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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Betrayed Men- Part 8
noescape
♂ Member
Member # 34888
Default  Posted: 2:17 AM, July 6th (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

throw in keith richards, joe perry and hendrix during that 2 year education

Posts: 739 | Registered: Feb 2012
time2grow
♂ Member
Member # 35983
Default  Posted: 8:24 AM, July 6th (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The only reasonable response here is that you're under the age of 30 and your parents were country/western music dorks.

I will agree they were the country/western stuff. I rebelled and listened to metal and then in college I fell in love with old school punk. 30? LMAO No, I am well past that. My music today is just about anything from all around the world, except country/western.


Posts: 1646 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Missouri
WhoIsThisWoman
♂ Member
Member # 27424
Default  Posted: 10:31 AM, July 6th (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey guys,

New to the thread and just wanted feedback from other men...

I've been separated for about a year from FWW and recently found a picture of STBXWW and her BF.. the same one that she had an affair with, on my son's computer... It PISSED me off to no end! Just a little background, the other guy is my old neighbor, father to my son's best friend, and a complete loser. Anyway, they looked so happy hugging each other, I wanted to explode! Some MF's just don't get it...

Anyway, I spoke to some guys and they say, how have you not kicked this guys a$$! Of course I know the answer, "I don't want to do anything to F' up my kids future and if I'm in jail, she gets sole custody" But I still feel like such a pu$$Y... Do you guys feel like this?

Thoughts/suggestions?


Me: 40 yo
STBXWW: 41 yo
Married 15 years, 4 kids.
EA in '07
PA in '09 (same OM)

Posts: 248 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: PA, USA
StillGoing
♂ Member
Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 10:44 AM, July 6th (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

eta:

Double post

[This message edited by StillGoing at 10:44 AM, July 6th (Friday)]


“Fate is a fickle bitch who dotes on irony.”

Posts: 7107 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
StillGoing
♂ Member
Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 10:44 AM, July 6th (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yeah I felt like that, but it's about what other people think. If some guys think I'm a pussy for not unloading on the loser OM, their opinions take a distant priority to the opinions of my kids.

I won't deny the idea of beating down OM is a fantasy delight. You probably feel the same. The problem is that there are consequences to that, and as a responsible adult with dependents, indulging in a nice piece of personal justice has a price we're not willing to pay.

I'm guessing none of these guys have kids, because I can't imagine many fathers endangering their time with their children to deal out a beat down. You could always call him out and tell him to get his ass to a gym and see if he has the balls to show up for it.

Ultimately it doesn't matter to me if I beat his ass or not. It's enough to know that I can, and that he has the sense to stay well enough away from me to avoid testing my restraint. He's not worth jail time and legal fees.

People are welcome to call me a pussy for that but I don't think anyone is going to have the balls to do it to my face.


“Fate is a fickle bitch who dotes on irony.”

Posts: 7107 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
WhoIsThisWoman
♂ Member
Member # 27424
Default  Posted: 10:57 AM, July 6th (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

StillGoing...

None of these guys called me a pu$$y, but I do sometimes feel like I should kick his ass..

This is a great line:
beating down OM is a fantasy delight.

The OM does stay away from me, which is smart... Not that I'm a big guy, but I don't think he wants to test my restraint either..


Me: 40 yo
STBXWW: 41 yo
Married 15 years, 4 kids.
EA in '07
PA in '09 (same OM)

Posts: 248 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: PA, USA
64fleet
♂ Member
Member # 18710
Default  Posted: 11:03 AM, July 6th (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I never really had that much hatred for the OMM-the phone records show my fWW initated all calls. That shows me I'm the loser here. My wife will chase other men.

I still hate him enough though, and would not piss no him if he were on fire.


time wounds all heels

Posts: 5359 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: deliverance land
StillGoing
♂ Member
Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 11:12 AM, July 6th (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I dunno, I like my hate. I feel like at some point in the future I can use it for a Captain Kirk kind of one liner.

"OM needs a starship? Fuck that noise, fire proton torpedoes."

Maybe not.


“Fate is a fickle bitch who dotes on irony.”

Posts: 7107 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
Tred
♂ Member
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 11:50 AM, July 6th (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm in 64fleets boat (no pun intended). My WW went looking and initiated her relationship on Ashley Madison. Her OMM just happened to be exactly what my WW wanted. He was a lucky guy. My WW didn't just chase other men, she caught them.

