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User Topic: Long Term Affair - Part 29
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Member # 28753
Default  Posted: 12:30 PM, July 23rd (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Happy birthday, deep! I third the party for yourself idea. I threw myself a mother's day and had a blast. (Not the same thing, I realize... because birthdays should be celebrated all week. Daffy says so.) Oh, and this goes without saying, but your WW is *not* invited.

UKgirl (and cdn, and really all of us!),
Oh, dear sweet Lord, the lies. Daffy lied all the time about everything. I used keylogger until I really didn't want to manage him any longer, and then I just decided that anything he said had about a 50% of being truth (unless it was something "bad," in which case it was .02% of being the truth) and moved on with my life. I'm so sorry. What a cowardly little fucktard. I kinda feel sorry for these weasely little WSs. But not much.

You are in a class by yourself. So... what is going on? I had assumed that you were divorcing/had divorced. Not as such?

Just hugs. I do believe you are in the anger phase. Mine was quite good to me (please see "creative cussing"), but hung on too long. I got rid of it when I was ready to let it go (when it became an issue *for me*).

Okay, hugs all around because I've just realized that it's lunchtime and I'm hungry.

Nell out.

BS & D
Drinking wine and thinking bliss is on the other side of this.

Posts: 2370 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Baby steps on my new path
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Default  Posted: 12:33 PM, July 23rd (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If it were possible, I'd say come to the LTA house and we'll have a party - BBQ, marquee in the garden, balloons, beer and wine, the full monty.
Do something for YOU today. It's YOUR day, celebrate in the way that makes you FEEL GOOD.

Totally agree with UKg... virtual Birthday party for Deep at LTA clubhouse at 8p in whatever time zone we live!

Don't let that WW spoil your day. NJg has great suggestions for a celebration with your kids - doesn't matter if it's not on 'the date'. We rarely manage to do this as schedule conflicts among our offspring & their spouses mean we get together when most can attend.

This week our military son & his family are here from the West coast so our 3 yr old gs's (born 4 months apart) had their first play date. It was great to watch them play as if they had been buddies from the get-go! They have seen each other via Skype a couple of times but attention span has been brief. And to see our offspring & spouses enjoying being together as well. The week will fly by and be much too short!

So I'll be scanning the forum and praying for peace among my LTA family. {{{LTA}}}

Posts: 808 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: Canada
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Default  Posted: 1:39 PM, July 23rd (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

cd: In a weird way, it is good that you have identified the main problem. I hope you WH will be able to address the issue.

UKgirl: I'm so sorry. They keep lying even if it's right in their face. It's frustrating and exhausting. I agree with the others about a keylogger. You have been suspicious and it may be better to know for sure what is going on.

Lost: I hope you enjoy the visit with your kids and grandkids. We have to try to focus on the good.

Nell: You are my inspiration! I love your posts.

Deep: Happy Birthday! I agree with the others about trying to celebrate with your kids and make new memories.

I'm still trying to sort myself out. NPD is no longer giving me the silent treatment, but he still spends his day on the phone with business and her. At night, he's on the computer and if I try to talk to him about something with the kids or something necessary, it's hard to get his attention. I'm an idiot because I still feel rejected when I'm sitting right there, and yet he calls whomever and talks forever.
Today he tells me that I shouldn't have my happiness depend on other people. He says I'm unhappy because he's not acting in ways I expect him to. I should just be happy with myself and not because he doesn't act a certain way, or say certain things.

I get myself totally confused with this. Yes, he is right that my happiness should not be predicated on HIM, BUT, if I feel rejected or not being paid attention to of course I will feel unhappy.
I have to let go of all my expectations of him, but am I wrong to want some attention from him and not get it, to be upset?
I think I'm a merry-go-round that I can't get off. I get sooooo damn confused.

