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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Long Term Affair - Part 29
Laura28
♀ Member
Member # 28997
Default  Posted: 1:40 PM, July 12th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi friends

Living the dream (sometimes without internet - which sucks). Have been in Paris and Berlin, now in Prague with Venice and Rome up next! Extraordinary!

Also following two 20 + young people becomes quite demanding for us oldies and I am falling into bed exhausted each evening but so happy. I think my osteo has spread to my hips!

Having a wonderful time.

Still keeping you all in my thoughts and prayers,

Honest,

I truly wish your FT would drop dead. I know you love him but your world would be so much better without him in it. BIG HUGS honey.

Nell

You said it so well honey. You have so much of what we Aussies call "spunk" (courage). Thanks for being here for us all!

Love to everyone

Laura



Married 30yrs Me BW 57Yrs Him FWH 59yrs
OWzero 1988 EA?/PA? Gaslighted.
Dday May 28 2010.
OW1 1994(6mths PA, EA til dday).
OW2 2002(8yrs PA).
OW3 2009(1Yr PA).
Others???? Status: Not Divorcing..but.."You can't unfuck the goat"

Posts: 2729 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Australia
m334455
♀ Member
Member # 26893
Default  Posted: 2:27 PM, July 12th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

even if you are in a bad place financially, you have to save your spirit

It this! As usual, Nell is eloquent.

The shoulda-couldas: I like a term I read: "demanding a better past" There's something about it that gently points out how impossible it is.

When you know better, you do better.


BW 38, 5 kids
Dday Dec. 2009

Posts: 4034 | Registered: Dec 2009
UKgirl
♀ Member
Member # 17062
Default  Posted: 3:05 PM, July 12th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi all, not sure who is where - bad speed reading here - but I see Honest is in a bad place.

Honest honey, you have been given some great advice. Njgal has expressed it so well. You are so much more deserving than this. He is NPD, he h as no room for anyone in his life other than HIM. OW will suffer the same fate. But that’s her choice. He is just an asshole. Meanwhile:

I'm so low, especially since I know he chose her.
You don’t need to have anyone “choose” you. You get to choose yourself now. That’s YOU. He has taken far too much for far too long. All those who finally say “enough” get to choose and I read time and again that they find this inner strength to haul themselves back up from the black abyss and, what’s more, they find they CAN do it and they are much happier when they get to have full control over their lives. You don’t need this man. Truly. You are more than enough on your own. You have love shining out of you and this man just doesn’t deserve you.

But I really laughed at this:

ratbastard piece of shit twisted narcissistic entitled dick of a scumsucking fuckhead
I wish I could be as harshly witty as Nell. If you were here, you’d see this woman spluttering into her beer and wiping tears running down her face. I had to get a tissue! That’s a keeper, Honest! Tape it over the cooker! Yeh, look at what OW had “won”.

Look, there must be a forensic accountant who can come up with all the overseas money. There must be a government department who has a duty to ensure money does NOT stay overseas. Tjhere must be a lawyer who will take on your case. And, once again, the advice is to get out from under this NPD soul crushing man. You are not trapped. No one is. You CAN make a choice. Put the groundwork in and decide you’ve had enough of this shit treatment.

m33, I like the Katie Holmes idea! I think you are amazing.

I’ll be back later!! The Italian Lakes were wonderful (even though The Other Man film flashed through my mind every now and then – major trigger) and idiot husband did the twiddling of my ring finger, thereby spoiling our last night. Still, it was good until then!

(((((Tribe)))))

Hi Laura! Enjoy your tour!!


D-Day: 30 July 2006 LTA: 5yrs
Me, BS, 56 y/o Him, WS, 57 y/o
MOW, pathetic ex-fiancee.
3 grown boys and one 18 y/o
I don't consider myself married anymore.
There are some words once spoken split the world in two. Before you say them and after.

Posts: 3328 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: UK
njgal480
♀ Member
Member # 24938
Default  Posted: 7:48 PM, July 12th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ukgirl and Laura-
So glad to hear that you are having such fun on your vacations!


Me- BS
Him- WH
Long term marriage
D-day- Jan. 2007
5 yr. LTA
Reconciled.


