It's a shitty situation to be in and yours is so much more complicated.
I'm still dealing with anger. You'd think after 3 years it would subside; just a little? I say mean things to H, half the time I don't even know how I say the things I do. I was never like that before. Deep down I want him to feel the hurt.
((((Laura)))) and hugs to the rest of the tribe. I too miss Miracle.
Have I missed something? I miss her.
She posted something about her daughter possibly being in legal trouble and that was all she wrote. Weeks ago. I PM'ed her a while ago but never heard back.
We scheduled a vacation during that time, I chose to be gone then on purpose. I just want to be far away from here, where it all went down.
I have to thank all of you for your support through this first year. I can honestly say I feel like I've been to hell and back a few times...but it helps me tremendously to know that there is a safe place here for me to get it all out.
Love you all.
[This message edited by dadof4 at 3:33 PM, June 21st (Thursday)]
They don't have a clue and they likely never will.That is OK because who in Gods name wants to go through this fucking hell!
Dad...so true...it hurts me to my core and he'll never know that hurt.
I post in several different venues. No worries. And welcome.
There are quite a few of us here that could easily post in multiple ICR forums...I know I fit into more than half of them myself.
I generally post here though, I guess because I feel like the other people here relate the most to my situation.
I am so sorry you are hurting right now.
Thanks m....how are you doing? I know you've had a rough couple of weeks too. I hope you are taking care of you.
37 years. Jeesh. I just turned 37 at the end of April. That just blows.
Gently, just try to remember that you did't DO or CAUSE any of this, ok? It's not a reflection of you in ANY way.
We scheduled a vacation during that time, I chose to be gone then on purpose. I just want to be far away from here, where it all went down
Take a book you enjoy or plan some other activity to fill your time to avoid dwelling on A or being dependent on WH for your relaxation / enjoyment.
traditoperanni.. I am sorry that you have such pain and sadness. As are a terrible affliction.
Post wherever there is support for your needs. The LTA group is wonderful and I have gained so much from them over the past year and it has been my best source for healing after my WW A. Better than IC, MC, family and friends. The LTA goup understands through unwelcome experience the range of emotions / issues involved and shares success and failures freely so that all benefit and it is focused on imporving one's life; not a pity party. I post on other forums for specific questions and scan the topics for relevant ones to my situation. Though with limited time, this is my first and only choice.
I I waited till their entree came and then walked in. I didn't even address her, just looked at him and told him not to come home. the look on his face was priceless.
Wishing all a great weekend.
Nofun: thank you for your thoughts. You are such beautiful lady inside and out. Your WH is an idiot not to appreciate you. I hope all is going well with your children.
Hello to all the newbies. I have been lurking a lot lately and have wanted to post, but just couldn't. Just want to let all of you know that although I haven't been able to reply or post, you have been in my thoughts and prayers.
Nell: Thank you so much. I often think of you and how you were so strong and brave to move forward like you have. I'm not just saying this, but I REALLY do think of you in particular when I'm trying to get my act together and do what you were able to do. I know that's what I want to do.
You know, I've been there before. I was divorced form xWH #1 and it took a while to get over it. A long time. I know what is ahead of me, and I wasn't ready for it. I was also in denial.
I admire so many of you who have the self esteem enough to actually be angry! To know your self worth.
NEVER FORGET THAT.
Never forget the motto of this site:
We can own 50% of the marital problems, but it was 100% the decision of the WS to deal with those problems by having an affair.
I told my WH that if he spent just one quarter (or even less) of the effort to hide the A on our marriage, we would have had the best marriage in the world!!!
Anyway, I'm thinking that I'm starting to get to a breakthrough.
When one is confronted with a trauma, we sometimes have to repeat over and over again the trauma to others until we can start to accept it. Like with 9/11, we had to watch those towers fall over and over again until we could start to accept this horrific incident actually happened.