Posts: 1897 | Registered: Jan 2010
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Default  Posted: 3:26 PM, July 23rd (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Happy Birthday DP -- won't take much to get this pregnant lady to eat some cake in your honor :)

BW 38, 5 kids
Dday Dec. 2009

Posts: 4034 | Registered: Dec 2009
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Default  Posted: 4:18 PM, July 23rd (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so sorry that he is being so cruel to you.
But, it sounds like at this point he is just using your house as a hotel.
That he stays there when he comes to the USA because it is free and he gets to see his sons....
but, otherwise, he uses the phone and computer to take care of his personal as well as professional business.

It sounds as if he has distanced himself from you and your marriage to the point that he is so detached ...he can sit in the same room with you but be talking to the OW/wife.

He probably thinks that he is doing you a favor by not divorcing you so that you and the boys can stay in the house.

What he doesn't realize is that this is cruel and inhuman punishment. To do this to his wife and the mother of his children-it's abusive.

He would be much kinder if he divorced you and allowed you and the boys to get on with your lives.
Living in limbo like this is awful for you.

Me- BS
Him- WH
Long term marriage
D-day- Jan. 2007
5 yr. LTA

Posts: 3139 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: NJ
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Member # 33287
Default  Posted: 12:25 PM, July 24th (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

DP.. Happy Birthday! Cake is ok for m3 but is bad for me so I will hoist a margarita to celebrate.

I was the one filling out forms. I stopped halfway through. We talked it out finally.
God, this sucks.

WYE yes it does only it does not nearly describe what it is to the BS. Others can empathise but never understand.

Well, it ain't good financially, that's for sure.

It's going to take months to get all this ready. I can see it now. I think the faster I chug through it the better I will feel, but it's a pretty sucky situation.

m3.. you have so much on your plate and are dealing with it all - a true inspiration. The emotions, the kids, the pregnancy and the finances. Be sure to address all when setting the pace for your D. Sending good fortune your way.

Fuck it - how dare she steal from me & the kids

Oviously with the same callous disregard for you and your kids that she showed in having her A. Protect yourself now, enjoy the good things (your kids) and work to get on with your life.

Honest.. a difficult situation. IC or equivelant person to talk to about this is essential to maintaing sanity. Post often and find some genuine consistent support.

Nell.. I am definitely not in the D crew (today) but like WYE and others the distance to D can become real short at times. I am still working on myself and encouraging WW to do the same. I will update on a later post.

Sending good fortune to all!


BH (me, 50)
WS (her, 48)
3 wonderful teens
Heading for Happiness

Posts: 401 | Registered: Sep 2011
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Default  Posted: 11:33 PM, July 24th (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi guys, thanks for your kind words.

M3, you're my hero.

Tomorrow is my 14year anniversary and I feel like dying. I have told him we are not celebrating it. He has made a mockery of our M and there is nothing worth celebrating. We would go to this great hotel on our anniversary each year and he recalls no specifics but does recall texting her from there one year.

Someone said post my story. Here goes. I read a text and asked if he was having A. He said yes. I was shocked. If he had said no I would have been more inclined to believe that as I used to joke that he could never have an A because it would have had to have happened on the bus on route home - he's never away from us except at work and who would have guessed he was getting blown at the office?

It was a 2 year A. Hotel rooms, she came to my house when I was out of town, mostly at the office in various rooms. He introduced her to our small kids when they met at the zoo. He got her pregnant. Once he fucked her and fucked me on the same day and he recalls thinking that was pretty fucked up.

Things were really fucked up in his family. Mom is a narscisstic bitch. His dad killed himself 6 months into this A after loosing their big house, expensive cars etc in a downward spiral. His parents situation was stressful when this relationship began and while it continued.

He says all the classic things you here on this site - he felt he was in a fog, doesn't know what he WS thinking, tried to stop and couldn't bc it was like a drug, compartmentalized everything, doesn't know how it happened, etc.

He also says he never loved her even though he told her he did, always loved me, never wanted to hurt me or leave me, etc.

