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User Topic: Betrayed Men- Part 8
VD2012
♂ Member
Member # 36317
Default  Posted: 1:01 PM, August 21st (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Not really related to infidelity or affairs but...

Any of you guys ever deal with learning of your spouse (or even previous partners) being sexually abused or molested? Especially when they were kids? Even just a family member?

My wife finally told me the horrible details of something that I knew about before but not the full extent. Pretty much, neighbourhood friendly guy raped her when she was 9.

I've posted elsewhere here on SI about it, and even been checking out some places online (Pandora and RAINN stuff mostly), but still generally don't have a clue what to do.

She's never told anyone til now. The guy, who was in his 40s at the time, got away with it because she only told her mother he inappropriately touched her and not what actually happened. Cops were involved but the guy disappeared. She never received therapy or help for it and has kept it to herself her whole life.

She told me because she feels it has influenced her actions and choices in life and wants to finally deal with it in an effort to better herself.

I just don't really know what to do about it if anything. I've told her she was strong and very brave, that even telling me must have been hard and took courage. That I'm here to listen and all that. I provided her with some sites I found and some phone numbers and such.

In a weird way though, it really explains a whole lot about things in our life together. Odd behaviours, reactions to things in the past, certain phrases bothering me, her general personality and regard for people. Even has shed light on things about her A that made no sense to me before, but now make way too much sense.

Just not really certain how to proceed...


Me: 28 ~ Her (FR2012): 27
Together: 9 years, 2 children
D-Day: April 19, 2012

Surrender to the truth of life.


Posts: 466 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Traversing Dark Places With The Light of Truth
wincing_at_light
♂ Member
Member # 14393
Default  Posted: 1:23 PM, August 21st (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You can look at it as a mitigating factor -- meaning, you can weight it however you want.

I didn't weight it very heavily, honestly. It explained some things, but didn't excuse anything, because she'd had years and years to come to terms with it, go to therapy, deal with those patterns. She didn't.

(She worked very hard on those issues after D-day. They are not my issues, and my role in that process was to listen to her and support her in the work. I didn't try to guide her or draw parallels. My wife also didn't try to use the childhood abuse to excuse herself, even when she realized that part of the way her affair worked itself out was re-creating abuse scenarios, only with herself as the perpetrator rather than the victim. That's a powerful thing to recognize...even more powerful when you refuse to excuse yourself because of it.)

I just don't really know what to do about it if anything. I've told her she was strong and very brave, that even telling me must have been hard and took courage. That I'm here to listen and all that. I provided her with some sites I found and some phone numbers and such.

This is good, I think. You supported her and tried to create a safe place for her to talk about it. You maybe went a bit too far in getting resources for her -- in theory, she's an adult and should be able to do that for herself if she's serious about healing.

Be there, listen, and support her. That's your job. It's also your job to protect yourself as she digs into the trauma. There are all sorts of stories and advisories in the lit on childhood sexual abuse about the potential negative impacts to the spouses of people recovering from this sort of trauma. Uncovering the stories -- telling the stories -- can be disruptive to the normal patterns. Sexual habits get examined and discarded.

Be supportive, but have boundaries. Realize that you are responsible for your own well-being, and that if she starts digging into this trauma deeply, she might not always be in the best place to understand what is safe and appropriate for *you*.

Other than that, this isn't your process. This is her shit to own, to work through, to understand. You can't really help her with it (nor, I think, should you. Not because I'm a dick, but because this sort of thing is a minefield. It needs a qualified therapist or a person really in-touch with their own self who owns multiple healthy coping mechanisms.) If you find yourself doing more work on it or thinking more about it or reading more books/websites/etc. than she does...then you're making it your problem instead of hers.

[This message edited by wincing_at_light at 1:23 PM, August 21st (Tuesday)]


Machiavellian idiot savant

Posts: 6690 | Registered: Apr 2007 | From: Indiana
kchip
♂ Member
Member # 36365
Default  Posted: 3:59 AM, August 22nd (Wednesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Geez,

I'm 5 weeks out from D-day and for a while the mind movies seemed to subside - but now they are back, and with a vengeance.

The images in my head, from them checking into a hotel, to the act, to the afterwards. The laying back texting each other everynight while I was sleeping next to her.

