Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
Find a Local Couselor
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: Bosco333 (43133)

I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Betrayed Men- Part 8
kchip
♂ Member
Member # 36365
Default  Posted: 5:58 AM, October 21st (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

For the permanently betrayed on this thread, read and take those lessons to heart. Use our disappointments,pain and realities as a constant reminder of what it could be like for yourself and pray to God that you have, indeed, made the correct decision.

I have never seen anyone put it this way. As a permanently betrayed, I wonder sometimes if my STBXW ever really loved me. It appears she moved me out long before she physically attacked me and left. The reality that has become my life is sinking in. But I am in IC, and my self-esteem is coming back. Its getting better and most days now are not a crush of emotion. Well, except the angry days.

I wanted R, because I still loved my wife. I would't stay just for the kids. A loveless marriage sounds like misery and the kids would always see this.

Accepting all this slowly and seeing a future again is all helping me get through this train wreck. Loosing 70 lbs feels good too


Me: BH (42)
2 boys, age 10/7
D Day: July 15, 2012
Status: DIVORCING
You know that movie, Sleeping With the Enemy? Well I am Julia Roberts in that one......sighhhh
"When we hit our lowest point, we are open to the greatest change"

Posts: 471 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: FL
Onan
♂ Member
Member # 33473
Default  Posted: 2:39 AM, October 22nd (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

As a permanently betrayed, I wonder sometimes if my STBXW ever really loved me.
You're not alone kchip. I often wonder if I've just been a chump - a meal ticket for the last 20 years. So many years wasted. I've been a fool.


BS(me): 56
WW(her): 52
M: 19yrs
D-day: 8/25/2011
Good news: Wife really, really likes sex. Bad news: Just not with me.

Posts: 185 | Registered: Sep 2011
kchip
♂ Member
Member # 36365
Default  Posted: 8:12 AM, October 22nd (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What was is really hard is the dramatic change in her personality since dday.

It was like once the cat was out of the bag - the actress gave up the acting. She unleashed her inner bitch on me, like it was pent up or something. She used me purely for financial support for 1.5 years.

Quite frankly, I'm glad to be rid of her now.


Me: BH (42)
2 boys, age 10/7
D Day: July 15, 2012
Status: DIVORCING
You know that movie, Sleeping With the Enemy? Well I am Julia Roberts in that one......sighhhh
"When we hit our lowest point, we are open to the greatest change"

Posts: 471 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: FL
StillGoing
♂ Member
Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 12:54 PM, October 22nd (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I consider all of you as, 'the lucky ones'. You had a choice, you made a choice, it was yours and yours alone, but for the remainder of us on this thread, the choice was made for us.

MPB I feel your pain but I never chose this. I'm here for the same reason you are, my wife fucked somebody else. The choices I get in the aftermath of this shit don't make me lucky anymore than you are for facing different choices. Lucky is not having to be here at all.

As for choices, I gave her the choice to stay and try. I was ready to D. I had long since accepted I was only going to see my kids on the weekends and live as an indentured servant providing her the lions share of my pay check. I watched a co worker go through this in NJ, and I was ready to go that road.

My life is better now than it was in the wake of dday but it's got its own big bag of fucked up. I'm sure yours is the same - better, with a big bag of fucked up.

The contents of the bag just look better cuz we ain't carrying each others.

[This message edited by StillGoing at 12:55 PM, October 22nd (Monday)]


“Fate is a fickle bitch who dotes on irony.”

Posts: 7076 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
Mypoorboys
♂ Member
Member # 33169
Default  Posted: 7:36 AM, October 23rd (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You are absolutely correct StillGoing! My mistake. None of us here are lucky, we are all victims of a decision beyond our control.
The unlucky ones are our innocent kids, who will have to bear the burden of, as you put it, 'big bag of fucked up', for the rest of their lives.
Call it what you will, selfishness, narcissism, sociopathic behavior. To me, it just translates to a broken life, beaten down by that shitty vagina, and the system that supports it's aberrant behavior.
So, we move on, deal with the disappointment, anger.
Some of us have Wsluts that actually admit to making a mistake. Mine did not.
Some of us have Wsluts that wish to continue working to change themselves, save their families, (not many though), but not mine.
Some Wsluts continue to lie, want everything and dangle the R or D in front of their previously, significant others, not mine.
StillGoing, I was just venting, sorry. Yes, I did love the slut very much, never in my wildest dreams expected to be handed a dish of shit supreme! It happens, and my misfortune is only mine, so whatever the rest of you experience, it's yours and do with it what you honestly feel is best for the kids and yourself.
There's always a worse scenario. For me, I could have perished on the OR table back in 2010, three months prior to the slut enlightening me as to her intentions and behavior.
I could be dead, but I'm not. I could be broke, but I won that battle with a very decent buyout kindly provided by her Daddy.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that really, I could be my worse enemy if I let her continue to eat away. That will stop at years end. I will retire in 3, and hopefully, tide will turn and she will be on the receiving end of the plate of, 'shit supreme'. Not vengeance, but do cause.
I continue to pray for all betrayed, regardless of gender.
God Bless,
MPBs
Me - joining men's advocate group. Lobbying for return to the laws that protected, preserved the family and removing the judges that institute self prejudice.
Revoke the, 'No fault divorce laws'. Make Adultery a crime and protect the family unit.

