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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Long Term Affair - Part 29
trynhard
♂ Member
Member # 22698
Default  Posted: 2:11 PM, April 23rd (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey ellejay...

Your son knows exactly who he want to be... I am happy for him! He's learned something from you both.

Anyways.. sometimes I think of both you and Laura when this song pops up… lol.. Down under artist!

This song is real popular right now. An idiot guy who doesn't know what love means and probably a narcissistic personality.. She finally figured it out. (oh)… lol
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8UVNT4wvIGY


Posts: 2636 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Indiana
lostsuol
♀ Member
Member # 13706
Default  Posted: 4:56 PM, April 23rd (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good to hear from you Ats!

Sorry about your wife's health issues, Dip. She is very lucky that you are there for her. Try to keep us informed... sending healing prayers to all involved in her care.

Nell... it's good to read your positive update!

Thanks Tryn... had never heard this song ... SNL is not a show we watch altho I see Gotye is quite popular there.
Youtube had the lyrics so I'm sharing... pretty harsh imo. When dating, I was fortunate not to experience break-ups of this kind; actually stayed friends with most of my ex'es!

Somebody That I Used To Know lyrics

Now and then I think of when we were together
Like when you said you felt so happy you could die
Told myself that you were right for me
But felt so lonely in your company
But that was love and it's an ache I still remember

You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness
Like resignation to the end
Always the end
So when we found that we could not make sense
Well you said that we would still be friends
But I'll admit that I was glad that it was over

But you didn't have to cut me off
Make out like it never happened
And that we were nothing
And I don't even need your love
But you treat me like a stranger
And that feels so rough
You didn't have to stoop so low
Have your friends collect your records
And then change your number
I guess that I don't need that though
Now you're just somebody that I used to know

Now and then I think of all the times you screwed me over
But had me believing it was always something that I'd done
And I don't wanna live that way
Reading into every word you say
You said that you could let it go
And I wouldn't catch you hung up on somebody that you used to know...

But you didn't have to cut me off
Make out like it never happened
And that we were nothing
And I don't even need your love
But you treat me like a stranger
And that feels so rough
You didn't have to stoop so low
Have your friends collect your records
And then change your number
I guess that I don't need that though
Now you're just somebody that I used to know

I used to know
That I used to know

Somebody...
*************

In Lost's world: FWH & I are together... working on R supposedly... yet I've been uncomfortable about this for about 6 months now, since the retirement party planning in Oct./right up to the party and beyond. I have no proof of contact ... in fact total denial of contact... FWH insists that his admin. assistant arranges work hours, etc. with OW who now works for another co. in the industry but she worked with the retiree for years so was invited. Long story/short... she did not attend. FWH did not acknowledge how much anxiety this caused me and lied about an email he sent to the company with cc: to OW. I got the "I don't know, don't remember" when I confronted him. I still feel that I don't know the whole story of his A as he won't talk about it and we haven't been to MC since late 2009.

I saw my GP for prescription renewals last week and burst into tears when asked if I still needed the Xanax. Truth be told I likely need more as I used to have pills left at month's end but not anymore. He said if FWH won't go to MC then I should still go for IC for myself. Maybe he's right... self-help books are not enough... knowing the 'shoulds' is not getting it done! Weight gain, increased depression, isolation describe my situation today... I've never been so pessimistic about things...
I was a bubbly, glass half-full, "bloom where you are planted" type of person before his A and now I don't recognize myself in the mirror! Tired of the down in the dumps face reflected there.

OK... enuf bringing the tribe down. Going to spend some time with seeds and plant starter trays...


Posts: 808 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: Canada
hopeandchange
♂ Member
Member # 33287
Default  Posted: 5:13 PM, April 23rd (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Happy belated Birthday cdnmommy and Nell I hope you both are still celebrating and wish you both a wonderful year.

UKgirl and Myheart.. regarding memories.

I can no longer recall my colleagues name in the office next door on an impromptu basis

I can remember most if not all of my life during my WW A. Sharp and detailed. I was not meerily, ignorantly stumbling along. I was ready to D to the unpleasantness of our relationship (WW towards me).

I remeber the events post DDay vividly as well. Where we were, what was said.

And I rember the details of our life prior to her A and have grieved terribly over them (good times). I recalled things that I had not even reflected on in 20 years.

So, I remember the details of my M pre, during, and post WW A. But I can forget where I am going when it is just to pick up the paper off the lawn.

h&c


BH (me, 50)
WS (her, 48)
Divorced!
3 wonderful teens
Heading for Happiness

Posts: 401 | Registered: Sep 2011
Laura28
♀ Member
Member # 28997
Default  Posted: 3:17 AM, April 24th (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi all

Just popping into say hello.