Posts: 3139 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: NJ
njgal480
♀ Member
Member # 24938
Default  Posted: 7:49 PM, July 12th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ellejay- Good to hear from you too!


Me- BS
Him- WH
Long term marriage
D-day- Jan. 2007
5 yr. LTA
Reconciled.


Posts: 3139 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: NJ
honesttoafault
♀ Member
Member # 27105
Default  Posted: 10:26 PM, July 12th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Laura and Ukgirl, I'm so glad that you are having a good time on your vacations. You definitely deserve it.

I guess I have to check out some more lawyers and do more "shopping".

ratbastard piece of shit twisted narcissistic entitled dick of a scumsucking fuckhead

UKgirl, you are right! Nell hit it on the head! I think we should put that in the quotes section in Fun and Games!

I can't thank everyone enough for all your help. You are so wonderful. I really needed the reality checks.

I always got sucked in with his charm and sweet talk in the past. Saying all these wonderful things and how much he loves me, and then I check the phone records and see how much he is calling the OW(ife). The same pattern, if I call him on it "Why are you calling her soooo much?" then I would get the anger, cold shoulder, silent treatment.

Finally, today it really dawned on me that even if I yelled (for all of maybe 1 minute and not saying anything bad, just how I felt) does not deserve this cold silent treatment I'm getting. I didn't do anything!!!
I guess it's the classic cake eater syndrome. All is well as long as the BS is quiet and goes along with it, but the minute he/she speaks up and demands what's right, it all goes to shit and the demonization starts.

I guess what I don't understand is that OW(ife) was constantly on his case about financials and getting more money, all I wanted was more TIME.

I'm talking like a crazy person again. and just rambling. Thank you for allowing me to do so.

God bless you all.


Posts: 1903 | Registered: Jan 2010
ImNellNow
♀ Member
Member # 28753
Default  Posted: 11:45 PM, July 12th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

honest, you sound better. So glad.
XOXO - Nell


BS & D
Drinking wine and thinking bliss is on the other side of this.

Posts: 2370 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Baby steps on my new path
UKgirl
♀ Member
Member # 17062
Default  Posted: 12:38 AM, July 13th (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Honest, you are not a crazy person, but he’s making you feel like one!
Go back to basics: Re-read the 180, and the relevant articles in Great Posts for Newbies, ESPECIALLY dealing with a foggy spouse. Become indifferent – that’s the goal. And tick off the days to his flight. Hugs (((((Honest)))))

Back to rain. The country is awash. Hope your Olympic teams have their waterproofs, umbrellas, snorkels and flippers! Oh, and a nice woolly sweater. It’s about 13 degrees. And this is July??? Time to rebook another holiday!


D-Day: 30 July 2006 LTA: 5yrs
Me, BS, 56 y/o Him, WS, 57 y/o
MOW, pathetic ex-fiancee.
3 grown boys and one 18 y/o
I don't consider myself married anymore.
There are some words once spoken split the world in two. Before you say them and after.

Posts: 3328 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: UK
forgivenotforget
♀ Member
Member # 11053
Default  Posted: 8:25 AM, July 13th (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Honest - I have been so upset for you and your situation as we all have been and went on a search yesterday. I found this site that I hope will help you.

http://www.heart-2-heart.ca/note/

One of the links talks about the cycle of abuse and something in your post today seemed to ring true about your situation. You said, "I always got sucked in with his charm and sweet talk in the past." This is often referred to as the honeymoon phase or reconciliation phase.

I know it might be hard to believe but he is doing you a favor behaving like this. He is actually helping you to break free. In many cases where there is abuse, emotional, psychological, or physical abuse, the absence of remorse is the impetus in finally breaking free.

I didn't check out all the links but it does seem that this is also a support site. I think it may give you an idea of the resources that are out there for you - at least I hope so.

((((Honest)))

M3 - Sending out hugs to you too. I cannot believe your H. I hope Nell can come up with another classic line for him.
Is he at all aware that you are onto him??? (((M3)))


D-day - 12/23/05 LTA - 8 years.
"Love's a matter of trust and I just want to believe in us." M McBride

Posts: 1901 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: A tunnel where I'm beginning to see the light
ImNellNow
♀ Member
Member # 28753
Default  Posted: 2:46 PM, July 13th (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I hope Nell can come up with another classic line for him.