Playing the tape back, there were times when she denied me sex and made excuses that were - well lame. From shaving herself clean down there with my razor, to the acting modest in front of me when in the shower or getting dressed. I mean, after 19 years, how the hell?
I'm stressing over a MC session this morning. I have told WW that 5 weeks is plenty of time to figure out if she is going to recommit to me or not. I have indeed drawn a line in the sand and have an appointment to finalize and sign the dissolution of marriage paperwork Thursday AM with my attorney.

I don't really know why WW agreed to MC, she hasn't shown me any reason that she wants to be my wife anymore. She refuses to open up or give me access to anything. iphone, ipad, laptop - (all gifts from me) are passworded up tight.

I know she has broke NC.

Also, i contacted the BW of mOM. She called me upset Sunday. She was crying and said she had one more thing to tell me - they have herpes and HPV. She was crying because she didn't tell me before, but wanted to make sure I got checked asap. Of course I ask WW if she ever used a condom once (she fucked him over 50 times) and she says nothing. She never used a condom not once. Now I am at risk. She got tested tuesday, won't know till Friday. I asked her, did she reach out to OM and ask him to confirm or deny the herpes - she refuses to even discuss. I asked her , what about me - dont you care if I have been exposed? nothing. I am sure she has texted him, and my gut tells me he has informed her. What I don't get is, she still is protecting him - and the A! How in the hell..??? right? I am going to the doctors at 9am this morning for my checkup.

So - stress has me all fucking in knots. Ive been up since 2:30am. I thought I was over this but here I am. The horrible pit-in-my-stomach feel is back and the anxiety attacks are back.

All of this, and the WW sleeps fine, acts happy, and is seemingly unaffected. A sociopath? Im beginning to think so. It really fits everything going all the way back.

I want it all to just be over. I want to die, get a divorce, or simply have her collapse in my presence of guilt, remorse, and a genuine desire to R.

I am really struggling with the fact that she would throw it all away - for a guy who has a wife and kids and doesn't even tell her he has herpes and HPV. She would throw me and our family away. How is this possible? How is this fair to me? What did I do that was so horrible to deserve all of this?

I'm so tired of all of this.


Me: BH (42)
2 boys, age 10/7
D Day: July 15, 2012
Status: DIVORCING
You know that movie, Sleeping With the Enemy? Well I am Julia Roberts in that one......sighhhh
"When we hit our lowest point, we are open to the greatest change"

Posts: 471 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: FL
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 7:35 AM, August 22nd (Wednesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

kchip))) man, I'm sorry. The times in-between the mind movies will become longer. Count on it. My healing is/was not a straight line progression. I'd dip in to whatever stage for whatever reason, but I did not fight it. I just sighed and cried and raged (and wrote bad poetry) till it passed.
Lather, rinse, repeat till I didn't need to clean that wound anymore.
Hang tough.

You've been put in a shit situation without your knowledge or consent, and I just wanted to support you man, makes me angry.

The usual advice on here is to not go to MC when your WS is checked out and unremorseful. There's really no "M" to counsel, is there?
As for understanding "why", I get that, completely. But with a sociopath, you'll get to where it doesn't matter - they are that fucked up and toxic to your health - it's best to detach & move into healing and loving yourself enough not to pick up that turd any more.

NC = No new hurts.
180. File. End it.
I'm sorry. It sucks and it's evil what she did to you.


Posts: 6030 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
VD2012
♂ Member
Member # 36317
Default  Posted: 10:05 AM, August 22nd (Wednesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WAL,

You can look at it as a mitigating factor -- meaning, you can weight it however you want.

I didn't weight it very heavily, honestly. It explained some things, but didn't excuse anything, because she'd had years and years to come to terms with it, go to therapy, deal with those patterns. She didn't.

It in no way absolves her of her actions. It does makes sense of why in our particular situation when she was first with him she didn't say no when he came on to her though. Gives legitimacy to her actions in that situation and his reaction (at least through texts). Makes a bit more sense of why no resistance was given or no "no" was uttered, yet still doesn't change it happened or make it right.

Her life experiences didn't put her in his van, didn't make her plan what was pretty much a date behind my back and start up a secret relationship. Didn't put me through hell for months either. That's all still squarely on her.