My mind is mush at present. I often wonder if infidelity speeds up the progress of alzheimer's. I swear I'm getting more forgetful every day.

Mind you, long term that might not be a bad thing!!!

Anyway, here goes:

Nell - hope the bub is going along well

Allgood - you sound "good" in spite of the shit! Stay strong honey.

Ellejay - I understand why you are saddened. However I cannot help but think how wonderful it is that your son has your values. Neither of my kids have much respect for their dad and that saddens me too BUT I would rather that than know they have his values.

Ats - You also sound good.

Tryn - Love the song. I can't work out who is the villain in it but like to think that FWH's OWs fit into the category of "Now you're just somebody that I used to know".

Lost- Your dday was so long ago. It truly saddens me that you feel as you do. I am so sorry honey

Dip - So sorry to hear about your wife. You both will be in my prayers daily. BIG HUGS. If you can't check in don't worry. We will be happy to see you back and will continue to think of you until then.

H&C - Hi honey. I guess you would share my thoughts re alzheinmer's???

I am seriously worried about some of our friends who have not checked in for a while. Hope you are all OK. BIG HUGS to all.

At Laura's.

Mostly OK. I am a little blah but fine generally.

Busy week at work and Friday I have to take DS21 to see the Marfan specialist for his annual heart check. Fingers crossed and prayers for him please. We are only about 9 weeks away from leaving for the big family trip to Europe which we are all looking forward to. It would be awful if his health took a downturn and he (therefore we) couldn't go.

Gotta run friends

Love you all

Laura



Married 30yrs Me BW 57Yrs Him FWH 59yrs
OWzero 1988 EA?/PA? Gaslighted.
Dday May 28 2010.
OW1 1994(6mths PA, EA til dday).
OW2 2002(8yrs PA).
OW3 2009(1Yr PA).
Others???? Status: Not Divorcing..but.."You can't unfuck the goat"

Posts: 2729 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Australia
njgal480
♀ Member
Member # 24938
Default  Posted: 5:40 AM, April 24th (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Laura-
I will keep your DS in my prayers. I hope his health check goes well and you will all be able to make the trip to Europe.
I think it will be wonderful for all of you.


Me- BS
Him- WH
Long term marriage
D-day- Jan. 2007
5 yr. LTA
Reconciled.


Posts: 3139 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: NJ
njgal480
♀ Member
Member # 24938
Default  Posted: 5:47 AM, April 24th (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

H&C-
I am the same. Can remember the awful LTA yrs (when I was in the dark about the LTA but had a totally detached, depressed, grouchy troll on the couch for a husband) and then of course the horror of d-day and all that followed.

and now.. I also have those memory issues.
Its getting better though.
For example- other than infidelity related books and articles-my brain could not stay focused on reading a novel fo pleasure (which is something I used to do).
I don't think that I was able to get through one book in over 3-4 yrs post d-day.

Now..I can read again...

I do think that the depression, stress, anxiety, and lack of sleep, or interrupted sleep-all create memory and focus problems.


Lost-
Please take care of yourself. I am so sorry that you are still so griefstricken but totally understand.

Please do consider IC for yourself. I went to mine for 4 yrs. IC was instrumental in helping me get through all of this.


Me- BS
Him- WH
Long term marriage
D-day- Jan. 2007
5 yr. LTA
Reconciled.


Posts: 3139 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: NJ
deeppurple
♂ Member
Member # 28757
Default  Posted: 7:02 AM, April 24th (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Laura,
Will keep you & DS on the pray list.

Take care - will miss you when yr away.

DP


Me - BS 49
Her - WS 43
Married 16 yrs (together 17 yrs)
DD13 DS10 DS8 DS6
DDay 1 6.4.2010 dday 2 7.25.2010
Heading for divorce.
"Never look down on someone unless you are helping them up"

Posts: 522 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Where the sun is shining & the surf is pumping
Ellejay
♀ Member
Member # 30498
Default  Posted: 7:04 PM, April 24th (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Tryn - I do like that song, even though it is very bitter. Thanks Lost for posting the lyrics too. I had to smile about the records being collected. About three days after D-Day idiot stbxh was round going through the CD collection making sure he got all his favourites. Perhaps he was in shock that he had been caught out but I remember just standing there incredulously whilst he collected the "soundtrack of his life". Forget about the fact that he had just lost me, his entire 25 year marriage, his kids, his house, his friends, his whole world was in disarray but NO at that moment the CD collection was all important, like we were teenagers and he was terrified I would leave town with them all.