With a lot of us, it was not only the discovery of a LTA, but then there was TT and new discoveries that we had to integrate into our lives. Too much to deal with.
A lot of us started to integrate the knowledge and then to try to R was a whole other story.
For me, it's been a long, long journey and I'm still travelling along. I've been stuck for a looooong time. Too much to integrate and with a lot of FOO issues and ongoing mother issues ( I really HEAR and UNDERSTAND WYE!!!!! My heart goes out to you) FOO issues that I thought I dealt with, but really didn't came to surface. WOW too much shit!!!
I can't thank the people on LTA enough for being there and helping me.
If it wasn't for you guys and my crazy neighbor ( lol, some of you know I've talked about her enough...the "black widow"....divorced, widowed twice, and then 2 boyfriends die and her mother was bipolar.. geez)...if it wasn't for all of you, I wouldn't be here today writing this post. SERIOUSLY.
I had a lot of "suicidal ideation" over these past few years. Still struggle with it at times.
But thanks to all of you, I'm still here. Good for my sons....
I am sooo grateful when I read that so many of you were worried about me.
Thank you all. I love you guys!!
So, got hold of the phone again - he's def. sexting/flirting with this woman often at the very least. And it looks like stuff has been deleted - for example there is a random stray comment from her "nice biceps!". He's away on business and texting this chick - heck tonight he texted her "foxy cougar!" while I'm sitting right across the cabin settling Sunshine and Paddy in for bed.
Anyhow, enough drama from M3 land...
Honest - You are a wonderful person with more that just this A to worry about. You will move on in your own time. I'm glad Miracle is doing well, thanks for the update.
Nell - you are my inspiration.
I too post mostly in the LTA forum because I feel everyone knows what the other is going through. I feel I belong here, although I probably belong in BS's in Limbo. I think I may always be in Limbo. One foot in the door and one foot out the door. I feel like there is something else lurking that I don't know about and at any given moment something will come crashing down on my world worse than what I already know.
My M will never be the same, I will never feel the same towards my H. The connection is gone. I just don't care about him like I used to. He has come down from the pedestal and the respect I had for him is gone. I don't trust him to do the right thing anymore. So...I put my ducks in a row and I am able to take care of myself. I wouldn't ask him for anything, ever again. It's quite sad.
Honest - (((Hugs))) I had to laugh a few weeks ago when someone who sort-of knew snippets of things accused me of being melodramatic....until I gave her the full run down on BPD mom and fWH. Then, she was all like OMG how are you functioning?!?!?!
It's a lot, but I don't have to tell you that. Just know that there's someone out there who understands...thinking of you.
Then, she was all like OMG how are you functioning?!?!?!
Indeed! I don't how any of us are functioning!! Hang in there WYE. Don't feel guilty about wanting your mother to leave or being angry and upset with her. It's understandable.
Nofun: Keep getting those ducks in a row. Hopefully there will come a day when you will make a decision and not be in Limbo Land. Take your time. He doesn't deserve you.
M3: I am SOOOOOO angry at your WH!!!! Just take care of yourself and the kids. Start planning and putting your ducks in a row so you'll be able to make a decision down the line. We always hope they will change, but we cannnot change them. They have to do it for themselves.
You are a beautiful young lady with gorgeous kids. He does not appreciate what he has. Idiot!!!
I've been working on letting go of fear. Fear of the future, fear of the unknown, fear of letting go. I guess it's all about the illusion of control, which none of really has, just control of ourselves to some degree.
if he spent just one quarter (or even less) of the effort to hide the A on our marriage, we would have had the best marriage in the world!!!
drama from M3 land
WW and I saw MC on Friday. I was relaxed, not agry, as I am moving forward and taking care of myself. My WW was aprehensive. MC quickly saw that I was making a huge effort for the M and WW was flat and befuddled. WW described our relationship very accurrately over the past few weeks and said it made her scared that I was so happy. Well, I am working on it!