But I do hate the type of man he was - always have hated with a passion any man that sleep with a married woman that was not his wife. Period. I personally could never it do it and will never understand how someone will ruin others life to get their dick wet (especially when they know they have kids). I watched my sisters and mother willingly have affairs with married men who were all to glad to help them out. Let's just say it wasn't a pretty lesson.


Married: 16 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 3303 | Registered: Dec 2011
noescape
♂ Member
Member # 34888
Default  Posted: 3:42 AM, July 7th (Saturday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WITW, you CAN attach a few consequences to this sordid affair; at least in your personal space(s). First, you must tell your son its not acceptable, hurts you and insensitive to the abuse meted out to you so its something NOT to be brought into your personal space and that you'd expect a little more loyalty from him. Second, you could, if you havent already, out them on FB, social media, friends and family that it WAS indeed an A so that everyone knows the score and let them live with a little of the shame, its not about spiting them, it about letting them face consequences such that you can walk with your head held up high. There are a few good ideas out there on how to conduct a good nuclear exposure and do it so that you dont come across as bitter and spiteful. Third look at the likes of jjct and WAL and 1kick (one divorcing, one still M and one divorced); all of them give me hope that DETACHing works and it works well no matter what your stitch. You'll hurt her/them MORE when/if you detach and start enjoying yourself, and you do it for YOU not for a reaction. THEN it wont matter what pictures she paints or whether you see them or not. Do it not only for you but also your kids-I am sure they want/need you to be happy, healthy and grounded. You dont need to start looking for someone else right now; you just need to get comfortable in your skin.

The power you'll feel when you dont care about that SOB is far greater than anything you may exact by beating him to a pulp. Having said that-yes, I find it a cathartic fantasy when I go at OM with a baseball bat; I've even dreamt it a few times. YOU are no less of a man, and far greater for actually living by your principles. Now give up THINKING about her/them and start DOING for yourself. I wish I was D/S by now; I'd be out there emulating my guru jjct (need to brush up on chess)


Posts: 739 | Registered: Feb 2012
WhoIsThisWoman
♂ Member
Member # 27424
Default  Posted: 10:41 AM, July 7th (Saturday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

noescape,

I think you misunderstood my post about my son... His mom downloaded the pictures... He isn't even aware of them. If he saw her with OM, it would be a serious problem.

Your other point is understood. The biggest thing you can do to a naracist (sp?) is to ignore them and make them feel unimportant... Was just tough to see the picture... I guess I still have some detaching to do...


Me: 40 yo
STBXWW: 41 yo
Married 15 years, 4 kids.
EA in '07
PA in '09 (same OM)

Posts: 248 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: PA, USA
noescape
♂ Member
Member # 34888
Default  Posted: 3:30 PM, July 7th (Saturday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WITW}}}} be glad she's been taken off your hands. If that's what she is capable of doing to you, one wonders about the fate of her current relationship. Leave the karma bus to them, just focus on yourself.

I got me a muscle car once I started putting myself first (of course, the kids are fed and clothed...can't guarantee education though )


Posts: 739 | Registered: Feb 2012
KernalSandy
♂ Member
Member # 35610
Default  Posted: 4:15 PM, July 7th (Saturday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If you give off the "I'm not interested, go away" vibe, women seem to try even harder. (broken ones at least).

Nah, that's just the law of attraction. Women--err, people want what they can't have.

I got an IM from a woman at work the other day that went something like this...

Her: hey I'm going to be at XXX tonight. Don't you live by there? You should come by!
Me: I do, but I can't. Have a nice evening.
Her: You are sooo sweet!
Her: Getting lunch now, wanna join?
Me: Can't. Presenting later.
Her: C'mon, you don't need to practice, you're a rock star!
Her: I'll get you a sandwich then.
Me: thanks, but I brought.
Her: OK.
Her: Getting you a latte and I won't take no for an answer.
Her: ... nor your lack of IMing!
Her: :-P
Her: On your desk. Good luck with your preso!
Me: Thanks for the latte.
Her: OMG, did you kick ass in the preso?
Her: would love to buy you a drink at XXX!
Her: ;-)

Etc. She sounds crazy when I look back on it, but she's alright. But anyway, here's how that conversation would have gone 10 years ago.

Her: hey can I bum a ride off you later? I'm going to XXX and I think you live by there.
Me: OK, but I'm not leaving until 6:30
Me: You still need that ride?
Me: Might be leaving earlier if you still need that ride.
Her: Hey did you finish your slide for the presentation?
Me: Yes, earlier than I thought
Me: so did you need that ride?
Her: what ride?