Lost - You need a hug, many of them in fact. I really feel for you and I can imagine that I would be feeling exactly the same had I stayed with WH. You are losing yourself in this which is tragic. The truth is that this has changed your world forever as it has for all of us, however somehow you have got to make a conscious decision not to allow this to have so much power over you. It doesn't sound as if FWH is ever going to be able to give you the reassurance that you need. He just doesn't have the tools obviously and is too busy trying to forget about it all because otherwise he has to own it to the degree that you want him to which he is not able to do. This is a classic case of "let's sweep it all under the rug now and just move forward because I don't want to be defined by my past mistakes forever". This is a classic attitude of some WS's and one that my stbxh has adopted. You can't change it. You cannot make someone "get IT". It has taken me 17 months to realise this. I have wasted so much time waiting for the moment when idiot stbxh appears at my door and says something like "I realise that what I did has devastated you right down to the very core of your soul and changed who you are forever. I am so sorry for the pain I have caused and want you to know that I acknowledge the far-reaching affects of my actions and what it means to everyone I have hurt. I understand that part of the legacy I have created is that you now feel you can never trust anyone ever again and that I have made you feel totally insecure in every aspect of your life. I cannot change the past but I want you to know that I will do everything in my power now to reassure you that I will never hurt you or anyone else like this again, no matter how long it takes for you to recover".

Or something like that anyway.

I strongly suspect that your FWH will never be able to give you the reassurance you need and he knows it. Therefore you just have to take your power back and take matters into your own hands. You have to tell yourself that no matter what, YOU WILL BE OK. Even if FWH stuffs up again, you WILL SURVIVE. You have to get moving on another journey whereby his behaviour does not define YOU either. You deserve and will have a wonderful, exciting and fulfilling future with him or without him. So plant those bloody seeds, watch them grow and know that you can choose to be whoever you are. Wrap some big imaginery arms around yourself Lost and make this the year that you find your way back. xxxxxxx

Laura - Thinking of you and your gorgeous son. Fingers crossed all will be OK. You will be in that Paris apartment before you know it.

Land of Ellejay:
ANZAC day here in OZ. Just wanting to remember all who have given their lives in the name of freedom, whatever country you are from and for whatever cause. Love and prayers xxxxxxx.

EJ


Married 25 years now divorced.
D-Day: 20/11/10
Me: 48.5 plus 10% GST
Him: mental age 6 (apologies to all 6 year olds)
Betrayal: Who cares anymore?

Posts: 1073 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Adelaide, South Australia
trynhard
♂ Member
Member # 22698
Default  Posted: 8:07 PM, April 24th (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey Laura28... I'm sure it's the man who is screwed up in that song... lol.. and Ellejay I got a laugh at your XH collecting his records... I know this... NC is for a reason... Smart woman she is! I once told my wife if we S, I go NC with her. She wondered why? So I would end all emotional attachment with you!

Lost, You don't feel safe.
Lost, "I don't feel safe."
Mr. Lost, "Why?"
Lost, "You are a man, you figure it out. Go read a book"
BTW.. a study done about a women and sex. She needs to feel safe...
http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=453468&HL=22698
Maybe if he figured this out he might get more love'n.
Are you living your life to please your H or YOU?

[This message edited by trynhard at 8:11 PM, April 24th (Tuesday)]


Posts: 2636 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Indiana
UKgirl
♀ Member
Member # 17062
Default  Posted: 5:52 PM, April 25th (Wednesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Lost, I’m so sorry you are still struggling. Big hugs. I find the “zone” I have whenever fWH is away removes the care about doubt. As I have said ad nauseum: If he lies, he lies to himself because I neither believe nor disbelieve what he says. He is at pains to tell me where he is (“I’ve forwarded the email to my home inbox”), the times of his trains/planes (ditto train/plane ticket details), who he is with and the itinerary (ditto headed agenda with cc list). But it doesn’t matter. He was so slick in his deceit that he appeared to have nothing to hide all during the affair. And that is why trust, in whatever category, simply doesn’t apply to him for me. If he sticks to doing the right thing, then he can at least feel good about himself. I have shifted that to him. And he feels the not caring is actually worse than being suspicious, jealous, upset, checking up, etc but it is the safe place for me to be. I’d be totally screwed if I thought of what he could be doing. I have given up asking him about the affair. Any aspect of it. But then he doesn’t work with or have any reason to contact MOW and right now I know where she is and what she is doing workwise. An affair would be quite hard and a distraction she probably doesn’t want at the moment. At least until the summer.

