For the permanently betrayed on this thread, read and take those lessons to heart. Use our disappointments,pain and realities as a constant reminder of what it could be like for yourself and pray to God that you have, indeed, made the correct decision.
I have never seen anyone put it this way. As a permanently betrayed, I wonder sometimes if my STBXW ever really loved me. It appears she moved me out long before she physically attacked me and left. The reality that has become my life is sinking in. But I am in IC, and my self-esteem is coming back. Its getting better and most days now are not a crush of emotion. Well, except the angry days.
I wanted R, because I still loved my wife. I would't stay just for the kids. A loveless marriage sounds like misery and the kids would always see this.
Accepting all this slowly and seeing a future again is all helping me get through this train wreck. Loosing 70 lbs feels good too
As a permanently betrayed, I wonder sometimes if my STBXW ever really loved me.
It was like once the cat was out of the bag - the actress gave up the acting. She unleashed her inner bitch on me, like it was pent up or something. She used me purely for financial support for 1.5 years.
Quite frankly, I'm glad to be rid of her now.
I consider all of you as, 'the lucky ones'. You had a choice, you made a choice, it was yours and yours alone, but for the remainder of us on this thread, the choice was made for us.
MPB I feel your pain but I never chose this. I'm here for the same reason you are, my wife fucked somebody else. The choices I get in the aftermath of this shit don't make me lucky anymore than you are for facing different choices. Lucky is not having to be here at all.
As for choices, I gave her the choice to stay and try. I was ready to D. I had long since accepted I was only going to see my kids on the weekends and live as an indentured servant providing her the lions share of my pay check. I watched a co worker go through this in NJ, and I was ready to go that road.
My life is better now than it was in the wake of dday but it's got its own big bag of fucked up. I'm sure yours is the same - better, with a big bag of fucked up.
The contents of the bag just look better cuz we ain't carrying each others.
[This message edited by StillGoing at 12:55 PM, October 22nd (Monday)]
This is the first legal trouble either of us have ever been in in our lives.
To say she's a dumpster fire right now is putting it mildly. This also puts a dent in my long-term plans of a Spring divorce. I've half a mind to just come out with what I was planning because I'm so pissed and SO TIRED of cleaning up her shit the last three years.
Status: Divorced and relieved
Why her accident and DUI going to derail your plans?
To say she's a dumpster fire right now is putting it mildly.
You know it's a post apoc flick when there are trash cans and dumpsters on fire everywhere for no reason.
WW and I talked about starting the divorce proceedings a week ago Sunday. I did a good job and didn't show any emotion at all. Strictly business. She started crying, left and hasn't contacted me since. I think she was expecting me to grovel or beg or something. (to be fair, if we had talked about it two weeks earlier, I probably would have.)
I'm taking Monday off of work. Time to file. If I could go back and talk to myself at 18, I'd tell myself that going to college and getting into debt to be a teacher wouldn't be a great idea financially given the shitstorm that was to come.
[This message edited by h0peless at 7:02 PM, October 24th (Wednesday)]
I'm trying to give up figuring out what the hell has been going through her head. I'm doing better with that as I continue to detach.
You all know, this is parenting 101 - when you take something away from baby, to keep em from howling and missing it, what do you do?
You replace it. With something else.
So why does that not apply here? How can it not apply here?
When the next sorry guy posts on jfo about his bichofawife rubbinhisfaceinit & you know he has to "let go", and you tell him...gawd I remember the run advice and me thinking; "How do I do that? Do I click my heels together 3X or what?" It frustrated me to no end! How? How do you "let go"?
I think the answer is by grabbing something else.
YOU, for instance. Your kids...
Grab you. omgee. What a replacement for the pacifier you've grown used to. That shit'll give you buckteeth doncha know.
Enjoy life for an hour.
WW and I were going to attempt MC and had an appointment for this afternoon.
She has actually done more harm than good to repair the marriage. She has used the right words, but her actions have spoken loud and clear that she either does not want the marriage or is still in a fog.
Last night she contacted me cause she is scared to go to MC.
First statement was that she does not think she's ready for it because she has so much anger and frustration with me for how I've handled things since discovery. Her examples were keeping in contact with the other two BS' and looking at her cell phone records.
Of course I called bullshit to that!
She finally followed up with she has discovered what caused her affair... This one hurt to listen to.
AP#1 was a co-worker. She said she just felt the desire from heat to toe when they looked at eachother. She just had to have him then and there. She said the sex was great. It made her feel better than she ever has, so she had to go back again and again.
She loves me in every way, but sexually now that she has experienced AP#1. AP#1 has become magic dick to her.
Ouch! This cut me deep guys! Any thoughts?
ETA: I told her she is either committed to the marriage or she's out.
WW says she needs time to work with an IC before she's ready for MC. We are six plus months out from DDay.
[This message edited by hank9898 at 7:35 AM, October 29th (Monday)]
She loves me in every way, but sexually now that she has experienced AP#1. AP#1 has become magic dick to her
She has zero remorse and only some regret...about getting caught.
I know damn well that WW does not have remorse. The only reason I wanted to participate in MC was that I knew inside that someone else besides me would call her out on her actions.
This morning I contacted the L originally consulted in April. I told him to get the ball rolling.
It's just hard to hear about magic dick making her so damn happy...
[This message edited by hank9898 at 8:14 AM, October 29th (Monday)]