They are not my issues, and my role in that process was to listen to her and support her in the work. I didn't try to guide her or draw parallels. My wife also didn't try to use the childhood abuse to excuse herself, even when she realized that part of the way her affair worked itself out was re-creating abuse scenarios, only with herself as the perpetrator rather than the victim.

They aren't my issues, but they do affect my life, or at least have without my knowledge. Thus why I've been looking for info on how to handle it for myself, not for her but as the so-called "secondary survivor."

As for parallels, I've made none myself to her about her affair. But to be honest I find it incredibly creepy how the way she described her rapist and what I know of the OM, and even the scenarios that arose with both are extremely similar. Wouldn't shock me if on some mental level she was trying to recreate that, even subconsciously, with a different outcome. But then again, I'm no psychologist.


You maybe went a bit too far in getting resources for her -- in theory, she's an adult and should be able to do that for herself if she's serious about healing.

Not too far, we're a team in this. I simply shared what I found for myself. It's up to her to do whatever it is she wants with it. She's not exactly Google or tech savvy and has a lot of trouble searching for things (been like that for years, just a fact of life).


Be there, listen, and support her. That's your job. It's also your job to protect yourself as she digs into the trauma. There are all sorts of stories and advisories in the lit on childhood sexual abuse about the potential negative impacts to the spouses of people recovering from this sort of trauma. Uncovering the stories -- telling the stories -- can be disruptive to the normal patterns. Sexual habits get examined and discarded.

That's what I was looking for.

I'm actually most concerned with how to handle this for myself, to protect myself as it were. It's already affected me in many ways in the past (that I'm only now realizing in retrospect) without me realizing it. How it may manifest or surface in the future and how to handle it is what I've mostly sought out.

Even in the past week since she's admitted it to me fully I can see the beginning of what I'm in for.

Trying to figure out the best way to batten down the hatches and stock up for the storm, while still dealing with the giant pile of shit inside, outside and all over my house, ya know?


Be supportive, but have boundaries. Realize that you are responsible for your own well-being, and that if she starts digging into this trauma deeply, she might not always be in the best place to understand what is safe and appropriate for *you*.

Good to keep in mind. Since we're still close to D-Day I'm still trying to find the right balancing act of my needs and her's. This complicates things obviously, but I still am trying to keep my own focus on myself.

I already realized one way or another I need to heal myself. She can help immensely or not at all, but it's still what I need to do for myself.


Other than that, this isn't your process. This is her shit to own, to work through, to understand. You can't really help her with it (nor, I think, should you. Not because I'm a dick, but because this sort of thing is a minefield. It needs a qualified therapist or a person really in-touch with their own self who owns multiple healthy coping mechanisms.) If you find yourself doing more work on it or thinking more about it or reading more books/websites/etc. than she does...then you're making it your problem instead of hers.

I've already stopped looking at stuff and don't plan to any further. Think I gleaned most of the info I need. I mainly did to get a basic understanding of what sexual abuse, and especially rape, does to to a child. And how their family can deal with it.

I've told her I'm available to listen or comfort her if she's bothered/triggers. It's a bit odd now that I know exactly what her triggers are... I've known them for years without her specifically telling me, just not the magnitude of why certain things bothered her so much. Otherwise I told her she can talk, journal or read stuff really. Or when we have the funds to see a IC who specializes in this thing.

It's been odd repiecing parts and events from our relationship back together with this knowledge. It really has made things in the past that confused me make a lot more sense.

Anyways, thanks for the response and advice WAL. It's very appreciated.

kchip,

Honestly, a piece of me breaks inside to see what you're going through and how much pain you're in. That's just terrible and you seem like a good man.

You need to do what's best for you. Hang in there and try your best to stay strong. I totally agree with jjct about what you need to do.


Me: 28 ~ Her (FR2012): 27
Together: 9 years, 2 children
D-Day: April 19, 2012

Surrender to the truth of life.


Posts: 466 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Traversing Dark Places With The Light of Truth
dday3302011
♂ Member
Member # 32043
Default  Posted: 10:13 AM, August 22nd (Wednesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey boys. Been on vaca for a couple of weeks and stopped checking in. Sorry to see we've got a few new friends join our group.

NC = No new hurts.
180. File. End it.
I'm sorry. It sucks and it's evil what she did to you.