But, you know, no pressure...


BS & D
Drinking wine and thinking bliss is on the other side of this.

Posts: 2370 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Baby steps on my new path
m334455
♀ Member
Member # 26893
Default  Posted: 4:04 PM, July 13th (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

M3 - Sending out hugs to you too. I cannot believe your H. I hope Nell can come up with another classic line for him.

Oh, she's PM'ed me a few doozies, but I think my favorite is that instead of Mr. M3 she refers to him as Mr. Nofuckingclueman

I don't think he knows. I'm sad as all get out. I just can't be married to someone who texts other chicks that they have a nice ass and they are Foxy Cougars and special sexy friends and hot monkey girls or whatever. I just can't. It's not fair and I'm pissed and sad and well, let's face it being 5+ months pregnant doesn't help anything.

It's so classic, the me being pregnant part. Big old, "Kick her while she's down."

Damn, damn, damn, damn. damn!!!

You know what I need? A nice Venn diagram. And a chart. A la tryn. I shall create you all something charty and potentially statistical, since tryn has been so darn lazy (whoops! I meant BUSY ) lately.


BW 38, 5 kids
Dday Dec. 2009

Posts: 4034 | Registered: Dec 2009
UKgirl
♀ Member
Member # 17062
Default  Posted: 2:48 AM, July 14th (Saturday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Okay folks. I don’t have long but need some advice/support/hugs.

Checked the main pc before going to bed last night. Checked the history. Yep, you’re probably ahead of me. 30th June shows the following:
19:21 Booked airport parking for our Italy trip
19:46 Logged in to GMail
19:47 Logged on to LinkedIn. Did his invitations and sent out some. Looked at profiles. Went between Gmail and LinkedIn.
19:57 Searched Linkedin for MOW (using the shortened name, one he has NEVER used whenever he had spoken about her)
19:58 Googled sport.
19:58 – 20:38 Took a break
20:40 BBC sport and finished for the day.

It was Saturday evening. I was trying to get DS17 to do his packing. And Mr UKg clearly forgot to clear the history. Maybe he got interrupted by me or DS17, maybe I asked him to sort dinner, I dunno cos I can’t remember. I Linkedin searched her name back on 30th May (my monthly check up on her) and she had disappeared. Maybe he was checking to see if she was back again? To do what? Send a belated birthday message (her birthday was 27th)? Maybe he has messaged her through Linkedin and that's why she removed her profile. Maybe she saw he had viewed her profile and removed it. Shit.

Fuck. How many times has he done this and deleted it from the history? Fuckity FUCK.

It’s my birthday tomorrow. Fuck. Now what?

eta - posted in Recon too.

[This message edited by UKgirl at 3:04 AM, July 14th (Saturday)]


D-Day: 30 July 2006 LTA: 5yrs
Me, BS, 56 y/o Him, WS, 57 y/o
MOW, pathetic ex-fiancee.
3 grown boys and one 18 y/o
I don't consider myself married anymore.
There are some words once spoken split the world in two. Before you say them and after.

Posts: 3328 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: UK
deeppurple
♂ Member
Member # 28757
Default  Posted: 7:05 AM, July 14th (Saturday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

fuckityfuckfucktard wh's

Im so sorry UK - grrrrrrr

God you you girls deserve so much better

cricket bat time mu luv

((((uk))))


Me - BS 49
Her - WS 43
Married 16 yrs (together 17 yrs)
DD13 DS10 DS8 DS6
DDay 1 6.4.2010 dday 2 7.25.2010
Heading for divorce.
"Never look down on someone unless you are helping them up"

Posts: 522 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Where the sun is shining & the surf is pumping
ImNellNow
♀ Member
Member # 28753
Default  Posted: 9:13 AM, July 14th (Saturday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((((Very hard hugs))))) for you. I vote you make a decision to deal with this when you return so that you can enjoy your time away.

What is with all the weak little cowardly behavior lately? They're like werewolves during a full moon. Geez. Maybe the shitheel moon is rising in the house of fucktard.


BS & D
Drinking wine and thinking bliss is on the other side of this.