The fact is, if they (the WS) want to have another affair, they will. But hopefully, they have moved on in whichever way has worked best for them (fWH reckoned he had “dealt” with it even before we went to MC – and he was still in contact!!!!! What a shit time!) and wont go there again. Frankly, I think fWH just can’t be bothered with all the ducking and diving anymore. And he too is looking forward to retirement, which I think is telling me that is the case.

I was a much brighter person before d-day. I used to laugh and giggle in my dreams. WH would wake me up (cos I’d woken HIM up) and ask me what was so funny. My dreams now are about loss, struggle, physical danger and they rarely involve him. Anything sexual is usually sinister whereas before it would be arousing and/or amusing. I know my psyche has been deeply affected. My fun, light heartedness, can-do attitude, my positive and easy going nature just aren’t there now.

On a side note, fWH had some important suppliers who we took for lunch last Saturday. They are a very wealthy couple, he’s been married before and they’ve been together about 12yrs and married about 10yrs ago. He’s 56 and she is 41. I worked out later that the jewellery she was wearing came to around £50,000 She took off and showed fWH a ring (I looked it up later - £16,500) her H had bought her. As he took it, she exclaimed “you’re not wearing a wedding ring!” and then looked at me “And YOU’RE not wearing a wedding ring!!” fWH said he doesn’t wear any jewellery, not even a watch. She looked at me. I said simply “no, neither of us wears a ring” “Are you sure you’re married??!” I left fWH to answer that. Later fWH said he wanted to buy me something, a necklace, a watch – a ring? I want the gesture and the promise. He won’t and can’t give me that. So what’s the point in a ring? Or anything else?

Late and it’s been a cold day, 4-6C, 40-42F with lashing rain all day. fWH is away in London. DS17 has been ill most of the day. Rambling and tired. Oh how I need some sun!!

[This message edited by UKgirl at 6:06 PM, April 25th (Wednesday)]


D-Day: 30 July 2006 LTA: 5yrs
Me, BS, 56 y/o Him, WS, 57 y/o
MOW, pathetic ex-fiancee.
3 grown boys and one 18 y/o
I don't consider myself married anymore.
There are some words once spoken split the world in two. Before you say them and after.

Posts: 3328 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: UK
atsenaotie
♂ Member
Member # 27650
Default  Posted: 6:14 PM, April 25th (Wednesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh how I need some sun!!

UKgirl, and anyone else, come to Florida. We have plenty, and the state budget could use your tax dollars.


LTA BS 53
FWW 60
M 1990, dday 10-5-09
Reconciled

Posts: 3967 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: FL
Myheartstillhurt
♀ Member
Member # 32430
Default  Posted: 8:24 PM, April 25th (Wednesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The fact is, if they (the WS) want to have another affair, they will. But hopefully, they have moved on in whichever way has worked best for them (fWH reckoned he had “dealt” with it even before we went to MC – and he was still in contact!!!!! What a shit time!) and wont go there again. Frankly, I think fWH just can’t be bothered with all the ducking and diving anymore

This is so very true, but hard to practice as a BS. We cannot control them or their actions, whatever it is that they choose. Life got A LOT easier for me once I finally got a grasp on that (sometimes struggle though).


BS(me) 32
fWH 36 (Epicallyfailedu)
OW/xBFF of 28 years
Four girls under 11
DDay: 6/5/2010

Posts: 2009 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: Michigan
UKgirl
♀ Member
Member # 17062
Default  Posted: 10:23 AM, April 26th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Myheart, I sometimes feel that fWH chose the easier option by staying. He was very comfortable with me and we did (trying not to laugh here) have a good marriage. He would have been reasonably happy with MOW if I had kicked him out. They bickered a lot (apparently) but that was because they were having an affair….. DER! I thought that by doing a sort of horse whisperer thing of never making him feel obligated, never making him feel tied, always allowing him to pursue his sport interests, his career (what a joke), me adapting to him, making him feel cared for and loved but not in a claustrophobic way, telling him that if he was unhappy, I didn’t want to be treated like [insert any of our various females who were divorcing]. I never wanted to control him, that’s the irony. I just assumed he held the same values as me. And I am a “do as you would be done by” type of person.