^^^^ This kchip. Do yourself a huuuge favor and start at least trying to do this.

Please realize that the woman who was once your loving wife has left the building. She's been replaced by someone who constanly lies to you, puts you in danger, cannot be trusted under any circumstance, and has an agenda that has nothing to do with protecting anyone but her and OM.

My advice? Get the fuck away from her as fast as you can. She is showing you who she is. Believe her and leave her.

What did you do to deserve this? Absolutely nothing. That's actually the wrong question to be asking yourself in my opinion because what your WW is doing has little or nothing to do with you. It's all her own shit she's caught up in and you're just an after thought.

You can't control her anymore than you can control the weather. Funny thing about the weather though. When it's pouring rain outside, most sane folks go inside to avoid getting soaked, or hit by lightning. Shelter from the storm you know?

You have that same shelter available to you if you want it. Get away from the lies and the crazy-making. Take your life back man, and stop letting her shit all over you.

It's hard to detach. You've been attached for a long time and are trying to be hopeful that she'll change and finally see the error of her ways. I get that. All of us here do. In my opinion it says a lot about you (all good) in that you're willing to accept mountains of abuse and lies for the outside chance that you can save your family. But the simple fact remains: you can't change or control what she does. You can control and change what you do.

Save yourself kchip. Whatever that means to you. I think most people here would agree that 180 and NC are the surest and smartest ways to do that. I believe they are.

Good luck to you, and go easy on yourself. You didn't create this mess and it's hard as hell to deal with the aftermath. Be good to yourself.


BH-41 (me)
xWW-42
M 11yrs, together 14
DDay 3-30-2011
2 kids, 9 & 7
1 yr LTA w/MOM
Divorced 5-16-2013

Posts: 235 | Registered: May 2011 | From: Northeast
wincing_at_light
♂ Member
Member # 14393
Default  Posted: 11:13 AM, August 22nd (Wednesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sounds like you're taking it in stride, VD. Good job!


Machiavellian idiot savant

Posts: 6690 | Registered: Apr 2007 | From: Indiana
kchip
♂ Member
Member # 36365
Default  Posted: 7:09 AM, August 23rd (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Long night again. Up since 2:30 am. MC was - well - not good. She says she doesn't want to come back. This C is also, her IC - and she asked if she would like to come back for IC next week and she said no.

Getting dressed, going to sign the stuff at 11.

I think I am really done now. My wife is indeed gone, and the person before if cold, callous, and unrecognizable. I am sad for my sons. They deserved better.


Me: BH (42)
2 boys, age 10/7
D Day: July 15, 2012
Status: DIVORCING
You know that movie, Sleeping With the Enemy? Well I am Julia Roberts in that one......sighhhh
"When we hit our lowest point, we are open to the greatest change"

Posts: 471 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: FL
Mypoorboys
♂ Member
Member # 33169
Default  Posted: 7:10 AM, August 23rd (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ditto! jjct, Dday.
kchip,
My two buddies have given you the, 'straight-up' advice! Please heed it and start your process of separating your life from the destruction that she has created and will continue.
I can tell you from DIRECT experience, that you are in the same boat as I and most of us here have felt that horrible pain.Sometimes it becomes overwhelming, all-encompassing. So,now what do you do?
My suggestion, if you can and it is feasible, ask her to leave, or you take the kids and leave. Believe me, that will accomplish two things right off the bat; separate you physically from her and protect the kids.
Then, at the same time, start the divorce process.
Go online and see what laws are pertinent to your particular state, ie. is your state a, 'no-fault divorce state'? Hopefully not. If not, then you can sue her for Adultery and actually claim damages, maybe get sole custody of your kids. You may also be able so sue the asshole married guy for, 'dissolution of marriage and damages'.
Do not use a mediator!!! Since she seems hell bent on doing her thing, then your money will just go down the drain. Get a good lawyer, and file immediately, but most importantly, please remove yourself from her and protect the kids.
Follow the 180, and for Gods' sake, start taking care of yourself first, then the kids. You have to remain healthy. Yes, the pain, agony, anger is all real, but put that energy somewhere you can use it, 'for yourself'!
Maybe go to the gym, and by all means, 'start seeing a psychologist'!
Don't let her use you, play you, take advantage of you or worse yet, ploy the kids!
These Wsluts are unremorseful for a reason. They usually display the patterns of a sociopath. Some are narcissistic, selfish, and completely removed from the damage they have created.
Don't submit any longer to this putrid behavior. YOU ARE NOT TO BLAME!PERIOD!EXCLAMATION POINT!
Visit here often and ask for advice. We are all different, but most have followed the path you are about to take and we can certainly help you avoid some of the pitfalls.
God Bless,
MPBs