Posts: 176 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: New Brunswick, New Jersey
Cannon
♂ Member
Member # 32440
Default  Posted: 2:18 PM, October 23rd (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well, boys, the WW wrecked her car and got a DUI Friday night. I had to bail her out of jail at 4 AM.

This is the first legal trouble either of us have ever been in in our lives.

To say she's a dumpster fire right now is putting it mildly. This also puts a dent in my long-term plans of a Spring divorce. I've half a mind to just come out with what I was planning because I'm so pissed and SO TIRED of cleaning up her shit the last three years.


Me - BH, 41
Her - Bi-polar WW, 41

Status: Divorced and relieved


Posts: 127 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: .
Tred
♂ Member
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 12:36 AM, October 24th (Wednesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Cannon,

Why her accident and DUI going to derail your plans?


Married: 16 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 3270 | Registered: Dec 2011
StillGoing
♂ Member
Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 11:55 AM, October 24th (Wednesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

MPB I hear you, sorry. I get the venting, just hard to be quiet sometimes when you're in part of the collateral damage. Though lets face it I have a hard time being quiet at all.

To say she's a dumpster fire right now is putting it mildly.

You know it's a post apoc flick when there are trash cans and dumpsters on fire everywhere for no reason.


“Fate is a fickle bitch who dotes on irony.”

Posts: 7076 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
h0peless
♂ Member
Member # 36697
Default  Posted: 7:01 PM, October 24th (Wednesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I hate this damn emotional rollercoaster! I'm a man! (I'm not 40 though.) I'm not supposed to feel emotions!

WW and I talked about starting the divorce proceedings a week ago Sunday. I did a good job and didn't show any emotion at all. Strictly business. She started crying, left and hasn't contacted me since. I think she was expecting me to grovel or beg or something. (to be fair, if we had talked about it two weeks earlier, I probably would have.)

I'm taking Monday off of work. Time to file. If I could go back and talk to myself at 18, I'd tell myself that going to college and getting into debt to be a teacher wouldn't be a great idea financially given the shitstorm that was to come.

[This message edited by h0peless at 7:02 PM, October 24th (Wednesday)]


Posts: 1311 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Arizona
Mypoorboys
♂ Member
Member # 33169
Default  Posted: 7:11 AM, October 25th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hello HOpeless,
We find out fairly quickly here that hind-site is strictly history and has no bearing on what we have to and must do to keep our sanity and drudge through the system you are about to become very familiar with.
You will find out that the divorce laws vary from state to state.
If you have no kids and little possessions, then I would strongly suggest you go the mediator route or try to do it on your own with her cooperation.
Kids, possessions, then get ready for the ride of your life!
I and I'm sure all of us here, will try to help you with our collective experiences.
Share often, vent, take care of yourself. We all differ, but still hurt when someone stabs us.
Maybe we can help stop the bleeding before you hemorrhage.
MPBs

Posts: 176 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: New Brunswick, New Jersey
h0peless
♂ Member
Member # 36697
Default  Posted: 7:40 AM, October 25th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No kids, luckily, and the possessions should be easy to split up. She has already agreed to let me have the dogs. I'm afraid the underwater mortgage that neither of us can afford by ourselves is going to haunt me for the next seven years or so.

I'm trying to give up figuring out what the hell has been going through her head. I'm doing better with that as I continue to detach.


Posts: 1311 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Arizona
thyme2go
♂ Member
Member # 12908
Default  Posted: 1:28 PM, October 25th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

h0peless - do not dawdle. File/act swiftly. You will never figure out what is going on in her head.

-t2g


BH - no longer 48
3 DD's - (27, 24 and 17)
Divorced on 8/6/09

Posts: 9143 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: Eastern Washington
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 7:18 PM, October 25th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I got better when I directed my thoughts to what was going on in my head.

You all know, this is parenting 101 - when you take something away from baby, to keep em from howling and missing it, what do you do?

You replace it. With something else.

So why does that not apply here? How can it not apply here?

When the next sorry guy posts on jfo about his bichofawife rubbinhisfaceinit & you know he has to "let go", and you tell him...gawd I remember the run advice and me thinking; "How do I do that? Do I click my heels together 3X or what?" It frustrated me to no end! How? How do you "let go"?

I think the answer is by grabbing something else.
YOU, for instance. Your kids...

Grab you. omgee. What a replacement for the pacifier you've grown used to. That shit'll give you buckteeth doncha know.


Posts: 5976 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
StillGoing
♂ Member
Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 7:27 PM, October 25th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Grab a beer.

Enjoy life for an hour.