That's my story. I lost 28 lbs in like 40 days. I stopped my daily wine habit which I think contributed to my cluelessness. I decided to run for local political office in April and won, so now I am an elected official:) how's that for a 180?

Yes, there has been no contact. In fact I called the WS's H and told him within 12 hours of finding out. He still works with her but not in the same location mostly, but he does run into and then he tells me. Could he still be cheating? Yes, and I don't know whether to believe him or not. My MC says she thinks he is not cheating, and he's convincing that he regrets this and would never do it again. He tells me every night he loves me and is sorry. I say nothing in response - I can't, I don't know if I love him, and if I do, it hurts too much to say anything, to tell him.

Sometimes I think (fantasize) about cheating on him, and about serving him with D papers.

We have 3 kids, 10, 8 and 4. Not sure I can break up the family. Back to my start, tomorrow is my anniversary and I am feeling very sad.

Posts: 129 | Registered: Apr 2012
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Default  Posted: 6:29 AM, July 25th (Wednesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Happy Belated Birthday Deep! So sorry there wasn't an acknowledgment of the day from your family. Next time, you will have to plan something special for you & the kids to do together. Really terrible indication of what she's going to be like to co-parent with. Not that she had to celebrate your birthday, but there's no excuse for her not to set something up from the kids.

So sorry.

Nell: class by myself, lol, I suppose I am.

We signed a separationg agreement April 2011 & he moved out August 2011. He has not moved back in. No intention of that. I mean, he would like that, but realizes that it's not going to happen.
Divorcing was never something I wished to pursue as I would lose my health benefits. No real reason to do it until he retires so I can collect my share of his pension.
Anyway, hard to put a finger on the status of our relationship. I do not fael like I could ever get past all that was done both during the A and during the aftermath, including events of about 6 months ago when I learned he went right back to OW after he moved out (if he ever left at all). Apparently, she broke up with him at the end of November when I came into possession of nude photos of her (totally accidental & bizarre how I got to have them) and didn't want the drama of an angry woman with a bit of ammunition.


My status - treading water. Living day to day. Not ready to date by a long shot. H wants to try to work it out, but clearly he hasn't changed - weekly examples of other childish behavior I just have no patience for.

But, other than having no clear relationship status, I'm actually doing really well.

How about you Nell? Dating?

Me- BS
DDay- 8/26/09
Separated after failed R effort.

Posts: 2165 | Registered: Nov 2009
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Member # 33003
Default  Posted: 10:39 AM, July 25th (Wednesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

inca - I am so sorry. You say he got her there is an OC involved?

Me: BW
Him: FWH
4 kids & 20 years together
DD: 7/7/11
OW1: 3yr+ LTA
OW2: My xBFF
Trying to R

Posts: 1282 | Registered: Aug 2011
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Member # 26893
Default  Posted: 1:52 PM, July 25th (Wednesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

M3, you're my hero.

Thanks, inca. Though I have to say today is one of those days when I feel barely adequate. Though I do have a roast cooking.

Inca -- you have to be your own hero. That's the key to all this BS.

Oh, and congrats on your office! Awesome.

W-Y-E; I suspect inca is going to tell us that there is an abortion involved, not an OC.

Wow. That made me so sad to write. Especially as the baby is having his post-lunch workout in there right now.

Allgood, you've always been in a class by yourself!

Bless you all today, and may you all have peaceful and happy afternoons and evenings.

BW 38, 5 kids
Dday Dec. 2009

Posts: 4034 | Registered: Dec 2009
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Member # 29259
Default  Posted: 7:29 PM, July 25th (Wednesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Halloooo to the Tribe and all those on the LTA forum! It's been a long time since I popped in to say hi and I'm way overdue for an update on all of you. Forgive me, but there's no way I'm going to be able to actually read ALL the posts since I was here last so it may take me a while to get up to speed.