Posts: 176 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: New Brunswick, New Jersey
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 7:32 AM, August 23rd (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Since I am dealing with a stbx who wants to control through neglect - not answering L's requests, etc....
My L advised that should we go to court, and she insisted on her ridiculous claims, the judge would order mediation -

thus, slowing the process down (not to mention the extra $$)

My L advised mediation.
She canceled the 1st scheduled one - lamely of course, to cause the most inconvenience...iow, at the last second.
We scheduled another.
At this point my feeling was win/win.
If she canceled - we could go before the judge and say; "Hey we tried"
If she showed
GOOD!
I'm sitting in a separate room
(can everyone say "No Contact"?) - and I'll let my L deal with her.

I even left early!
My L texted me 2 hrs. later:
"She signed the agreement"
(the deal we wanted all along: You take this debt, I'll take that debt, and we'll call it even...and uhhh DONE!)
YIPEEEE!
We have till Aug 31st - 8 days! - for any party to rescind the agreement.
If not rescinded,
jj's gonna partay baby!!!!!!!

mpb))) was hosed by corruption.
It frosts my dam pumpkin!
& it's in the *movie*


Posts: 6030 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
kchip
♂ Member
Member # 36365
Default  Posted: 7:55 AM, August 23rd (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

MPB

I am in IC. I have a lawyer, and everything is ready for my signature to file with the court today. I wanted to see if there was any chance to save this M and have been telling WW the end of the rope is here. She is to cowardly to ask for a divorce, she just can't say it but she just can't say she wants to save our M either.

So - that's it.

And yes, I have been exercising daily almost. I've lost 40 lbs since DD1. IC is ok, the guy is 29 y/o. I like him and see him again Fri. Today, I am going to go out looking for a bigger place to live. Where I am at now is 2b /2b and the boys want their own rooms. Also,I have been very unhappy here. I really wish i could leave FL and go somewhere else. But i know thats not gonna happen. I also fear she may try and move to where OM is. She's that fucking nuts...


Me: BH (42)
2 boys, age 10/7
D Day: July 15, 2012
Status: DIVORCING
You know that movie, Sleeping With the Enemy? Well I am Julia Roberts in that one......sighhhh
"When we hit our lowest point, we are open to the greatest change"

Posts: 471 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: FL
PowerGlo
♂ Member
Member # 34132
Default  Posted: 8:25 AM, August 23rd (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey KChip - my heart goes out to you. Like everyone else here I was in a very similiar situation. I was feeling and doing the same thngs you are doing. What I found out is you can't make her love you, you can't make her be remorseful, you can't make her tell you the truth, you can't make her see the errs of her ways, you can't make her see what she's done to her children, you can't make her do anything. I of course tried to do all of the above to no avail. Once I heeded advice from the great people here at SI I was able to turn things around. You see we are the rational ones and we use rational thinking. Your WW isn't rational at all so it is extremely difficult for us to understand their way of thinking. STOP trying to understand it. After months of limbo, rage, anger, sadness, depression and all of the other terrible things taht came from HER actions I finally found the strength to do something about it for me. I filed for D in May(My 1st DDay was November 11th, 2011 and my final DDay was January 14th, 2012.

Since the day I filed and moved out she has had a complete turn around and has been completely remorseful, loving, caring, basically the perfect wife. She has been seeking help with her issues on her own.

We like to call this knocking the Waywards off the fence. Your WW is sitting all pretty high on the fence right now. She has you and her scumbag POS showing her attention. Get out of the fight! I admire your strength right now filing for D. Get it filed. If she truly loves you she will come crawling back. If not then it was meant to be and you can move on with your life without having to waste anymore of your precious time. I wish I would've filed back in January but we live and learn.