Small steps.


“Fate is a fickle bitch who dotes on irony.”

Posts: 7076 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
stilllovingher
♂ Member
Member # 29959
Default  Posted: 8:54 PM, October 25th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

like my sig suggests
yes...both lines


The only difference between a butt kisser and a brown noser is depth perception.
I'm sure WAL would agree.

Posts: 2380 | Registered: Oct 2010 | From: still BFE, but now BFE, CA
hank9898
♂ Member
Member # 35405
Default  Posted: 7:30 AM, October 29th (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am reaching out this morning because I'm hurting today.

WW and I were going to attempt MC and had an appointment for this afternoon.

She has actually done more harm than good to repair the marriage. She has used the right words, but her actions have spoken loud and clear that she either does not want the marriage or is still in a fog.

Last night she contacted me cause she is scared to go to MC.

First statement was that she does not think she's ready for it because she has so much anger and frustration with me for how I've handled things since discovery. Her examples were keeping in contact with the other two BS' and looking at her cell phone records.

Of course I called bullshit to that!

She finally followed up with she has discovered what caused her affair... This one hurt to listen to.

AP#1 was a co-worker. She said she just felt the desire from heat to toe when they looked at eachother. She just had to have him then and there. She said the sex was great. It made her feel better than she ever has, so she had to go back again and again.

She loves me in every way, but sexually now that she has experienced AP#1. AP#1 has become magic dick to her.

Ouch! This cut me deep guys! Any thoughts?

ETA: I told her she is either committed to the marriage or she's out.

WW says she needs time to work with an IC before she's ready for MC. We are six plus months out from DDay.

[This message edited by hank9898 at 7:35 AM, October 29th (Monday)]


Me - BH (46)
Two great kids
Son (20) US Army
Daughter (18) College student

Posts: 149 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Minnesota
Brandon808
♂ Member
Member # 35619
Default  Posted: 7:56 AM, October 29th (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She loves me in every way, but sexually now that she has experienced AP#1. AP#1 has become magic dick to her
Sorry Hank but my response would be really cold. I'd tell her flat out "Do you think you've got magical va-jay-jay or something? Do you honestly think if looked I couldn't find the same chemistry with another woman? That we wouldn't rock each other's world. Of course the sex was "so amazing" you have ABSOLUTELY NO REALITY to it! You get to cut loose all of the baggage of your family you selfish <blank>. I could go do the same thing. That's sort of the whole point of "forsaking all others". You were already supposed to have committed to the M. You know, the part where you said "I do"? Ring a bell?"

AYFKM???

She has zero remorse and only some regret...about getting caught.


xBH
D final 8/2012

Posts: 3362 | Registered: May 2012 | From: southeast
stilllovingher
♂ Member
Member # 29959
Default  Posted: 8:03 AM, October 29th (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

MC would be a waste of $$ at this point. She is trying to get you off her back by convincing you that you are nuts. which means she is either still cheating or waiting for the dust to settle to pick it back up.


The only difference between a butt kisser and a brown noser is depth perception.
I'm sure WAL would agree.

Posts: 2380 | Registered: Oct 2010 | From: still BFE, but now BFE, CA
hank9898
♂ Member
Member # 35405
Default  Posted: 8:04 AM, October 29th (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I appreciate the reply Brandon and SLH.

I know damn well that WW does not have remorse. The only reason I wanted to participate in MC was that I knew inside that someone else besides me would call her out on her actions.

This morning I contacted the L originally consulted in April. I told him to get the ball rolling.

It's just hard to hear about magic dick making her so damn happy...

[This message edited by hank9898 at 8:14 AM, October 29th (Monday)]


Me - BH (46)
Two great kids
Son (20) US Army
Daughter (18) College student

Posts: 149 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Minnesota
stilllovingher
♂ Member
Member # 29959
Default  Posted: 8:19 AM, October 29th (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

it was meant to hurt you.
She knows your soft spots, hell, all women know this to be crippling to guys.
there was motive behind that statement. After 6 months THIS is her big AHA! moment? That she likes strange dick and couldnt live without it?
Liking is dick couldnt possibly be the cause of her affair, because she didnt know it until after she started her affair.
Dont let her bullshit get you down, the best response to that kind of nonsense is a hearty laugh.
Ya dig.


The only difference between a butt kisser and a brown noser is depth perception.
I'm sure WAL would agree.

Posts: 2380 | Registered: Oct 2010 | From: still BFE, but now BFE, CA
Topic Posts: 1000
Pages: 1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11 · 12 · 13 · 14 · 15 · 16 · 17 · 18 · 19 · 20 · 21 · 22 · 23 · 24 · 25 · 26 · 27 · 28 · 29 · 30 · 31 · 32 · 33 · 34 · 35 · 36 · 37 · 38 · 39 · 40 · 41 · 42 · 43 · 44 · 45 · 46 · 47 · 48 · 49 · 50

Return to Forum: I Can Relate This Topic is Full
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.