An update on me.....I am hoping to be divorced within the next month. (For those who don't know, 6/29 was my 2-year antiversary from learning of my WH's 4-7 year A. Since then I've learned of 3 OW he slept with so who really knows how many there have been.) I moved out of the family home one week ago, on my birthday! I have been trying to get out from the house for over a year, it's too big and expensive but my youngest wanted to stay in the house for his last year of hs. Well, he graduated this year and I feel like I'm free! I moved into a cute 2-bedroom apartment that is much closer to my job. I was very picky about what furniture I took with me and if I didn't love it, I left it. WH is moving back into the house as it didn't sell and he's doing me the "favor" (his words) of buying me out. I won't sign any divorce decree until I have the money in hand otherwise he could drag this out even longer. Ugh!

So, lessons learned.....

1. If they lied once, they won't feel as bad as you do when they lie again.
2. The WS will work very hard to make you believe that in some way you are responsible for their behavior. I worked for years on this one and I still have trouble not taking ownership of OUR infidelity problem. WE had trouble in our marriage, but HE had trouble staying faithful to me. WH made decisions that had life-altering implications for me and our children without ever consulting me. He still has trouble admitting the he was wrong.
3. If anyone had told me that it would take this long to get a divorce I honestly wonder if I would have been able to continue to function. I filed for D in September 2011. I like my attorney but she never did feel the urgency that I did to get this over with. It's a job for her but it's my life!
4. Follow the advice of those on this site. They know what they're talking about. Having said that....
5. Trust your gut. You know your sich better than anyone and you know your family and yourself better than anyone on the outside looking in. You know your limits, what you can and can't live with so trust your own instincts. When it came time to make an important decision I would solicit input from family and friends, but in the end I would make the decision on my own. I have friends that I respect who feel like I tried too hard to hold my M together and others that I respect who think I should have tried harder. In the end it's what I feel that counts. I'm the one living this life, not them. MY IT told me many times that I would know when I was ready to throw in the towel and she was right. Suddenly the decision was clear as day. Mind you, it wasn't easy, just clear.
5. Give yourself permission to make mistakes. You won't get everything right so don't expect that you will. But if you take the time to really listen to what your heart is telling you then you won't get too far off track. I struggled for months about the decision of whether to buy a new sofa, recover the old one, etc. I scoured on-line retailers and furniture stores to get the best deal because I didn't want to make the mistake of paying too much. After so much time, I finally caved and bought the one that I knew was the most comfortable. I wanted to be able to slouch down on the couch and watch a movie on TV.
6. Take care of yourself. While this may be the worst thing that has ever happened to you, it doesn't have to be the end of your happiness. Find a little thing every day that brings a smile to your face. Sit outside in the sun, treat yourself to a fresh-squeezed lemonade, enjoy reading a hard-cover book, bake something get the idea. There's a reason that the saying is that "time heals all things." Time does make it easier, really!

Okay, I'm fresh out of ideas except to say thank you to all the LTA-ers that helped me through the darkest days of my life. When I felt like no one understood, my friends here knew exactly what I was describing. There was 24/7 support here and it made such a difference to me. I cannot thank you enough Tribe.

My hope is that you all find some peace in your life, whether you stay in or out of your marriage. I'd give a lot to be able to give you all a hug.


Posts: 490 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Texas
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Default  Posted: 10:47 PM, July 25th (Wednesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


How good to hear from you & sooo happy to see YOU happy!!!

Wonderful post. Well said.
AGain, glad to see you so well.

Me- BS
DDay- 8/26/09
Separated after failed R effort.

Posts: 2165 | Registered: Nov 2009
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Default  Posted: 5:04 AM, July 26th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm very happy to see both Allgood and strongish! What a great day.

Life goes on, tribe. You'll find your way through it, and one day will firmly be on the other side. Maybe you'll be divorced. Maybe you'll be married still, like njgal or tryn or even dip. But you'll be through it.