Posts: 2370 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Baby steps on my new path
njgal480
♀ Member
Member # 24938
Default  Posted: 10:28 AM, July 14th (Saturday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

UKgirl-
This stinks...
I agree with Nell though....
maybe put it on the back burner until your Italy trip is over rather than ruining your vacation.
Try to focus on the beauty around you.

I do think that there seems to be a pattern.... that when the BS feels 'uneasy' about R it often turns out that the WS is not 100% into saving the marriage and may have unresolved issues regarding the infidelity.

I say...time to hold his feet to the fire....but..wait..until you get home from the trip if possible.

hugs


Me- BS
Him- WH
Long term marriage
D-day- Jan. 2007
5 yr. LTA
Reconciled.


Posts: 3139 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: NJ
forgivenotforget
♀ Member
Member # 11053
Default  Posted: 10:58 AM, July 14th (Saturday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

UKG - This totally sucks. I am so angry for you. One thought, would you consider contacting OW's BH?? You have been in touch with him in the past and it seemed that he was very savvy in retrieving their communications. He might be able to reassure you that this is a single incident.

I cannot imagine why your H would do this after all this time. Even if this was a moment of weakness on his part, I still feel you need to confront him eventually. I hope this doesn't ruin your birthday and that you can "compartmentalize" this until your special day is over.
Lots of hugs and especially wishing you peace on your birthday. Hopefully your H will do something very special for you but you'll always have those wonderful sons of yours to make you feel loved and special. (((((((((UKG)))))))))))))
ETA - You don't even have to mention to the OW's BH that you found this on your H's history. Just say that it has been a long time since you chatted and thought it might be a good idea to follow-up.

[This message edited by forgivenotforget at 11:50 AM, July 14th (Saturday)]


D-day - 12/23/05 LTA - 8 years.
"Love's a matter of trust and I just want to believe in us." M McBride

Posts: 1901 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: A tunnel where I'm beginning to see the light
forgivenotforget
♀ Member
Member # 11053
Default  Posted: 11:06 AM, July 14th (Saturday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nell - no pressure from me I agree with M3 - Mr.Nofuckingclueman sounds good to me too.

M3 - One other question - how is Mr. NF'nclue treating you lately? Is he acting as if everything is fine? I can't imagine acting like a stupid adolescent with 4 children and one on the way. WTF is wrong with these guys???
(((((M3))))


D-day - 12/23/05 LTA - 8 years.
"Love's a matter of trust and I just want to believe in us." M McBride

Posts: 1901 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: A tunnel where I'm beginning to see the light
Laura28
♀ Member
Member # 28997
Default  Posted: 12:40 PM, July 14th (Saturday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi all

Venice is extraordinary!!! Love it!!!

Read latest posts and had to pop in to say my rage towards MR STUPID FUCKING NARCISSISTIC DISHONEST AND MR FUCKTARD DIPSHIT WHYHASN'THELEARNT UK are megalithic!!!!

These wimps need a good swift kick up the backside (as we Aussies would say).

How DARE THEY?????

What on earth makes them think they are so fucking special???

Self absorbed freaks!!!

My betrayed friends - I want so much to hug you all

Love

Laura


Married 30yrs Me BW 57Yrs Him FWH 59yrs
OWzero 1988 EA?/PA? Gaslighted.
Dday May 28 2010.
OW1 1994(6mths PA, EA til dday).
OW2 2002(8yrs PA).
OW3 2009(1Yr PA).
Others???? Status: Not Divorcing..but.."You can't unfuck the goat"

Posts: 2729 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Australia
ImNellNow
♀ Member
Member # 28753
Default  Posted: 12:59 PM, July 14th (Saturday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

YEAH!!! What Laura said.


BS & D
Drinking wine and thinking bliss is on the other side of this.

Posts: 2370 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Baby steps on my new path
honesttoafault
♀ Member
Member # 27105
Default  Posted: 4:01 PM, July 14th (Saturday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

{{{{UKgirl}}}}

Damn him damn him damn him!!!

I agree with the others, hold off on the confrontation for now and enjoy your special day and the vacation. I know it will be hard holding on to this bit of info for awhile.

Is there a keylogger on the computer or any other way you can check to see if he's still keeping contact or it this was a stupid isolated incident?

Damn!


Posts: 1903 | Registered: Jan 2010
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