Some time after d-day, I realised MOW hadn’t been the only one. I decided the only way I could live my life and continue to live with him was to do the same again, but to slip into a zone where it actually didn’t matter to me what he did. If I found out sometime untoward or inappropriate had happened, I would divorce him without so much as a backward glance. I cannot believe he was such an arrogant fuckwit. And I cannot understand why he can’t commit or promise me anything. He’s 56 for fuck’s sake, you’d think he’d be pretty sure about what he wanted and who he wanted to be with by now. So, I stay a step removed. And leave him to control his boundaries.


D-Day: 30 July 2006 LTA: 5yrs
Me, BS, 56 y/o Him, WS, 57 y/o
MOW, pathetic ex-fiancee.
3 grown boys and one 18 y/o
I don't consider myself married anymore.
There are some words once spoken split the world in two. Before you say them and after.

Posts: 3328 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: UK
UKgirl
♀ Member
Member # 17062
Default  Posted: 10:51 AM, April 26th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ats: I’d love to come to Florida! But I don’t fancy the visa hassle or the pat down at the airport.

Spain would do. South of France. Italy. Menorca. Sea and beach, city and culture, isolated spa, I don’t mind. Just as long as there is some warmth and some sun!!! I am so deprived of vit D, I’m at risk of osteoporosis, tooth decay, severe depression, high blood pressure and milk white skin!

The boys in Queenstown NZ have loads more sun than we do here although the temperature and hours of sunlight are similar. They have fewer cloudy or rainy days although rainfall is about the same too. Time to emigrate!

Today, it has been a balmy 11C, 51F. It is STILL raining and forecast is rain for the next ten days. Ten friggin days of rain and “they” announced just a couple of weeks ago we have a drought! The bikini is staying in the drawer!

Just a rant. Not A-related.


D-Day: 30 July 2006 LTA: 5yrs
Me, BS, 56 y/o Him, WS, 57 y/o
MOW, pathetic ex-fiancee.
3 grown boys and one 18 y/o
I don't consider myself married anymore.
There are some words once spoken split the world in two. Before you say them and after.

Posts: 3328 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: UK
ImNellNow
♀ Member
Member # 28753
Default  Posted: 2:03 PM, April 26th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((((((((((((UKg))))))))))))))


BS & D
Drinking wine and thinking bliss is on the other side of this.

Posts: 2370 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Baby steps on my new path
atsenaotie
♂ Member
Member # 27650
Default  Posted: 2:48 PM, April 26th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

For UKgirl:


LTA BS 53
FWW 60
M 1990, dday 10-5-09
Reconciled

Posts: 3967 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: FL
UKgirl
♀ Member
Member # 17062
Default  Posted: 4:21 PM, April 26th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks Nell.

Ats, I’m gonna take that sunshine with me. I’m away for a few days. Visiting M&FIL and then going over to pick up my Mum and bring her back here for a week. She’s pretty disabled and has a stair lift in her house, but we’ll see how it goes. My stairs number more than average, but shallow and have a good deep tread, so I hope she’ll be okay. So I’ll be flitting in and out.

(((((Tribe)))))


D-Day: 30 July 2006 LTA: 5yrs
Me, BS, 56 y/o Him, WS, 57 y/o
MOW, pathetic ex-fiancee.
3 grown boys and one 18 y/o
I don't consider myself married anymore.
There are some words once spoken split the world in two. Before you say them and after.

Posts: 3328 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: UK
njgal480
♀ Member
Member # 24938
Default  Posted: 8:29 PM, April 26th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

UKgirl-
What do you mean when you say that your WH will not commit or promise anything?
How did you come to R?
Was he remorseful and wanting to save the marriage?


Me- BS
Him- WH
Long term marriage
D-day- Jan. 2007
5 yr. LTA
Reconciled.


Posts: 3139 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: NJ
m334455
♀ Member
Member # 26893
Default  Posted: 10:14 PM, April 26th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nell, how is the baby?
You know, Baby P is almost 100% now. You can tell your sister that. If I could have one thing to do over about it -- I would have worried about her a lot less and enjoyed her a lot more.

UKG -- I don't wear a wedding ring either.

Now...

Party at ATS's house!!!!

Dip, I won't survive without your super powers, but take care of your wife well nonetheless.

House sells tomorrow afternoon. It's also my 37th birthday. Time to change my signature.


BW 38, 5 kids
Dday Dec. 2009

Posts: 4034 | Registered: Dec 2009
njgal480
♀ Member
Member # 24938
Default  Posted: 5:28 AM, April 27th (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Happy Birthday M33!
And hope the sale of the house goes well.
I wish you only the best.


Me- BS
Him- WH
Long term marriage
D-day- Jan. 2007
5 yr. LTA
Reconciled.


Posts: 3139 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: NJ
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