Posts: 71 | Registered: May 2012
wincing_at_light
♂ Member
Member # 14393
Default  Posted: 11:34 AM, July 8th (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Indications that we've been doing it wrong:

Source:
http://dangerousminds.net/comments/newspaper_asks_the_question_if_a_woman_needs_it_should_she_be_spank


Machiavellian idiot savant

Posts: 6687 | Registered: Apr 2007 | From: Indiana
dday3302011
♂ Member
Member # 32043
Default  Posted: 11:31 PM, July 8th (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

William Davis is now officially my hero.


BH-41 (me)
xWW-42
M 11yrs, together 14
DDay 3-30-2011
2 kids, 9 & 7
1 yr LTA w/MOM
Divorced 5-16-2013

Posts: 235 | Registered: May 2011 | From: Northeast
noescape
♂ Member
Member # 34888
Default  Posted: 4:17 AM, July 9th (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Teddys got it right too:

a lot of men who stepped down as boss of family wish they hadn't

Posts: 739 | Registered: Feb 2012
dday3302011
♂ Member
Member # 32043
Default  Posted: 10:56 AM, July 9th (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Any news on MyPoorBoys? Worried about him.


BH-41 (me)
xWW-42
M 11yrs, together 14
DDay 3-30-2011
2 kids, 9 & 7
1 yr LTA w/MOM
Divorced 5-16-2013

Posts: 235 | Registered: May 2011 | From: Northeast
wert
♂ Member
Member # 34478
Default  Posted: 11:38 AM, July 9th (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

but I do sometimes feel like I should kick his ass..

And he deserves it. I was fortunate and discussed the matter with OM. He is clear on where I stand and where he should be standing. There are lots of ways to defame, defile or ruin a person. I explained several of them to him. He's a doc, he understand his career is dependent on his rep. He understands where I am and what I am capable of.

Truth is, after some time passed, I realized its not me. I chose not to waste my time or risk my children's respect or safety to satisfy my revenge. I want my life to be the driving force in my life and not have it guided in anyway by a true piece of garbage.



Posts: 1364 | Registered: Jan 2012
DontTreadOnMe
♂ Member
Member # 35240
Default  Posted: 11:58 AM, July 9th (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey guys. I've been feeling pretty low lately and wanted to vent/share.

Sometimes I cant even look at fww... Knowing what she did w/ OM disgusts me. She held back from me our entire 4 yr relationship. She now admits that she had "built a wall" around herself to protect herself from getting hurt. Well she never opened up to me sexually. We never "made love" as she never connected emotion with sex. Our sex also generally sucked because when I wasn't rejected, she just wanted to hurry up and get done.

Knowing that she fucked OM for a long session (more than one time in a row) just kills me. She did things with him that she wouldn't do with me. It just hurts so bad to know that she gave him what I should have been getting all along.

The innocence and sanctity of our marriage is gone. I am really grieving these elements.

I believe that fww wouldn't have another A. But I'm not sure if I can work through the A that she did have. I'm not sure if it is a dealbreaker or not. It's been about 5 months... and I feel like I should've made up my mind by now.

What do you guys think?


Me: WH/BH, 27 (addict in recovery)
Her: Lost333, BW/FWW, My DDay: 2/19/12, Hers: 9/29/12

Working on myself through IC, NA meetings, intensive outpatient program, and lots of digging. Praying for R.


Posts: 230 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Midwest
wifehad5
♂ Moderator
Member # 15162
Default  Posted: 12:17 PM, July 9th (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

DTOM,

At 5months it was all I could do to get dressed and make it in to work. I was in no place to make the decision you need to make. For many people this is a deal breaker. There's nothing wrong with that mindset. Many others choose to stay and try to work it out. Nothing wrong with that either. Whichever path you take it's going to take time for you to be healed. Neither one is easier than the other, as they both have their challenges.

My question to you is, what's keeping you there right now?

Like you, I found that my wife was pretty messed up. She'd been so good at hiding it, that I had no idea. Through counseling, she's worked on those issues, and is a good partner. I saw her work on those issues. Seeing her work so hard brought back a lot of respect, etc.

Is lost working?


FBH - 42
FWW - 43 (BrokenRoad)
2 kids 7&12

The people you do your life with shape the life you live


Posts: 35354 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Michigan
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