Married 27 years...
DDay #1 11/11/11 - AFF profile with 10-15 boy toys.
DDay #2 1/13/2012 - still at it with the AFF boys.
1/17/2014 - Divorced
I knew the moment had arrived
For killing the past and coming back to life


Posts: 133 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: NW Indiana
Mypoorboys
♂ Member
Member # 33169
Default  Posted: 9:45 AM, August 23rd (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

jjct, congrats!
I recall your saga all too well. How you struggled with the whole situation, the big, 'R', and I do apologize for suggesting or, at least, inferring that your efforts would not prevail. So, I'm so proud of where you are now, and (your poetry is always great and we all enjoy reading it).
God Bless you man, I'm moving into my house on Sept. 7th and the ex is handing over my buyout check tonight!!!!
I lost many battles, but I won the war and kept my integrity, and self esteem, AND got a big, fat check to prove it!
kchip, we will be here for you. Pick and chose your battles wisely, but always watch over your shoulder!
PowerGlo, Welcome and thanks for sharing your journey. Don't look back, just enjoy the great future we all are blessed with.
MPBs

Posts: 176 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: New Brunswick, New Jersey
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 11:26 AM, August 24th (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks mpb!

stronger put up an excellent post for us. I think it's worth bumping, and keeping around.

It's peculiar to new guys stumbling in here, that there always seems to be the self-flagellation *disclaimer* in the first post or two, like;
"I know I could have been a better H"

wal has pointed this out, and also the reason for it: that we men invest a large portion of our identities in the M, in the W, and that gets, all-of-a-sudden
you know
torn away from us...

If you get a chance, here it is:
http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=467979

and also, 'keep it around' with the occasional bump...
so when you see the inevitable confessional spot in the newb's posts, you can help dispel that.
Good stuff.


Posts: 6030 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
noescape
♂ Member
Member # 34888
What?  Posted: 6:20 PM, August 24th (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you for that jjct and stronger.

I've been away and am sorry for that, shits going down these days, not pretty and it's a final sprint for me to D or not to D.

I'd love to jump in here: http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=467979

but recognize that me 'clarifying stuff' or my statements or providing proof or just getting involved may get dramatic and I want to avoid that or a t/j. Could I ask for input into that thread from the men?

Thanks.


Posts: 739 | Registered: Feb 2012
noescape
♂ Member
Member # 34888
Default  Posted: 6:44 PM, August 24th (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just a point of clarification. I am not looking for support or sympathy on the link I posted. It was specifically asked that a mans input is provided and that's what I am seeking by linking it here.

Thanks


Posts: 739 | Registered: Feb 2012
HoldingTogether
♂ Member
Member # 29429
Default  Posted: 6:58 PM, August 24th (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry noescape,

Not sure what the question is about that link. Could you clarify?

Eta-I am thinking you meant to paste a different link. Apologies if I am wrong about that.

[This message edited by HoldingTogether at 8:04 PM, August 24th (Friday)]


Me:BH 41
Her:FWW40(Walkinoneggshellz)
2 Beautiful little girls 13&10
Dday: 7/24/10 1yr EA turned 5 monthPA
"I gotta hole in me now... I got a scar I can talk about."

Posts: 339 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: New Life
noescape
♂ Member
Member # 34888
Default  Posted: 5:15 AM, August 25th (Saturday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

DOH!!!!

Thanks for that HT.

I meant this:
http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=468291

Its a point of clarification requested by my W and it was mentioned that a mans input would be appreciated. Hence I linked it here to drive some XY chromosomes in that direction.

Sorry for the confusion, and heck, that post from stronger WAS awesome so double link is no harm done


Posts: 739 | Registered: Feb 2012
Brandon808
♂ Member
Member # 35619
Default  Posted: 5:22 AM, August 25th (Saturday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Noescape
I posted to that thread.


xBH
D final 8/2012

Posts: 3365 | Registered: May 2012 | From: southeast
Tred
♂ Member
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 5:57 AM, August 25th (Saturday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think Sronger08's Brothers in Infidelity thesis could be the opening of JJCT's movie - just the words scrolling by, white letters on a black background. Huge, bold, and impossible to ignore. There's truth there as the saying goes. Think of the opening scene of the original Star Wars - most of us can remember the opening words. Great cinematic effect (or, shall I say, it remains so in the memory of one who saw it for the first time in a drive in theater when he was 11).


Married: 16 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

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