BW 38, 5 kids
Dday Dec. 2009

Posts: 4034 | Registered: Dec 2009
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Default  Posted: 8:56 AM, July 26th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi everyone. Just popping in quite selfishly to let off steam. Haven't posted for a while but tonight I am triggering like a mad woman.

Was doing so well, in fact actually feeling like I could take flight once again and become whole. Then I get a call from the police regarding some investigation that Sir Shagalot has launched against the BS of OW2 who he is now living with together with her three kids. The BS is sending death threats, not just because of their affair but other issues (long story). Nothing to do with me but once again I am reeled into his shit. He took our DD14 to the movies tonight and when he dropped her back I invited him in to discuss the safety of my daughter spending time with him in whilst his own safety is being threatened. He just looked at me with dead eyes. He is mad I'm now convinced of it. What started off as a civil conversation ended with me screaming up the street "don't ever park your fucking car outside my house again with that fucking cow in it. This is MY neighbourhood and MY sanctuary". I used to be such a dignified person

Watched him walk off in the pouring rain the dickhead.

This probably won't make any sense to those of you that don't know my story but it doesn't matter, I just needed to get it out.

I haven't had time to read all the goings on between you all but just wanted you all to know that you are in my thoughts.

Love Ellejay xxxxx

Married 25 years now divorced.
D-Day: 20/11/10
Me: 48.5 plus 10% GST
Him: mental age 6 (apologies to all 6 year olds)
Betrayal: Who cares anymore?

Posts: 1071 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Adelaide, South Australia
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Default  Posted: 10:07 AM, July 26th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ellejay -- are you going to moo now every time you see him?

BW 38, 5 kids
Dday Dec. 2009

Posts: 4034 | Registered: Dec 2009
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Default  Posted: 11:02 AM, July 26th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ellejay -- are you going to moo now every time you see him?

M3, you owe me a keyboard. There is now coffee all over it.

Hi gang, things have been going well in cowhampsha (that is how Massachusetts folks refer to us in the Granite State). I deal with the thoughts of the LTA but I also accept that they are going to happen and the emotions connected to the thoughts seem to be less strong. A friend commented that I seem really happy lately. This caught me off-guard because I haven't really focused on being "happy". Said friend also knows of the LTA so I guess this is good.

DD 16 is back from her exchange in Germany and had a incredible time there. She wants to go back.

Anyway, group hug.....

Me 51(BH)
Her 46 (FWW)
Married 25 years.
D-Day Sept 12 2009
LTA=4 years


Posts: 296 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: New Hampshire
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Member # 26893
Default  Posted: 3:08 PM, July 26th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ha! You need to get those cups with the lids. Adult sippy cups! Without them I'd have a permanent coffee stain mid-belly every day.

Hey, I just had a thought; do you think the length of the marriage vs. the LTA predicts success in R in any way? Just asking, because many of you were married twice as long or more than the length of the LTA, whereas in my case the LTA was three times longer than my marriage on Dday...

BW 38, 5 kids
Dday Dec. 2009

Posts: 4034 | Registered: Dec 2009
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Default  Posted: 7:52 AM, July 27th (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi, this is a bit weird but I feel a little uncomfortable/voyeuristic reading this forum unless I introduce myself. So here I am and I have been reading through some posts. I am amazed how strong and inspirational you guys are.
As for me I am just over 2 months from D-day and I still don't know if I can R or not. One day I feel yes I can do it the next day I want out. The vicar says he will do anything to make things right with us. He has done everything I asked - in IC, gone NC, doesn't go near the exclusion zone (her suburb), I have passwords etc, sends me PXTs, is remorseful etc. In return I have become almost obsessed with mOW #1 - I can cope better with mOW #2 but I totally obsess thinking about the A with mOW #1. I am thinking it is because the EA/PA was for longer, but I am not sure. mOW #1 is a bunny boiler, unpredictable and manipulative. Lucky me I know both of them - even had them over for meals - pre and during affairs - before D-day of course!
So now I have now become this crazy person - checking up on him continuously etc. Installing spyware on his phone etc - I almost don't recognize myself. I can't trust my own judgement. I mean how did I not know this was going on? Is he really being as transparent as he appears?
I am in IC, and the plan is to start MC in the next month - if we are still together.
Are there specific strategies to learning to live with an LTA vs a short one or is it the same?

