj needs to post more pics now imo.


“Fate is a fickle bitch who dotes on irony.”

Posts: 7119 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
Mypoorboys
♂ Member
Member # 33169
Default  Posted: 10:38 AM, May 22nd (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I concurr,
jjct, more pics! lol
MPBS

Posts: 176 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: New Brunswick, New Jersey
stilllovingher
♂ Member
Member # 29959
Default  Posted: 11:31 AM, May 22nd (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Does she bend a leg up behind her ass and bat her eyelashes demurely while she simpers or does she save that for when she REALLY wants something, like her man to be all big and strong and open a jar?

hold on there, aint nuthin wrong with a little over the top flattery every now and again.


The only difference between a butt kisser and a brown noser is depth perception.
I'm sure WAL would agree.

Posts: 2385 | Registered: Oct 2010 | From: still BFE, but now BFE, CA
foundoutlater
♂ Member
Member # 32900
Default  Posted: 5:02 PM, May 22nd (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

As for the flattery, well it’s obvious when there are motives behind it sometimes and what’s wrong with that? As long as there is also respect and real admiration, what’s wrong with putting some icing on it to butter up the tracks?

OK so I had no idea there was a thread that was pages long on the Dr. Laura crap so the lack of patients makes more sense to me now.


But how long do we need to wait for more pics of jjct living his good life?


Your beliefs don’t make you a better person, your behavior does.

Posts: 1063 | Registered: Jul 2011
dday3302011
♂ Member
Member # 32043
Default  Posted: 5:17 PM, May 22nd (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I want to move to Texas and hangout with jjct all the time.


BH-41 (me)
xWW-42
M 11yrs, together 14
DDay 3-30-2011
2 kids, 9 & 7
1 yr LTA w/MOM
Divorced 5-16-2013

Posts: 235 | Registered: May 2011 | From: Northeast
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 5:53 PM, May 22nd (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

There's something about that last pic...not photochopped...hmmm...
Color me Sir
prized!
nunya glommed onto it rightaway.

MPB)))
brother, don't make me get all spiritual on yo ass!

I read the story for clues.
Eve was deceived.
Adam was not.
I think about the differences it makes. Yes, we can say it's all "choices". Bad ones.

For some, considering how all things are the same - I did that at an age - is fruitful.
I'm into how they're different now. The differential, if you will. Thataways, it helps me distinguish one from another, refines my search for answers (since I got nothing but lies, obfuscations, and further attempts at manipulation from my stbxww).
I had to learn to move in the right direction with the "truth I knew".

It was a slow process brothers. Much pain. Finally my heart spoke up (and I listened).
It said:
You know enough.
I had to content myself with that. Had to.

The reap what you sow karma deal doesn't have room for grace, forgiveness.
I thank GOD that's so - otherwise, I'd be doomed.

To remorseful, repentant WS's on here, I think that's something to hang on to. Something to hope for.

In the strictest sense, I have committed adultery, hell, murder too. (in the 'thinketh' sense). So I'm left with this stupid ass no fault world. Praying for resolution. For us all.

It's ok to not have all the answers. I have enough.


Posts: 6032 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
StillGoing
♂ Member
Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 7:38 PM, May 22nd (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

There's something about that last pic...not photochopped...hmmm...
Color me Sir
prized!
nunya glommed onto it rightaway.

lol, I see it now. Got kinda hairy there, didn't it.

If you live near Austin jj I may have to suffer the inlaws to go see The Man JJ Himself in person one of these days.


“Fate is a fickle bitch who dotes on irony.”

Posts: 7119 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
wifehad5
♂ Moderator
Member # 15162
Default  Posted: 7:41 PM, May 22nd (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I met JJ in March. Haven't been the same since


FBH - 42
FWW - 43 (BrokenRoad)
2 kids 7&12

The people you do your life with shape the life you live


Posts: 35395 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Michigan
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