[This message edited by avicarswife at 7:56 AM, July 27th (Friday)]

BS: 47 (me)
WH: 51
Married 26 yrs, 3 kids (16-24)
D-Days 2012: 21 - 23 May + TT
D-Day 2013: 12 Apr OW#3
mOW #1 EA yrs PA Feb 2009-end 2011
mOW #2 EA months PA 4 months 2010
OW #3 PA single time 2010
Status: Maybe 'R'

Posts: 705 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: "down-under"
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Member # 24938
Default  Posted: 8:03 AM, July 27th (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So sorry for all that you have gone through and for your continued pain.

It does take a long time to get through this.
Your d-day is quite recent so all of your feelings are quite understandable.

You may have read all of this before... but, in my opinion, the main things that a BS needs to even consider reconciling after such a terrible betrayal is: extreme remorse from the WS,
the WS has to be willing to do everything in his/her power to help save the marriage-including going to IC (individual counseling), MC (marriage counseling), AA (if alcohol is an issue), SA (sex addicts anonymous if the acting out was extreme or involved a lot of porn etc).

You also need complete transparency- no secrets anymore- the BS should have access to phone records, cell phones, computer passwords, credit card bills, etc.The BS needs to feel secure that the affair has ended and that there is NC with the OW/OM.

I believe that that after infidelity (especially after a LTA) all the rules change!

No more guys night out, no more girls night more Facebook happy hours after work.

Whenever I read a story on SI where the WS still wants to keep Facebook friends or continue to go out with his/her work friends after work...or continue to work with the OW/OM....those are always red flags for me.

Some people are able to reconcile under those circumstances but I could not.

In my case- the LTA basically 'blew up' our old marriage.

We changed everything about how we had interacted before and basically created a new marriage.

Me- BS
Him- WH
Long term marriage
D-day- Jan. 2007
5 yr. LTA

Posts: 3139 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: NJ
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Member # 24938
Default  Posted: 8:20 AM, July 27th (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry to hear that you are still dealing with this.
It is amazing how damaging infidelity is and how it affects families.

Strongish-Good to hear from you.
You do sound 'strong' and happy with your decision.
Sending you good wishes for much happiness.

Allgood- good to hear from you too.Sometimes time is our best friend... hopefully, with time you will be able to see your way to the best decision for you and your children.
Unfortunately it doesn't sound like your WH really 'gets it' even after all this time.

M33- I think it's that balance scale analogy that I use.... when the good outweighs the bad.
So..yes...years invested in the marriage is part of that balance equation.

But more so for me it has been the how much work my FWH has been putting into saving the marriage.
Pre d-day...the scale was very unbalanced...he had depleted his side by doing a lot of terrible unloving things.

He really had to pile on the positive things on the other side of the scale to begin to right the situation.

I also think that during the affairs our spouses are disconnected from the marriage.

And unfortunately for those that started having the affair even before the marriage...then their connection was never solid to begin with.
This double life may have become too much of a habit to break.

although... I still do believe that anyone can change.

It is possible.

Whether it is drugs, alcohol, obesity,or sex addiction, immoral,unethical behavior...people can change and become better people.

They just need to really want to make that change in themselves.
They can reclaim their life. They can reclaim their marriage. And begin living a truly different life-a life of honesty, integrity, love etc.

OK... I'm rambling here....

hugs to all the LTA tribe.

Me- BS
Him- WH
Long term marriage
D-day- Jan. 2007
5 yr. LTA

Posts: 3139 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: NJ
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